My Husband Had a Stripper at His Bachelor Party and I’m Still Angry!

My Husband Had a Stripper at His Bachelor Party and I’m Still Angry!
Evan,

I’ve been married for just over 3 months. Prior to marrying my husband, he had a bachelor party. His bachelor party consisted of the men partying and watching football, and then eventually retiring to his friend’s house for 2 full nude strippers in a show. My husband came home completely messed up at 4am.

The issue is that he did not make me aware of the strippers. Later, I saw him bending over and on his ass was a bunch of permanent marker. BUSTED! He kind of came clean, but the timeline of his story and his lack of details make me think it’s worse than I know. He refuses to discuss it with me. Not to mention that when he came home at 4am, he had sex with me. I feel a little used.

Now, 4 months later, I’m still hurt by it and it eats at me that I have no idea what happened with 2 fully nude strippers in his friend’s house or why he would end up home at 4am instead of either a more reasonable time or the next morning. Seems fishy… not to mention he doesn’t even recall having sex with me when he got home.

I’m doing my best to let that go but now we have another friend’s wedding where he is a groomsman. Which means another bachelor party! So, my anxiety is at an all-time high. I’m almost leaning toward telling him if they get private strippers, I will be getting a private massage from at least 1 male therapist, and if they go to a strip club, not a big deal, I’ll stick to a reputable storefront for my massage! Is that unreasonable? Do I seem like an uptight wife? I’m just utterly grossed out by thinking about a nude girl or two rubbing on my man’s crotch! And I’d think he may get a little crazy thinking about a muscular stud rubbing me down with massage oils, so it seems fair, no? –Katherine

Dear Katherine,

I’ve talked about men and their visual proclivities before: namely, here, here, and here.

You’re holding onto this one night like a 7-year-old holding onto his blankie. Let it go, Linus.

I’m not positive I have anything new to say on the topic, so I’ll just do my best to dissect your email to me:

1. You’re married.

This means that you’ve had 2-3 years to date him. You know who he is. You either trust him or you don’t. I would be surprised if he proved to be a completely different human being after you got married.

2. He had a bachelor party with strippers, got hammered, and blacked out.

Certainly not his proudest moment. But is this a pattern with him? Or is it an anomaly – say, something that has never occurred before but only happened at his bachelor party?

If it’s a pattern, I don’t know why you married him. If it’s an anomaly, it’s probably something to write off.

3. He did not make you aware of these strippers.

And if he did, this all would have gone a lot better?

4. There was marker on his ass.

This is more embarrassment from the same bachelor party. It shouldn’t be an additional demerit. If anything, he’s probably ashamed of himself.

5. You feel used because you had sex with your husband.

Why? He’s your husband. Isn’t that what wives do with husbands?

Was it bad? Did you not get off? Or are you just sensitive to the fact that someone else worked him up and you were the one who got to benefit from it?

6. It’s 4 months later and you’re still thinking about it.

I can almost assure you that nothing has changed in 4 months. He’s the same guy he was before you married him. The same guy he was after you married him. You’re holding onto this one night like a 7-year-old holding onto his blankie. Let it go, Linus.

Most husbands don’t like to make their wives feel bad. Just as most husbands don’t like to be told what to do.

7. He came home at 4am instead of spending the night out.

Yeah, let me know when it’s a good plan for a man to not show up at home after his bachelor party.

8. Your response to the next bachelor party is to hire a male masseuse.

Um, okay. And he should worry about this because…?

Remember, you’re his wife. He trusts you. Why should he remotely care about who is massaging you? Unless you’re going to answer an erotic want ad in the back of your local paper, I’m pretty sure your plan to piss him off won’t do much, except illustrate one thing:

You’re jealous and you feel you’ve been wronged.

I can’t convince you of the latter. But I hope you can acknowledge the former.

If he didn’t cheat on you, there’s nothing to worry about, is there?

If he did cheat on you, then you married a man of poor character. Sorry.

