Comments on: Is He a Player or a Keeper?

By: Kathy

Kathy — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 23:46:44 +0000

Evan said: “a player is what a woman calls a guy who doesn’t want to go out with her”

Actually I’ve only heard the term “player” used by men. “He’s a player”, a male friend said just the other day, with a knowing, ‘boys’ club’ type expression on his face. It isn’t condoned by the mature man as acceptable behaviour for a man in his late 20s on, but it’s acknowledged as a recognisable behaviour pattern that most women are naive about.

Specifically, from what I can gather, a player seeks the experience of multiple or successive sexual partners without having an intention of forming an ongoing relationship with any of them. I suspect it’s due to having been hurt in the past which leads a sensitive guy to actively harden his heart to avoid further pain. There’s an article that describes such a process: http://www.luvshades.com/blackmen/mensarticles3.htm

By: moonsical

moonsical — Fri, 04 May 2007 02:46:55 +0000

I thought a players were men (or women!) who already had one on the line but were secretly looking to add to their cache? No?

Of course people have profiles on multiple sites--duh! Casting a wide net, so to speak. This does not a player make. In fact, it may instead speak to how earnestly they are looking to find someone right for them.

I think a player is someone who is looking to have multiple (physical) relationships without actually telling all interested parties. That's my definition, anyway. It is not only not friendly or honest, it is a health risk. With this in mind, people who won't come out in the open and post a photo, who are odd about meeting, meeting times or places, are red flagged.

But, that's just me. I like a bright, sunny, well-lit room.

By: Dating Goddess

Dating Goddess — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 17:21:07 +0000

I’m writing to see if you’re interested in swapping blog links. I write a popular blog for women after 40 who are reentering the dating scene. I’d be happy to post a link to your blog. Would you do the same?

Dating Goddess
Adventures in Delicious Dating After 40
http://www.DatingGoddess.com

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:17:37 +0000

Good post. I would, however, define a “player.” Differently. A player, in my estimation, is a person (man or woman) who dates/sleeps around without the intention of settling down. They just like the chase and the game. This may just be a temporary phase in their lives or a long-term trait. Either way, it is not that they just don’t want “you” they don’t want anyone for the long term.

By: Cricket

Cricket — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:13:08 +0000

I met my husband on Jdate. He was, what many women might call, a player. He was looking for love, but figured it’s a numbers game. The more you meet, the more chance you have to meet the right one. He went on dates with about 100 women (on and off-line) in the 18 months before I met him. And none since.

By: Loverville

Loverville — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 15:09:26 +0000

I’m on two sites, J-date and Match. I primarily joined Match just so I could write to one particular guy who sounded amazing… unfortunately, he never wrote back, but I’ve met some other potential guys as well.

I just like to keep my options open — especially because I AM looking for a serious relationship.

I also tried eHarmony at one point, but didn’t like it at all.