Comments on: I Want to Take a First Date to Lunch During the Work Day. Why Is This a Terrible Idea?

By: Clare

Clare — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 17:03:48 +0000

@ Katt # 77 & 78

I agree it is more preferable for a guy to phone rather than text, and to arrange a slightly more romantic night-time date, rather than lunch or coffee.

And the good ones are open to guidance on this.

But I find the effectiveness of your guidance is very much in *how* you do it. If a guy wants to text, I always say with the utmost charm how good it would feel to get a phone call and that that feels more connected than texting. The good ones are thrilled to oblige, the ones who feel this is too much effort, I agree, can buzz off.

Similarly with dates, if a guy really has his heart set on taking you to coffee or lunch, I say let him. It doesn’t automatically mean you’re in the friend zone and I *definitely* would not give him the dressing down that you say you tell them.

I’d say just next time he asks you out say how you think it would be great to have an evening date and that you’d feel more excited about that.

By: Temnotah

Temnotah — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 14:39:16 +0000

Do what is best for you two, don’t listen to others, nobody else will understand your relationship better than the two of you.

By: SalsaQ

SalsaQ — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 01:08:11 +0000

I just came across a profile where the woman said she prefers coffee for a first date. So for those of you with a strong preference either way, you should just make it known in your pre-first-date exchanges or in your profile.

By: Carrie

Carrie — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 17:50:39 +0000

I personally find coffee dates just fine. I am always prepared for 30 minutes but they usually turn into two hours and 30 minutes. When I get invited for a 2nd date, it will be much at a much nicer venue – but I always meet them at the place and they understand that I do that for personal safety. I don’t share my personal address or go to a man’s home unless I know them very well. I met one man for lunch (his day off) and it was very nice followed by more very classy dates. I don’t like to have a man spend a lot on the first meeting in case I don’t want to go on a second date. All the men I have dated for a longer time have paid for just about everything (and they spend a lot) — it is a struggle to get them to let me pay for anything. So, I don’t think meeting for coffee or lunch is any indicator that a man is “cheap” or a “moocher”.

By: chivonh

chivonh — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:45:39 +0000

‘And if you find them lame and you want your first meeting to have a bit of a spark, you have to work backwards from how you want your date to end.‘
I so agree! This tip is really helpful for both men and women.
Having an idea or giving some thought to the destination of the date definitely helps to set the tone of the date…A date born from this thought process will be much more fruitful and fun than one where you meet for dinner and ‘see how it goes’…

By: Katt

Katt — Sun, 11 Mar 2012 14:31:22 +0000

Sooooo true. I even put no coffee/lunch dates! Save for business meetings! My question is … They still ask me for coffee or lunch and i automatically lose interest. Is that wrong?

Also, i state if i give my number after 2emails do not text me .. Whats point of givn u my number ? We can type for emails

By: Katt

Katt — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 13:05:48 +0000

When a guy ask me for coffee it puts me into a friend mode. I tell them i dont do coffee (cheap n means they r not romanric or dating way too much) lunch ? No to that .. Rush n squeezzze me in .. Save lunch for biz until ur in a relariinship then its a nice treat. Eve dates are more romantic and it doesnt have to be all out dinner.. Nice place , couple of drinks , appetizer! If u cant do that thn buzz off! And stop asking dor my number online and then u text me ! I give a number for a reason! CALL to hear ur voice.. N ask me out that way.. U lose me already if ur that insecure n stupid n lazy

By: sarahrahrah!

sarahrahrah! — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 19:08:01 +0000

Excellent post that addresses one of my primary concerns as a single parent in my early 40s, Evan.

I don’t like the work day lunch date or rushed coffee date because I am almost always rushed in those situations and feel like it’s difficult to look my best and engage in lighthearted conversation. To make it more difficult, I’m more of an introvert and people don’t usually get a sense of my personality until they’ve known me for a little while.

If you will please forgive me for asking a question, what is a woman to do if that is what most men suggest? I don’t want to dismiss all coffee dates out of hand, but I am doubtful about the value of “drive by dates.” Any suggestions for feminine strategies to deal with these situations?

By: helene

helene — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 21:26:16 +0000

Guys – an important thing to consider when asking a girl on a first date is that she will want to be looking her best. Dates involving sports or outdoor activities are a bad idea in this respect as she can’t wear her cute dress and heels and her hair might get in a mess, which will worry her. Anything involving a lot of walking will be a problem because of the cute but impractical shoes she has worn (for YOU). “Surprise” style dates are the worse of all cos then she won’t know WHAT to wear at all.
Meeting an online date for the first time is hard work as its a bit like running a race from a standing start, but for that very reason its even MORE important that the setting is conducive to flirting and romance, should the spark be there. If it isn’t it doesn’t matter WHERE you took her, but if this DOES turn out to be someone you feel mutual chemistry with, there has to be a fighting chance to get things onto a romantic footing.
My preference for a first online date is to meet MIDWEEK for a DRINK, lateish in the evening eg 8.30 or 9pm. Dinner can be a drag if you don’t hit it off. Weekend dates are too much pressure. A drink in a classy place that’s not too noisy, not too quiet is perfect, and by meeting late in the evening if you don’t hit it off you can decently leave after an hour and a half with the excuse thart you have to get up early for work. By then its 10pm so this works – if you meet at 7pm you can’t really use this excuse at 8.30!

By: Alicia G.

Alicia G. — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 09:06:59 +0000

I personally don’t think meeting someone for lunch (lunch break or not) is a bad idea. I think this should be the norm when going on a first date. It is a comfortable setting, great place to start the “is this person compatible with me” process, etc. A first date is a first date. There shouldn’t be any lip smacking or funny business going on, so the setting is fine. There are plenty of more romantic, creative dates to worry about in the future if both people are still interested. I wrote an ebook for guys (50 tips to keep in mind when going on a first date). Check it out by going to my website.