But just because he had a drunken bachelor party doesn’t mean he cheated on you.

Thus, you have two choices: trust him and let this sordid night be filed away as a distant memory. Or keep up this worry, paranoia, jealousy, and tit-for-tat game and see where that leads you.

I think it’s obvious which choice I’m advocating.

Sure, you can put your foot down and forbid him from going to a bachelor party where there are strippers.

Just know that telling your husband what he’s allowed to do is rarely a winning strategy.

My advice for you is to let him know that you know you’re being a little thin-skinned but his bachelor party made you feel bad. All in all, you trust him. You love him. You are just sensitive about this kind of thing.

Then listen to his explanation.

Most husbands don’t like to make their wives feel bad. Just as most husbands don’t like to be told what to do.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    Cat

    @JoeK 95 – I have to agree that a lot of women blame men for everything. I can say that even though I wouldn’t like my husband going to a strip club, I wouldn’t blame him for going or say that he is immoral either. I also don’t believe that ALL strippers or women in porn are being exploited & believe many do it by choice. With that said, I still don’t feel comfortable thinking about my husband sitting in an atmosphere where he’s watching/fantasizing/getting turned on by other women – even though I trust that he would never do anything further than watch/look.  As you stated you get “disheartened” that many women paint men as having bad ethics if they go to a strip club. In the same way it’s disheartening for you about women, it disheartens me that so many men make a conscious choice to go to these clubs even when their girlfriend voices her disapproval.  I would argue that there are more women in the world that feel uncomfortable with their man going to a strip joint than vice versa. And all the women that say they are “cool” with it aren’t totally “cool with it” (see post #94). Women may act “cool” about it but deep down they may not be. What’s truly disheartening to me is to see all the posts telling an OP that her feelings are not valid, she’s insecure, over bearing, asking too much, yada yada. That’s what’s disheartening. In my world at least (& thank god), a relationship is a 2 way street, give & take on both sides. It’s not a man saying “I do this because I’m a man & it’s my right & you have to get over it & don’t you dare ask any questions” – the end. That is a terrible relationship, but it seems so much of the time the advice is just that….Your man can do whatever he wants regardless of how you feel about it & just put up with it. That is no way to live. Don’t pretend to be “cool” with something you’re not cool with. 

  2. 92
    Joe

    I can hardly believe that the life expectancy for an individual trafficked for sex is 7 years.  That would mean that a large number of people UNDER THE AGE OF 7 would need to be trafficked AND DIE.

  3. 93
    Cat5

    Frimmel @ 97 and 98:
     
    As I pointed out in my post, that was one of the items the presentation is not posted yet, and I took it from my notes.  Am I sure?  Well, how sure are you?  JoeK asked for facts and statistics and I provided them for him.  Did you even bother to read the information contained on the site I provided to whih I provided a link?
     
    I — just like you and many, many other people – can only rely on facts and statistics provided by others, which of course, can be skewed…by anyone…to try and make any point they want.  I was just providing another piece of the puzzle.  You can choose to believe, investigate it further, ignore it, or make fun of it…whichever works for you.  However, as I recall the information came from law enforcement agencies, and it was not 100,000 like your second article suggested.  IIRC, the number was somewhere around 10,000-20,000.
     
    What I do know is this — it exists, it is more prevelant then most Americans want to acknowledge, it is very fast growing and ever expanding problem, and it isn’t pretty.  I know this because I deal with individuals in these types of situations in my volunteer job.  The exact number is the only thing up for debate, which to me is the most irrelevant issue.  The fact it exists is very fast growing and expanding problem in American is really the issue…isn’t it?  But, let’s waste time debating the total numbers.
     
    As for your post at #98 – the link did not work for me.  I tried it several times.  So, I’ll I can say is — WOW!!! I’m not sure what to say that you find this issue “fun.”  I wish you had been with me at the conference I referenced.  Wonder how much fun you would have found it when talking to the actual individuals.

