I Married A Man I’m Not Attracted To. Now What?

Hi Evan, I am stuck in a very tricky situation, which came in my life because of my wrong choices. I married a man to whom I am not physically attracted. I don’t like some of his facial features. For me somehow, a certain type of face seems attractive and a certain type does not. When I first started dating him, I just didn’t notice it and I liked him for being a nice guy. 2 months into our dating I realized I am just not attracted to him. 8 months after still dating him, I married him because of what my and his family members would think if I said no. My family likes him very much. As for me, he has a great body and is a genuinely nice person but because of my lack of physical attraction, I am just not in love with him. I did not marry him because of family pressure. There was none. I married him (knowing I wasn’t attracted to him) because I thought that over a period of time, I would start liking him. 3 months into our marriage and now he complains that I am not physically or emotionally close to him. I know I should have had a voice before, but what to do now? We have fights every other day over this issue and just nothing comes out of it. He is frustrated over the lack of intimacy. I am just not courageous enough to leave him and I could not say to him that I don’t love him. Can I change my mindset? Please tell me what you suggest. –Maya

Aw, Jesus, Maya.

You say so many things in your question that are easy to dissect that I don’t even know where to begin.

First of all, I’m really sorry you’re in this predicament. I’m not going to make light of the fact that you and your husband are unhappy, which is tragic. I will, however, wonder what exactly is making you tick.

“I just didn’t notice” his FACE?

I’m not even sure how this is possible, but I acknowledge that sometimes one can get into a relationship where passion is lacking. It’s more that your excuse seems to ring a little hollow.

You can prefer tall men and be open to shorter men. You can prefer dark hair and marry light hair. You can prefer small noses and fall for a man with a big nose.

“A certain type of face seems attractive”?

I get that not everyone on earth is equally good looking, but I very much want to caution you to being too attached to a “type”. You can prefer tall men and be open to shorter men. You can prefer dark hair and marry light hair. You can prefer small noses and fall for a man with a big nose.

Unless, of course, you decide that you can’t. Which would be a shame, because there’s a lot more to most people than a face.

Still, unless you were actively turned OFF by his face, I’m not sure how you got this far along in your relationship. Then again…

“2 months into our dating, I realized I am just not attracted to him.”

So you married him after 8 months to make your family happy.

Got it.

My official diagnosis, Maya, is that you’re not a bad person for dating a man with whom your attraction is questionable. People do it all the time. Some find their attraction grows when they start to love the person. Some discover that the spark isn’t enough to continue.

Your ridiculously massive mistake was MARRYING this man, even though you knew how you felt. That’s not his fault (although he was pretty foolish to propose to someone after 8 months) and it’s not your parents’ fault for loving him.

This is your fault, Maya, and only you can make it right.

Stop claiming that you’re not courageous enough to leave him. That’s a convenient excuse that you’re trotting out to avoid looking bad in front of your husband and family.

It’s not my place to tell you to make things work with this nice guy who loves you. Attraction is a very personal thing.

But since you asked me for advice, I’ll give it to you straight.

Stop claiming that you’re not courageous enough to leave him. That’s a convenient excuse that you’re trotting out to avoid looking bad in front of your husband and family.

It’s too late. You already look bad. You married a man who wants affection, you won’t give it to him, and he’s upset. Staying with him is not going to make things better.

Woman up, tell him the truth, and rip off the band aid.

And for god sakes, Maya, don’t repeat any of these mistakes with the next guy, okay?

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Comments:

  1. 61
    David T

    Get.
    Divorced.
    Now.

    I married out of a sense of obligation and a belief I would “grow to love her.”  Well, even if she hadn’t been emotionally and physically violent, I have my doubts. 

    This is going to be hard to hear. Accepting it and not taking it personally is the best thing you can do for damage control, because that is where you are.  People are going to lose and suffer no matter how this plays out, your kids, your kind husband yourself and your (presumably) lover you crossed paths with two years ago.

    You do your children a disservice.  Do you want them to seek a similar partner relationship as the one they see you model? How about if they find out you have been seeing someone else.  Is that a good example?

    You do this “man you crossed paths with two years ago” a disservice.  In your position, such a relationship has zero future and will end in heartbreak for one or both of you. I can guarantee you that if this turned into a ongoing relationship it will almost certainly not survive your divorce, however the painful death it finds when one of you breaks it off and can’t even tell anyone about it for support, will be far harder.

