How to Get Over The Last Man Who Broke Your Heart

How to Get Over The Last Man Who Broke Your Heart
I invite you to think of the last time you were emotionally invested in a man.

It could have been a promising prospect you met online, it could have been your boyfriend of five months, it could have been your fiancé.

The common denominator is that this man, who took your breath away and gave you hope, ultimately left you.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped.

I know how it feels. Most people do. You stake your dreams on the integrity of your relationship, only to find out that he had eyes for someone else, that he had major issues with you, or that he wasn’t ready to commit to you.

This can be devastating. It can make you mistrustful. It can make you lose faith. It can stop you from dating entirely.

But the hardest part is how, far too often, you never quite get over him.

Because you weren’t the one who ended things, your feelings remained as strong after you were dumped as they were before you were dumped. It makes perfect sense. He might have broken up with you, but that doesn’t mean you love him any less.

This exact scenario happened recently with my client, Wanda, who was still recovering from a short relationship with a man she met on JDate.

They had gotten physical after 5 dates, took down their profiles, and gave an exclusive relationship a shot. Two and a half months later, he broke things off. Said he wasn’t feeling what he thought he should be feeling. Said it wasn’t her fault. Said he wanted to remain friends.

So Wanda has remained friends with her ex – and has remained in love with him as well.

Needless to say, it’s extremely hard for her to move on. Every new man gets unfavorably compared to the ex. It’s not that she’s wrong; Wanda can’t help herself. She felt that dizzy, passionate, “in love” feeling, and even though the ex is gone, the feeling still lingers.

But should it?

Hell, no!

Wanda’s is wondering about how to get him back. She’s hoping that their friendship turns back into a relationship. She’s “dating” but not really giving herself to the process.

In other words, she is pining for the return of a man who does not love her unconditionally.

Talk about a bad plan. Then again, you’ve probably done the same thing. If you’re still holding onto a man from your past, my eBook, Why He Disappeared will show you how to instantly let go.

But let me ask you: don’t you think your future husband should love you unconditionally? Wouldn’t you figure that this should be a pre-condition for any man who’s going to spend his life with you? I sure do.

In fact, if I’m building the perfect man, I’m starting there and working backwards:

1)    Most important quality: Loves you unconditionally. Will stick by you for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do you part.

2)    Second most important quality: Everything else – height, weight, age, income, education, etc.

Yet all I hear about, over and over, is the amazing, tall, cute, sexy, charismatic, funny, successful guy who breaks your heart when he doesn’t want to commit to you.

Face it; your ex isn’t as great as you think he is.

…He was willing to let you go.

Well, guess what?

That guy SUCKS!

Your husband DOESN’T leave you.

Your boyfriend’s willingness to leave you IS his fundamental flaw.

And you’re holding onto an idealized image of him – hoping he comes back.

Why? So when you get him back, he STILL doesn’t love you unconditionally?

Face it; your ex isn’t as great as you think he is. It’s not that he’s not a great catch on paper. But in practice, he’s a terrible life partner for you for one reason.

He was willing to let you go.

Now it’s time for you to let him go.

Same thing with any man who broke your heart in the past. Let him go.

Only then can you open up to true love – the kind that endures forever.

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  1. 121

    I keep reminding myself when a thought of “him” emerges.  It goes like this; “HE’S NOT THE MAN FOR ME ” !!!!!  You either have “balls” of  melons , or “balls” of tomatoes.  Don’t make choice for me without giving “ALL” the FACTS !!!!!     LIAR, AND A CHEAT !!!!


  2. 122

    “Be the best girlfriend you can be, and let the jerkoffs walk. That’s all you can do”

    Evan, this made me laugh and is so true!

    I went to a prominent psychologist after a bad break-up and got to know him very well after so many visits…he told me once when I told him a particularly hurtful thing my ex did. “F— him! He’s a jerk”!

    In hindsight said psychologist was 150% right!



  3. 123

    I really hated how things ended for my ex and I. For awhile he was also my best friend. Then he left me, not even giving any closure. Simply stated he hates my character and personality.

    It took me awhile to accept the break as I was dealing with a lot of issues as well at that point of time. After awhile I got back to him to be friends, he then began to say that I am a liar just because some people told him things, he never confronted me on them and assume I was a liar and said we can never be friends because he doesn’t trust me. He wants me out of his life and isn’t interested to be civil. I was really upset due to the betrayal of both my then BF and then friends, as they were gossiping about me behind my back. Especially friends that were bad-mouthing me to him. For awhile I hated them, but it goes to show he isn’t the one, he was finding faults in me to leave me.

    I still loved him until the point he told me that I was a waste of time to him which breaks my heart. It hit me hard how a person you love and trust would do something like that almost overnight. I suppose if a person truly loves you they would never let you go nor would they ever assume negativity in you.

    Why would you make a person you truly care about and love to go through this ordeal? Even as a friend? I guess that blow really hit reality in me that he ain’t worth.

  4. 124
    Tissues needed

    I needed to read this years ago – I am 50.  Was with a guy for 6 months – we both fell quickly – there was a connection neither had felt before. He got scared, told me he couldn’t do a relationship and ran (both of us were going through divorces).  Broke my heart into a million pieces.  Took me 7 months to get over him and then I stupidly let him back in my life again.  I didn’t find out until a year later that he was with another woman and yet he was happy to sleep with me a few times, sent sexual flirty emails and kept telling me he couldn’t do a relationship and when his life was back together and he was 110% he would come back.  Told me he knew we would be fantastic together but couldn’t just dump this other woman who had known him for a long time.  He then moved interstate (told me he was no longer seeing her) but still emailed me.  I should have read the signs – the emails became less over the course of last year  – I tried to say goodbye to him on numerous occasions but he kept sucking me back in.  Even told me he was interested in seeing me – pity he was in another state.  I have always loved him and he has known all along how I feel about him and how I felt he was the one. He told  me  about 7 months ago he had a girlfriend and it wouldn’t be good  if she knew we were in contact.  So I said to him I would say goodbye and would always love him and wished him happiness.  A couple of days later he contacts me to say it’s okay as we aren’t sleeping together.  I should have held my ground and blocked him.  It is very hard when you love someone – I have tried but can’t let him go.  He always makes my heart beat a bit faster.  He made out that when he had his life back together and was back in our home state things might change.  He always gave me hope.  Well he is an asshole who has no balls.  I found out from a third party he got married recently to that women mentioned previously.  He never said a thing to me about anything and had so many opportunities.  He was becoming distant so I said goodbye again and didn’t hear – that’s when I found out he was married.    It hurts, it is a stab in the guts, my heart has broken all over again.  He knew how I felt and yet he strung me along – Cruel cruel man – even if I was just a friend to him, he should have respected me enough to tell me.  I doubt I will hear from him again. It is now time for me to reclaim the lost 5 years – Thank you for allowing me to vent – I still feel so stupid for never being strong enough to follow through with my goodbyes over the years – I am sure for him it was all an ego thing with no regard for my feelings.  I know I have dodged a bullet but it doesn’t make the pain any easier  – I just want to forget and move on and find someone who doesn’t play games, because really this is all this was .

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