    1. 93.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      A disheartening turn when a question about communication and morality within a relationship turns into a thread about the statistics of sex trafficking…

      I want to bring this back to the spirit of the original point – and thank Cat #99 for bringing up something unintentionally. She says, “In my world at least (& thank god), a relationship is a 2 way street, give & take on both sides. It’s not a man saying “I do this because I’m a man & it’s my right & you have to get over it & don’t you dare ask any questions” – the end.”

      What you’re not acknowledging – what women here often have a hard time acknowledging – is that, essentially, you’re suggesting that while it’s wrong for a man to say “It’s my right to go to a strip club”, it’s perfectly acceptable for his wife to DENY him that right and for him to get over it. In this world, whatever ANYBODY says HAS to be respected because relationships are a two-way street. Didn’t it occur to you, Cat5, that just because someone feels a certain way (in this case: insecure), it’s not necessarily valid for them to impose it on others? If you had a boyfriend who insisted that you defriend all of your male Facebook friends, wouldn’t it be fair for you to say, “I do this because I’m a woman and it’s my right and you have to get over it and don’t you dare ask any questions, the end!”? I think it would.

      By giving your partner veto power over all of your actions under the guise of “fairness” or “equality” or “sensitivity”, you enter into a very strange place where censorship is the norm. He has to walk on eggshells for you. You have to walk on eggshells for him.

      Here’s my paradigm, which is much more empowering and successful in actual relationships and is based on security, not insecurity:

      Let everything go, short of physical/verbal abuse, cheating, poor treatment, lack of availability, failure to commit. If you CAN’T or WON’T let it go, that’s fine. Find a new boyfriend.

      Just don’t make the mistake of acting like micromanaging your boyfriend is a good or healthy idea. Accept him as he is, or leave. I did an hourlong call in FOCUS Coaching this month called “Bad Behavior vs. Misunderstood Behavior”. I suggest you give it a listen and see how it works.

  4. 94
    Karmic Equation

    @Cat5
     
    I had always wanted to see what the big deal was about strip clubs. About 6 months into my relationship with my 6yr bf, we actually went to one. It wasn’t like they portray it Striptease, not so classy. The dancing, if you could call it that, was not remotely interesting or athletic or even to the beat of the music. I even bought my bf a lapdance to see what that was all about. All I could do was roll my eyes. I really didn’t see the big deal, but his reaction was typical male, eyes glazed over and you could see his reptilian brain take over, e.g., the thinking brain was NOT working, only his eyes. Was actually amusing.
     
    While most of the women had great bodies, they had some cellulite, jiggly butts, and their faces showed some hard living and stage makeup is usually pretty unflattering, so you couldn’t even see if their faces were attractive or not, not that the men looked that far up.
     
    Once the mystery was out and I saw first-hand what it was all about, I can honestly say that it wasn’t a big deal to me. I think men in good relationships may like the visual titillation but I they’re not thinking “I’d like me some of that”, those women aren’t relationship-worthy. A step up from playboy, but quite far from porn. Now men in bad relationships or men of low character? Yeah, there could be trouble there.
     
    Still goes back to the quality of the relationship. If the relationship is good, there is nothing to worry about. If the relationship is bad, the stripclub is the least of your concerns.

  5. 95
    Cat5

    JoeK asked for statistics, and since I was at a conference earlier this week that discussed relevant statistics, I provided a link to them.
     
    To me, it’s perplexing that men and a growing number of woman (both as consumers of commercial sex and perpetrators of sex trafficking) have such a difficult time acknowledging, and in fact often deny, the inherent problems and ties between the commercial sex trade and sex trafficking, all the problems that go with these issues, and why it might be an issue for some women.  I guess it’s easier to bury their head in the sand and just say, “It’s my right to go to a strip club” and call the women who have a problem with it “prudes,” then face up to their roll as consumers of commercial sex.  Of course, it all comes down to the idea: “It’s not my problem.”