    You do yourself a disservice as you have driven yourself to a point where you compromise a solemn promise, where you make a huge commitment to prove your mother-in-law wrong.

    Your husband sounds like a good man, maybe a little clueless, but someone who tried to give you every out and probably has deluded himself into thinking you actually love him.  He will be crushed by a divorce, but devastated if he knows you have been having an affair.
     
    End your marriage. It will be painful, but less so than the series of train wrecks for several people you care about that you will avert.

  2. 62
    judy

    Henriette 57 – “foreign” is not the most accepting and tolerant word I know of.
    Your second post painted a rather more complete picture of you.
    Most posters feel free to express their opinions on here.  Either negative or positive.
    I maintain my point of view on both of your posts. 

    1. 62.1
      Henriette

      Judy: I take it that English is not one of your mother tongues?  Definition of foreign:  “of, from, in, or characteristic of a country or language other than one’s own.”  
      How hilarious that you choose to take offense to this word, and  then accuse me of making “racist comments” as though accusing someone of  racism is not incredibly offensive, especially when the issue of race was never raised by me… only by you.
      In any case, your replies demonstrate what Evan is asking us women NOT to be:  rude, presumptuous, and jumping to negative conclusions that make sense only in your own head.  Trust me, if this is the way you behave with men ~ not just strangers on a message board ~ then… well *chuckle*…best of luck to you. 
       
       

  3. 63
    Jaqueline Friedberg

    Our outlook in how we conduct our actions most often changes our viewpoint. Sometimes this change is good and sometimes bad but it is our viewpoint that exerts the most control the way we feel.

  4. 64
    Miss lisa

    Im sorry for your plight maya.It must have been hard for you to do what everyone thinks right, and even now more torturous because YOU have to live with it.
    i have been through similar things and wish i could tell you what to do, but i think maybe its time to listen to your gut i stead of everyone else, and yes i understand now after being stuck myself that sometimes you cant just leave ,which all of these unhelpful dumbasses will never fully understand Or empathize with. 
    and don’t let people bully you because you aren’t as emotionally strong as they are. I only pray you have a friend to be by your side to help you through this awful mess you kinda got yourself into. as far as these people beating ip your intelligence, SCREW their opinions! Everyone makes mistakes for different reasons and i dont think anyone should be held so low for making a mistake like yours! Sounds to me you did it out if  the goodness of your heart because you care  very much about people! So much you put your desires last! I hope you can get out of this mess easily and learn to follow YOUR personal needs  And let all these judging jackasses get stuck having to kiss and share sexual/ romantic interludes with a mistake they have made for the rest of their miserable lives!      
     
     
     
     
     
     

  5. 65
    Elizabeth

    I married someone i’m not attracted to. I was attracted to them when i married them because i was severely mentally unstable and when i got cured three years later, I discovered that I was not attracted to him and we had very little in common. He irritates me to death and he never speaks or has conversation with me. I was sick for so long, i could not afford to leave and now that i am well and working, i’m terrified to be old and alone. He is a decent man and loves me and is attracted to me, but we do not really have a close emotional relationship and rarely have sex because I am not attracted to his personality. It all comes down to personality mostly for me and intellect.

    The other issue is that I do not think that sexual attraction usually lasts in marriages and when women hit 45 or 50, they lose their hormones that make them feel like they want sex. I could be going through menopause in 5 years, so why bother leaving now? I would be financially in bad shape and most likely not find someone else and not want sex anyway. I just think it might not be worth it to leave considering that sex after 45 is not really great anyway because of menopause.

  6. 66
    Anonymous Girl

    Same here. I am a woman who got married to a wonderful caring man whom I have little sexual attraction. But as a ugly woman you have to take what you can get or be alone. Alone is just not an option for a woman in America.

  7. 67
    none of ya business

    So you bsed him into thinking you loved him when you clearly never did, now you try to bs us that your family pushed you into it, teh right thing to do was tell him the truth before your family could even start giving a crap, dont date someone if you dont love him , skank.
    Sorry but as a man awaiting his own divorce from another knot head like you , I have zero sympathy for you and I hope your husband takes you to the cleaners.

