Comments on: I Compare Everyone to My Ex, But Nobody Gives Me The Same “Feeling.” http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/ Fri, 24 May 2013 23:05:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: Bee http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-141985 Bee Fri, 25 Feb 2011 16:04:54 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-141985 This is an old post, but I seriously hope music jock stayed out of a relationship. It sounds like he hates women and has serious issues with control and intimacy. If you believe all women are gold digging “manipulators” then those are the type of women you will attract. It’s called self-fulfilling prophecy.

]]> By: Ken http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-80516 Ken Fri, 27 Aug 2010 18:52:42 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-80516 This is an extremely old thread but after I few years I happen to stumble back here and wanted to say that this post made a huge difference in my life.  When I originally wrote Evan, I didn’t expect him to actually answer.  The support and thoughts I received were extremely encouraging.  It’s now years later and here’s what I can tell you.
1. I learned to accept that she wasn’t in love with me and that was something I couldn’t control.
2.  I learned to appreciate myself for who I was and stopped telling myself I wasn’t good enough.
3.  I spent a 1 year learning to just love myself and love being single and not needing a relationship to make me happy.
4.  I focused on other things in my life.
5.  I am now in a relationship with someone I love (different feeling but a good one).
 
Time does heal wounds but you have to learn to be strong on your own.  Thanks Evan!

]]> By: Diana http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-62312 Diana Mon, 05 Apr 2010 17:06:51 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-62312 Steve, in my humble opinion, you will heal in the time frame that was meant to be. We want to give grief a time line or a deadline, like looking at the six-month mark on our calendar, but that’s not how grief works. Given your seven-year relationship, I think six months is too soon.

Men very often want to move on quickly from a breakup. It’s kind of like jumping from one fire to another without much thought; sometimes a knee jerk reaction. I am not sure why this is.

I am sorry for your pain.

]]> By: steve http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-62302 steve Mon, 05 Apr 2010 15:10:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-62302 Hi..
This is an old post.. so i dont know i anyone will reply, but..

I am in the same situation. I compare everyone to my fiance – who I was with for 7 years. The differece is I was the one who messed up. Not with a single action, but over a period of 2 years where I concentrated on work, was selfish and neglected her. She didnt cheat, she didnt complain.. she tried to hold us together, but my business wasnt going well and I was in a foul mood a lot of the time.

She left me when we moved to her home country. And it seems having her family around gave her the strength to finally let go of me. I proposed a few months before this as I had read her diary and new I was loosing her, but although she said yes, It was too late. She said her love had faded and she couldn’t get the feeling back. So we broke of the engagement and I came home.

Now I am devistated.
I cant meet anyone else without making a comparison.. and noone comes close.
Ive given it 6 months but its stil the same. It is really affecting my life.

I really need to move on, but she was incredibly beautifull, funny, and giving, and she wanted to marry me for years. I feel I have completely messed up.

I am now 37 and feel this was my last chance at a relationship without baggage.
she was 28 and I was only her second boyfriend. She had an incredible zest for life and I feel i have now aged and dont have that.

]]> By: Julianne http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-39256 Julianne Sat, 01 Aug 2009 09:29:03 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-39256 Evan I think you take one thing for granted here. I have a similar situation. I fell in love with my best friend a few years back and he never reciprocated. I am no longer in love with him, but he is still my best friend. And I know that everything I loved in him was completely valid. To this day he still is better to me than anybody else in my life, including my closest girl friends and my parents, have been. His faults lie in very occasional poor comedic timing. When I tell him something is bugging me, he offers to do whatever it takes to fix it because he values our friendship so much. Sometimes you don’t fall in love and become blinded to their faults. Sometimes you fall in love because the person is legitimately the best person you have ever met. What I want to know is how do you go from loving somebody who is still the person you respect most on this earth, and then find somebody you won’t compare to him?

]]> By: Sahaja http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-11594 Sahaja Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:04:33 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-11594 I have kind of a similar problem – Maybe I am commitment phobic, but I always seem to sabatoge myself. I enter relationships where I know I wont end up with that person – that he doesnt do it for me, and He’s Mr Right Now. But everytime in my life Ive met someone that I really could care for and he does all the right things and ticks all the boxes, I seem to run for the hills or do something to ruin on purpose. What does that mean? Of course, when you’re younger sometimes you date just for experience or because its fun w/o thinking about the future. Is it asking too much for find a good-on-paper guy that leaps off the page? How do I get myself not to run?

]]> By: JuJu http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4342 JuJu Wed, 06 Feb 2008 01:52:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4342 I was rushing at the time of writing my previous post and didn’t finish my thought: it’s not enough to realize the truth behind our feelings and emotions. It would require the enlightenment level ordinarily not achieved even by the self-aware to be able to “get over” this need, for this need is hard-wired.

Or, rather, it seems to me that for women it’s much more important to be the object of this mad love, and for men – to feel that way about someone. But that’s just my observation.

]]> By: JuJu http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4334 JuJu Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:06:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4334 I am aware enough to understand the truth of these words, and I realized all this myself quite a while ago. Unfortunately, however, when that feeling of butterflies is missing from a relationship, one instinctively feels that they could do better. They keep holding out for that “special someone” and not fully investing themselves into the current relationship, regardless of how emotionally healthy and actually special it may be!

And what I think I know about myself is that if the man never does fall madly in love with me (in the course of our relationship), I wouldn’t be able to help feeling that he is only settling. :’-( Yes, I am a good person and have a lot to offer in every facet of life, but I don’t want his desire to be with me to be merely a prudent decision. :-|

]]> By: muzik dumb jock http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4002 muzik dumb jock Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:14:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4002 The other day, I wandered into a butcher shop and announced I prefer to eat tofurkey.

Can’t get why all those narrow minded people in the shop couldn’t escape their mental boxes long enough to appreciate my p.o.v. Jeesh.

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3995 Selena Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:06:40 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3995 No muzikjock, that doesn’t answer the question at all. You don’t want to date and you have your reasons–fine. That doesn’t explain why you are writing–at length–on a DATING BLOG since you have no interest in dating advice. Would appear you have wandered into the wrong room.

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