Comments on: Am I Crazy For Wanting To Dump The Amazing Man Who Bores Me?

By: Selah

Selah — Sun, 01 Jul 2012 22:19:14 +0000

Jenny..I agree with your post and especially ‘ cant wait to here from him, not thinking oh god he is calling again’ this a big sign.

We know the blinding light,the red hot passion fades a little in long term relationships,but it should still be there should still occurr..if its gone all together ,then work needs to be done. If you’re at the start of a relationship and you dont feel this way ,after ofcourse you’ve given it a good chance then I guess it could go either and you either decide to give it a go with what is there or not. I was married for 21 years but with my ex for 28 years,we had it all but sadly the last 7 years it all went,bar the friendship and love that goes with that ,which we still have. I have dated a few men over the last 8 years ,one where my first insticnt was NO ..but after chatting with my girl friends who said i was being shallow..I decided to give things more time. We live an hour apart so saw each other a few times a month,we had nice times and sex was good,i never felt any great bond or desire ,he however was in love ,he told me this after 8 weeks..i said woo and that i couldnt say the same,anyway long story short,we continued this what i would call friends with benefits relationship until earlier this year..I just couldnt do it any more ,he loved me but it came across as desperate to please,too compliant,always put himself last ,always needed me to choose say a meal before him,then he would choose the same as me..it began to irritate me and that seemed unfair on him.He treat me so well probably better than any man,but his always wanting or needing to please felt constricting,like i couldnt breathe and unatural. I know i could have had a good life ,been looked after,had whatever i wanted,but at what cost..for me the most important thing in a couple relationship is feelings,doesnt matter what they give you,what they do for you,what they say…if I dont feel that ‘bit’ then its not right for me(obviously after Ive given things time to be sure’) And yes i do wonder if i made a mistake should i have just stuck it out and enjoyed what i was getting,feelings may have got better, i might have grown to ignore what irritated me,what bored me, after all relationships are compromise but no i have to be true to me and i just didnt feel that extra bit for him..sad but i trust my feelings .
Good luck its a tough one ..head..heart..we need both to be aligned at least 80% of the time )

By: John

John — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 17:17:54 +0000

One major thing that virtually everyone forgot to mention is that people DO CHANGE. A “walkover” today can become a tiger tomorrow. An inexperienced sexual partner today can become a really bad boy/naughty girl over time. When we meet someone, and something doesn’t “click” right away, maybe the conversation isn’t great, he is “boring” sex is not exciting, etc, we tend to project that into the future, and think that the situation will ALWAYS be like that. Nothing could be further from the truth. Otherwise, most of us will never get auto insurance, because most rookie drivers tend to make the most driving mistakes.
I still believe that one of the major reasons why people remain single is because they simply are not ready to commit, not because there are no suitable partners. And they are not ready to commit because there are far TOO MANY choices available. And we have too many choices because of the availability of technology.

By: nche

nche — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:30:52 +0000

Hi ladies,
just ran into this website – i am a guy and i can say one thing – i notice, that all the responces in favor of diana are ladies whose relationships havent worked out too. Diana, there is no Mr. right dear; if you find yourself searching for Mr. right – it's an indication of you not having matured or grown enough to accomodate people who are less than perfect. you are 28… get serious or you will be left in the cold

By: Bitter and twisted

Bitter and twisted — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:38:27 +0000

Well I dated the nice guy for a year. I kept thinking “he has the whole package” but something just didn’t feel right. I was heading for 30 and thought I could make it work. Well, he broke up with me because he felt like I was trying to change him. He hates me now, he completely resents how I treated him. He knows I never loved him and he left me for a “nice” girl. Believe me, nice guys are just as bad as bad boys (except less exciting) when they don’t love you any more. Boy did I learn my lesson. I will never settle again and will only pursue a relationship if I am absolutely sure of my feelings as well as his.