    1. 67.1
      david

      Amen. Ive researched alot about relationships and marriages. Married women who get pregnant 22 to 30% of the babies born are not even for the man they are married to. We are all not stupid here. We all know how this happened. The sad thing is these women know it but most do not tell their husbands and make them think through deceit that it is his baby. Some husbands have doubt but unless they pursue it with the correct testing they will never know. i have a coworker whose uncle was told after eighteen years of him believing his son was actually his, but at the divorce his ex cunt finally told him the truth. This man still loved him and provided for him as if he was his any way, but my point is dont think most women are honest because they are not. To keep their life and security going they will lie cheat and steal to keep it.

      1. 67.1.1
        Tom10

        @ David #67.1
        “Married women who get pregnant 22 to 30% of the babies born are not even for the man they are married to.”

        I call BS on this figure. I think you just made that up.

        “Ive researched alot about relationships and marriages”

        Would you mind indicating the provenance of your research and statistics?

        “We are all not stupid here”

        Agreed. And when we see bullshit, we’re going to call you out on it.

        1. david

          Yes that is not correct, now that I re read it myself. The correct statistics from dna testing is one out of three suspected babies born from a different father other than the one the mother claims is coming from renee.com . Yes thank you for pointing that out to me. In any fashion any of it is wrong by the mother to trap her husband by deceit. That would be alarmingly high.

      2. 67.1.2
        Peter 51

        Studies into the genetics behind English surnames suggest an illegitimacy rate (or perhaps adoptions) of 0.5% per generation. A 30% illegitimacy rate is completely at variance with this. I have never seen the source of this 30% study. Genetic testing of paternal lines cannot rule out a wife’s i fidelity with male relatives of the assumed father.

  8. 68
    Flipper

    This is a load of BS, from the writer, and the commentators! If a man wrote the same article about not being attracted to his wife, he would be chastised and ridiculed for wanting a divorce, just because she isn’t attractive. 
    Shame on her for looking a plausible excuse for divorce. I hope he screws her best friend.

    1. 68.1
      Ai

      And then what?

  9. 69
    Chelsea

    I’m in the exact same boat same everything. I can’t tell you what you should do but I’m going to marry this man because I have a daughter (not his) anyone who has said you are shallow and heartless is judge mental and obviously doesn’t have an understanding heart. All I can say is live your dream find someone you can be intimate with find love! think with your mind not your heart the heart is fickle really weigh out positive and negitive. You are a woman take control of your femininity an believe you are a brave confident woman who can make it on her own and find a man who is equally yoked and YOUR ATTRACTED TOO. And don’t you dare settle

  10. 70
    Steve55

    Wow! How is it that everyone is assuming she is a foreign girl? Lol.i see nothing in her post that hints at that. Anyways, well, give it more time and no kids for now until you see what will be. If you can’t show him love and affection after giving it more time, then bail while you can and start over. Often times love can grow as you two share your lives together. Who knows, give it a try at least.

  11. 71
    JR

    It’s time for a fetish fix, tell him you want to be his prostitute and charge him. Have some fun, with this, after all it’s not going to go away easy; you might as well get something out of it.

  12. 72
    Tracey

    Thank god you don’t have kids with him.
    That would be catastrophic!! 

    1. 72.1
      Ai

      Yep, thank God you don’t have kids with him. Some of us woke up too damn late.

  13. 73
    Tink

    Hi, my situation is similar. I married a  kind man who is so kind, however kind can be mean to.  My issues are. He is not active, he refuses to do anything without me. he is very insecure and he has a lot of bad habits. I new this when we married. I thought somehow he would change, perhaps getting married would let him know how much I do love him and perhaps he would change his insecure behavior. He throws fits, I can’t say anything g to him, even in a calm fashion, as he flips out and starts blame shifting. I feel like I’m not attracted to him physically. I’ve spoke with him and he just don’t change. I’m so frustrated.

  14. 74
    Bill

    I’ve been married for almost 6 years. Things were good in the beginning it seemed.  I am still attracted to my wife but we disagree on a lot of things. I feel she is really hard to get along with on a daily basis or for me to.  So I decided to stray from my marriage and cheat.  I got on a dating site/app and started talking to other women. 
     
    I meet this woman online and I fell in love with her, although never met her in person. I didn’t tell her that I loved her but I did at the time. She seemed to be everything my wife wasn’t and I wished my wife were. 
     
    My wife and I had a big fight one night and she told me she wanted a divorce. The next day she said she was sorry and wanted us to be happy again.  She looked at me and asked if we could try. That’s when the news of the virtual affair came to light. She asked if I wanted it to work between us then I would stop talking to the other woman. I thought seriously about it for days while my wife stayed at her parents. Then ultimately I decided that my family deserved a second chance. I ended the relationship with the other woman. 
     
