Comments on: I Have a Crush on my Boyfriend’s Friend. What Should I Do?

By: Iwants

Iwants — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 02:10:40 +0000

Great Thread! you should love the one thats taller, stronger and nicer.. or maybe the one thats willing to help you where ever you go in life, forget about the past its all about the future

By: Locutus

Locutus — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 19:23:29 +0000

Wow, I have been reading a lot of posts on this site and I mus say I’m floored. So many of the women who post on here are CHAUVINISTIC!!!! In this post you have a girl here who talks about things that are leading down the path to cheating on her BF. The only female here who seems to be able to see things equally and call things right down the middle is Kenley. I’m not sure how others have such a hard time with this. Jersey Girl, you’re perhaps the most chauvinistic one one here. You seem to be stuck on guys looking at porn or female pictures to get off on. You clearly have some type of pent up anger inside you as you continually keep mentioning this when it has nothing to do with the situation of the OP. Also, you state generalizations about how men get off on naked pics of women all the time, like that is a justification for this girl to flirt with her BF’s best friend? It has nothign to do with it. Secondly, as a man I am insulted by your comments and generalizations to all men that you seem to be classifying into this so-called whatever category you are trying to create. I can never understand women who can be so chauvinist. I don’t have any issues with chauvinism. I have a younger sister who I look out for. I don’t justify any actions from men that I wouldn’t justify from women and vice-versa. Now to the OP’s post. I think the OP is a pretty dispicable person- and notice I am talking about her individually, not generalizing by ANY group. She is dispicable because she shows no remorse and no feelings whatsoever for her BF. To me she seems like a person who is incredibly self-centered and totally careless about other people’s feelings. I think a person like this definitely needs harsh words. Shawna you think Evan was harsh on her??? Get a clue. She needs harsh treatment because she is a person who treats others like sh^t, apparently. If she showed some remorse and confusion and felt bad about it, then I would not be so harsh and would just recommend to end the relationship. You don’t think she is a bad girlfriend..are you kidding? She is dispicable and even worse because she harbors no ill feelings from it. If this situation was reversed I would be calling the guy a sleazy scum bag. I just can’t get over the chavinistic reactions on here from a good portion of the female replies. Donna says “Give the girl a break for coming clean”…whaaaaat? Coming clean to who? For asking a bunch of strangers for advice on how she can sneak behind her BF’s back? Are you kidding? Coming clean would be if she told her BF about it and apologized for the situation. Donna, she’s a person who harbors no feelings- she deserves harsh treatment from me. Suppose she was a girl dating your brother. Would you then suddenly be angry at her???
If she were a man dating my sister, I’d want her to ditch him.
I can’t get over how some female replies want to give her a slap on the wrist or even still think she is a great person. Other replies, i.e. JerseyGirl, want to almost stick up for her by generalizing that men do equivalently bad things all the time…JerseyGril you def. get the award for Miss Chauvinistic.
Kenley, you’re one of the few females on here who seem to harbor no biases one way or the other. Perhaps you can help me understand how most of the other female posters can be so biased against men?
Well those are my thoughts. As for Evan, I totally commend his reply and agree thoroughly with it. I have no patience for people who act so cold and harbor no ill feelings, maybe because it’s beyond my comprehension- Thank God!!!
Man or woman I don’t harbor any bias. Posters on here who do need to re-evaluate themselves.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 14:03:38 +0000

LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

By: Shawna

Shawna — Mon, 18 Oct 2010 23:00:34 +0000

Am I the only person that thinks this advice is quite harsh. People are dealt with temptations. Male or Female. Dating for two-months or Married for 50 years. Every human in this world make mistakes and have uncontrollable thoughts. What you need to do is figure out what you are missing in your current relationship that makes cheating sound so appealing. Once you figure this out, decide whether or not to stay with your current boyfriend. If you want to stay, have a serious talk with his friend about the situation. Let tension cool down. When you realize you no longer have feeling for the best-friend, tell your boyfriend and make sure he knows it was the past. Try not to complicate it too much at this point.

By: Mollination

Mollination — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 07:56:18 +0000

LOL!!!! Right on, Evan. Great advice

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:42:40 +0000

It’s one thing to admire photos of others while you’re in a committed relationship. It’s another to provide photos of yourself to your BF’s best friend. Think about it, single people do this when looking for dates. I lived with a guy for 3 years and would have NEVER thought of sending a photo of myself to his best friend. If it were his request, I’d say that’s a pretty strong signal that he’s not just intersted in friendship.

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 22:45:02 +0000

Kenley, I totally agree that one gender doesn’t have the market cornered in doing wrong by the other. And I certainly don’t think women can do no wrong. That’s not the impression I am trying to give.

I however do think men and women act and respond to different triggers. As I said before, I don’t agree with what she is doing. But I am not ready to call her a cheater and say she deserves bad karma. I DO think she needs to ask herself what she is getting out of this other “relationship” with her boyfriend’s friend that she isn’t getting from him and have an open talk with her guy. We all hit rough patches. I think we all question the person we are with at some point to varying degrees. Millions of committed men today spend an awful lot of time looking at women in sexually vunerable positions on a regular basis. Is that any worse then a a committed woman sending a picture of herself to another man? I don’t know if it is. I do know that the things that bother women and bother men can be very different. Again, I don’t think this girl is in the right but I don’t think she is a cheater either. The reason people seek out other people or use other things to statisfy themselves is because something is missing. That’s her responsiblity to find out what it is and talk to her boyfriend so he knows what is going on.

By: Kenley

Kenley — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 19:28:42 +0000

JG,

I think sending pictures could take her to the verge of cheating because it suggests to me something that’s clearly sexual. Notice I said if the emails and conversations were just about general stuff. If the emails and conversations were sexual in nature, then they too would place her on the verge of cheating. She would be in the ABC phase or the all but physical contact phase.
In this particular instance, I am not commenting on what guys do. I am commenting on what she is doing. SHE is sending pictures of her BF’s friend. She asked him if she could send him pictures — he didn’t ask her. This is not about guys looking at pornography. This is about a woman in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP sending pictures of herself to another man.
In the scenario that you just mentioned about guys looking at women, now days, women themselves are sending guys pictures of themselves in sexual positions. Or women are posting sexual pictures of themselves on my space, facebook, and even on their dating profiles. Don’t these woman have any responsibility for their behavior? Or is everything that goes wrong between men and women the man’s fault?
As a long time female reader of this blog, I’m kind of tired of what seems like a women-can- do -no- wrong -and -men -can- do -no -right theme that seems so prevalent lately. I know plenty of women who screw men over just as I know plenty of men who screw women over. I don’t think one gender has the market cornered in that regard.

By: Kristyn

Kristyn — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:01:27 +0000

I guess I wonder how much of the phone calls/emails/picture sending her boyfriend knows about. If he knows about all of it – then I think its probably harmless. If he is in the dark about it, then I don’t think it is in any way, shape or form innocent.

I could see me emailing pictures and calling a male friend while in committed relationship – if I really truly considered it just a friendship. If I had more than friendship feelings, or if I thought he did – then I think it crosses over and becomes disloyal.

I doubt she’d like it if she found out he was phoning/emailing/sending pictures to another woman.

Just my thoughts

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:44:46 +0000

Kenley,

Why is it the pictures part of it that makes her on the “verge of being disloyal”? Does it matter what kind of picture it is? How many men save pictures or look and get off to pictures of other women that are in very sexual positions and completely naked and vunerable? ALOT. But that’s okay right.