I Have a Crush on my Boyfriend’s Friend. What Should I Do?

So here’s a quick and easy way of acting in your own self-interests AND acting ethically. I know the second part doesn’t matter as much to you, but I have to throw a bone to our readers, who comprise a vigilantly ethical community. Step 1: Break up with your boyfriend. I know it’s not as easy or as fun as it may sound, but it probably beats the alternative, getting married to him and secretly carrying on affairs behind his back, or, worse, having him discover your flirty emails and texts to his old friend. The good news about breaking up with your boyfriend is that you’re free to flirt with whomever you want, whether or not he’s married, engaged, living with someone, or, perhaps even single.

You’re not doing anyone any favors by trying to make either of these relationships work. Start fresh and pray that you find a guy who doesn’t learn of your tendency to want to hook up with his friends.

Step 2: Let the friend know that you’re now single. See how excited he is that his friend’s girlfriend is now officially available for the taking. I know he hasn’t returned your last two emails, but he’s probably just being shy. He’ll be thrilled at the opportunity to stab his buddy in the back and destroy that relationship for a hookup. Step 3: Pick up the pieces and get help. You’re a danger to men, you’re a danger to yourself. You’re initiating infidelity with your serious boyfriend’s friend by sending him pictures, calling him, texting him and saying that you want to be good friends with him. Let’s call a spade a spade: you’re a selfish girlfriend who’s trying to figure out the best way to lie behind your boyfriend’s back. You deserve all the bad karma that you have coming to you. Oh, and despite the highly sarcastic tone of this piece, I truly do recommend you follow Steps 1, 2, and 3. You’re not doing anyone any favors by trying to make either of these relationships work. Start fresh and pray that you find a guy who doesn’t learn of your tendency to want to hook up with his friends.

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53 Comments »Filed Under Cheating

53 Responses to “I Have a Crush on my Boyfriend’s Friend. What Should I Do?”

Sayanta 1

“You’re a danger to men….deserve bad karma?”

man, Evan, that’s harsh.
cindym7878 2

Unbelieveable how some people do just consider themselves in relationships of all sorts. I have a few so called friends who I avoid because it’s all about “them.” Here you have this person who doesn’t seem to have any regard for her boyfriend and his friends relationship!! And if he is truly flirting with her in return and would consider a relationship with her, he isn’t a good friend anyways. Sharon if this was a new relationship and you n your guy weren’t hitting it off, MAYBE pursuing his friend would be OK ( but I still say no)! Have respect for yourself and do the right thing. If you are going to stay with your man, do not encourage any friendship with someone you have a crush on!! It’s not fair to your current relationship! AND maybe Evan is correct, you should end the relationship because if you are able to have a crush that you are trying to act on, then you are not with the right man for you!! Having a crush is one thing, but acting on any part of it is wrong when you are in a serious relationship, especially with your partners friends!!!
Shelagh 3

pfff hahaha! He’s 100% dead on. This will come back around to you and you definitely deserve it. Also, thanks. Thanks for being one of those selfish, immature girls that ruins men. Atleast if you break up with him, he has a shot at winning the respect and heart of a woman.
Joe 4

If the friend follows the bro code, he won’t date you anyway…
Steve 5

Sharon;

You have 3 choices:

1. Ask your BF for an open relationship
2. Break up with the BF to be with the new guy
3. Do neither #1 or #2 and stop communicating with the new guy if the feelings are about more than being JUST friendly.

Anything else is looking for permission or a rationalization for cheating. If you are fine with that, it is your life and your business.
Steve 6

Translation:

“Evan I want to cheat on my boyfriend, keep my boyfriend, have my boyfriend be okay with it and I want to not feel guilty about it. Can you tell me something that will make all of that work?”
Steve 7

So here’s a quick and easy way of acting in your own self-interests AND acting ethically. I know the second part doesn’t matter as much to you, but I have to throw a bone to our readers, who comprise a vigilantly ethical community.

