Comments on: How Do You Know If He’s Ready for Marriage BEFORE You Get Involved?

By: DJ

DJ — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 00:21:24 +0000

Susan, I think there is a way to talk about “philosophy” where you are talking about committment and marriage but without asking him where he stands with you. I had this conversation with my boyfriend about being exclusive. Then I had this conversation with him about the future of our relationship. Initally I told him how it is funny how different men and women think. How we are wired so differently, I said “for example for me to enjoy sex I have to have an emotional attachment, that is why I can’t do casual sex or one night stands, so in the past I didn’t waste my time with men where I didn’t feel some sore of emotional attraction.” Fast forward 9 months: We have since professed our love however I did have a conversation where I expressed that I like where we are at, and I want to continue this, but the future is important also. I said in about 4 months we should talk about how we both feel, what we both want and see if we want the same thing and to continue if we do… I didn’t straight up ask for a decision, I indicated he should give it some thought. It tells him that if we want different things I will be ok with separating. This is a rational, strong, yet non-confrontational approach to letting him know what you want.

By: Love with Love

Love with Love — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 23:04:04 +0000

I completely agree with the answer. Also I am the type of person that is very direct and expose my real intentions, take it or leave it… because to me it is a waste of my precious time. Women do not be afraid to look like needy, it is just honesty so men learn not to be playing games.

By: helene

helene — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 00:01:24 +0000

Karl – men DO make their interest in having sex with you very clear from the first date onwards, and they seem to think there is nothing wrong with that. They would say it’s “obvious” they want to have sex with you, or they wouldn’t be going out with you. Well, its equally “obvious” that most women are looking for a serious, longterm stable relationship (in other words, marriage) or they wouldn’t be going out with you. Yet this has to NOT be mentioned??! What do men THINK women are looking for? They KNOW this. But the deal seems to be that men are allowed to have their sexual agenda and pursue it hard from the outset, but women are not allowed to have THEIR stable relationship agenda and pursue it from the outset. Because that’s, like PRESSURE you know, man…? That’s like heavy. If men want to keep it light and casual, it should BE light and casual. Concerts. coffee. Strolling round the botanical gardens. But no. They expect it to be SEXUALLY full-on, but EMOTIONALLY casual.

By: Kalya

Kalya — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 05:44:28 +0000

Telling a woman you barely know about your sexual preference is straight out dis-respectful. Telling a man/woman what you are looking for in a relationship is not dis-respectful in my opinion. You will not run a man off if the two of you are of the same mindset.

I met my husband in a cafeterial in the building where I work. I was seated alone and he asked if he could join me and I said yes. We got talking and he asked me why a beautiful woman such as myself was not taken yet. I told him that I had dated a few men but it turned out that they were all not of the same mindset as me. I told him that I was looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage. I was almost sure that I would never hear from him again. 2 days later he was in my office and the rest as they say is history. He didnt run.

I’m not saying read the guy his rights on the first date. A guy will ask you out on a date because he has seen something in you that he wants be it sex or otherwise. He knows what he wants from the word go … why shouldnt a woman be able to say what she wants?

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Tue, 08 Feb 2011 00:17:59 +0000

Actually Karl, it doesn’t necessarily have to be sex. I’ve had an instance or two where the guy was just sure he was in love with me before even meeting me. I ran. Fast and far.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 20:43:27 +0000

Kalya said: (#10)
“I say go ahead and declare your intentions from the onset. Why wait 1 week, 1 month etc.”

Let me turn this around. You’re on the first date with someone you barely know. Right away, he starts telling you that he wants to have sex with you, and describes explicitly what types of sex acts he likes.

Most women (possibly including you) would be turned off by this behavior … even if they had happily done every sex act he enjoys in prior relationships. You don’t know the guy. You don’t know whether you like the guy. And all he’s talking about is sex.

That’s how it feels to a guy if you start discussing marriage and children too soon. He doesn’t know whether he wants a second date. He certainly doesn’t know whether he wants to start a family with you.

Kalya said: (#10)
“You cannot run off a man!”

Yes you can.

You can also make a man stop wanting to be with you.

By: Kalya

Kalya — Mon, 07 Feb 2011 12:22:03 +0000

Hi Susan – think about YOU. What do YOU Susan want. This is a good place to start before getting into or even entertaining the thought of a relationship. Once you have this figured out the rest will fall into place.

You cannot run off a man! A man who wants to be with you whether long term or short term will keep pursuing regardless. If he runs for the hills once you declare your goal then good riddance, he has allowed you more time to meet other potentials.

I say go ahead and declare your intentions from the onset. Why wait 1 week, 1 month etc. If he is not ready the amount of time you will have spent with him will not matter, he just won’t be ready.

Go get your man Susan!

By: Tia

Tia — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 20:01:59 +0000

gosh, what a good question, how many times have i asked myself that also. I am not sure ladies, dare i say some men and women even become men who want to get married midstream of a relationship. Is it all about timing in hise life? is his career where he wants it to be, has he “sowed his oats” can he financially handle marriage? or is it about the person who he is with at the time. we all have heard of those boyfriends who happily cohabitated witha girlfriend he wouldn’t marry but married the one after her.

I am not going out on a limb and saying wh at drives men to marry, i know there are many reasons, but I think men feel it the same way we do, when we just know that a guy is right for us, we could picture ourselves with him years down the road. Inherent chemistry, sense of humor, etc. I think at some point you will know if he plans on marrying you or not, the key is, what will you do after you know that.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 00:46:42 +0000

I think getting information from men is a much like doing reconnaisence; you keep quiet but be a shrewd and keen observer. People will reveal themselves through actions and behvior. That’s not to say you deny your wishes and desires, but you keep your eyes and ears open. I don’t that’s being cynical, manipulative, a gamer player, etc. You are merely studying the other person to find out what they are about.

By: Leslie

Leslie — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:28:27 +0000

With internet dating I think it is a lot easier to ask these questions and screen early on. Though individuals are sometimes ambiguous with answers, generally speaking those who say they want marriage and children and indicate that they are at a time in their life when they are ready to settle down, are indeed ready to settle down with the right person. If you are both at a place in your lives where you know what you want and share similar goals and values I don’t think if takes long into dating to decide whether there is a chance for the development of a long-term relationship with the potential for marriage. That doesn’t mean the two individuals would become engaged right away, or that difficulties won’t prevent their relationship from enduring but being on the same page and being honest with each other as far as what you are both looking for and communicating along the way can be a great way to avoid wasting time, and help build a solid foundation for marriage.