    Months  later things are only slightly better at home. So I guess I’m a weak person and started talking to other women again. I had been completely faithful up until this time. The woman I was in love with messages me out of the blue. It was totally random and very strange that I even found her again.  We have been talking for a month now. Those feelings of love came back and this time I told her I was in love with her. She said she loved me too.  So a couple more weeks of talking go on. She told that she had gotten sick while I was gone for those months. She had gotten cervical cancer but had been in remission for a few months now.
     
    We finally had a chance to meet in person. I was so excited to meet her. 
    I was also prepared to have sex with her. I was also planning to possibly leave my wife for her afterwards. 
     
    I was staying at hotel for work and the woman lived  an hour away. She came to see me. She was in her car waiting on me. I walked outside, walked to her car and bent down and gave her a passionate kiss.  I just looked at her face.  Then I noticed how big of a lady she was. My heart sank so deep. Guess I’m a good actor because she didn’t notice my extreme disappointment in her appearance. We drove down the street to get something to drink. I could tell she was happy. Inside I was so upset. I had seen pictures of her but the full body ones of her were old. First sign something was wrong I guess looking back on it now. We talked a little while and in middle of her talking to me and I starting crying. She didn’t know what was wrong.  She asked if I needed to go back to the room, I said no.  I told her I was a horrible person. She asked me why. I didn’t say. I said I just am.
    She could tell I was really upset but I never told her the reason. I couldn’t do that to her.  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.  I still loved this woman. 
    She left after talking to me in parking lot of hotel for some time.  Never once did I call her baby or say I love you while talking to her in person.  She later messaged me on the way back home  and said that I didn’t say those things to her and was something wrong. I didn’t know what to say. 
     
    The next day after not really talking to her all day, she messaged me and asked what was wrong. We usually talk all day long via text.  I wrote her back saying that for a relationship to work I must be satisfied on all levels, physical and emotional.  I tried to tell her in a subtle way that her weight was an issue for me. She didn’t understand me. 
    The next day she told me she had been crying a lot about me acting so funny and other things. She asked what was wrong again. I almost told her but couldn’t get it out. She told me that she had a long day and if I couldn’t talk now she would call me back. Before letting me go on the phone she told me she went back to the doctor. He informed her that her cancer was back and worse. She  has a tumor on her ovary now. 
    She later sent in a text that because her body hasn’t been producing insulin correctly she had gained a lot of weight in this last year.  I felt like the most disgusting person on earth in that moment.  I’m so glad she didn’t understand my previous attempt to tell her that her weight was an issue. She is probably over one hundred pounds overweight for her height. 
     
    I feel like such a bad person. I rejected someone I love because of her size.  I just feel that I couldn’t have a sexual relationship with her at all. I wouldn’t be able to get aroused for her, unless I thought of someone else the whole time. 

    I don’t believe in soul mates. I think there are probably millions of women that I could fall for in the world, so I don’t want to settle.  Being single should be number one before dating again also. I’ve hurt to many people. 
     
    The worst part is I’m afraid I’ll be her last love. She may not get another chance to be happy again.  I’m not going to leave my wife for her out if pity though. Just a very sad situation.  
     
    So I’ve decided to lie to her to save her at least that pain of being rejected for her appearance.  She told me she would understand if I couldn’t leave my family for her. So I’m going with that. 
     

  15. 75
    Anonymous

    “Im married”…..forget the rest of the sentence, you blew it right there….and so did he. Men should not marry for any reason. The risks are too high, you’re living proof of it.

  16. 76
    May

    I don’t know, but it sounds to me like there is A LOT more Maya doesn’t like about her husband than “some of his facial features.”  I would guess it has more to do with his personality than she thinks, considering it took her 2 months to even notice there were parts of his face she didn’t like.  She married someone she doesn’t love, plain and simple.  Lots of people do it, it’s a big mistake, but it is understandable since most of us don’t want to be alone.  And although she says her family didn’t pressure her into it, she did do it in part to make them happy.
    Personally, I think NOW would be the time to end it…NOT after they become more established and have kids.  But that’s just my opinion.

