In those emails over 10 years, he told me all that time that marriage wasn’t for him, children were too much responsibility, and that women were “whacked.”  He “dated” a lot of women– many masculine looking women, a few pretty women, one professional cheerleader with a “rockin body.”  He lived with two women but one moved out after 8 months saying he was “odd” and an “asshole,” the other he kicked out because she stayed out too long without calling him (she was about 15 years his junior). That lasted less than a year too.

So after my divorce, he says that he wants a second chance.  We are both 45. I was married for 13 years and had two children, 5 and 12. I have a doctorate and a great job and a house.  I am financially secure. He tells me that he’s different now, a better boyfriend and will never break my heart. I live in Florida; he lives in NY. We begin a long-distance romance and it feels wonderful.  

We had sex the first time we were together, but we felt like we had 20 years of foreplay. I’d never done that before. He spent money on me for the first time in his life– took me to a Broadway show, dinner, wine tasting…very romantic. On the way to the airport, HE asked me if I planned on seeing other people, but before I answered, he said that he wanted to be exclusive with me.  I had never stopped loving him from way back so I said yes. I was a serial monogamist and never dated more than one person at a time.  

Things were great until our second meeting wherein he told me about his former ex-girlfriend, whom he still “loved.”  It was disconcerting.  This was the one he lived with for 8 months and she moved out to have another man’s baby.  I suspect that among other things, her biological clock was ticking and she knew he didn’t want to have children so she decided to go on her way. For some reason, his family sort of adopted her as their sister and invited her to all family events and so did he.

So one of the first times I met his whole family (I had been friends with one of his sisters in high school and knew his Mom through the modeling his sister and I did together), I also met the ex-girlfriend and HE proceeded to flirt with her all night and left me on my own.  

To make a long story short, the old girlfriend kept wanting to “help us out” by volunteering to do things for him like bring him to the airport, pick him up, watch his dog while away….and because they also worked with each other, they saw each other for lunches too, where she became his confidant. I was very uncomfortable with it. We even had to double date with her, which was so awkward.  

Then there were his golf trips with buddies.  I didn’t mind those, but he could never seem to find 5 days straight to spend with me, but would spend it with his buddies, no problem.  Every holiday was spent with his family and the ex-girlfriend.  For all his talk of being exclusive, loving me, wanting me to spent “forever” with him, I was experiencing the opposite. When I would call him on it, he would say, “You’re crazy and insecure!”  

He also wouldn’t give me compliments but was very forthcoming with compliments for the ex-girlfriend who was a size 16 at the time and very masculine while I was a size 4 and feminine.  He told me that he didn’t want to “spoil me.”  I put up with this kind of thing for a long time.  His family also mostly ignored me but would buddy up to the ex-girlfriend and give her compliments in front of me.  It was very hurtful.  I told my guy about this, but he said I was just insecure.  

Then there were some strange things that happened along the way. He would constantly tell me about gay men at work who hit on him.  He went to gay bars in NYC for the “food” and during a trip to San Francisco hung out with a gay man who grabbed his ass.  He actually rented a limo with him and went out to a 5-star restaurant with him.  When my boyfriend and I were there, he wouldn’t spring for a taxi and told me that we were only doing diners, even when I offered to pay. Again, he said he didn’t want to “spoil me.”

He was constantly worried about his appearance.  He used lip balm constantly and hand creme.  He would say things like, “You’re so lucky! You have all “this” (pointing to himself) to be with!” He had always been narcissistic but insecure at the same time. He would tell me about women trying to pick him up, but when I told him about guys who did the same with me, he’d say, “Oh, but they weren’t as good looking as me or that they didn’t have as good a job.”  Only defective guys apparently found me attractive, was his point.

Sex was great except that he hardly looked at me.  I felt like he didn’t much like female parts and tried to avoid much oral contact.  He remarked that my stomach “bothered” him (I had a c-section and a tiny tummy) while he had a teddy bear tummy, some really prickly skin, and more chest hair than I liked…but I never said anything to him about it because I loved the whole man and found hims sexy just the way he was.  We were approaching 50 years old.  I ran every day and exercised, so I wasn’t out of shape, but I had had two children and some stretch marks.  He ran too, btw, and constantly obsessed over his weight.

Eventually he asked me to marry him. Gave me an expensive ring but never got on one knee and NEVER told me how I made him feel or that he loved me.  He didn’t even seem thrilled to be with me on the day he proposed.  My kids were there too so there was little fanfare.  They felt odd about the whole thing at 7 and 13 years old by then.  I said yes because I never loved anyone more than him despite the fact that I felt like he put everyone and everything ahead of me.  I was deluded into thinking that he would “change.”  

In the end we booked the venue for the wedding; I purchased an expensive dress, sent out invitations and about two and half months before the wedding, he called me on the phone and said that he “dreaded” being married to me, said he wanted to be married and have kids, but not “with me.”  He said he thought I would become a nag and gain weight.  He admitted that I wasn’t a nag now, but he said all women became nags and they all gained weight after they got married.  I had been married for 13 years and only briefly was a size 10 after having my second child and then got back down to my size 4.  His mother, though, had 8 children and was clinically obese and apparently his parents had a contentious marriage with fighting all the time.  
So I canceled the whole wedding. He wouldn’t talk to me for several weeks and I found out that our relationship was over by receiving a call from a friend who got a note that said the wedding was canceled and that he and I had “parted ways.” What a way to find out that your relationship was over.

