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I’ve been in a relationship with a really great guy for over a year. He’s warm, thoughtful, considerate, loving, and completely accepting. But there is one problem, he overthinks everything and often tells me he’s “getting ready” to do something, though I’ll never see action of what it is he’s getting ready to do.
For example: He lost his job in August due to the company closing. Since that time, he’s put in applications and turned down job offers because the pay wasn’t in line with what he thinks he’s worth. He knows he needs to have more income than what unemployment offers, though due to his lack of bills he can actually live on unemployment alone, he just will not get ahead. And for the last three weeks, he’s been “getting ready” to put in more applications anywhere in order to work; although, once again, no action has been taken to do this nor can he tell me when he thinks he might do it.
This happens in many areas, not just with his job, but I should add that he can make decisions. It doesn’t take him three hours to decide where to have dinner. But the big decisions, like his job, or school, or where to live, he will seem paralyzed by and spend what I personally consider an inordinate amount of time contemplating before moving forward.
I really enjoy him, and there are so many good points, but this prolonged process of “getting ready” to do things wears on me. I wonder if this is something I should just learn to deal with? Am I being unreasonable or expecting someone to be too much like me? Or should I expect more?
It’s the unfortunate and immutable truth about people. THEY DON’T CHANGE, no matter how much you want it, no matter how much it would be good for them.
Wait, I should rephrase that.
If you’re looking for a man who will make the big decisions in a manner that satisfies you, then keep looking. Your boyfriend has given you an important glimpse into his soul, and you are right to be alarmed by the way he’s handling this situation.
This doesn’t negate his many good qualities. Just read this blog every week and you’ll know how lucky you are to have found a guy who is warm, thoughtful, considerate, loving and accepting. But a person who is always “getting ready” will never stop “getting ready”. It’s the unfortunate and immutable truth about people. THEY DON’T CHANGE, no matter how much you want it, no matter how much it would be good for them.
Look around. You’ll see. Overweight people making New Years Resolutions to slim down, only to lapse back into old comfortable habits. Why? Because they would rather eat things that taste good and watch TV than consume bland salads and use the treadmill for 45 minutes a day. As a result of this decision, they will never, ever, ever lose weight. This doesn’t mean that they are bad people or stupid people or weak people. It just means that they’re people. And people do what they want, presuming there’s nothing stopping them from doing so.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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