I am 40 years old, started dating a gentleman, age 50, about six months ago. I feel that I have lots in common with him, and can truly say he is my biggest love that I ever could experience in my life. He has a Doctorate degree, and I have an associate degree. He says he is worried about getting older and fears not having enough money to support himself. And he’s very tight when it comes to spending money. I don’t have any financial expectations from him but he has said if I want to be with him long term, I need to go back to school and establish a stable career. He wants someone who can bring home a yearly salary of about 70K. I think he is worried that he might have to take care of someone financially. I also get the feeling that I am not good enough for him intellectually, and that he is looking down on me. It hurts my self-esteem and I started feeling insecure about myself. He says that love alone is not enough to live on. It makes me wonder if those sayings are all excuses. I’m not sure what to do! May I ask please for your opinion?
Your boyfriend might have a doctorate, but he’s lacking in emotional intelligence.
If you’ve been reading for awhile, you’ve heard me extol the virtues of character, kindness, consistency and commitment to women who choose men for being tall, handsome, educated and rich.
You’re not his mom. You’re not his caretaker. You’re not even his wife. If he’s worried about not having enough money, HE should get job training to learn how to get a new career.
My advice applies the same, regardless of gender.
Let’s count all the ways your “gentleman” (ahem) is far from the “biggest love” in your life.
I’d be surprised if he was your boyfriend by the end of this blog post. Evidently, he…
Fears not having enough money to support himself. That’s HIS problem. You’re not his mom. You’re not his caretaker. You’re not even his wife. If he’s worried about not having enough money, HE should get job training to learn how to get a new career. The fact that he’s telling his new girlfriend that he needs financial support is not only stupid and tone-deaf, but embarrassing as hell.
Is very tight when it comes to spending money. Well, I’ve always made a clear distinction between being cheap and being poor. If he has no money, being tight is a prudent idea. If he has money and refuses to spend any of it, then he’s being cheap. I can’t tell you which it is, Anne. But I can tell you that any man who…
I don’t care how much you “love” him, this dude’s issues render him unsuitable to the institution of marriage.
Issues an ultimatum that you need to go back to school and establish a career is arrogant as hell. If YOU don’t think you have enough money to support yourself and YOU want to go back to school to make yourself more marketable in the work place, then that’s an admirable goal. It’s just not a goal that anyone has the right to make for you.
The fact that he came up with a salary for you? As if you had to bring a 70K dowry to your relationship?
Run, baby, run. I don’t care how much you “love” him, this dude’s issues render him unsuitable to the institution of marriage. As he said, “love alone is not enough to live on”.
Let him know as you walk out the door and find a man who accepts you as you are.