Comments on: I Prefer To Date Women, But I Want To Try Sleeping With A Man.

By: Dojhariah

Dojhariah — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 05:13:03 +0000

@J and Steve:

Condoms do not take care of all of the problems for women.

The most common STDs are HPVs for which there are no cure, though many people are able to “clear” these infections themselves. For those who can’t, many women go on to develop cervical cancer. I was “lucky” because I got it in time.

Female condoms provide more protection, but I find them very difficult to use, so not safe.

Finally, J… buy some condoms yourself. If you think you might be with a big or tall guy, for goodness sakes buy some large or extra large trojans. They are much less likely to break if you are with a bigger guy.

By: J

Mon, 24 May 2010 03:40:26 +0000

Thanks Steve – I appreciate the stand up. Lance & Marc – lol. Selena, Jack, Honey, Annette, Shalini, Kat – I appreciated the thoughts…they hit the spot for me. Bess – I really admire that you know what you value. Suzanne – you’re pretty straight up but yeah, you projected. Cheers

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:34:07 +0000

@ Steve #22 — Good point. To be honest, maybe the letter bugs me just because it seems so damn whiny…and implies “I want it all, but only if it’s fun for me with no guy blaming me if he gets hung up on me.” Of course, it’s possible I’m just projecting.

@ Bess #21 — I certainly have no answer to your predicament other than that tired old saying: “The grass is always greener. . .” The unknown always seems so tempting, yet in reality can often be an incredible dissappointment. But I admire your loyalty to your woman & that you’ve weighed the price of the experience against the possibly of losing your current relationship. I think all of us go through this struggle at some point, the “what if?” syndrome, regardless of sexual orientation.
Just a thought, but one thing you might consider is a threesome — you, your current woman, and a guy. Whatever works.

By: Steve

Steve — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 13:20:24 +0000

Suzanne;
Very interesting Quincy work, but I think you are assuming too much about J from her email. I’ve know women who have lived lesbian exclusively all their lives. They can really be ignorant of men to the point of assuming they will react like women, as per J’s concern that her friends will get emotionally attached from one romp in the hay.

By: bess

bess — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 22:06:21 +0000

J, I have the same issue, except I wish I was in your situation it would be so much easier. I’ve been in a monogamous lesbian relationship for ten and a half years, and now I’m 30 and I think my sexuality is changing. I really want to have sex with a man! I think about it all the time! But I love my girlfriend. So I don’t know what to do. If I were you I would jump on adult friend finder instantly and go cruising with no regrets. If you want to try it you should, especially because you are not committed. I can’t hurt my girlfriend, so I might never get the chance to have other experiences. I’d rather have her, than have the experience… but I do have regrets about getting into this relationship so young before I tried everything out. Anyway, that’s my issue. Go for it J. I think Adult Friend Finder is the best idea for no strings sex. Good luck, have fun

By: Suzanne

Suzanne — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 18:24:47 +0000

Wow, I thought J was a guy. But either way, there’s something about this letter that bugs me or just doesn’t ring true for me. [Full disclosure: Like Evan, I'm not a sex therapist, nor am I a lesbian, although I am female.] I suspect that nothing Evan and the rest of us suggests is anything J doesn’t already know. Which is what makes me think that what she really wants is permission to explore with a man. Which then makes me suspect — yes, I’m a suspicious sort — that she might not be as totally confident in her sexual identity as she wants us to believe. Like others have said, finding a guy who will turn down a NSA offer of sex from a 30-yr-old woman is really not one of life’s great challenges, at least not in this country. And why all the concern about up-front disclosures or guarantees? Sure, if J chooses to make it known to the guy that she’s a lesbian who’s just out to experiment, he mayarrogantly think he’s going to convert her (power of the penis, and all that), but so what? It’s not uncommon for men to have this belief, but I’ve never known a guy who, once he found out he was wrong, felt all that shattered and destroyed by it, turned into a small, weeping pile of woe at the foot of the bed. Har! No, more likely he says, “Oh well, at least I got laid,” and moves on quickly to more pressing matters, such as:” What’s in your fridge?” My guess is that J fears that maybe she’s actually bisexual and that she’ll have sex with a guy and …OMG….like it! Or feel attachment. Or feel confused. All of which will make life and future relationships more, uhm, complicated. Sorry, J, there are no for-sure answers here, and even purely experimental relatioships have the potential for complications. What can I say? That’s life, and it’s a jungle out there, but don’t let that stop you.

By: Shalini

Shalini — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 08:59:49 +0000

Selena #8
I agree with selena. I think it’s a better option to find someone online, get to know him enough to be comfortable with him and never see him again.
Why ruin a friendship for experience. I don’t think anything good will come out of it. And you might regret it in the end.
And since you are not attracted to men i think it might be more awkward if you ask a friend, try it and still find it too awkward to go ahead with it.. It’s natural that you might not feel like doing it in the end since you wont be attracted to men. Think about what will happen after that?

By: anette

anette — Sun, 28 Mar 2010 00:47:13 +0000

wow!! You get all kinds of questions don’t you Evan. lol!!

I’d go with the friend option over the 1-night stand option. You aren’t going to know how you feel and there might even be some pain(although without knowing what you’ve actually done in the past that’s hard to say). You may not like it, or you may want to stop.

Yeah, I’d definatley go the friend option, and if he’s a good friend, and knows the deal, IE you just want to try it one time then some blokes will be fine with that.

A stranger in a bar? hmmm… I wouldn’t go with that option for your first time.

By: Steve

Steve — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 20:26:13 +0000

J;
Some men drive hummers, SUVs or sports cars to “compensate”. FWIW, I drive a Honda Civic. Ahem!

By: Jenny

Jenny — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 15:20:44 +0000

Wow! I just discovered this blog a week ago and I can already tell I like it here
At the end of all of this, I think the guy you end up having sex with is going to be wanting to know how he did in bed. If you know the person, they are probably going to ask you about it. And what if by chance you didn’t care for it? That’s just awkward. At least if you sleep with someone you don’t know, you won’t have to tell.