Hah!
Honey 8

Ugh. That’s all there is to say, really…
en 9

Feel sorry for the bf. Girls like these give all girlfriends a bad name!
Mikko Kemppe - Relationship Coach 10

Well, I am sure we have all made some mistakes from which we have learned from! Seems like she is on her way to making some good mistakes to learn from .
girl-with-glasses 11

See this is where girl and boy differences come into play. If you’re an attractive girl, chances are a lot of your friends are of the same level of attractiveness, i.e. probably your boyfriend or significant other would have thought – , man that friend of her’s is hot, I’d totally do that! Of course, if he has a ounce of common sense or life preservation instincts, he’d keep that to himself , in his head, not act it out in real life.
My point is, boy relationship crimes are more of the physical / sexual nature. Where as, a girl would be more of an attention-whore , emotional attraction nature. It get’s so drawn out, entangled, and is a bloody mess.
Honestly, women don’t know the emotional wreckage power they have. I’m not condemning the op for the attention whoring part though, is something that goes with female territory. But honestly, grow up. If you’re in a relationship, you need to mature up a little, having a little integrity and faithfulness sounds dull and staid I know, but your life will be 500% better.
Sometimes I think boy travesties pale in comparison to what girls are capable of. I mean most guys I know would at least wrestle with this kind of this thing. Girls can do this sober, with out a thought, innocent as sunshine.
When I hear men blamed for the usual litanies of relationship crimes, I always laugh. I’m so glad to have been born female.
Sally 12

Sharon, please break up with your boyfriend before you completely emotionally ruin him for the good woman who will come along in his life, and has to help him pick up the pieces.
You are selfish and dishonest.
Karma is indeed going to get you.
Donna 13

Give the girl a break here. She’s coming clean with what she’s thinking of doing. If it takes putting it out there to hear what others think to make her rethink this, then that’s a good thing. And I certainly don’t believe she’s the first person that’s ever had a crush on their boyfriend/girlfriends friend. I would ask though that you think hard about what you’re doing. These are the things affairs are made of.
vanae 14

is it just me..but sharon ended her msg as if it’s not clear what she wants. from the sound of it, doesn’t seem like the friend is 100% gung-ho about her. if he was, he would’ve made a strong move.
ok, back to sharon. yes, flirting with your bf’s friend is absolutely wrong.
my advice to sharon: really take the time to think about what you really want (your bf or this friend). is it even worth it to pursue this friend (who you’re not even sure feels the same) and losing your relationship? i personally think that only in the case of “he’s the one” would i even consider it. even then, i’d break up with my bf first.
so give it lots of thought. once decide, your next steps are..
if you want to take the risk and go for the friend, then follow Evan’s advice.
if you want to stay with your bf and be faithful, then stop your cheating actions. karma is tough. you wouldn’t want this to happen back to you.
Adel 15

oh dear. Life’s already complicated enough as it is without all this extra drama and angst in one’s life.

People do like to complicate things.
Michael 16

Donna, I’m not so sure she’s “coming clean.” So many people want to find a way to have their cake and eat it too, while absorbing a little blame as possible. (“I only wanted to be friends…but it just happened!”)

The fact is, things don’t just happen. If you don’t want to believe you control anything else in your life, you always control who you get into relationships with. And Evan, as always, gets it right – this desire and push to “be friends” is either disingenuous or self-delusional. I feel sorry for her boyfriend.
Sayanta 17

Girl-with-glasses-

Maybe it’s because it’s been a long day, but I’m not sure what you’re saying exactly. Men think these things out more than women do? I don’t know about that. I would think the opposite, since women have traditionally (and in some cases, still do) had more at stake. I think men and women can both be cold-blooded when it comes to these issues. However, you usually hear about the man being more so- I’m just sayin.
Ava 18

My guess is that the friend started out thinking that Sharon’s attentions were just friendly, but he soon sussed out that it was more than that and became uncomfortable. Hence the lack of follow-up. Sharon should be thankful that the friend has chosen to avoid this potentially dangerous situation. If she’s not happy with her boyfriend, she should move on without trying to drag his friends into the drama. Interesting that she never mentions being unhappy with her boyfriend, just that “it’s complicated”, and that she “really wants to be good friends” with his buddy. I buy it not.
Mr_Right 19

