Comments on: I Compare Everyone to My Ex, But Nobody Gives Me The Same “Feeling.” http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/ Sat, 13 Mar 2010 04:08:16 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Julianne http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-39256 Julianne Sat, 01 Aug 2009 09:29:03 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-39256 Evan I think you take one thing for granted here. I have a similar situation. I fell in love with my best friend a few years back and he never reciprocated. I am no longer in love with him, but he is still my best friend. And I know that everything I loved in him was completely valid. To this day he still is better to me than anybody else in my life, including my closest girl friends and my parents, have been. His faults lie in very occasional poor comedic timing. When I tell him something is bugging me, he offers to do whatever it takes to fix it because he values our friendship so much. Sometimes you don't fall in love and become blinded to their faults. Sometimes you fall in love because the person is legitimately the best person you have ever met. What I want to know is how do you go from loving somebody who is still the person you respect most on this earth, and then find somebody you won't compare to him? Evan I think you take one thing for granted here. I have a similar situation. I fell in love with my best friend a few years back and he never reciprocated. I am no longer in love with him, but he is still my best friend. And I know that everything I loved in him was completely valid. To this day he still is better to me than anybody else in my life, including my closest girl friends and my parents, have been. His faults lie in very occasional poor comedic timing. When I tell him something is bugging me, he offers to do whatever it takes to fix it because he values our friendship so much. Sometimes you don’t fall in love and become blinded to their faults. Sometimes you fall in love because the person is legitimately the best person you have ever met. What I want to know is how do you go from loving somebody who is still the person you respect most on this earth, and then find somebody you won’t compare to him?

]]> By: Sahaja http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-11594 Sahaja Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:04:33 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-11594 I have kind of a similar problem - Maybe I am commitment phobic, but I always seem to sabatoge myself. I enter relationships where I know I wont end up with that person - that he doesnt do it for me, and He's Mr Right Now. But everytime in my life Ive met someone that I really could care for and he does all the right things and ticks all the boxes, I seem to run for the hills or do something to ruin on purpose. What does that mean? Of course, when you're younger sometimes you date just for experience or because its fun w/o thinking about the future. Is it asking too much for find a good-on-paper guy that leaps off the page? How do I get myself not to run? I have kind of a similar problem – Maybe I am commitment phobic, but I always seem to sabatoge myself. I enter relationships where I know I wont end up with that person – that he doesnt do it for me, and He’s Mr Right Now. But everytime in my life Ive met someone that I really could care for and he does all the right things and ticks all the boxes, I seem to run for the hills or do something to ruin on purpose. What does that mean? Of course, when you’re younger sometimes you date just for experience or because its fun w/o thinking about the future. Is it asking too much for find a good-on-paper guy that leaps off the page? How do I get myself not to run?

]]> By: JuJu http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4342 JuJu Wed, 06 Feb 2008 01:52:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4342 I was rushing at the time of writing my previous post and didn't finish my thought: it's not enough to realize the truth behind our feelings and emotions. It would require the enlightenment level ordinarily not achieved even by the self-aware to be able to "get over" this need, for this need is hard-wired. Or, rather, it seems to me that for women it's much more important to be the object of this mad love, and for men - to feel that way about someone. But that's just my observation. I was rushing at the time of writing my previous post and didn’t finish my thought: it’s not enough to realize the truth behind our feelings and emotions. It would require the enlightenment level ordinarily not achieved even by the self-aware to be able to “get over” this need, for this need is hard-wired.

Or, rather, it seems to me that for women it’s much more important to be the object of this mad love, and for men – to feel that way about someone. But that’s just my observation.