  17. 77
    Kaitlyn

    I can relate to this post. I married a lovely man at a young age who was able to get me out of a messy family situation & provide me the world. After only a year, I realised that I wasn’t attracted to him & started fantasising about other men. This eventually led to an affair & me leaving the marriage out of guilt. We have stayed friends over the years. He has never met anyone else serious. I have been with someone over the past few years who I find incredibly attractive, our sex is phenomenal, we connect in a deep & beautiful way. However he does not possess the caring, doting traits of my husband, & I’m torn between what is important. My husband has asked me to give things another go on many occasions, & I have seriously considered it…but know I will never get the feeling when I wake up next to him in the morning, as I do with my recent relationship. The thought of kissing him kind of makes me cringe & he doesn’t have a smell that pulls me to him (pheromones). He isn’t an ugly man by any means, but that physical attraction just isn’t there. He’s absolutely lovely though. I don’t know whether I should just suck this up & be with him, since I said the vows & made a commitment. Torn… 

    1. 77.1
      Jeremy

      Kaitlyn,

      i dont know you, and all I know of your situation is the limite description you provided.  Based on that, however, I would urge you to let you ex husband go.  Stop being “friends” with him.  Stop communicating with him more than necessary.  Let him go.  You are keeping him as an orbiter in case you can’t find anything better, and n spite of the fact that you admit he repulsed you.  As long as he believes he has a chance with you, it will be hard for him to move on.

      He isn’t your friend. By your admission he’s in love with you still, and you don’t return the feeling.  That makes him a friend zoned orbiter.  Letting him go will help both of you move on IMHO.

  18. 78
    Scott

    Don’t do it.  You know you will never feel for him the way he wants you to feel. Next time you see him, tell him exactly how much better sex is with the other guy and how much better the other guy smells.  Either he will be repulsed by you or you will be repulsed that he is willing to take you back after you said that. Either way, problem solved.

  19. 79
    Eva

    what is love? kindness, patience, care, ect. isnt that what we feel for our family and friends? So what really differenciates a regular family or friendly relationship from a romantic one that leads to marriage? I had always thought the only difference btwn what I feel for my mum and my boyfriend is the physical attraction i feel towards him. See the problem with we humans is that we tend to be hypocrital. Love itself has nothing to do with attraction. That care we have for a regular good friend is no different from the care we have for a husband or wife. Therefore what we mean when we say “falling in love” is when we develop deep feelings of attraction to someone. This attraction is not influenced by personal. It is purely physical and superficial. Solack of physical attraction to someone forfeits the whole purpose of a romantic relationship. And no matter how much you grow to care about someone(love them) it will not translate intonphysical attraction towards a person who has the same body and face and mannerism you have always known ever since you met. If you cannot find physical attraction, then they are just as good as a family or friend. Let them go!!

  20. 80
    vanessa

    I completely understand where you are coming from. I am married to my best friend. We have been together 25 years and we have a son together. I was instantly attracted to his kind heart and integrity. After, dating a couple of years I thought my feelings of attraction would increase. My feelings stayed the same and we got engaged and married. It’s complicated when you have a partner who is understanding, supportive and loving to whom you don’t feel any sexual chemistry with. Then, you add children and you stay for the family. I am not making any excuses….life is short, you and your husband deserve to be happy. Talk to him and explain how you feel. Take care. 

  21. 81
    Adam

    Ladies, don’t marry a guy you are not sexually attracted to. No matter how great he is in other respects, don’t do it. Just don’t do it. Part of a relationship is sexual compatibility. Don’t ever think it is not. If you are not attracted to a guy in a few dates, dump him and let him find a woman who is sexually attracted to him. You and he are not going to be happy if you are not attracted to him period.

    Women are angry about strippers, porn addiction, prostitution and other vices that some married men fall into. And I can tell you this, there are some guys who, for whatever reason will fall into these and there is nothing that anyone can do. The wife can be perfect and they would still fall into these. You could say they are predisposed to these vices. But I would argue that the vast majority of the time, the guy wants a sexual relationship with his wife and she is, like OP and many other women in this discussion, simply not interested. She has and never had any interest in him sexually whatsoever. She has sex with him rarely if at all. First he tries to resolve it and if he doesn’t get a divorce, later he is going to get his needs met somewhere else. When this happens, when he gets his needs met elsewhere after you have denied him for months and even years on end, you have nobody to blame but yourself. Look ladies, guys are sexual beings. We need regular sex. It is not a nice to have, it is something we need. And we consider that in getting married and agreeing to support you, we will be having a healthy sex life. Most men desperately want to have a great relationship, including a great sex life with their wives. Just look at the wild success of Athol Kay and his books on this subject. But if honest communication, counseling and meeting your needs doesn’t work, he is going to have to get his needs met elsewhere.

