Is Marriage Dying Or Just Being Reborn?

Is Marriage Dying Or Just Being Reborn?

There’s been far too much blather about the death of marriage. It’s true that there a more single people than ever before. It’s true that equality in the workplace has negated the financial need for women to find husbands. It’s true that the stigma of being single has gone way down since the ’60’s.

Yet the vast majority of people eventually get married – just at a different pace than before. According to my favorite expert on this subject, Stephanie Coontz, “Today the average age of first marriage is almost 27 for women and 29 for men, and the range of ages at first marriage is much more spread out. In 1960, fewer than 8 percent of women and only 13 percent of men married for the first time at age 30 or older, compared with almost a third of all women and more than 40 percent of all men today. Most Americans still marry eventually, and they continue to hold marriage in high regard.”

There’s been far too much blather about the death of marriage.

All the talk about smart, strong, successful women pricing themselves out of the market? Also untrue. “New research by the sociologist Leslie McCall reveals that while marriage rates have fallen for most women since 1980, those for the highest earning women have increased, to 64 percent in 2010 from 58 percent in 1980. Women in the top 15 percent of earners are now more likely to be married than their lower-earning counterparts.”

It’s no surprise to me. With education and upward mobility comes self-esteem, more options, and better decision making. A woman making $100K is less likely to marry a bad man simply for stability than a woman who has no education and two kids out of wedlock.

Finally, the old statistic that living together hurts your prospects of marriage? It’s history – at least for professional women.

“Two-thirds of couples who marry today are already living together. For most of the 20th century, couples who lived together before marriage had a greater chance of divorce than those who entered directly into marriage. But when the demographer Wendy Manning and her colleagues looked at couples married since 1996, they found that this older association no longer prevailed. For couples married since the mid-1990s, cohabitation before marriage is not associated with an elevated risk of marital dissolution.”

Any suggestion that marriage is a dying institution or a recipe for failure is based on your own experience, not on the actual facts.

As always, if you don’t want to get married and you’d rather be single, that’s your business. But any suggestion that marriage is a dying institution or a recipe for failure is based on your own experience, not on the actual facts.

Click here to read the article and share your thoughts on marriage below. Do you believe in the institution?

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Gina

    As my late mother used to say, “Marriage is beautiful with the right person.” So whether or not I would remarry would depend upon if I found the right person. Married and divorced twice, I am 51 now and feel happy and content living my life as a single person. Who knows what the future holds though. 

  2. 32
    Julia

    @Morris #22 your attitude doesn’t surprise me, there are plenty of men out there who feel the same way and they have the right to. I am not interested in settling for just anyone either. I suspect that when you meet the woman who makes you happy, is easy going you won’t long for your single days and will marry her. 
     
    What I do find puzzling is that a few men are said they believe marriage to be a drain on their financial resources. I guess I don’t understand why. Most states have no-fault divorce and unless your wife has completely quit her job to raise kids, alimony isn’t really a factor. So I would suggest if you are afraid of this situation that you probably don’t want a woman who needs to be financially dependent on you and look, there are plenty of women out there to compliment your finances. Also if you are afraid of divorcing a woman you probably shouldn’t marry her.

  3. 33
    Peter 61/37

    We seem to have 2 Peters. Let me be 61.

  4. 34
    Morris

    @Michelle #24 – Nobody is saying get married at 19-21.  Where did you get that?  But I WAS a different person in my late twenties and early thirties.  And yes I thought I wanted to get married early.  That’s what we are conditioned to do.  Go to college.  Work your way up the latter.  Get married.  Start a family.
     
    What you aren’t realizing is that since that DIDN’T happen.  I’ve experience a lot of life on my own.  Traveling, meeting wonderful people are example of good things.  Seeing what happens to my male friends after a divorce would be an example of bad things.  Maybe even getting set in my ways along the way.  So it will take an extraordinary woman to make me want to settle.  Impressing young naive me wouldn’t have been that hard.  Experienced me ISN’T that easy to impress.  You would need to bring a heck of a lot to the table.  Still looking for her.
     
    @Sara #25 – Interesting.  I agree that it’s the package.
     