]]> By: JuJu http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4334 JuJu Tue, 05 Feb 2008 20:06:47 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4334 I am aware enough to understand the truth of these words, and I realized all this myself quite a while ago. Unfortunately, however, when that feeling of butterflies is missing from a relationship, one instinctively feels that they could do better. They keep holding out for that "special someone" and not fully investing themselves into the current relationship, regardless of how emotionally healthy and actually special it may be! And what I think I know about myself is that if the man never does fall madly in love with me (in the course of our relationship), I wouldn't be able to help feeling that he is only settling. :'-( Yes, I am a good person and have a lot to offer in every facet of life, but I don't want his desire to be with me to be merely a prudent decision. :-| I am aware enough to understand the truth of these words, and I realized all this myself quite a while ago. Unfortunately, however, when that feeling of butterflies is missing from a relationship, one instinctively feels that they could do better. They keep holding out for that “special someone” and not fully investing themselves into the current relationship, regardless of how emotionally healthy and actually special it may be!

And what I think I know about myself is that if the man never does fall madly in love with me (in the course of our relationship), I wouldn’t be able to help feeling that he is only settling. :’-( Yes, I am a good person and have a lot to offer in every facet of life, but I don’t want his desire to be with me to be merely a prudent decision. :-|

]]> By: muzik dumb jock http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-4002 muzik dumb jock Wed, 23 Jan 2008 09:14:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-4002 The other day, I wandered into a butcher shop and announced I prefer to eat tofurkey. Can't get why all those narrow minded people in the shop couldn't escape their mental boxes long enough to appreciate my p.o.v. Jeesh. The other day, I wandered into a butcher shop and announced I prefer to eat tofurkey.

Can’t get why all those narrow minded people in the shop couldn’t escape their mental boxes long enough to appreciate my p.o.v. Jeesh.

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3995 Selena Wed, 23 Jan 2008 01:06:40 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3995 No muzikjock, that doesn't answer the question at all. You don't want to date and you have your reasons--fine. That doesn't explain why you are writing--at length--on a DATING BLOG since you have no interest in dating advice. Would appear you have wandered into the wrong room. No muzikjock, that doesn’t answer the question at all. You don’t want to date and you have your reasons–fine. That doesn’t explain why you are writing–at length–on a DATING BLOG since you have no interest in dating advice. Would appear you have wandered into the wrong room.

]]> By: muzikjock http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3993 muzikjock Tue, 22 Jan 2008 22:45:32 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3993 The answer is simple Selena, Your comment suggests to me that you are still thinking in the box, as I mentioned above. Dating is a way of interacting. I simply choose to do mine on the other side of my monitor. Its easier to control. I talk to whom ever I choose. And who ever talks to me is not prejudiced by my looks, or by the car that I drive, the clothes that I wear, or by my wallet. If the conversation proves encouraging, then we chat again. If they seem to be a goof ball, I simply become invisible to them. Easy. You cant do that in real life dating. Getting rid of a goof ball who already has your phone number is grievous at best, worse if they know where you live, or where you work. The answer is simple Selena,
Your comment suggests to me that you are still thinking in the box, as I mentioned above. Dating is a way of interacting. I simply choose to do mine on the other side of my monitor. Its easier to control. I talk to whom ever I choose. And who ever talks to me is not prejudiced by my looks, or by the car that I drive, the clothes that I wear, or by my wallet. If the conversation proves encouraging, then we chat again. If they seem to be a goof ball, I simply become invisible to them. Easy. You cant do that in real life dating. Getting rid of a goof ball who already has your phone number is grievous at best, worse if they know where you live, or where you work.

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3989 Selena Tue, 22 Jan 2008 20:55:38 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3989 So Muzikjock-- If you don't want to date, why are you writing on a dating blog? I don't get it. It would seem to be a waste of your "virtual time". So Muzikjock–
If you don’t want to date, why are you writing on a dating blog? I don’t get it. It would seem to be a waste of your “virtual time”.