    1. 81.1
      Derrick

      Men,

      Don’t get married in the first place, stay single and just do what you want and screw who you want. No woman is worth half of your money.

      1. 81.1.1
        david

        Amen to your statement. Women are not worth the risk today. Marriage and the laws are for women only. Statistics for a man today are totally against him getting married today. Whats even worse the courts are backing it up. You want to have kids ,great get married. Women are hard to figure out simply because they do not want to be figured out. Men are simple . Women are complicated. There are many theories associated with divorce that they think that women spend the money which helps the economy out and generally most men try to hold on to their money. I was married for almost 20 years and I know I will never do it again. I’m way happier single. Do way better for myself, have alot more.than when i was married. Women do not draw the line for me I draw the line and if they do not like it do not let the door hit you in the rear.

  22. 82
    david

    There is something markedly disturbing here as its just history repeating itself. Far far far too many women hook up with a man just because . what I mean is they have to be with “some one a man” . What is even more disturbing is the deceit and dishonesty that is hidden by these women just to get dinners paid for, romantic outings, gifts or whatever you know what is on the list that men as gentlemen try to do to show some form of emotional affection and appreciation for a woman and the whole while he is being emotionally scammed by this woman. Humanity on a large scale is starting to suck. Its best to tell the truth and be honest instead of using someone, that’s disturbing. I’ve spent alot of time studying psychology and did alot of research . You will learn that woman are just as deceitful if not more so than men and the situation is getting worse. Most of them will do almost anything to achieve what they are really after “emotional security and financial security” This is what its all about for them. If a man comes along and makes a little more “financial security” or let me translate that for you “money” they will do their best to gain his emotional security next. How do they do this? By I call it “learned manipulation” They try to look the most sexiest in competition with all the other girls or women in the group. You ever heard the word jealousy women are experts at it. Most all womens self-esteem is in their looks. At an extreme its called narcissism with alot of disorders to go with it. The word or term you’ve heard this before when a woman says at the time of divorce she says “I’ve just settled” as the excuse later. What she is saying is that the man will do for now until what she really wants comes along. That s why most men are just stepping stones for most women. Or you have heard this before also “I’m hoping hell change”. All of these are clues to how they are looking for being treated as “special” . When these women are held accountable for their own mistakes by marrying a man knowing he is not what she really wants, but hell do for now attitude. And what I mean is financially held accountable equally instead of the man always being financially held responsible solely by himself for her hidden under the table agenda. You will see more and more men opting out of marriage all together. I teach as many men as possible about what most women are really all about. There are very few women out their that are on an equal mental level and really want an equal invested relationship. Don’t fool yourselves into thinking otherwise. Women are in a hurry to find “security” through your pocket and she is looking to feel secure in the relationship by him displaying his emotional connection to her by the way she takes care of his sexual needs. Basically she is only giving sex to him in exchange for “security” equals the amount of money he makes . But this is not enough for her. If she feels threatened by his lack of emotions guaranteeing that emotional security she wants. She will secretly weigh out her options to leave him as “What can I leave this relationship with? She will take half of the money and whatever else she wants kids most likely will be awarded to her . The man will be paying child support and alot of cases for a while spousal support or alimony. Now you understand too why alot of women are with men that make alot of money get to where they donot care if he sleeps around on her as long as she gets to do what she wants as far as not working and gets to spend relentless amounts of his income. Alot of these woman also are secretly sleeping around. If she leaves the relationship most cases it will be after she has seen the fortune build which has guaranteed her the financial security she has wanted. with a good attorney she will get more. This older woman if she has great looks will then look for the younger good looking sexual stud to emotionally and sexually take care of her then. She has already gained her financial security. I will keep teaching and encouraging men to educate themselves as to what its all about. As far as I am concerned a marriage license is nothing more than a legal slave contract that binds the man in a contract to be responsible for everything associated with it. The laws today do not make the woman accountable at divorce for anything. When divorce comes the man is being charged financially for the sex that his soon to be former wife has given to him… When and if the laws become equal across the board in the courtroom to hold women accountable you will see the marriage rates go up but until them HAPPY NO MARRIAGE. Make these women accountable also and they will think twice or three times before entering a marriage and contributing to a mistake.