    @Rose #28 – I think you read things in what I wrote that are simply not true.(A problem of condensing years of dating in a few paragraphs.)  I don’t have casual relationships.  I date for a few weeks.(No sex.)  Pick a woman I feel the most with.  And enter a relationship.  I’ve been in maybe 6-7 of these in the last 5 years.  And after a period of time.  Sometimes 6 months sometimes a year.  If I am not feeling that this is the person.  I call it off.  I don’t want to waste my time or her time.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.  Now maybe that is ‘casual’  sex/dating to some.  But it doesn’t feel that way on my end.  The reference to ‘honeymoon period over and over’ is that I am stating a fact.  Since I am NOT married I have enjoyed the honeymoon phase over and over again.  Doesn’t anyone that isn’t married that dates have the same experience?  And it was in reference to the bogus claim that married people have more sex.
     
    Since I’ve addressed that.  I don’t feel like addressing some of your other comments based on that assumption.
     
    Why can’t a man adopt?  If I can’t find THE ONE am I suppose to not have a family?  Do you apply this rule to women as well?  Because I know women who have babies just because they didn’t meet the right person in time.  At least I would be adopting a child that needs a home.  And the nanny/maid comes in to play because I can afford one.  It allows me to make a decision about starting a family without having to find a woman for the sake of needing someone to help raise a child.  Would it be nice?  Yes.  Do I need one.  Nope.  I have great family and friends.  I think I have more than physical needs covered.
     
    @Ruby #30 – It’s getting tiring replying to women who read what they want.  Maybe you are projecting or something.  Again.  I don’t have casual relationships.  I didn’t say I can just replace a mother with a nanny/maid.  That was in direct response to someone saying men would save money by having a partner to raise a child.  And in my case I’m saying that’s not true.  If I adopt it would be cheaper to have a nanny/maid.  Why are you getting so defensive with what I feel it true for ME and ME alone?  If it doesn’t apply to you ignore it.  I’m successful.  This site is suppose to be successful woman looking for successful men.  From a successful mans point of view.  Since my partners income means absolutely NOTHING.  I end up dating women who don’t make near as much.  As so it would cost me A LOT to continue my lifestyle and pay for her.  Get it?
     
     
    @Julia #32 – I agree.  If I meet the right person I won’t long for these days.  It’s just I haven’t and along the way I’ve noticed things are improving.  That seems to have irked a few women.

  5. 35
    Rose

    I get what you are sating Morris.
    Re children. Lile I said Children need more than there physical needs met they need healthy emotional strong bonds and healthy attachments in order to thrive. As do women. This doesn’t appear to have happened with any of the women you have dated. Otherwise you would have bonded and been healthily attached and married by now. And I didn’t hear you saying that family members or friends were going to be helping you What you said was a maid and a nanny. Implying that this would meet a childs needs.
    People who want to adopt are screened carefully. They want these children to form healthy, secure loving emotional bonds and attachments. 6 0r 7 realtionships that are only lasting up to a year is not a good indicator that you are able to bond and form a healthy bond or attachement. Would the best enviroment to bring an adopted child into be with a single man who had no history of forming a deep emotionally conected and bonded relationship with? Or with a couple who were married and were in a emotionally  bonded attached relationship? Who do you think they would choose?
    Having a good job and nice home being able to provide is not enough.
    Also most children up for fostering and  adpotion come from abusive backgrounds with loads of issues. Not many babies anymore due to abortion.
    Is always an option to try and see if you can get through the screening process for adoption though if you want to try..
     
     
     
     

  6. 36
    Morris

    @Rose #36 – I won’t address your thoughts on my relationships or ability to bond by expanding on it.  It’s impossible for you to make that call without truly getting to know me.  And even if you did we might not see eye to eye.  People are different and perceive relationships differently.  Not that you are wrong or that I’m right.  People are different and there doesn’t necessary have to be a ‘correct’ way to experience a relationship or bonding.
     