Great post, Evan.
Jane 20

“I really want to be good friends with him.” You don’t want to be good friends with him, you want to follow through on the allure that makes your heart pound. You may not be able to be honest with him or your boyfriend but good gawd girl, at least be honest with yourself.
Did you really think Evan was going to say anything other than you are selfish and headed in a direction that CLEARLY will lead to bigger and bigger dishonesty and heartbreak for oh, probably three people.
And, what do you think that other guy really thinks of you since you are CLEARLY acting in a way no guy would want?
downtowngal 21

Gosh, Sharon sounds like a total drama queen. Her letter reads as if she’s a single gal wondering why this guy won’t respond to her. Like, DUH – why should you care? You have a relationship that serious enough to be living with each other and you’re worried about what his friend thinks of you? Your #1 priority should be your relationship w your BF. You’ve already admitted to having a crush on this guy, so either realize that you’re missing something from your current relationship or ask youself why you’re so concerned about this guy.
BeenThruTheWars 22

Having been cheated on, and having come very close to cheating myself in an unfulfilling relationship I was in years ago, I can say unequivocally it’s some of the worst pain there is — often, on both sides. Sharon should ask herself, “What did my boyfriend do to deserve this?” A little healthy guilt might not be a bad thing for her to experience.
Not sure if anyone’s mentioned this possibility, but she could say to her bf, “We need to talk. These are the kinds of thoughts I’m having about another man, this is the kind of restlessness I’m feeling, I’m getting something out of this other emotional fling I’ve been toying with, but I value what we have and to me, this is a wake-up call that something is lacking or isn’t right with us. Can we fix this, or try to work through what it is that’s causing me to be tempted in this direction?” This gives the bf more dignity — he can do the breaking up, for instance, which will take some of the sting out of being unceremoniously dumped for another guy. He might surprise Sharon and tell her he, too, has had thoughts along these lines (or even acted on them) with another woman. That would be an indicator of two people who either need to work on their relationship or part ways. Or, if she is the sole unhappy party, then they can choose to work on things, or not work on things. This doesn’t need to be a completely black-or-white situation.
Jane 23

Been Thu The Wars: Thank you for your reasoned suggestion. I really think you have the best idea, dignified, open, and honoring of the commitment that love, living together, and deepening a relationship in a realistic way deserves.
Curly Girl 24

I’ve never seen such agreement on this board. Absolutely nobody thinks ongoing contact with the boyfriend’s friend is going to have a good outcome.
girl-with-glasses 25

@Sayanta #17
When I say stuff, I assume people know I’m not saying ‘absolute truth’ here. Just from my perspective, as in my circle of acquaintaces. And yes, I think even individual men change alot as they age. Maybe I’m older than you, but most men I deal with are in their 30s+. I’m kinda glad that’s the generation I deal with. I’m not sure with the current culture, the ones in their twenties have a lot more pressures and issues to work with, I’m sure exceptions are there , but I would never off-the-bat consider any male in his twenties long term relationship material.
Sorry about the long useless preamble. Yes, I do get men can *cheat*, on the other hand, most are clear headed enough not to kid themselves, whatever kind of sh*t he may try to pull over his supposed girlfriend. Men tend to know if its a serious relationship or not. I don’t think there would be a male equivalent of the op that’s all. Someone for whom all intents and purposes believes she’s in a loving relationship but think’s ideally she deserves something with the boyfriend’s best friend. Good lord. As a fellow female, don’t you feel *some* sense of contempt or bewilderment at this kind behavior that’s lacking in basic common sense and decency? Sorry, women like that really tick me off.
mic 26

Relationship of at least three years. Living together, but seemingly not even engaged. Probably better-looking guy reappears. Girlfriend tries to seduce him with picture. Shameful.
Diana 27

Sharon, to answer your question, yes, you should stop emailing him, even if you hear from him again. Unless you have left your boyfriend, any communication you have with the other guy is cheating. I know you may not feel this way, as you’re just friends, but your other comments allude to there being a mutual attraction and you know what truly lies in your heart. You may have already begun an emotional affair.