    1. 82.1
      starthrower68

      Perhaps a free society is not ideal for you. There are plenty of places in the world a woman can be stoned for even the slightest perceived offense. Maybe that culture would be more to your liking.

      1. 82.1.1
        david

        No one needs to be stoned. Its as simple as law changing in this country to look at each gender in an equal fashion. You talk about freedom freedom to do what? If two people enter into a legal binding marriage contract it took both for it to fail then both should equally pay the price for it, but in todays society that doesnt happen. Men need to take back their family jewels and own them and stop giving into the Narcissistic self entitled princesses. As soon as that contract is signed she knows she has him hooked. i know plenty of women that have made that remark. Marriage rates are steadily falling in the United States and over seas as well. Austrailia is concerned about it its so bad. 70 to 93% of divorces are filed by women . Protective and restraining orders are filed mainly by women AT NO CHARGE and alot of women use this tactic to use the false created drama to make the husband appear he did something to harm her when it never did happen. He didnt have to do anything at all, but for her to get her way all she has to do is accuse her husband and he will be restricted from his home and the kids until court time. I know enough attorneys and some judges and they have been slowly catching on to this and alot of them are realizing that the wife is the crazy making abuser not the husband. There is too much to list that needs to be changed.

  23. 83
    jessi

    dnt jst back out of d mariage give it more tym and this time connect ur heart , luk beyound d facial apearance try to see the good qualities make up ur mind to give ur luv life a chance.

  24. 84
    Jeena

    I just want to commend Evan! The advice given here was absolutely spot on.

  25. 85
    anna

    Eish sorry maya its sad bcs I’m also in the same situation its just that I’m scared to turn off the proposal I’m worried about my family that what will they think of me once they find out I’m not inlove with this guy the guy I’m I love is the one who comes from devorcey

  26. 86
    Rose

    This story sounds very similar to mine. I didn’t get married to make anyone else happy…actually went against my family because I was young. I truly thought I’d develop a magical passion for my 1st husband if he was passionate towards me. He was not. It was constant arguing about this subject. I blamed him because he wasn’t intimate with me often. I really thought if he were, I’d feel what I should feel. I had had a boyfriend when I was very young who I felt passionate about, and so I knew what was lacking. Unfortunately, I (we) subscribed to the exact advice Annie has given above. We also would give others that advice, because hey…if we could stay together you could too! We were often like buddies or good roommates. I won’t say we didn’t live each other, but it was not a passionate love you would have towards a spouse. We were friends…which made it hard because you don’t want to hurt your friend. After being married for 20 yrs (together for 22) the crap hit the fan. I couldn’t deal with the nonexistent sexual attraction & intimacy any longer. There was a huge blow out & THEN he started trying to be with me like a wife. It was too late & not only that, I found that it didn’t help. He obviously was never attracted to me in that way & neither was I towards him! I literally didn’t figure this out until that point, because I always believed if he wanted me more, if reciprocate. No. That is stupid. So because we were raised to be committed & try to make it work, we ended up divorced after 22 yrs of marriage & having 3 kids. What a waste…outlet entire youths, in fact. I never wanted to hurt his feelings & would back put of divorce repeatedly. Don’t do that. With all due respect, don’t take the advice of trying to make it work because you can’t make yourself be attracted to another. And you can’t be counseled into wanting them, either. That’s not how it works. You both will end up miserable & divorced in the end, anyway. Acknowledge that you made a HUGE mistake & end it. And do not make that mistake again. I’m happy to report that I’m now married to that one boyfriend who I felt passionate about when I was very young. He is passionate towards me too & we even had a late in life baby. I have never in my life been happier & now know what a real marriage is supposed to be like. It’s a true gift from God! Don’t let others guilt you into wasting your years (and his!). Be brave & set him free so you both can have a life free of constant misery.

  27. 87
    anonymous98

    Leave him because he dose not diserve a girl like you. You are superficial and he as a good man who diserves a truly good girl and not a scum like you. I do not care about who you think you are, because you are nothing. A great man like that diserves a girl that will love him for who he is, not a scumbag like you who inly wants a man for looks and looks fade eventuality so why do you even care? Please do him a favor and let him find a girl that actually loves him for his personality and not looks.

  28. 88
    kinsia

    His face does not bother me

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