Comments on: I’m Falling in Love With A Woman Who Has a Long Distance Boyfriend. What Should I Do?

By: The Girl Every Man Falls For

The Girl Every Man Falls For — Sat, 30 Oct 2010 20:54:00 +0000

Dear Bill, Having been that woman that you are dating, I can tell you that you need to ask her what her intentions are, not in a pushy way but just as a person who knows what he (you) wants.
To put it simply, her long-distance partner is giving her something that you are not/can’t while you are giving her something that doesn’t/can’t have with her other man. Most probably, he gives her security, and possibly the promise of a future family (first family that it). He probably has great qualities but she will never know if they actually have a chance at anything more unless they decide to get into physical proximity of each other and live the day to day things that are so important in establishing a connection. In other words, go ahead and ask her about her intentions, because she needs to chose, and if you stay, they she probably never will.
She might also have an issue with fact that you already have kids. Maybe she’s thinking of starting a family some day and wants it to be a “first” for both partners…or at least she want to feel like it is that special.
Does all this make her a Cheater? I say no. Is she cheating, yes, but I wouldn’t let it define her as a person. Her emotional needs aren’t being met and she doesn’t have the courage to make a final decision. That light hasn’t gone off in her head yet and if you stay, it probably never will. She probably has a pattern with this type of relationship (long-distance, emotionally unavailable, busy schedules etc…) By leaving her you might switch the light on…but sadly may not be beneficiary.
Trust me, most women (and men) hedge their bets in some way or another, and it’s not done in a malicious or superficial way the majority of the time. Most women, especially those with issues of abandonment as a child will entertain long distance relationships and will fear commitment because they will be afraid to be left behind. What it will take to deal with that is a rock solid character and commitment because she may try to push you away as soon as you get to close…until one day she realizes that you’re there to stay, and then she gives in and lets herself love you. She may or may not be this type of woman, but you should find out it you are really interested in her.
Before you start dating other women and making things more complicated. Do yourself a favor and tell her exactly what you’re thinking. Then give her some time to tell you what she wants from her life and relationships. At that point you can decide whether or not you see yourself in that life or relationship, and whether you want to stay.
I hope this helps,
The Girl Every Man Falls For

By: vino

vino — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:22:19 +0000

“Falling in Love With A Woman Who Has a Long Distance Boyfriend. What Should I Do?”

- Ask yourself why you’d go for someone who’s not available. Then see a therapist.

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 00:38:17 +0000

Scarcity-mindset, yes, we do….most men we don’t see the abundance around us…

By: David Gideon

David Gideon — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 22:02:06 +0000

The problem here is a scarcity-mindset. This woman is not the only woman whose company you can enjoy and create a relationship with. There is an abundance of great women all around you so concentrate on them and avoid these love-triangles. David Gideon David Gideon´s last blog post...Neil Strauss Dating Course Lesson 8

By: mic

mic — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 15:53:04 +0000

Oxytocin is being described too narrowly. It does not require any physical process, though it usually involves proximity. Essentially, it is “chemistry.” If a woman is physically attracted in person to an unfamiliar man whose appearance is, objectively, unimpressive, the likely reason is oxytocin. In such cases, physiological compatibility, detected via pheremones, probably underlies oxytocin release.

By: hunter

hunter — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 02:36:31 +0000

There is truth to EMK’s definition of oxytocin, up until the age of 50. Women no longer fight biological expectations after menopause.

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:12:04 +0000

It’s not like Santa Claus, Casual.

Oxytocin exists and it’s the predominant explanation for why women get attached after intercourse. Which is why any woman who wants to sleep around (like a prototypical man) is not just fighting societal expectations, but biological ones as well.

By: casualencounters.com/blog

casualencounters.com/blog — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:09:43 +0000

I refuse to believe in Oxtocin. casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog post...How to Find Sex: the Art of the One Night Stand - Part 14 Foreplay

By: Terry

Terry — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 17:58:31 +0000

Love your answer, Evan. The woman this guy's in love with will keep having her cake and eating it until he wakes up and walks away. At that point, she'll realize how much or how little she wants to keep him in her life -- and she'll act accordingly. Terry´s last blog post...She Turns Him On, and He Can't Take It

By: Selena

Selena — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 11:38:42 +0000

When I first heard of oxytocin it was in the context as a hormone released during breastfeeding. The assumption was it affected a mother’s bonding to her new baby. Non-breastfeeding mothers also bond to their babies though, so how much of a part would oxytocin really play?

I’ve always thought it a bit of a stretch oxytocin would bond a woman to a man after sex, or for an appreciable length of time. Might explain a woman’s desire to cuddle after sex though. That “afterglow” we feel and enjoy.