i have dated a few of these 40 something peter pans type, the ones you string you along for a year or so and then tell you ” you just weren’t the one”  ( even though they treated you like they were. My ex was 40, when i met him he was 39. I am now 31.  Our meeting was made possible by a online dating site, now he is  a good man overall, steady worker, educated, he had good taste, but he was socially awkward. he did not believe in phone calls, he didnt want ot have sex for fear of impregnating me, he was fine with only meeting on the weekends, ( and no he wasn’;t married) despite all of this we had chemistry got along, i was busy and seeing someone so infrequently it takes a while to put the dots together. 

however, i got him to open up a bit on the phone thing, when we were together, the company was nice, his parents and friends liked me… he even told me he hoped i was the last person he dated. we went on a vacation, we had our good time, a  year of no sex, and generally no phone calls.

in the end he was clueless, he had no idea what the hell he wanted and he emailed me and asked me to call him at 8 oclock ( every phone call had to be scheduled by email) and then dumped me.

These are the type of men that are 40 something and single, there are others who are nice and just havent met the right woman or have been so busy focusing on a career, but im willing to bet there are more of them who have been running from the right woman all along. They are unwilling to carve out a space for yo u in their lives, t hey  often do not want to commit, but they claim to like you and value your presence.

And in the end.. as much as you put into these relationships, you will find these men do not want what you are offering, because they are incapable of accepting it, on some level they enjoy being alone, and thats the way they want things, to do things when they want, on their terms. If that isn’t what you may be looking for, RUN! I certainly have learned my lesson

I’d say that’s even more true when a person claims all of their exes were crazy, psycho, or horrible in some fashion. If someone is blaming their partner for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, then it doesn’t make me terribly optimistic about their conflict resolution skills.

Maybe I’ve just been incredibly fortunate. None of my ex-girlfriends were horrible people, and I’ve remained good friends with several. But this strikes me as a situation where I’ve largely made my own luck. I’m not attracted to the kind of person who requires a restraining order after the breakup.

Given a choice between a never married guy, or one with more than one ex, and more than one family to support (and be in be involved with)….which looks better?

That said, any 40+ never-married guy out there – as with ANY guy – who makes a sincere effort to be in a committed relationship will have a great chance of finding someone. I believe in defying stereotypes (I am one myself, btw) and don’t adhere to negative hype.

You may want to look up statistical trends in engineers’ above 40 chances of fathering autistic children. Every day now, scientists bring new proofs on how paternal DNA _is_ affected by aging: there was no sure methodology before, there is now.

I am with you all the way. Although I am sure there are exceptions, in *general* I have found that men who are not married by their early 40s have one or another dealbreakers which make them not good marriage material.

I have to admit, that, for the most part, I have avoided these men online. The few times I have gone against my gut, I have been very, very sorry.

Again, I do acknowledge that there are exceptions, and one cannot make a blanket assumption about all men 40 and over who are never married.