    As for adopting.  I’m not there yet and I don’t take it lightly.  If I didn’t understand the enormous responsibilities that would come with adopting I would have done it a while ago.  But if that time comes I will not be adopting from the US.  It’s a sad state of affairs when the hurtles needed to adopt here are ridiculously high.  I’ve had friends that have tried and I have no intentions of going through that process.(I’ve read articles on how the system is changing and becoming easier/transparent but I’ll believe that when I start hearing that from people I know.)
     
     
    I still believe a family is best with both parents in the picture.  But as men we have been hearing for years about women not needing men.  Well, turns out men don’t really need women as well.  It’s bound to ruffle a few feathers hearing that.(Not necessary you.)

  7. 37
    Tom T

    EMK33: I wonder how the NY Times explains the US Census figures that say that about 50% of adults are single. Wanting it obviously isn’t the same thing as doing it. Those marriage studies are always so bogus.  

    1. 37.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Tom T – Why don’t you read the article instead of refuting it because it doesn’t agree with your worldview. 50% of adults ARE single. MOST of them want to get married.

  8. 38
    Clare

    Paula 16
     
    As Karl R says, BOTH men and women get sex, partnership and reduced expenses.
     
    And as for being a maid, I would imagine only if a woman consents to this role.  I certainly wouldn’t, nor would I marry someone who expected this of me.  A woman is not powerless here.  Surely it’s up to her to negotiate household chores with her man if she doesn’t want to do all of them? I would hazard a guess that in most partnerships, both partners contribute in this area.  Yes, women may be more likely to do the cooking and laundry and dishes, but I reckon men are more likely to mow the lawn, take out the garbage and set up the technology and appliances.
     
    I don’t know, I don’t see that a man can *force* me to do all the household work.  If I really didn’t want to, I would just let it accumulate, and I’m assuming he would eventually make a plan when he ran out of clean socks to wear!

  9. 39
    John

    Evan @39
    ” 50% of adults ARE single. MOST of them want to get married.”
     
    Tom T @38
    “Wanting it obviously isn’t the same thing as doing it”
     
    I have to agree with Tom T on this one. Most people want a good physique. But they don’t go to the gym.
    Most people want to be healthy. But they eat fast food and follow a low nutritious diet.
    Most people want to be self employed millionaires. But they don’t risk their own capital and get educated on providing a product a service that is in demand.
     
     Which begs the question- How badly do people want a good physique, good health, good income, good spouse when they don’t do the things to get them there? The answer is that they really don’t want those things bad enough to do what it takes. But if you ask them in a poll, of course they will say they want to be married because it is politically correct to say so. But their actions do not match up with what they say.
     
    Evan I know you are a devout Democrat and the NY Times is the bible of that political leaning. But sometimes it does pay to question them. Any publication that presents polls is definitely suspect. People say what they think should be said. I bet if you asked anyone over 45 who has never been married if they want to be married and they will say yes. Except they leave out the part that states their spouse must have 245 checklist items in order for them to settle down. But yeah, they want to be married.

  10. 40
    Karl R

    Paula said: (#21)
    “women do benefit from marriage but my point is men benefit far more then women so you would have to be stupid to not be married if you were a man.”
     
    Men would be stupid not to get married? Really?
     
    Studies show that bad marriages are detrimental to everyone involved. So are divorces. Staying single is better (in terms of health, happiness and financial well-being) than either of those.
     
    Unless you have a reasonably high certainty that you’ll have a long, happy marriage, getting married is the riskier move.
     
    Clare said: (#40)
    “And as for being a maid, I would imagine only if a woman consents to this role.  I certainly wouldn’t, nor would I marry someone who expected this of me.  A woman is not powerless here.”
     
    A lot of times, this is about control instead of power … and the person doing the chore is the one is the one exerting the control.
     
    For example, my wife is very particular about which washing machine settings are used for the laundry. For her clothes, this makes sense. They often have very specific instructions for how to wash/clean them. I don’t buy clothes that are time-consuming to wash. My laundry is easy.
     
    However, my wife is equally particular about which washing machine settings are used even if I’m washing a load of my own clothes. If she sees me start a load of laundry, she has several “corrections” to make so it’s done right.
     
