Comments on: I Want to Take a First Date to Lunch During the Work Day. Why Is This a Terrible Idea?

By: sarahrahrah!

sarahrahrah! — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:08:01 +0000

Excellent post that addresses one of my primary concerns as a single parent in my early 40s, Evan.

I don’t like the work day lunch date or rushed coffee date because I am almost always rushed in those situations and feel like it’s difficult to look my best and engage in lighthearted conversation. To make it more difficult, I’m more of an introvert and people don’t usually get a sense of my personality until they’ve known me for a little while.

If you will please forgive me for asking a question, what is a woman to do if that is what most men suggest? I don’t want to dismiss all coffee dates out of hand, but I am doubtful about the value of “drive by dates.” Any suggestions for feminine strategies to deal with these situations?

By: helene

helene — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:26:16 +0000

Guys – an important thing to consider when asking a girl on a first date is that she will want to be looking her best. Dates involving sports or outdoor activities are a bad idea in this respect as she can’t wear her cute dress and heels and her hair might get in a mess, which will worry her. Anything involving a lot of walking will be a problem because of the cute but impractical shoes she has worn (for YOU). “Surprise” style dates are the worse of all cos then she won’t know WHAT to wear at all.
Meeting an online date for the first time is hard work as its a bit like running a race from a standing start, but for that very reason its even MORE important that the setting is conducive to flirting and romance, should the spark be there. If it isn’t it doesn’t matter WHERE you took her, but if this DOES turn out to be someone you feel mutual chemistry with, there has to be a fighting chance to get things onto a romantic footing.
My preference for a first online date is to meet MIDWEEK for a DRINK, lateish in the evening eg 8.30 or 9pm. Dinner can be a drag if you don’t hit it off. Weekend dates are too much pressure. A drink in a classy place that’s not too noisy, not too quiet is perfect, and by meeting late in the evening if you don’t hit it off you can decently leave after an hour and a half with the excuse thart you have to get up early for work. By then its 10pm so this works – if you meet at 7pm you can’t really use this excuse at 8.30!

By: Alicia G.

Alicia G. — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:06:59 +0000

I personally don’t think meeting someone for lunch (lunch break or not) is a bad idea. I think this should be the norm when going on a first date. It is a comfortable setting, great place to start the “is this person compatible with me” process, etc. A first date is a first date. There shouldn’t be any lip smacking or funny business going on, so the setting is fine. There are plenty of more romantic, creative dates to worry about in the future if both people are still interested. I wrote an ebook for guys (50 tips to keep in mind when going on a first date). Check it out by going to my website.

By: kenley

kenley — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 00:19:13 +0000

vlh,
Why did you decide to go out with a man who had no regard for what you needed to feel safe — especially when you were not asking for anything at all unreasonable? If a man doesn’t do his best to make YOU feel comfortable and safe, he isn’t worth your time.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:07:44 +0000

vlh stated: (#71)
“NEVER FORCE A TRAUMATIZED PERSON INTO ANY DATING SITUATION THAT THEY HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THEY DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING.”

I would say that also applies to people who haven’t been traumatized.

You don’t want to be uncomfortable on a date, nor do you want your date to be uncomfortable. You particularly don’t want to be the cause of your date’s discomfort.

By: vlh

vlh — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 15:45:04 +0000

I was mugged. About 4 or 5 months later, I went out on a first date with a man I met on Yahoo personals. He *insisted* on picking me up at my house. I guess he thought he earned the right by emailing me so much. I thought I had explained to him very carefully why having a man I don’t know pick me up at my house made me feel very unsafe and uncomfortable. He still insisted. I caved. Big mistake. I was on edge during the whole date. From the moment I got into his car, I was hostile to him, and in total panic-mode. His inability to respect my boundaries and to listen to my concerns ruined this first date. If he could have just settled for a few coffee/lunch dates in the beginning, my comfort level would have increased with him, so that having him pick me up for dinner on date number 3 or 4 would not have caused such a meltdown. While I agree with Evan’s argument in general, I think my situation is an example of a very real exception you need to make: NEVER FORCE A TRAUMATIZED PERSON INTO ANY DATING SITUATION THAT THEY HAVE ALREADY TOLD YOU THEY DON’T FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING. Period. Your date mentions she was mugged/raped/pickpocketed/had her car broken into or anything else like that within the last year, you can bet she’s still walking on eggshells psychologically, whether she was physically harmed or not. I was lucky. I was not *physically* harmed. I *thought* I was mostly okay to go out on a blind date. Even I underestimated my level of trauma. I gave myself a nice long break from dating after that experience. But of course, I never went out on another date with that particular man.

By: hunter

hunter — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:51:17 +0000

Meet for lunch on you day off.

By: JuJu

JuJu — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:58:22 +0000

It’s easier in a big city with plenty of cafes right next to your workplace, Sarah. No 20-minute drive each way necessary.
Although, I personally don’t like the time limitation.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 16:34:16 +0000

Does anyone posting here actually have to do work during the work day? This is my problem with the lunch date. I have no problem meeting an online suitor for the first time for coffee. I see the first date with someone I met online as an opportunity to see whether or not there’s any hope of developing chemistry.

But during lunch I like to eat food so when I go back to work I can concentrate on my job instead of how hungry I am. I don’t want to drive 20 minutes somewhere, eat for an hour and drive 20 minutes back because I don’t want to be away from the office for more than an hour. I think it’s disrespectful to my co-workers, who are relying on me to complete my work product. So if I end the date after 45 minutes, I feel like that could send the wrong signal to a man. If I like him, I’d like to keep talking and not have to worry about my work assignments. So I’d prefer not to meet for lunch.

By: hunter

hunter — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:54:40 +0000

JuJu, your post is humorous!…