Comments on: I’m Exclusive with a Woman Who Won’t Let Me Call Her My Girlfriend

By: Commiserator

Commiserator — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 13:52:51 +0000

I just want to say I’m in the same boat as Daniel and I’ve moved on from her, on the advice of friends.

My girl was nice enough to tell me to take a step back. Like Daniel I didn’t listen. I wasn’t objective.

Yes I’m a student, and I’ll take it slow with the gifts next time round. Mine aren’t expensive but they’re hand-made/-drawn and it’s obvious I put effort into them.

I’m a nice guy and I’m not inclined towards the “nice guys finish last” line of argument. I’m just waiting for the right girl to come along who’ll reciprocate my feelings.

I still think of her and wonder if I’ve hurt her. But it’s just me wishing I mattered to her.

Evan’s response, and everyone’s comments, really helped.

Thanks.

By: Marc

Marc — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 15:14:25 +0000

I have a girlfriend who hasn’t even called me her boyfriend”yet” but is always around me. She barely tells me how she feels although she did in the beginning. I say I miss her way before she even gets to say it. I do admit that although I am feeling like the female, she lets me take the lead when we go out because she tells me as long as she’s with me it doesn’t matter what we do. I don’t think she’s not into me, but she did get out of a ten month relationship six months ago. I had asked a question regarding our being exclusive and she said she liked me but didn’t want to move too fast. We haven’t had sex, becuase I want the title boy friend before we get too intimate. so she better be patient. I had asked her if she was my girl and she was like “what do you think” …she won’t give me a straight answer, so I’m thinking it’s assumed we are, but then she was talking to one of her girlfriends and she told her about her “friend” when speaking about me. MY GOD that was so annoying. Took all my might to keep a straight face. She doesn’t put an emphasis on our going to fast..so I would say she’s into me. but as for Daniel, I would have to wonder why she keeps insisting that you not call her your girlfriend. Maybe she takes longer to consider that title. Everybody’s different and who knows how her exes treated her.

All I know is I just want this “trial period” to end already, and yes I’ve been dating her for two and half months.

By: Katarina Phang

Katarina Phang — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 15:59:34 +0000

OP is a typical nice guy and she’s just not that into him (maybe has intimacy issues as well, but we don’t know if she’s like that with every guy she really likes). The roles are really reversed. He’s the she, and she’s the he. That’s probably why she’s not that into him.

Move on. He probably needs an alpha female who is attracted to a beta male she can control. Problem is many alpha females want very masculine guys themselves. A woman who is more like him (moderate alpha/beta) is probably best. So both can be flexible in what roles to take and when.

By: Nina

Nina — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 10:02:32 +0000

I am like Daniel’s girlfriend; reading the advice from readers here I find so many assumptions. Things do change given enough time. If you have a difficult past you need to take it slow and get used to a different relationship paradigm/dialogue. Its about one’s ability to accept the new change and if I had a patient boyfriend like Daniel I can fight the past and come to terms with the love he has to offer. But you will know what to do – whether to stay or go.

By: Andres

Andres — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 00:04:10 +0000

Daniel

Truth be told I suspect you were into this girl for years and now that you scored with her you are questioning why she won’t let you call her your girlfriend.

I doubt she is that into you and I recommend you get over her and move one. You are the chick in this relationship and you need to get in the mindset that you don’t need her.

By: Drew

Drew — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 21:01:29 +0000

I agree with Rebecca and Selina as well. Folks really need to think about the fact that each one of us are human beings and that we should be treating others as we would like to be treated. Don’t use people for your own gain.

By: Jill/Twipply Skwood

Jill/Twipply Skwood — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 03:13:36 +0000

I should say though – I HAVE known women who would let a guy buy her dinner after dinner well past knowing that she wasn’t truly interested. But in my experience that’s been the exception & not the rule.

By: Jill/Twipply Skwood

Jill/Twipply Skwood — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 02:39:13 +0000

Totally agree with Rebecca, Selina, & Jojo on the expensive gifts thing. Even one time when I was maybe 19, this guy I was supposed to go on a date with mailed me this ring right before we went out. It wasn’t expensive or anything but it totally freaked me out & I had been SO into him when I met him. I gave the ring to my best friend & never went out with him.

Anyway, I doubt I can add too much that’s new to this conversation except to say that I was totally suspicious of “that boyfriend word” my guy kept using when we first started dating. My friends were all calling him my boyfriend and he was calling himself that and I was like, “Huh?!?!” But here I am almost a year later all totally and completely head over heels. So I don’t know that her being afraid of the label necessarily means all is lost.

By: Jojo

Jojo — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:24:33 +0000

I agree with Rebecca and Selina! Receiving expensive dinners and gifts from a guy you’re not into is just plain using him. I think it’s unfair to do that to someone!
that

By: Selena

Selena — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 19:54:07 +0000

Actually Hunter I don’t think Rebekah and I are all that rare. I know many women who would be uncomfortable being showered with monetary “attention” from someone whom they uncertain about, or flat out aren’t interested in. Women who don’t want to feel like they are being “bought” in some way. You don’t want to feel obligated in some vague way.

Now, if you’re crazy about the guy, that’s a different story. Gifts, dinners, etc. are fun and sweet and appreciated as gestures of love. Gotta be a mutual thing is all I’m sayin’.