I sincerely hope, if not yourself, that he will do the right thing and stop communicating with you. While it’s possible that after three years of silence he made contact again as a roundabout way of trying to find out if the two of you were still together, now that it’s been established you are, everything should cease, unless you leave your boyfriend.
Shelagh 28

Even if the boyfriend could deserve it in another person’s mind, it doesn’t make it right or a good idea. I mean I get it, some people do bad things and consequently something bad will happen to them. Perhaps, no one feels bad because they brought it on or deserved it, but I don’t think it would be a good idea for her to continue that cycle. To the OP, If you could just imagine how you would feel if this was done to you. I mean, in theory say everything worked out with your b/f’s friend. You two start dating, and you develop feelings for him. How will you feel if you discovered he was still parading around online exchanging photos and talking to girls? Because it seems like that’s the type of guy he is. He is willing to betray his best friend; why would he stop there?! You don’t want to have to worry about your boyfriend or girlfriend flirting with other people online. Don’t get caught up in that mess. Love with a great guy is far better than whatever fantasy you’re caught up in now, and if it’s not a great guy or the guy you want then move on.
JerseyGirl 29

I some how get the impression that if was a reversed situation, a man coming clean about his attraction to his girlfriend’s female friend, that Evan would be giving the same advice but albeit less sarcasm.

Come on. How many men have at one point have been attracted to their girlfriend’s friend and maybe flirted a little more then they should have? Or stared a little too long at pictures of other women. Casting stones much.

Evan? You never found yourself in that situation? Are/where you a detriment to woman kind and deserved to be flogged as you kind of basically insinuate about this girl and Karma.

I think the OP does need to rexamine her feelings for her current boyfriend. Maybe a breakup is in order. Or maybe just some water in the face to wake her up.

I don’t think questioning your current relationship at some point doesn’t mean it’s not meant to be. We go through ups and downs. My own parents were on the brink of divorce and they came back from that with a marriage worth saving. And their situation was much more dire.
downtowngal 30

Nobody ‘deserves’ to be cheated on. There might be things the other person does that drives someone to question the relationship, but cheating is another step.

BTW #22′s advises a rational, mature approach, but somehow I get the sense that OP isn’t the type who would have this conversation w her BF. Even if she does, he my just react flippantly (and say, “oh, yeah?? pack up and move out, then, b#($*h!!!) or even violently, we don’t know the dynanmics of their relationship. Either way he won’t be happy.

By stating, “Can we fix this, or try to work through what it is that’s causing me to be tempted in this direction? makes it sound as if she’s already blaming him for her potential transgression instead of taking ownership of it.

Instead she should first try to figure out what exactly is causing her to feel this way (perhaps seek counseling), then approach him. She may realize it’s something he’s not doing, or something within her.

She could say, “I love you but I’m realizing there’s something that’s missing from our relationship, something I really want, and it’s “x”" then explain how X would make you feel fulfilled. I want this to work because you are my life,” yadayadayada….
Kenley 31

JG,
I agree with you that Evan was sarcastic and harsh. I think his answer and tone would have been the same regardless of gender. I think it’s one thing to be attracted to another person and quite another to email them repeatedly and then send them pictures. Perhaps I’m just jaded, but if she is emailing him pictures, I doubt if they are pictures of her walking to Sunday school. And, let’s not forgot, the OP was basically asking Evan how she could continue to pursue this guy while staying with her boyfriend. I don’t think the fact that she was attracted to the guy bothered Evan because as you say, it happens to all of us. I think the fact that she was openly asking him how to cheat made him pick on her.
Sayanta 32

Jersey Girl-

You’re onto something. I definitely think this girl has issues, but I think people would be less likely to throw stones on a cheating man.
JerseyGirl 33

Honestly Kenley, how many men download pictures of women to look at and keep on file? Quite a bit from my experience. And those aren’t Sunday School pictures either. Maybe not the exact same situation and perhaps I am jaded myself but women deal with that EVERY DAY. And really the core reason for what this girl is doing and men looking at images of other women regularly, are unmeet needs.