He finally called about a week later after I pleaded with him and felt like a stalker after emails and texts begging him to talk about it. He said that he was sure he made the right decision because we were “two different people.”  

About a month later, he said he wanted us to be friends and that he wasn’t sure he made the right decision and needed “time” and that he still “loved me,” but that I could see other people. He didn’t want to “stop me from living” and it didn’t matter if I slept with other guys.

A month after that he sent me a text of his kitchen remodel that we had planned and the tile that he laid himself.  Always his cheerleader, I told him that it looked great!  Then via text, he asked me if I was dating anyone, volunteered that he wasn’t and “couldn’t” and that he had been really sad and our break-up was incredibly painful for him.  He would send me random texts about attending his niece’s recital or a funny email.  I asked him to call me to speak about it, but he wouldn’t.  I asked him to come and see me face-to-face, but he wouldn’t.  He just kept sending random texts. If I sent him a text or email, he would ignore it for days or even weeks.  If I called him, he wouldn’t answer the phone or call me back, but insisted that he wanted to be “friends.”

I finally told him just to leave me alone….then that felt worse….so we went back and forth between talking and not talking.  Finally the date of “our wedding” came and went, another painful day.  His father died not long ago and he emailed me. I sent flowers. He sent me compliments about how wonderful I was, how talented, how any man would be lucky to have me, how I lit up a room….more compliments than he’d given me in the two years we were together.  I don’t know what to make of it.

Now it’s been about 8 months and I still get emails and texts from him…just random things. He wants to meet to “clear the air” but what could he say for himself?   He left me a single Mom with about $10,000 in bills from the wedding and never even wanted to talk to my children who were also sad about the whole thing. I had planned to move my kids and quit my job, sell my house. Luckily I was able to stop those proceedings otherwise, I’d be homeless and jobless now.  

The ex-girlfriend is still in his life ..he told me that she would be “forever in his life” and he’s right.  She’s pretty happy about the whole thing and I guess so is his family.

I feel like I spent two years on a roller coaster ride. First he would tell me he wanted to be with me forever, then he said he didn’t want things to change, he liked being “free,”  then eventually asked me to marry him, but never meant it, I guess.

So when a guy is 47 and still single and has only had relationships that last for 2 years or less, something is wrong.  I think my ex-fiance had a lot of issues, but the main one was that he didn’t really want to be in a real relationship where two people see each other ever day and make each other their priority. He was selfish.  He liked the idea of having someone to invite to a work party, liked the occasionally sex, liked to call me when he had a tough day for a pep talk, liked to play family man when he visited me and took the kids with us, but in the end, he loved to flirt with his ex-girlfriends, the gays, liked to hang out with the boys and didn’t want to be bothered by the mundane tasks of having to take a kid to soccer practice or stay home with a sick kid or to even tell the woman that they purported to love that she was beautiful and special and that he loved her more than anything else in the world. 

The final cherry on this sundae was that he told me not too long ago that he never wanted to marry me. He got engaged to “placate” me because he felt that I would break up with him if he didn’t.  Of course, he also insisted on a big wedding and was involved with all the details too…I can’t quite figure that out.  It seems that he never intended on showing up but put on a good show that he was really going to marry finally.  

He told his family that I was “crazy” and “insecure” because I couldn’t deal with him being friends with the ex-girlfriend.  I admit that I couldn’t get over the awkwardness of double-dating with her, but I never told him to stop being her friend. I just couldn’t be her “best friend” as she had asked, not when there was so much flirting and she was so involved with his life. I felt extraneous.  

In retrospect, I think he keeps the ex-girlfriend around as a buffer between him and another relationship.  He knows that not many women would want to double-date with an ex. His family, who continues to invite her like a sister-in-law, is also interested in preventing him from moving on– for whatever reason. No other ex is ever invited to parties because they said it would be awkward and insensitive for the new person!  

When she wasn’t convenient, he’d say it was work or guy friends or family who came before me….it was always something or someone, but he NEVER put me first or made me feel wanted, valued or appreciated.  I felt like I always had to be more than I was because as I was just wasn’t good enough as is.

Cant stand tatooes on girls and personally i would never have tatooes or rings or earings  . Im not a bloody pirate . But a proud and beligerant englishman

I asked 3 times different girls to go out with , at 19. 21 and 23 , the 1st time the girl similar age said yes then changed her mind. So i decided to book escorts instead and fufill fantasies that way and have seen girls that way from 21 to 45 and remain single

If i hadnt done that i would still be a virgin, i am 6’2 fair hair blue eyes was very lanky until 30s now im 23 stone

Well i am now a now over weight,freelancer , dont drive or smoke,drive a nice jaguar xk8 (cant stand BMWs and AUDIS, the people who drive them are arrogant morons)

The point is why should i care what i look like now re weight, when no one was intrest in my teens or 20s when i was slim and healthy . Why should i even bother now

If i was a millionaire i bet it would be different . But i am so cynical now , i wouldnt trust a girl anyway . If they didnt like me then why should i care now. So in my small way i ignore all people privates and play on mmos and watch films and do exactly what i like .

I am also proudly right wing (not the republican way) , but proudly an English anglo saxon right winger, a defiant non practising roman catholic , who thinks England is better seperate and non multicultural. I will never be politically correct and i cant stand hypocritical femminists who are just as sexist and self oppinionated as anyone else

So i unless i find a kate beckinsale type or something who has similar views i woudl rather be single and above. Sorry i am not intrested.

Not every hetro Bloke who is single and lives on the own are lonely and I am  fed up with people thinking otherwise.