I also think that some women and men are more attractive to opposite sex, naturally, without doing anything, than others. Maybe the woman with 3 different university degree is masculine by her nature, so she can have 100 degrees of university or zero degrees, it does not matter, because she will still be HER.  Type of woman, who says, men find her intimidating, cos of her degrees. No way. And then comes a woman, who has no desire for career, but men go crazy. Its the same vice versa.   
  

I just love your blog! What you wrote pretty much summed up my last relationship to a tee. I, too, thought that there wouldn’t be anyone else for me if the last guy did not want me. Boy, was I wrong! I followed your advice dumped the previos guy 10 months ago and have recently met someone else that has put a smile on my face again. Just goes to show that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Thanks, Evan, for your words of wisdom!

I’m so glad he wasn’t a good boyfriend (to me) because I let him go, moved on and have now found the most amazing man and boyfriend. My relationship far surpasses even the best days with my ex. 

My co-worker is holding on to someone I think is good, decent guy but he’s a horrible boyfriend and she stays because she thinks that because he’s a ”good guy” he’s worth waiting for (she thinks he’ll be changing his behavior at some point and make her feel special, tell her he loves her, want to see her more often). I don’t think it’s likely to happen since they are 6 months in and she’s on egg shells most of the time wondering where the relationship is going, if anywhere.

Even a good man can be totally wrong for you! Great advice, Evan.

i agree with you.  my last boyfriend whom i’m still broken hearted over took off with some other women he met at a pub. (i know, i know)

i realise now that he didn’t see me like all my other friends. his perception of me (i found out afterwards) was that i was controlling and hard work. but all my male friends and my ex boyfriends say i’m fun and easy going.  so i feel like he had a negative perspective on me. no matter what i did, he found the negative in it. 

i can’t help thinking that these people who see the negative in the person that they’re with are just not happy or secure within themselves. so they are always looking for another person to give them what they can’t give themselves (or what they see their partner is not giving them). and because we are all fallable to some extent, we’re always going to fall short of these types of people’s great expectations, which they themselves cannot live up to. so when they find the next person isn’t giving them exactly what they want, how they want it, when they want it, they look for somebody else and so the cycle goes on.  he’s looking outside for somebody better, instead of looking within himself to become a better partner.

i never saw that he looked at how he could make the relationship better, or how he looked at his part in his discontentment with life in general.  it seemed to be that the focus was squarely on how i was not making him happy (even though i pretty much gave up most my own needs to conform to his wants). 

so once you are involved with somebody and you do deeply love them, i think that love becomes more an action than a feeling. e.g. even though i’m not getting exactly what i want from this person when i want (sex etc), i am understanding and patient. even though i’m not always happy in the relationship, i am patient and accepting that our love with help us through etc.

but i i’ve decided now that it’s important to try to get to know a person for a significant amount of time before you get sexually involved and hence too emotionally attached to them. i realised that the way i viewed him was an illusion (which was greatly assisted by his mastery in lying).  by trying to get the know the person, if there are shitty things about them which you feel you can’t live with, you’ve found that out before you get stuck on the emotional hook. also trying to get to know somebody before getting physical with them helps develop mutual respect and trust for each other.  but i know this is hard to do when the chemistry is strong. but i know the thing i regret the most is that i didn’t stay friends with this last boyfriend and get to know him better.

i honestly think that suffering the full brunt of this broken heart for as long as it takes is personally going to stop me from diving in so fast ever again.  learning how shitty men think (from evan’s website) is also greatly assisting.