I don’t AGREE with her sending pictures of herself but I am not ready to cast her off as a terrible person who is a being disloyal girlfriend and deserves bad karma. Quite honestly, women want to feel beautiful. Women liked to be looked at and equally honestly, men like to look. Again, I don’t think she is right but I think she is human and we all fall at some point and do things that might not be fair or nice to our partners. And hopefully we realize what we are doing and fix it, make up for it and treat them with the respect the deserve.
Evan Marc Katz 34

Sayanta, JerseyGirl, and anyone who thinks that I’m harder on women than I am on men.

Nope.

Women ask me 90% of questions. I throw out the questions where there’s nothing to learn because she’s doing everything right. What’s the point of writing such a column: “You’re great! Keep up the good work. He’s no good!”

From the remaining questions, I consider whether I’ve written about it before, and whether I can offer an interesting take on it.

From there, I just start writing. For a majority of the reader letters, I answer with respect and equanimity. Every once in awhile, I’ll offer a sarcastic smackdown. This is one of those times.

However, if you’re really diligent and search the archives, you’ll see that I’ve done the exact same things to men who have written about coveting younger women or stalking ex-girlfriends.

Which is to say that a certain percentage of reader letters elicit such a response, but it is in no way based on gender.

That is merely your interpretation of it.
Anisa 35

My impression is that in these modern days (internet, mobilephones) many people, men and women, are being egoistic and cold blooded, have issues and low energy and want to have “it all”…..
Sayanta 36

Anisa-

I think people have always been egoistic and cold-blooded (which is why there have always been meaningless wars)- it’s just that the Net has allowed us to be bombarded more often with random negative info- in the old days, people were too busy churning butter, surviving harsh prairie winters, etc. to expend energy thinking about the state of society. Whether that’s a bad or good thing is an individual opinion.
JerseyGirl 37

Evan, no one said that you need to tell people they are doing great and “keep up the good work”.
And I can agree that we all view things differently or rather interpret them differently.
I am however not ready to cast the girl off as a bad girlfriend or that she should break up with her boyfriend automatically. And I did say that I don’t agree with her actions.
Tanay 38

These type of women cant be relied upon as they have a tendency to change hands of boyfriends.
Some other Steve 39

@Sharon: “It’s complicated”
Whenever one sees “It’s complicated”, it usually means “I can describe it in two sentences, but that description makes me look bad”.
That certainly applies here…
Kenley 40

JG,
We will have to agree to disagree on this one because in my world, a woman who is emailing and sending pictures to her boyfriend’s friend, is indeed being disloyal. A chat on the phone or an email here and there about general stuff is fine. Emailing pictures crosses the line. And for me, deliberately pursuing a man when you still have a boyfriend, is disloyal behavior.

Perhaps the bad Karma she deserves is or someone she cares about to be disloyal to her. I don’t think that is such harsh punishment because for many, many people, unless they experience something themselves, they don’t develop empathetic feelings. I know this from personal experience. I was very good at saying what people should do, think, and feel in various situations. However, once I experienced some of those situations myself, I had a totally different perspective. All of a sudden, behaviors and feelings I couldn’t understand, made complete sense to me. I think that fact that she wrote Evan and asked him what to do suggests that she’s not especially empathetic regarding disloyalty and cheating.
Selena 41

I’ll hazzard the guess Sharon’s current relationship is rocky and perhaps she senses the end is near. The idea of rekindling a friendship after 3 years of no contact with this guy is actually a fishing expedition for a replacement boyfriend. Some people can’t stand the idea of being single for any length of time, perferring to go seamlessly (sort of) from one lover to another. Amazing the number of people who do this – especially with help from the internet.

Better off making a clean break Sharon. Take some time to reflect before jumping into a new relationship. Sounds like the guy figured out being your “friend” wasn’t such a hot idea given you and your boyfriend were still together. He might be more interested if the relationship were over for awhile and there wasn’t quite the smell of you trying to “latch on to him” about it all.

And just a thought to the other posters about disloyalty: how good of friends could this fellow and Sharon’s bf be if they haven’t spoken in 3 years? Hmm.
Kenley 42

Why are people making excuses for a woman who is on the verge of cheating on her boyfriend and has the NERVE to ask a dating and relationship expert how best to do it? I just don’t get it.