]]> By: muzikjock http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3974 muzikjock Tue, 22 Jan 2008 03:12:28 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3974 Downtowngal, your probably right. but at this juncture I'm not intending on dating. Don't really want to. I'm not a teenager anymore, and I'm not a young stud. So I'm not out here marketing myself as a candidate. To be honest, if i finally do decide that i want to date again, i will probably be too old to care. You know, everyone has their own limits as to what they can allow in their lives, and what they can tolerate. It's different for everyone. But also i need to add; to say that i will feel this way forever about dating would be in accurate as well. Everyone has to find their place in life where they can function; where they can get a grip if you will. So that's where i am. And i know that I'm not alone, else why would there be so many virtual social outlets? If there were not, then there would be no purpose for their existence. No one would venture into a business that has no market; be it a physical place to facilitate this social outlet or hosting a website. I knew that posting my view would spark an opinion one way or the other. and that's fine. I respect anyone's opinion. I may not agree, but that is ok. As to "muzik dumb jock", I care not to comment. Look.....my purpose for posting was to show the diversity that is in all of us, and that the "means to the end" may or may not be applicable to any particular person. I probably used an eccentric way of communicating that, and even caused some to misinterpret my purpose for posting. But no one that would take the time to read this site can tell me that they are relationally perfect or "have arrived". That includes me. With that said, I would hope that all of us can find what works, and complete their course in life with what ever they find is successful and fulfilling for them. Sometimes that requires thinking out of the box. But some are just so used to the box, they hadn't considered that there might be other ways, and other views. If someone wants to date, and finds that challenge acceptable, great. But i wouldn't label someone who has another view as someone that has become pathological either. At the end of the day when you take a look in the mirror and you like what you see, who else's approval do you really need anyways? Downtowngal, your probably right. but at this juncture I’m not intending on dating. Don’t really want to. I’m not a teenager anymore, and I’m not a young stud. So I’m not out here marketing myself as a candidate. To be honest, if i finally do decide that i want to date again, i will probably be too old to care. You know, everyone has their own limits as to what they can allow in their lives, and what they can tolerate. It’s different for everyone. But also i need to add; to say that i will feel this way forever about dating would be in accurate as well. Everyone has to find their place in life where they can function; where they can get a grip if you will. So that’s where i am. And i know that I’m not alone, else why would there be so many virtual social outlets? If there were not, then there would be no purpose for their existence. No one would venture into a business that has no market; be it a physical place to facilitate this social outlet or hosting a website. I knew that posting my view would spark an opinion one way or the other. and that’s fine. I respect anyone’s opinion. I may not agree, but that is ok. As to “muzik dumb jock”, I care not to comment. Look…..my purpose for posting was to show the diversity that is in all of us, and that the “means to the end” may or may not be applicable to any particular person. I probably used an eccentric way of communicating that, and even caused some to misinterpret my purpose for posting. But no one that would take the time to read this site can tell me that they are relationally perfect or “have arrived”. That includes me. With that said, I would hope that all of us can find what works, and complete their course in life with what ever they find is successful and fulfilling for them. Sometimes that requires thinking out of the box. But some are just so used to the box, they hadn’t considered that there might be other ways, and other views. If someone wants to date, and finds that challenge acceptable, great. But i wouldn’t label someone who has another view as someone that has become pathological either. At the end of the day when you take a look in the mirror and you like what you see, who else’s approval do you really need anyways?

]]> By: music dumb jock http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/comment-page-1/#comment-3959 music dumb jock Mon, 21 Jan 2008 16:10:26 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/i-compare-everyone-to-my-ex-but-nobody-gives-me-the-same-%e2%80%9cfeeling%e2%80%9d/#comment-3959 Yeah. Being a bitter loner is the one solution that works for me in the dating world. So I now have plenty of time in my virtual social life to post angry opinions on dating advice blogs declaring how "everyone knows the dating game is all crap", but that's just my scarred opinion anyway on what I think "everyone knows". My last 3 marriages failed, but I'm certain that fact has nothing to do with me. Yeah. Being a bitter loner is the one solution that works for me in the dating world. So I now have plenty of time in my virtual social life to post angry opinions on dating advice blogs declaring how “everyone knows the dating game is all crap”, but that’s just my scarred opinion anyway on what I think “everyone knows”. My last 3 marriages failed, but I’m certain that fact has nothing to do with me.

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