I however do think men and women act and respond to different triggers. As I said before, I don’t agree with what she is doing. But I am not ready to call her a cheater and say she deserves bad karma. I DO think she needs to ask herself what she is getting out of this other “relationship” with her boyfriend’s friend that she isn’t getting from him and have an open talk with her guy. We all hit rough patches. I think we all question the person we are with at some point to varying degrees. Millions of committed men today spend an awful lot of time looking at women in sexually vunerable positions on a regular basis. Is that any worse then a a committed woman sending a picture of herself to another man? I don’t know if it is. I do know that the things that bother women and bother men can be very different. Again, I don’t think this girl is in the right but I don’t think she is a cheater either. The reason people seek out other people or use other things to statisfy themselves is because something is missing. That’s her responsiblity to find out what it is and talk to her boyfriend so he knows what is going on.

I think sending pictures could take her to the verge of cheating because it suggests to me something that’s clearly sexual. Notice I said if the emails and conversations were just about general stuff. If the emails and conversations were sexual in nature, then they too would place her on the verge of cheating. She would be in the ABC phase or the all but physical contact phase.
In this particular instance, I am not commenting on what guys do. I am commenting on what she is doing. SHE is sending pictures of her BF’s friend. She asked him if she could send him pictures — he didn’t ask her. This is not about guys looking at pornography. This is about a woman in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP sending pictures of herself to another man.
In the scenario that you just mentioned about guys looking at women, now days, women themselves are sending guys pictures of themselves in sexual positions. Or women are posting sexual pictures of themselves on my space, facebook, and even on their dating profiles. Don’t these woman have any responsibility for their behavior? Or is everything that goes wrong between men and women the man’s fault?
As a long time female reader of this blog, I’m kind of tired of what seems like a women-can- do -no- wrong -and -men -can- do -no -right theme that seems so prevalent lately. I know plenty of women who screw men over just as I know plenty of men who screw women over. I don’t think one gender has the market cornered in that regard.

I could see me emailing pictures and calling a male friend while in committed relationship – if I really truly considered it just a friendship. If I had more than friendship feelings, or if I thought he did – then I think it crosses over and becomes disloyal.

I doubt she’d like it if she found out he was phoning/emailing/sending pictures to another woman.

Just my thoughts

Why is it the pictures part of it that makes her on the “verge of being disloyal”? Does it matter what kind of picture it is? How many men save pictures or look and get off to pictures of other women that are in very sexual positions and completely naked and vunerable? ALOT. But that’s okay right.

Part of what made some posters irate about this woman was that she was seemingly going after her boyfriend’s friend. I question how close a friendship that could be if they haven’t spoken in 3 years. If this couple broke up, would it still be such a major breach of loyalty for her to look up someone they both knew but had ended contact with years before?

As far as making excuses…I think it’s pretty transparant she is interested in this guy for more than friendship…why write a dating coach for advice otherwise? Maybe she is hoping to cheat. Or maybe as one commenter suggested, she wants attention. I simply offered up another possibility I’ve seen happen before when existing relationships go south – one partner tries to line up someone new in hopes of avoiding any time being alone.

I don’t find that method to be honest personally, so that’s why I recommended Sharon make a clean break and take some time to reflect before exploring anything new. If she did, she might reconsider the wisdom of getting involved with her ex’s old buddy. Or maybe not, since it doesn’t appear the guys are such close friends anymore. Either way, the morality of this depends on an actual breakup, not “It’s complicated.”

Selena, why should it matter if the BF and the friend haven’t spoken?