    As a bachelor, I washed my own clothes for 20 years. During that time, I ruined one shirt (shrinking it) during the first 2 years. I have a long track record of doing the laundry without problems. Despite this, her way is right and mine is wrong. That’s about control. (I’m just as opinionated about the dishes as my wife is about the laundry, so this goes both ways.) The easiest way to resolve this without conflict is for her to do all the laundry (and for me to do all the dishes).
     
    Regardless of whether you’re a man or a woman, if you feel your spouse isn’t doing their fair share of the chores, take a look at the dynamic involving that chore. If you criticized the way they did it until they stopped doing it, then that problem stems from your desire to exert control. You can either decide that you’re happy doing that chore, or you can decide to be happy with the way they do it.

  11. 41
    Clare

    Karl R
     
    I agree completely!
     
    I’m not one who believes in moaning that my partner doesn’t do enough of the chores.  If it’s something I enjoy doing (like cooking) I’ll offer to do it.  If I don’t like the way he does it, I’ll either look the other way or I’ll offer to do it (without criticising or commenting). If it’s something neither of us want to do, we’ll hire a maid every so often.  It’s something I used to get very uptight about in my first marriage, but in my current relationship we haven’t had a single argument, or even disagreement about it.
     
    I know how your wife feels about being particular about her laundry, I am too as some of my clothes are expensive! But this is something I see as my “thing” – because I am the one who is particular, I take responsibility for getting it done. :)

  12. 42
    Karl R

    John said: (#41)
    “I bet if you asked anyone over 45 who has never been married if they want to be married and they will say yes.”
     
    If you look at the people 45 and older, 91% are married or were married. Only 9% have never been married.
     
    That’s data from the 2010 U.S. Census. The New York Times poll comes up with a number that’s quite close to the numbers that can be verified. Furthermore, there are still people (not many, but a statistically noticeable number) who are still getting married for the first time over the age of 45.
     
    Even that 50% number is an exaggeration. If you count all adults age 15 and up, 49% of them are single. Talk about skewing the data. Most of the people under the age of 25 aren’t married, and most of them will get married during their lifetime.

  13. 43
    John

     
    Julia @32
    “What I do find puzzling is that a few men are said they believe marriage to be a drain on their financial resources. I guess I don’t understand why. Most states have no-fault divorce and unless your wife has completely quit her job to raise kids, alimony isn’t really a factor”
     
    Let me unpuzzle it for you. First of all, no fault divorce is defined as this as per Wikipedia:
    Under a no-fault divorce system the dissolution of a marriage does not require an allegation or proof of fault of either party. Since August 2010 (when New York Governor David Patterson signed no-fault into law), all fifty states of the United States have adopted no-fault divorce laws, with grounds for divorce including incompatibility, irreconcilable differences, and irremediable breakdown of the marriage.
     
     It does not mean that someone’s financial assets are safe from being taken away.  Alimony is just one example of being a drain on a guys financial resources. The other main drain is retirement and pension money. SO even though alimony may not be awarded, the woman is entitled to be considered for a percentage of the guys 401k and pension. That is up to the judge to determine  the percentage if the guy refuses to give it up voluntarily in the case of a contested divorce.
     
    So if a guy has a job where he has a decent amount accumulated in retirement, it can be chopped down on the whim of a judge- even though no alimony is awarded and even though it is considered “no fault”.  Hence the reason why marriage can be a major financial drain to a guy if he gets married and divorced, alimony notwithstanding.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  14. 44
    Chance

    @Julia
    John is right.  Also, you say:
    “So I would suggest if you are afraid of this situation that you probably don’t want a woman who needs to be financially dependent on you and look, there are plenty of women out there to compliment your finances.”
    You’re correct.  However, men who make good income have trouble finding similar women because they are more likely to choose career paths that aren’t as lucrative.  Also, even if a man does meet a woman who is financially compatible (for marriage, which = for mixing finances), the odds that she’ll be interested in the long-term aren’t terribly high because many women still expect men to make more than they do.   Of course, a woman’s income doesn’t really matter to me when it comes to being in a relationship, but if a woman wanted to get married (mix finances), then it would be an issue because of the risks involved.  At the end of the day, being married doesn’t enable me to provide a woman anything that I couldn’t provide within the context of an LTR, and it sure doesn’t get me anything.  So, when you combine that with the extraordinary financial exposure in the event of a divorce, more men are avoiding marriage altogether.
     