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 02:54:49 +0000

I married the nice guy, I probly jumped to fast having had two young kids. My kids would ask for a daddy for xmas, I felt pressure at 26 to marry, and felt old for my age having been a mom at 17. I dated alot of mr.wrongs, no job, handsome and they knew it arseholes. I was looking for a nice guy, I found him, then I was attracted to him, now 9 yrs later he let himself go, I just left him for lack of attraction and his constant yelling and complaining and other reasons.. We grew apart, were more friends then lovers. Now the last thing I want is just nice, there has to be a strong physical attraction too. By physical attraction I dont mean drop dead gorgious, you have to find something about him sexy, his smile his eyes, something…Dont marry or settle if you arent 100% in love and lust…I married the first good one that came along and although were friends and he is still a father figure to my girls, I didnt marry my mr. right. You say you can live or without a man, so can we all, but at sometime you have to want to lean on him or you wont every be happy married, you have to give up some of that independence to be a couple. You sound like I did when I married though, I settled, dont do it if your that unsure and doing it because he is so into you, DONT….You have to be happy first before the kids or him. I use to fall for a guy just because he was good with my kids, ohhh he would be a good dad, DONT…Yah that is important to, but you have to sleep with this guys for the rest of your life. I knew when I couldnt say I wanted to be with him FOREVER that he wasnt the man for me, I should be able to say that about someone I am married too…I was happier when he wasnt home then I was with him home, I needed my space and he wanted to be together 24/7. He took offense to the fact that I always liked my space and figured I didnt want to be with him, no I like my alone time, always have…I am a night owl he was a day person, so I stayed up all night to get my alone time…I left home at 15 and raised myself and mom at 17, I was use to my independence and alone time, not that I was ever single for long, but always my own boss, being married and giving up your independence is tough, now I am trying to learn how to be independent again, having just left husband a week ago after 9 yrs, its tough..Good luck, but dont settle just because he is a good guy, lots of them around, you need to know down deep he is the one, he makes your toes curl when he kisses you, cant wait to here from him, not thinking oh god he is calling again….

By: JuJu

JuJu — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 02:46:35 +0000

[Excessive] niceness has nothing to do with it, actually. If you were crazy about him, there is nothing you would want more than all this attention. But physically you aren’t particularly attracted, intellectually you aren’t stimulated, the sex is only tepid (and that’s in the very beginning of a relationship when things are usually at their most passionate) – ask yourself, can you see a future with this man?

There you go.

By: Aliza

Aliza — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:53:06 +0000

And let me add….I’ve been married three times. Not sure I want to do that again!

By: Aliza

Aliza — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 01:52:33 +0000

Loved this post – it’s me, except I have just one child! And I’ll be 50 on my next birthday!
By now, I’ve come to enjoy any free time I get. Yes, it’s nice to have someone to do things with. But I need my space (ah – how many times has that been said to ME!?) too.
The guy in question lives, literally, next door – in the next apartment building. He is a couple of years older, never married. He’s a sweetie pie, for sure – and adores my 11 year old daughter too. But, and here’s the rub – do I even want a relationship right now? What do I expect to get out of a relationship? A friend? Someone to do things with? Sex? Is it worth “giving up” my “me” time?
Sigh………

By: Evan Marc Katz

Evan Marc Katz — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:53:25 +0000

I didn’t say that women in their 40′s are yesterday’s news.
I didn’t say that you don’t have more to offer.
I did say that there are a lot fewer options due to the (perhaps unfair) preferences at men.

It is not being insensitive to point out something factual. There was no judgment on my part. Just an observation about men.

See today’s blog post for more: Why Reality Sucks, Fantasy Rules and My Advice Might Get You Angry.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:24:20 +0000

Hey, Evan,

Good advice, but what’s up with the comment, “Suitors will continue to line up well into your 30′s”. After that, what, she’ll be yesterday’s news? As an attractive woman over 40, I’m offended by this. Perhaps we’re not as “marketable” to as many men as we were in our twenties, but it doesn’t mean that it’s all over either. In some ways, I know that I’ve got more to offer a man now, than I did when I was in my twenties. Please be a little more sensitive.