Comments on: If I Have Herpes, How Can I Tell The New Guy I’m Dating?

By: Mich

Mich — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 02:43:53 +0000

Just told my boyfriend a few hours ago that I’ve been diagnosed with “H”. He says he needs time to “take it all in” and he’ll talk to me tomorrow. I have no idea if I’ve done the right thing in being honest.

By: meka

meka — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 00:33:52 +0000

I have a hard time finding someone as it is an Herpes makes it harder. Everyone tells me im really pretty accually even people off the street, I dont beleive it. My family has treated me like a walking std since i was 16. I don’t really know how to deal with it wont’t even tell my doctors 90 percent of the time I think i’m going to be alone forever someone help me.

By: Holding Breath

Holding Breath — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 19:02:09 +0000

When I first met my wife she passed along the ‘gift’ to me. I had no idea what was going on, i had never seen anything like this especially on my penis! She claimed ignorance until I finally figured it out myself and confronted her sometime later. By this time we were discussing marriage and I felt trapped like i would never be able to be with anyone else. So i went through with the marriage and have been married for 15 years, but I still harbor a very intense hatred towards her because of that. Add in a few other issues and our marriage is all but over.
Bring in a new friend. I promised myself I would tell her and the thought of doing so was agonizing. But I did do it. I was looking for a way to tell her and we were having a heart to heart about something that had happened to her and I used this heart to heart time as my lead on. She seemed to understand and did not turn me away.
Fast forward to this weekend. We had sex for the first time. I have been taking Valtrex leading up to it and also used a latex condom. Now I am holding my breath and hoping that she will not receive the ‘gift’.
I have not had an outbreak in years, used condom, used valtrex. now i wait.
I think you have to tell no matter what.

By: Julia W.

Julia W. — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 08:18:12 +0000

I’m also currently in a very close relationship with another guy (I had broken up with the other guy, way before i even new i had gotten gh frm him) and he is fully aware of my gh, I thank God we hadn’t done anything that could have transmitted it to him when i was still unaware. Fact is he knows and doesn’t care, I feel very blessed to have him, and he even told me that the gh means nothing to him, that i’m worth the risk, and he loves me for me, flaws and all! I know that might be hard to believe for those ignorant few, but it is possible for someone with gh and someone without gh to be extremely happy together.

By: Julia W.

Julia W. — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:59:04 +0000

I’m so glad i found this website discussion, there have been alot of helpful posts and alot that have just cracked me up. I am 18 and I was diagnosed with gh eight days ago, I thought it was really bad razor burn but was unfortunately informed otherwise :/ when I first found out I was extremely upset, especially since I had only been with one guy. After a few days though and alot of research I knew gh was not a big deal and I certainly wasn’t going to let it ruin my life. I already lived a very healthy life style so gh hasn’t changed one thing about my everyday life, the only difference is i’m on valtrex to clear up the first ob. In a relationship i would wait until after a few dates but most definitely before sex. I hope anyone who has h will realize it’s not the end of the world and that they can live perfectly normal, happy lives. what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger

By: anonaone

anonaone — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 19:00:43 +0000

Sayanta, I get what you’re saying and that is your right. I hope you don’t find your perfect partner has an STD because that will be very hard to you, and your partner. And I just hope that people who know my “truth” look beyond it because HSV1 is not the most defining component of my character. By far. I contracted it almost 18 years ago after graduating from college. I was in a committed relationship and even “saving myself” for marriage – ha! Back then I didn’t consider oral sex to be sex, and I also had no clue you could get it that way. But, I did. I had never had intercourse. After that man, who I’m still friends with, I met my husband, who accepted me for that, and all of my other flaws! I was married for 14 years and my ex never showed symptoms. Dated another guy for a while and neither did he (unprotected sex). I have two healthy children, and I did need c-sections but it wasn’t because of that. It was simply because my body wouldn’t cooperate to get the babies out. I’m dating someone new now and we’ve discussed sex, and I will need to tell him soon. He’s pretty special and thinks I am, too, so I hope he will feel like my other sexual partners did and be accepting of it. Simply put, when I found out about it, I was devastated and thought it would ruin my life. I became anorexic. I drove recklessly without my seatbelt and really did want to die. I was in therapy for six months. But, what do you know, it has not ruined my life. It’s just an annoyance and is no different than the cold sores my sister gets on her face–in fact, she’d rather have my problem, she tells me because at least I can “hide it” and not everyone sees it when it happens (and it very very rarely does). What makes me roll my eyes is people who have cold sores and think they do not have an STD. You DO have an STD, especially if you ever plan on giving anyone oral sex! You need to disclose it just as much as WE do.

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 02:44:40 +0000

#139 purpleI

Um… Maybe not quite how I would have put it, but 75% of what you say is how a lot of people, including myself, feel. I mean, getting shot down on a blog because you don’t want to subject yourself to a horrible infection? Reallly??? What planet are some people on?

By: Sayanta

Sayanta — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 02:39:12 +0000

Some people prefer to date people without any STDs- its called looking out for your own health, and it’s everyone’s right.

By: T

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:42:28 +0000

also… this forum is supposed to be a safe place people can go for advice to help them deal with the problem not to be critcized and judged, If you so strongly beleive people with hsv dont deserve a normal life why are you even on this site? are you simply browsing around and putting forth your opinion because you have nothing better to do! didnt your mother ever tell you if you have nothing nice to say dont say anything at all! well if she didnt then I am! Once agian get off your self righteous High horse. and keep you negative opionions to your selves!

By: T

Tue, 10 Jan 2012 22:34:35 +0000

So what some of you are saying is that because someone was unfortunate enough to contract hsv 1 or 2 they should be punished and dont deserve to live a happy life? so those who say that a person with herpes should only be in a relationship with someone with herpes is basically saying just send them off to an island like there a lepar, well excuse me but in my opinion you need to have a reality check! Thats one of the most ignorant things I have heard, and frankly I find it heartless and cold. if you are upfront with a person about this and THEY choose you are worth it then that is there right, the person is not being lied to or manipulated and if they feel the person is worth the risk that also is there choice. Some times accidents happen, It doesnt mean a person should have to be treated like the plague because of a bad situation accidental or not. and say in the case a person is raped and contracts the virus, you honestly think they should have to feel like crap about themselves for the rest of their lives, Honestly the thoughts of those who feel that a person with hsv should be treated any differently than a person with out it should be ashamed of the ignorance and needs to get over their selves and you should be ashamed that you live in these days and still feel you have the right to judge or profile a person based on something that they possibly had no control over. If you personally choose to not be with somebody based on the fact they have hsv that is just fine and your right, But you have NO right to make the people who suffer from hsv feel that because of this they dont have the right to live a normal life and honestly it makes me sick to hear people think that way, I pray for your sake that you never ACCIDENTLY make a mistake and contract a std because it will be a rude awakening and I am sure instead of making the best out of what you have you will surely destroy your own life solely based on ignorant beliefs, People dont ask for bad things to happen to them, sometimes its just life, Yes hsv clearly isnt ideal but its also not the end of the world. Its just a matter of finding the people in the world who are accepting and non judgemental and surround yourselves with them and I guarantee the quality of life you will have will far surpass the quality of life of the people who choose to put themselves on a judgemental pedi stool! That being said, You cant take back what has happened the only thing left to do is live your life the best you can and not be discouraged by the people out there who are to afraid of there own shadows to accept the reality of life!