    …and we haven’t even addressed the issue of not being able to play an equal role in raising your children in the event of a divorce.
     

  15. 45
    Julia

    @Chance
    …and we haven’t even addressed the issue of not being able to play an equal role in raising your children in the event of a divorce.
     
    not sure how old you are. I have friends/acquaintances in their 30s and 40s who are divorced with children. Literally all of them split childcare 50/50, either in the event of 4 nights here and 4 nights there or 2 weeks here and 2 weeks there. Obviously divorce or separation is not optimal but it sounds like you want to have children but feel like marriage gets in the way. What happens when you have an LTR that results in a child then you break up? You still need to figure out custody. Rather than fretting over all the terrible things that could happen if you divorce why not be proactive and discuss very important issues when you are dating? or you can simply relegate yourself to the tiny population of women who are disinterested in marriage.
    Either way, if I met a man like you irl I would run. Any man obsessed with divorce seems like a dating hazard to me.

  16. 46
    Chance

    @Julia
    God, I shouldn’t have even brought up the last little part about children.  I don’t even want children.  My mistake, as it obviously distracted from the whole point of the post.  Try focusing on the other 95% of my post, as in, the part that actually addressed your comment about being puzzled.

  17. 47
    Rose

    For any women who wants to be marrried with a family,
    healthy grown up adult masculine energy men who want a wife and children,who make the best canditates for a marraige partner are happy and want to profess, provide and protect for their wives and children.
    If a man isn’t wanting to do that he is not really good marraige material. So would feel best for me to not invest or take them seriously. And leave them to women who were more compatible who wanted casual realtionships, flings, or friends with benefits relationships with emotionally adolencent, or feminine energy men.

  18. 48
    Julia

    Chance & John I have two words for you:
    Prenuptial agreement.
     
    Now go sulk back to the MRA subReddit from which you came.

  19. 49
    Tom T

    EMK, sorry, buddy, but gotta disagree. I am quite familiar with the studies of marriage and I stand by my statement that most of them are bogus. 

    1. 49.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Tom T – Your statement that marriage studies are bogus is based on what, exactly? Your opinion. It’s not really debatable that over 90% of people eventually get married, which would indicate that despite all the assertions about the death throes of marriage, in fact, it still seems to be the end goal of just about everybody. This doesn’t change the fact that most people are selfish, myopic, unreasonable, poor communicators and doomed to choose unsuitable partners. It just means that marriage ain’t going anywhere since people want to believe in lasting love. Your feelings towards marriage (or marriage studies), Tom, don’t change the facts.

  20. 50
    Tom T

    Karl R, you kind of gloss over the “were married” segment when you cite the 91% figure, which you don’t break out into the implied subcategories. If they “were married” but are no longer they are single, yes? And from your earlier post you state that bad marriages suck and that marriage is a high-risk undertaking. So perhaps you would agree that a lot of people find that marriage does not make them happier, healthier, or wealthier.
     
    If a significant number of people do not find marriage beneficial, and we no longer have any forceful social or economic reason to marry, why is it a surprise that the marriage rate is dropping? I think it’s fairly predictable, especially given that this is what we’ve seen in other developed countries that are a little ahead of the US on the issue, and in even in undeveloped countries that are behind the US. In other words, marriage rates have dropped the world over, and there is not one country where the rate of marriage is on the rise.
     
    What I don’t understand is why anyone who finds marriage such a boon to their existence is threatened by this. If anyone wants to be married he or she is certainly free to pursue that. But this insistence that everyone is doing it, or that everyone wants it, or that it’s so great for everyone is, quite frankly, just wrong.  

  21. 51
    Ruby

    Some stats about marriage:
     
    More than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage. Nearly two-thirds of children in the United States are born to mothers under 30. Struggling single parents can also have a more difficult time creating a stable home, and a child’s education and emotional health are at greater risk when their world is more volatile. If these kids are struggling in life, that reinforces a cycle of poverty.
     
