So from a perspective of “self preservation” it would seem to be a worthwhile effort to know the detailed “history” of a sex partner long before engaging in sex with them.  Although that might lead to awkward and unromantic conversations, is it better to contract an incurable STD afterwards simply because one partner wanted to “believe” the other partner about their sexual history? 

My other observation is my perspective on an agglomeration of some of the other commentators, specifically female, to this discussion topic.  A number of them seem to have “passed their prime” and consequently lament their lack of a stable long-enduring relationship, but still seem to believe that they are yet “prime”.  Let us be blunt; most of them seem to focus only on one topic in life: themselves!  So why should it be surprising that they are alone in life (and probably permanently until the day of their death).  Any “thriving” heterosexual relationship is a “two way street”!  <– What an astounding comment!  And, to paraphrase (poorly) what some of them have written here, “they want nothing to do with children”.  Unfortunately for them, most Homo sapiens (including men) are biologically “conditioned” to want to reproduce.  My condolences to them when they meet men who do want to reproduce.  For the ones who are actually past their fertility, my naive speculation is that it should be much easier for them to meet men who are “somewhat” older than them for the simple reason that the vast majority of men past a certain age are not likely to be looking to make a new family with babies.  Yet they still lament that they have not found “Mr. Perfect”.

I will contradict myself somewhat in my comment above because it is true that when I was well past my 43rd birthday, my wife and I were making our third child (she was past her 36th birthday).  

One of these lamentors commented upon her intellectual, academic, and career achievements, indicating that she is in the “top 5%”; yet she is still (middle age??) alone.  My point is not to demean her, but has she really looked in the physical mirror and the emotionally-mature mirror? 

Well I used to be quite the idealist and in some ways I still am, except now I think that I can balance it out with some real world perspective. Well I bought myself some thinking time with the hooking-up and now I know for sure that a relationship is what I want. It really opened my mind actually. As I said in a previous post, I’ve found that men I’ve hooked-up with have treated me with more respect than previous  boyfriends. I know that doesn’t say much about my relationship choices, but it also shows that people can’t be put in black-and-white boxes because of how they live their sexuality. I have not changed overnight. I’m the same old loving me. I was in a relationship with a man who frequently rejected me sexually and was a selfish lover. Then a few months ago, I had a brief fling with a man who really did care about my pleasure and really made me feel good. He’s not relationship material but being around him made me feel that there’s the possibility of something better out there. It took away some of my self-doubt as the previous boyfriend said it was my fault he could not get aroused enough to have sex with me.

I don’t find it difficult to draw the boundaries most of the time. And well, I would not get involved with someone who had stronger feelings for me than I had for him (or any feelings I did not share). Everyone deserves the best. But like you said Liz, it can be pretty arbitrary. You can’t choose someone you are too close to because it could ’cause issues, and yet you have to know enough about them to trust them. I have not been in any situations which were distressing or dangerous, but when you see people at their most vulnerable, it really does reveal a lot. See I’ve noticed that many are not as honest up-front as they could be. That takes a lot of self-awareness and confidence which some men (at least of my age; early 20′s) do not have, regardless of their outward persona.

Fiona. Yeah don’t know if I could date someone so wounded. Even casually. Too much heart ache in the end. We are all colored by our past, but the inability to love is kinda of non-starter.  

And a healthy person does not need a hook-up for validation or to feel sexy. However I’d say that if it’s been a while for me without dating (and I might have no desire for a relationship), then some kind of healthy involvement can be quite fulfilling. It certainly makes me look like less of a desperado because my hormones are in balance. It reminds me too that being single for me is a choice, until I find the right person. And recently I have decided to withdraw from that stuff because I don’t feel like it at the moment. It’s about making healthy decisions for you and not getting into situations you do not what to be in. All of that is within my control.