Selena, why should it matter if the BF and the friend haven’t spoken?
Selena 43

Kenley,

Part of what made some posters irate about this woman was that she was seemingly going after her boyfriend’s friend. I question how close a friendship that could be if they haven’t spoken in 3 years. If this couple broke up, would it still be such a major breach of loyalty for her to look up someone they both knew but had ended contact with years before?

As far as making excuses…I think it’s pretty transparant she is interested in this guy for more than friendship…why write a dating coach for advice otherwise? Maybe she is hoping to cheat. Or maybe as one commenter suggested, she wants attention. I simply offered up another possibility I’ve seen happen before when existing relationships go south – one partner tries to line up someone new in hopes of avoiding any time being alone.

I don’t find that method to be honest personally, so that’s why I recommended Sharon make a clean break and take some time to reflect before exploring anything new. If she did, she might reconsider the wisdom of getting involved with her ex’s old buddy. Or maybe not, since it doesn’t appear the guys are such close friends anymore. Either way, the morality of this depends on an actual breakup, not “It’s complicated.”
JerseyGirl 44

Kenley,

Why is it the pictures part of it that makes her on the “verge of being disloyal”? Does it matter what kind of picture it is? How many men save pictures or look and get off to pictures of other women that are in very sexual positions and completely naked and vunerable? ALOT. But that’s okay right.
Kristyn 45

I guess I wonder how much of the phone calls/emails/picture sending her boyfriend knows about. If he knows about all of it – then I think its probably harmless. If he is in the dark about it, then I don’t think it is in any way, shape or form innocent.

I could see me emailing pictures and calling a male friend while in committed relationship – if I really truly considered it just a friendship. If I had more than friendship feelings, or if I thought he did – then I think it crosses over and becomes disloyal.

I doubt she’d like it if she found out he was phoning/emailing/sending pictures to another woman.

Just my thoughts
Kenley 46

JG,

I think sending pictures could take her to the verge of cheating because it suggests to me something that’s clearly sexual. Notice I said if the emails and conversations were just about general stuff. If the emails and conversations were sexual in nature, then they too would place her on the verge of cheating. She would be in the ABC phase or the all but physical contact phase.
In this particular instance, I am not commenting on what guys do. I am commenting on what she is doing. SHE is sending pictures of her BF’s friend. She asked him if she could send him pictures — he didn’t ask her. This is not about guys looking at pornography. This is about a woman in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP sending pictures of herself to another man.
In the scenario that you just mentioned about guys looking at women, now days, women themselves are sending guys pictures of themselves in sexual positions. Or women are posting sexual pictures of themselves on my space, facebook, and even on their dating profiles. Don’t these woman have any responsibility for their behavior? Or is everything that goes wrong between men and women the man’s fault?
As a long time female reader of this blog, I’m kind of tired of what seems like a women-can- do -no- wrong -and -men -can- do -no -right theme that seems so prevalent lately. I know plenty of women who screw men over just as I know plenty of men who screw women over. I don’t think one gender has the market cornered in that regard.
JerseyGirl 47

Kenley, I totally agree that one gender doesn’t have the market cornered in doing wrong by the other. And I certainly don’t think women can do no wrong. That’s not the impression I am trying to give.

I however do think men and women act and respond to different triggers. As I said before, I don’t agree with what she is doing. But I am not ready to call her a cheater and say she deserves bad karma. I DO think she needs to ask herself what she is getting out of this other “relationship” with her boyfriend’s friend that she isn’t getting from him and have an open talk with her guy. We all hit rough patches. I think we all question the person we are with at some point to varying degrees. Millions of committed men today spend an awful lot of time looking at women in sexually vunerable positions on a regular basis. Is that any worse then a a committed woman sending a picture of herself to another man? I don’t know if it is. I do know that the things that bother women and bother men can be very different. Again, I don’t think this girl is in the right but I don’t think she is a cheater either. The reason people seek out other people or use other things to statisfy themselves is because something is missing. That’s her responsiblity to find out what it is and talk to her boyfriend so he knows what is going on.
downtowngal 48

