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As you know, before I was a dating coach, I went on a LOT of dates.
And although I always considered myself confident, interesting, and thoughtful, I sometimes did things on dates that would make any woman question that claim.
I have no explanation for my actions. All I want to observe is that, despite my best intentions, I’m apparently a flawed, clueless and stupid man.
After all, I once…
Showed up on a date drunk after a day of mojitos on the beach.
Started crying when talking about my deceased father.
Forgot my wallet at home after having a $90 Asian fusion meal.
Followed up a date with phone call after phone call to a busy lawyer, to the point that I probably sounded like a stalker.
Got so wasted that I threw an ice cube into my date’s cleavage.
So how can you know when it’s more appropriate to forgive your guy…or when it’s best to give him the heave-ho?
Oh, I’m sure there are more, but that’s just a brief snippet of what your big-hearted, articulate, self-aware, sensitive dating coach occasionally pulled on his 300 date journey to marital bliss.
And if a guy like me has been known to throw all good sense to the wind, I’m sure there are a ton of decent men who have done the exact same thing…and worse.
This blog is to a) apologize to you on behalf of all mankind, and to b) ask for your forgiveness should we make similar mistakes in the future.
Seriously. There could be a pretty amazing guy lurking inside the crying drunk man in front of you. Here’s a perfect example:
Last week, I was working with Lori, a very cool 45-year-old never-married woman who has continued her coaching beyond the end of my 8 week Passion Course.
I’m a big Lori fan, but I’m also a tough enough dating coach to know that part of the reason that she’s never settled down is because she always finds something wrong with the men she’s dating.
As evidenced above, men – good, smart, successful, relationship-oriented men – do stupid things all the time. So how can you know when it’s more appropriate to forgive your guy…or when it’s best to give him the heave-ho?
Well, I think it’s important to consider the context of the date.
Consider, for example, my client, Amy, a marketing executive who always speaks her mind. So when she got comfortable talking to Scott about her four-year-ex-boyfriend who broke her heart, it didn’t even occur to her that she was rambling for about 30 minutes uninterrupted.
Or take Tina, who had an awesome 4-hour first date with Don, which ended up with a fifteen-minute makeout session. Needless to say, Tina was excited. Which is why she asked Don before he left the car, “So, when are you calling me again?”
Tina’s not wrong for wanting to see Don again. But in Don’s mind, a woman who asks him out at the end of Date 1 appears weak and needy. That’s not an attractive quality to most men and it’s often going to affect his opinion of you.
Finally, there’s Melissa, a 37-year-old with a strong, vivacious personality. So she didn’t think much of it, when, after 3 drinks, she told her date that she liked it “rough” in bed. Check, please.
The point is that sometimes we let down our guard and say or do something that is simply embarrassing.
It doesn’t necessarily sum up who we are, but in a 90-minute date, such a misstep can singlehandedly determine your future – or lack thereof.
So while I’m not suggesting that I’d expect you to forgive me for the ol’ ice cube in the cleavage trick (although, surprisingly, my date DID), I am stating that it’s extremely easy to find something in each guy that rubs you the wrong way.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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