    73 percent of black children are born outside marriage, compared with 53 percent of Latinos and 29 percent of whites. And educational differences are growing. About 92 percent of college-educated women are married when they give birth, compared with 62 percent of women with some post-secondary schooling and 43 percent of women with a high school diploma or less. However, men with the least education and wealth are the largest group that is being passed over in the marriage market.
     
    Therefore, the economic and social rewards of marriage are increasingly reserved for people with the most education and wealth. As one sociologist said, “Marriage matters more now as the symbol of the good life than as a legal institution.” He added, “I don’t think the battle over same-sex marriage is about rights anymore. It’s about being allowed to have a first-class social status.”
     
    I’ve also read that those who are educated and wealthier tend to have a greater appreciation for the economic benefits of marriage. If your partner’s job isn’t secure, and doesn’t have a retirement plan or health insurance, you might be more reluctant to pool your resources with them, or to see the value in doing so. I think these statistics show that the institution of marriage is indeed changing for the majority of people in this country.
     
     

  22. 52
    starthrower68

    Tom, John, Chance, etc. all want to apply pure logic to the decision to get married.  If we got married based purely on logic, then of course nobody would do it.  But it’s a heart/emotional decision, no?  Your heart must be open to finding a woman you are willing to take the with of marriage with, and if it is not, then of course your point of view will continue to be the only valid one as far as your are concerned.  For every study you can point out that says marriage is a dying institution, there are probably two or three studies that say marriage is beneficial to one’s health and well being.

  23. 53
    Chance

    Julia said:

    “Chance & John I have two words for you:
    Prenuptial agreement.
     
    Now go sulk back to the MRA subReddit from which you came.”
     
    You’re off topic.  Again.  The debate is about whether or not marriage is a dying institution.  I pointed out that there appears to be a growing number of men who no longer see marriage as a viable option, and that it may contribute to the institution’s ultimate demise.  I’m not here to seek advice on what I should do in order to become more open to the idea of getting married.  I’m here to provide a challenge from a male perspective.  Got it?
     
    By the way, I’m not an MRA.  I don’t like the term “men’s rights”.  They are no better than modern-day feminists.  To focus on men’s rights or women’s rights is to only focus on one side of the equation, which impedes progress towards the ultimate goal: true equality.

  24. 54
    Cat5

    Evan @ 53 said:  “It’s’s not really debatable that over 90% of people eventually get married, which would indicate that despite all the assertions about the death throes of marriage, in fact, it still seems to be the end goal of just about everybody. This doesn’t change the fact that most people are selfish, myopic, unreasonable, poor communicators and doomed to choose unsuitable partners. It just means that marriage ain’t going anywhere since people want to believe in lasting love. Your feelings towards marriage (or marriage studies), Tom, don’t change the facts.”
     
    Don’t be shocked by this Evan — but I totally agree with your comment, particularly the sentence I bolded.  It applies to so many issues you discuss, not just marriage.  Thank you for finally putting into words what I have been trying to say in my comments to other blog posts…and failing so miserably.  The bolded sentence may just become the signature line to all my future blog posts!  :)

  25. 55
    Rose

     At the moment most peoples choice in partner happens on a subconscious level so I would agree that they are most likely dooming themselves to choose unsuitable partners for a healthy happy loving marraige. They can become more suitable if their inner core values match and they are willing to both do the work on how they relate to each other. If their inner core values do not match then even if they change how they relate they will not ever really be happy together.
    Marraige isn’t the problem. And a happy loving marraige and family is still eventually what most people desire. Can most people have that? Yes if they really want to and make a committiment to themselves to do the work to make them able to achieve this
    If people become aware of what is going on in their subconscious and start to make better healthier loving conscious choices they can have more loving happier healthier relationships and marraiges with the right person for them.
    Fisrt step is becoming aware of what is going on in our subconscious.
     

  26. 56
    Karl R

    Tom T said: (#52)
    “But this insistence that everyone is doing it, or that everyone wants it, or that it’s so great for everyone is, quite frankly, just wrong.”
     
    And your evidence is …?
     
    You think the studies are bogus, but we’re supposed to take your word that your statements are correct?
     