It’s one thing to admire photos of others while you’re in a committed relationship. It’s another to provide photos of yourself to your BF’s best friend. Think about it, single people do this when looking for dates. I lived with a guy for 3 years and would have NEVER thought of sending a photo of myself to his best friend. If it were his request, I’d say that’s a pretty strong signal that he’s not just intersted in friendship.
Mollination 49

LOL!!!! Right on, Evan. Great advice
Shawna 50

Am I the only person that thinks this advice is quite harsh. People are dealt with temptations. Male or Female. Dating for two-months or Married for 50 years. Every human in this world make mistakes and have uncontrollable thoughts. What you need to do is figure out what you are missing in your current relationship that makes cheating sound so appealing. Once you figure this out, decide whether or not to stay with your current boyfriend. If you want to stay, have a serious talk with his friend about the situation. Let tension cool down. When you realize you no longer have feeling for the best-friend, tell your boyfriend and make sure he knows it was the past. Try not to complicate it too much at this point.
Amanda 51

LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Locutus 52

Wow, I have been reading a lot of posts on this site and I mus say I’m floored. So many of the women who post on here are CHAUVINISTIC!!!! In this post you have a girl here who talks about things that are leading down the path to cheating on her BF. The only female here who seems to be able to see things equally and call things right down the middle is Kenley. I’m not sure how others have such a hard time with this. Jersey Girl, you’re perhaps the most chauvinistic one one here. You seem to be stuck on guys looking at porn or female pictures to get off on. You clearly have some type of pent up anger inside you as you continually keep mentioning this when it has nothing to do with the situation of the OP. Also, you state generalizations about how men get off on naked pics of women all the time, like that is a justification for this girl to flirt with her BF’s best friend? It has nothign to do with it. Secondly, as a man I am insulted by your comments and generalizations to all men that you seem to be classifying into this so-called whatever category you are trying to create. I can never understand women who can be so chauvinist. I don’t have any issues with chauvinism. I have a younger sister who I look out for. I don’t justify any actions from men that I wouldn’t justify from women and vice-versa. Now to the OP’s post. I think the OP is a pretty dispicable person- and notice I am talking about her individually, not generalizing by ANY group. She is dispicable because she shows no remorse and no feelings whatsoever for her BF. To me she seems like a person who is incredibly self-centered and totally careless about other people’s feelings. I think a person like this definitely needs harsh words. Shawna you think Evan was harsh on her??? Get a clue. She needs harsh treatment because she is a person who treats others like sh^t, apparently. If she showed some remorse and confusion and felt bad about it, then I would not be so harsh and would just recommend to end the relationship. You don’t think she is a bad girlfriend..are you kidding? She is dispicable and even worse because she harbors no ill feelings from it. If this situation was reversed I would be calling the guy a sleazy scum bag. I just can’t get over the chavinistic reactions on here from a good portion of the female replies. Donna says “Give the girl a break for coming clean”…whaaaaat? Coming clean to who? For asking a bunch of strangers for advice on how she can sneak behind her BF’s back? Are you kidding? Coming clean would be if she told her BF about it and apologized for the situation. Donna, she’s a person who harbors no feelings- she deserves harsh treatment from me. Suppose she was a girl dating your brother. Would you then suddenly be angry at her???
If she were a man dating my sister, I’d want her to ditch him.
I can’t get over how some female replies want to give her a slap on the wrist or even still think she is a great person. Other replies, i.e. JerseyGirl, want to almost stick up for her by generalizing that men do equivalently bad things all the time…JerseyGril you def. get the award for Miss Chauvinistic.
Kenley, you’re one of the few females on here who seem to harbor no biases one way or the other. Perhaps you can help me understand how most of the other female posters can be so biased against men?
Well those are my thoughts. As for Evan, I totally commend his reply and agree thoroughly with it. I have no patience for people who act so cold and harbor no ill feelings, maybe because it’s beyond my comprehension- Thank God!!!
Man or woman I don’t harbor any bias. Posters on here who do need to re-evaluate themselves.
Iwants 53

Great Thread! you should love the one thats taller, stronger and nicer.. or maybe the one thats willing to help you where ever you go in life, forget about the past its all about the future