Jul02
Why Would a Guy Make Out With Me and Never Call Again?
Pages: 1 2
Dear Evan,
I am in my upper 20’s and have been single for about 4 years now. I have been so down lately because I am one of the only single girls of all my friends and am frustrated because I haven ‘ t been able to find a decent guy that actually interests me, that I’m attracted to, and that is actually interested in me back.
Until, one day, at a friend’s going away party, I met this attractive, funny and interesting guy. Long story short, he was clearly into me. He was very forward with his attraction to me and ended up kissing me on the dance floor. We then drove back to my friend ‘ s house where the party continued and he sat next to me, put his hand on my knee and would act like we were "together". This is after several kissing sessions on the ride over there. Then, when it came time for me to leave, he gives me a long passionate kiss goodbye and asks if he can see me the next day. I had plans that day but told him to call me and gave him my number. Not surprised, I didn’t hear from him the next day.
However, he text messages me on the following night and said that he had a really good time and hopes we can get together again. The next afternoon, I texted him back and said I had a good time too, and to call me so we can get together again. He texted back and said he would be out of town until June 1, then "we should make plans". I said "sounds good, looking forward to it", and he responds, "Me too".
It is now almost 3 weeks later…and I never heard from him. Did he just lose all interest? Should I try to contact him, and maybe invite him to a party that my friend is throwing next weekend to see if he ‘ s interested? I don’t get it. Why all the touchy-feely flirting and kissing, if you’re just not going to follow up or call? It’s just disappointing because he was the first guy in over 3 years that actually sparked my interest. It’s hard meeting people sometimes. So, I was hoping for a bit more this time around…
Any thoughts?
Alejandra
Tons of thoughts, Alejandra. Thanks for sharing.
Instead of riffing and going on tangents like I tend to do, I’ll just tackle your questions one by one:
Did he just lose all interest?
Yes, but not because of anything you did. He probably never had real interest. Or he had interest but it waned like a five-year-old who gives up on a new toy after a week. Or he had someone else in his life who already had his attention. All you know is this: he hasn’t called in three weeks, he’s not interested enough. Move on.
Should I try to contact him and maybe invite him to a party that my friend is throwing next weekend to see if he’s interested?
You can, but I wouldn’t if I were you. Even if he shows up, he’s already proven to be either a) flaky or b) disinterested. So what can you possibly gain? What if he shows up again and you hook up at the end of the night? Now you’re in the same position as you were before – waiting for this guy to call you, and having no real sense of whether he will. That doesn’t sound like too much fun, does it?
I guess the best case scenario would be if you showed up like Olivia Newton-John at the end of Grease, all leather pants, attitude and hairspray. And when he shows up, you blow him away with your newfound sass and fly off into the sunset in his car. But this happens rarely. Maybe two or three times a year. So let’s put it on hold.
I’d say you should use your friend’s party to meet a new guy – a better guy. Because if you invited this dude to your friend’s place, you know what he’d see the party as? A chance to meet another girl – one not named Alejandra. And presuming he doesn’t find someone else, I’m sure he’d be glad to kiss you at the end of the night. It’s good to have a safety girl around.
Which brings us to……
Continued on next page >>
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7 Comments »Filed Under Dating Tips & Advice, Sex & Relationship Advice
Damie Jul 2nd 2007 at 11:16 am 1
Very good points. And on the same note, don’t make out with a guy thinking that it’s going to make him like you more. Of COURSE he’s going to play all nicey nicey… he has an agenda. And oftentimes if the agenda falls through, the guy moves on. Just take it as a good thing that you learned this right away instead of later when you invested more of yourself, physically and emotionally. I make up silly nicknames for guys that screw me around like this one. It’s juvenile, yes, petty, perhaps… but it makes me feel better.
JimmyE Jul 2nd 2007 at 01:42 pm 2
If you’ve only met one guy in three years who sparked your interest then you’re either
a) too picky
b) not meeting enough guys
c) a combination of the above
make the effort to meet more single men, and don’t dismiss so many of them in the early stages of dating. if you date more, it’ll be a lot easier to be stoical about first dates that don’t lead to anything more.
Ceilisundancer Jul 3rd 2007 at 08:27 am 3
If this is the only guy in 3 years who has sparked this level of interest, what is there to lose by contacting him ONCE? It IS possible that he lost the number, or at this point, he’s embarrassed as it’s been a month and he got busy or not super interested, but now he’d like to talk with you but has no solid excuse, so doesn’t. I’ve had guy friends who have lost numbers (cell phone got wet), actually (not dating me, but excited about someone else he’d dated). But, I emphasized once for all those reasons the blogger noted. Life’s short and so are some people’s attention spans (especially in the 20’s for some). Nothing personal. Enjoy the memory.
Natalie Jul 3rd 2007 at 10:35 am 4
You should never expect a relationship from a guy you just casually hook up with. A lot of guys that hook up with girls are just looking for one thing, especially in the bar scene, although I realize you were at a party. Next time you want to meet a quality guy, drink less and don’t make out with him right away. Then you can let a guy get you know you and see if he is interested in more than a make out session. If you continue to be disappointed in men and act the same way, nothing is going to change. Also, as I have gotten older, I start looking at things this way: Why can’t you take it for what it was? You had a fun night with the guy. It was a perfect one night relationship. It began and ended in one night. I don’t understand why it always has to be something more. Sure it’s disappointing when they don’t call, but it wasn’t meant to be and it’s his loss, right! You had fun with the guy, so be grateful for that night and move on to someone who appreciates you.
mrs. vee Jul 3rd 2007 at 02:43 pm 5
well said, all of the above. I don’t have much more to add except to stress the important fact that men are just wired this way. don’t hold it against them that they’re just plain good at separating physical intimacy from romantic emotions. the sooner you can accept this fact WITHOUT RESENTMENT, the sooner you’ll be ready for the real thing. because even if you land mr. right, you will still have to contend with his “wiring” til death do you part. that’s not to endorse a man in a commited relationship openly flirting with other women or having affairs. i merely mean that his “wiring” is gonna express itself in subtle ways – like sidelong glances at women or ogling the lingerie section of the jc penney newspaper insert – because it’s in his nature. on the plus side, the same sad fact that this one guy could kiss you without real feelings is going to work in your favor one day when it’s your husband checking out a pretty girl, but all the while it’d never even cross his mind to leave you for her.
KARL Sep 9th 2007 at 02:42 pm 6
FUCK YES, NATALIE!
Jessbear Feb 5th 2008 at 12:52 pm 7
Ladies don’t always gain much from doing the chasing, but guys don’t either. If you’re looking for a real, long-term commitment you’re best to not be too assertive because then you’ll be disappointed. Otherwise, you need to realise you’re still so young and it’s still just absolutely fine to live for the moment. Some guys I look at I can’t tell how they are willing to degrade themselves so much just for a little fun. Don’t take pity, but, you must realise you’re no better or less worth being satisfied than is he.