Comments on: If I Have Herpes, How Can I Tell The New Guy I’m Dating?

By: Jess

Jess — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:52:35 +0000

Also- about having children. Think about it- 25-30% of women have this, but only about 2-3% of them know they have it. Neonatal herpes is extremely rare, and those women with known cases of herpes before they get pregnant are 0.01% likely to pass it on to their offspring. Considering all the other mishaps that can happen during pregnancy, I think that’s pretty rare. If you know you have it, you can #1 : take precautions (eating right, taking acyclovir during the last trimester) and #2 – your body will produce antibodies that protect the baby. The problem occurs when you get herpes for the first time during your pregnancy- a lot of women don’t realize what they have is herpes and unknowingly, have a vaginal birth and in turn can pass the herpes onto the baby.

By: Jess

Jess — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 03:45:06 +0000

Hey everyone,
This website has made me feel a little better.
I was diagnosed at 25 after I had been dating the same guy for a year (long-distance). I knew he had cold sores and didn’t really know much about them, other than the fact that I shouldn’t kiss him with one.
Before we became intimate, I asked him to get tested. He did, and we didn’t use protection. (He was the first person I had ever not used protection with.) About a year into the relationship, we’re on vacation and I start to get a terrible itch down there and I knew something was up. The first doctor said it was just a UTI, but the second doctor saw a tiny dot and decided to take a culture and test for herpes. I freaked!
About 5 weeks later she called me in to her office, and told me I had HSV II. My world as I had known it seemed to come crashing down. For months and months I cried about it and didn’t want to really tell anyone but, since the boy was long-distance, I needed to tell my closest girlfriends. They helped me through so much and I don’t know what I would have done without them.
Even though he and I are still together (I am 26 and he is 29) how am I to know if this is going to last? It turned out that he had HSV II as well (he went and got tested) so now we are both in the same boat. I’m taking tons of olive leaf extract (stops viral replication) and trying to be as healthy as possible, and so far I’ve only had on little dot since then…and what I have to tell people that don’t have it is that this is much more a psychological disease for most of us, than a physical one. It’s the fact that media has made this thing out to be so much more than what it really is. And what really makes me mad are the people with cold sores who refuse to believe that they could transmit this. My bf could have had HSV II on his mouth (rare but poss) and given it to me. Why do we stigmatize this thing in one area and not the other? Herpes is herpes, people. The stats are 1/4 women has it, and 1/5 has it. That means you’ve probably come into contact with someone who has it.
Don’t you think that if it was life-threatening or even serious, it would be included in STD screenings?
Still working on my loss of self-esteem from this. Please someone tell me the psychological aspect of it goes away with time!

By: mimi

mimi — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 16:38:54 +0000

i was just diagnosed with hsv2. i dont know how long i’ve had it or who i got it from. i dont think i’ve even had an outbreak. i always got tested for std’s but i guess this was never included. i actually asked for the herpes test this time. how is this gonna effect me? is it bad not to have outbreaks? does this mean i am going to get worse outbreaks later on? does this affect the rest of my health?
i am dating a guy, we live together, how do i tell him? Can i still have children? will it affect them? is there anyway to tell how long i’ve actually had the disease?

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 11:16:26 +0000

I have had herpes for 18 years now ,I am 32 and married twice with two children. I have told every single person I have ever had sex with and no one ever seem to mind. Now I am getting a divorce and I will eventually have to tell someone again. Except know since I have been with the same person for 8 years and starting fresh I don’t really know how to break the news anymore. So I just don’t date and im getting pretty lonely,so I would like to thank all of you for helping me with your comments and now I feel that I am ready to give it another shot. Thank You, Sandy M.

By: Amanda

Amanda — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 20:07:05 +0000

Elle#69

My advise to you is think of your reaction when you started to date that man who had it that you where wit for 2 years. im sory you didnt get out without the simplex however you understood and cared for this man for a long time. why wouldnt someone do the same thing for you….please remember that herpes is soooo common and the people who say terrible things about anyone who has it are just insecure bullies…an dont listen to anyones BS! Oh and there ignorant! keep you head up and stay positive and confident and you will DRAW the right one too you! thats what i did! Good Luck!
Amanda

By: Amanda

Amanda — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 19:52:55 +0000

Hello all, I have had herpes since I was 20. (I’m 24 almost 25 now) The man that gave it to me didnt inform me before and convinced me to have sex without a condom because it “feels better”. After three months of dating I finally decided it was the right time to lose my virginity to him. I thought I was in love with him and the whole nine yards. About three months into my sexual life I got my first outbreak. I was heartboken and my world just crumbled aroud me. I told my two best friends and my mother! And of course the guy who I got it from and he denied knowing anything…anyway, I have been dealing and living with this since then and really havent had any problems with it. I have only had the one really bad initial break out so i consider myself one of the lucky ones!

