Forbidding this behavior is very shortsighted and very dangerous. In fact, forbidding desire is almost always a losing proposition, as losing as forbidding drugs or alcohol or cigarettes or religion. So the real question becomes, not “how do I make my boyfriend stop liking other attractive naked women”, but “how do I channel this male lust into a form that is out in the open and condoned?” And I’ll tell ya, Juliette, taking him to a strip club is a pretty good way.
It shows him you’re not jealous. It shows him you’re not threatened. It shows him you’re in control of your emotions. It shows you’re interested in his pleasure, rather than in neutering him and making him pretend he doesn’t find other women attractive. I just don’t seem to see the downside here.
Ah, but there is one: it HURTS you. I get that, and I’m not just gonna suggest that if you snap your fingers, it’s going to go away. I think it’s a matter of bringing a certain awareness to the matter that can somewhat temper the pain you feel as you watch your boyfriend and his shit-eating grin. It’s a matter of knowing that anything you’re witnessing doesn’t mean he loves you less. It means he appreciates you more. I can’t overestimate how important this is. Which is why any form of jealousy is pretty much useless, all it does it create anger, tension, and resentment and remind your partner of one thing: I Don’t Trust You! Well, thanks, sweetie! I feel GREAT about our relationship now!
Any form of jealousy is pretty much useless, all it does it create anger, tension, and resentment and remind your partner of one thing: I Don’t Trust You!
As a guy who has never cheated, and hasn’t been to a strip club in years, I can tell you that if forbidding it is the worst thing you can do, allowing it is the best thing you can do. (Oh, and by the way, if it hurts so bad, you don’t have to bring him to the strip club. Just let him go once in awhile without drama.) And if, in the most unfathomable circumstances, he runs off with Sierra and her heels, well, you should probably consider yourself lucky to be rid of him.
In the meantime, you can make him realize how lucky he is to have you.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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