    Tom T said: (#52)
    “I am quite familiar with the studies of marriage”
    “Karl R, you kind of gloss over the ‘were married’ segment when you cite the 91% figure, which you don’t break out into the implied subcategories.”
     
    You’re claim that quite familiar with the studies of marriage. I told you that my data came from the 2010 U.S. Census (from the raw data, not a report).
     
    Why didn’t you look up the data yourself? It’s a free, public access website. You can download it as an Excel spreadsheet, so it’s even convenient to run calculations on it.
     
    I glossed over the data because it’s a few thousand data points. If you want to look at the raw data, I told you where to find it.
     
    Tom T said: (#52)
    “If they ‘were married’ but are no longer they are single, yes?”
     
    According to a U.S. Census report, most of the people who divorce get remarried within 5 years. (That’s from a U.S. Census report, and the raw data isn’t granular enough for me to verify that they get remarried in 5 years, but I have seen raw data showing that a large majority get remarried.)
     
    Most people get married. That’s what the 91% shows.
     
    Most people want to get married. Or did you think the 91% are getting married against their will? Even for the people who had a marriage fail, most try again. They still want to be married.
     
    So, in fact, you were wrong when you claimed otherwise. I’m not insisting that it’s true. I’m just telling you what the data shows.
     
    Tom T said: (#52)
    “What I don’t understand is why anyone who finds marriage such a boon to their existence is threatened by this.”
     
    I don’t feel threatened by it. Should I allow you to misstate the facts just because I don’t feel threatened?

  27. 57
    Kiki

    Who benefits more from marriage?
    I think I have been benefitting tremendously from mine.
    Now  let me tell you, I am not only uncool (in terms of tolerance for my husband’s quirks) but also, I am a maximiser (not a satisfiser). If you ask me, nothing is ever good enough. Me and him are the same age, each of us makes approximately the same income, I am a working mother, I am very busy and constantly tired. On bad days, I wish I had married someone much older with lots of money, so that I could stay at home, look after my kids and the household and enjoy easy living.  I have never been in the slightest attracted by rich older men in real life, but hey, why not have a fantasy that things could have been different?
    Let  me share with you my huge benefits from being married to my husband.  These benefits are besides the children, which are the joy and light of my life, but would have been equally amazing even out of wedlock.
    1. I have the status of a married woman, i.e. I am normal for my age by society’s standard. My single sister has to constantly put up with all kinds of shit, from friends and strangers alike,  because she is 44, single and childless. I would never trade places with her.
    2. My husband made me quit smoking and start exercising in order to be married to him.  I would have not done it without him as a motivator and example.
    My marriage is far from idylic but I honestly, these two benefits to me are worth more than all the money in the world.
     
     
     

  28. 58
    starthrower68

    And Karl takes the center square for the win.

  29. 59
    Ruby

    Kiki #60
     
    I appreciate that those answers are meaningful for you, but really, that’s all you’ve got? I don’t know where you live, but I’m older than your sister, also single and childless, and don’t feel like I have to put up with crap about it. Then again, I live in a major metro area with plenty of single people, so I’m not considered so unusual. Some of the married people I know are barely hanging on to their marriages anyway, and those who are divorced already know that their marriage were troubled enough to end. Why should anyone else care?
     
    It wouldn’t take another person for me to want to give up smoking and start to exercise. I’d just prefer to be healthy. Since I am single and dating, I try to look and feel my best as well, but it wouldn’t take any particular person to motivate me to do that.

  30. 60
    Karl T

    Kiki #60,
    You mean the most important 2 things about your marriage is that it is a status symbol and that you quit smoking and started excercising????  That’s all you have to say????  If i ever get married to the perfect girl for me, I would hope to be able to say that I get to live everyday and sleep everynight and share everything with a woman who touches my heart and is so thoughtful and so sweet that it is a true joy.  I couldn’t give a sh^t about it being a status symbol.  Then again I have always been a modest and humble person and can’t stand showoffs.
    You sound like you are either not very happy or don’t think much of your marriage or that you are a very cold person.  Just for you to make a comment that you sometimes wished you gold dug for an older richer guy says volumes about you. 

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