Then reason I am writing today is that I recently told the man I have fallen in love with that I have herpes. I was s terrified that for sure he would say ok I dont want to deal with this and that would be the end of that!
I read a post of your on how to tell someone you have herpes, and I followed your recommendations to a “t”.

IT WORKED! I sat him down in a non sexual atmosphere, before anything sexual happend…I told him very casually “like it was no big deal” and he just looked at me and said dont worry im not going anywhere…I feel like the luckiest woman on the planet and and so thankful that I read your page before this happend. Made me feel very confident and reassured that it would all be ok! IF THERE THE RIGHT PERSON…THEY WILL MAKE IT WORK AND LOVE YOU FOR YOU! To anyone who has yet to tell the person there inteested in I suggest wait untill you know they are in it for you and actually have feelings for you! choose your partners carefully and respect yourself….nothing is wrong with you and I am leading normal and healthy life and now after crossing this milestone…I have never been more in love then I am today and I hope to continue falling in love everyday from here on out!

GOOD LUCK AND THE BEST OF WISHES TO EVERYONE!!!
~*Amanda*~

By: Itchy

Itchy — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 05:37:19 +0000

I’ve had genital herpes for over 16 years! I contracted it through oral from a girl I was on and off with through my early teen years.
Seriously not a big deal, and reading through this thread I’ve larfed at the overreactions some folk have!
Eczema is a bigger pain in the arse!(not that I have it! I would honestly not date someone with a skin condition like that..:P)
In short, if you understand the full implications and are aware how and when it can be spread and take the proper steps to informing potential partners, your life won’t end.

Peace out kids.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 23:44:34 +0000

Janey said: (#97)
“when he thought he had me almost where he wanted me, he informed me he had Herpes. To me this is unethical and scary. [...] My opinion, tell the person from the very beginning.”

Let’s imagine for a moment that you had herpes (perhaps you caught it from someone who didn’t tell you at all .. or didn’t even know they had it.)

There are people that you don’t want to know that you have herpes: coworkers, family members, people at your church. You are ethically obligated to tell anyone who might run the risk of catching it from you, however.

The more people you tell about your STD, the more people who could potentially blab it to your coworkers, your family, etc.

Are you going to put the information in your Match.com profile? Of course not. You have no idea who might be reading it. Are you going to tell someone on the first date? Why would you? 90% of the first dates go nowhere.

The logical decision is to wait until there’s a chance that the relationship might go somewhere / get physical. That’s what Janey’s date did.

“After I rejected him, he was kind enough to tell me in very vulgar terms what he feels is wrong with my physical appearance.”

He shouldn’t have insulted you.

On the other hand, I have no idea what you said when you rejected him. He may have been reacting to the manner in which he had been rejected. Even if you did insult him, he still shouldn’t have insulted you … but few people will remain polite under those circumstances.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 06:23:24 +0000

Janey, nothing he did sounds “unethical”. He told you he had Herpes prior to becoming sexually involved. That is ethical. You weren’t interested in having sex with him, you thought he was creepy, fine. But he did his duty by you in telling you. In fact, while you are slamming him, you should take a moment and give him *credit* for honorably telling you.
Also think about the people you have dated that you didn’t end up wanting to sleep with, and in fact ended up being repelled by. I’m sure they had some characteristics that stand out in your mind. Maybe one was very tall, or had freckles, or was pursuing a law degree. That doesn’t mean that those characteristics *caused* those people to act in ways that you found unappealing. Neither did your date’s having Herpes *cause* him to treat you the way he did. There’s really no relationship at all between the behavior you didn’t like and his having Herpes. Plenty of people who have it do not move as fast as he does. Plenty of people who have it look at their potential sexual partner as a full human being rather than just a sexual outlet. Please do not erroneously connect the fact that he had Herpes with the way he treated you. Things are hard enough with people who have H as it is without additional unwarranted bad press. Don’t become prejudiced! that would be your flaw, not his.

By: Janey

Janey — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 02:39:34 +0000

My experience as a person who does not have Herpes but who went on two dates with a person who has Herpes, he, from date one, was pushing the physical attraction. At date two, he was talking all about the kind of sex he liked. He did extend me the courtesy of telling me he had Herpes and this was because he felt we might have sex soon. He really could have cared less about me, it was more about him wanting to do it. So he attempted to sell the idea of the great sex we would be having and when he thought he had me almost where he wanted me, he informed me he had Herpes. To me this is unethical and scary. After I rejected him, he was kind enough to tell me in very vulgar terms what he feels is wrong with my physical appearance. My opinion, tell the person from the very beginning.