I had a crush on a man from age 17 to 32. I also made up excuses – he’s shy, he’s afraid of rejection, and so on. We didn’t really have any contact – it was more a case of seeing him at events and group outings. I felt firmly, and I still do today, that chasing him and asking him out would put me in a losing position. So I waited patiently for something to happen. The only thing I had to go on was he stared at me, and that he apparently twice asked my friends about me. Bottom line: he never did a thing.

Two years ago, he turned 48 and married a 24 year old foreign woman who he sponsored her immigration over here.

I can understand the rationalizations. I know that actually asking him out and having nothing come from it would have shattered me. I’m glad I didn’t expose myself to the humiliation. Much of my feelings were built up by illusions I had about him. By giving him up I would also be giving up my hopes and dreams, and face really nothing. It was difficult to give up on him.

I now wish I hadn’t wasted my time with him. I did date men all those years and had several long term relationships, but always had him in the back of my mind. It turns out that it was a waste of my feelings and energies.

I’m speaking from experience on this. I had a college friend I was friends with for almost eight years, and I had feelings for him pretty much from the beginning. In all that time, he never asked me out. I thought we were meant to be, and I made excuses in my mind as to why he wouldn’t ask me out. I even moved to the same town he moved to, in part b/c I was convinced we were destined to be. I finally fessed up, and in face he already knew I liked him but he was totally not into me. I spent eight years being unavailable b/c of someone who wasn’t interested in being anything other than my friend (and he strung me along to boost his ego at that – he admitted such). In the end, we couldn’t even remain friends.

It has been two years since I stopped being friends with this person, and releasing myself was the best decision I ever made. My current boyfriend of three months is a shy and reserved person, and yet he had no problem asking me out not long after we met.

My point is that there is no excuse worth waiting years for. If he is interested, he would’ve asked her out by now. He hasn’t, so he’s not into her. That simple. She should focus her efforts elsewhere and stop wasting decades of her life.

casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog post… The tragedy, the true catastrophe, is that humanity continues.

However, in every day life, I have to say, most men don’t get the overt physical signal from a woman, Thomas wrote about. The clues are subtle, where if a man doesn’t get them frequently,(the plain, average looking man doesn’t) he won’t see her.