  6. 96
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Cat5 – You can make everything your problem if you like. You can boycott Apple products that are made in sweatshops in China. You can refuse to buy Domino’s Pizza or Coors beer or Chik-Fil-A because of their associations with racists, anti-semites and homophobes. You can avoid buying “blood diamonds” from South Africa. There are millions of things that you can protest once you get deep into their origin stories. That’s is 100% your right. It’s also other people’s rights to not do so.

    No one is defending sex trafficking and the sale of little girls.

    It is a different issue than whether a man should be “allowed” to go to a strip club on his bachelor party. That was what the original post is about, in case you forgot.

     

  7. 97
    Karmic Equation

    Thanks, Joe, for the vote of confidence. I wouldn’t necessarily characterize my attitude as not blaming men, but rather owning my own feelings and understanding my power within a relationship. Men might exacerbate or elicit certain feelings, but my feelings and what I CAN and SHOULD do about them are all on ME.

    If there’s any takeaway women should have from my posts, it’s that women have more power in a relationship than she knows, but it starts with taking ownership of all the feelings and thoughts and behaviors she has, that is, be as fully self-aware as possible. Then accepting oneself (usually easy) or changing oneself (not so easy) or controlling oneself (also not always easy) becomes possible. It’s impossible to accept, change, or control what you don’t acknowledge.

  8. 98
    Clare

    Karmic Equation 103
     
    Yes! I went with my ex-husband to a strip-club and it absolutely cured me of any jealousy or insecurity in that regard.
     
    I was able to see for an indisputable fact that the girls there were no threat to me, and now I wouldn’t have a problem with a boyfriend going to a strip-club at all, as long as he didn’t make a habit of it.

  9. 99
    AllenB

    While most of the women had great bodies,…their faces showed some hard living and stage makeup is usually pretty unflattering
    Did they look happy doing what they were doing for a living? How would you feel if your boyfriend frequented cock fighting or dog fighting establishments, and those are only animals.

  10. 100
    Ruby

    Actually, the original post was about strippers at a private house party, not strip clubs, which are a much more controlled environment.
     
    Also, there seems to be two different objections to strip clubs or parties where there are strippers. One is an issue of trust; that the woman’s partner is not engaging in any sexual behavior with the stripper(s), and the other is a more global objection to the exploitation of women. I think they’re both valid objections, and even being male doesn’t automatically mean that you’re into strip clubs, etc.

  11. 101
    Cat5

    @ Evan
     
    Nope Evan.  I didn’t forget.  I don’t believe I have said anything about what a man or woman in a relationship should be “allowed” to do by the other person.
     
    My issue has always been that if a woman has a problem with strip clubs and porn, she is automatically labeled a prude (since 87% of men do both) and insecure, rather than a reasonable person with a valid objection to practices she finds offensive and exploitive.
     
    If a person chooses to not buy Apple products, blood diamonds, Coors beer, Dominos Pizza, or Chik-fil-a because he/she finds their practices/political stances to be offensive and exploitive, I don’t believe you and others would be belittling/trying to discredit that person’s viewpoint in the same way, i.e., by calling the individual a prude or saying he/she is insecure.  You would, IMHO, probably respect that viewpoint and the fact he/she took a stand on it.

  12. 102
    Cat5

    Karmic Equation @ 103:
     
    I am not sure why you directed your about your visit to the strip club to me.  I have never said or even indicated that I was in anyway jealous because a man I was in a relationship with went to a strip club.  In fact, in Post #74 I said that my exes had gone for business and bachelor parties.  They were honest with me that they were going, and I was honest about my concerns about strip clubs because of the volunteer work I do.  I did not “allow” or “stop” them from going…I am not their mother or priest…nor did I berate them or anything like that for going.  In turn, they understood and respected my viewpoint and the volunteer work I do, and did not call me a prude or insecure.
     
    For the record, I have been to a number of strip clubs, although when I am in one, I am always in the company of law enforcement.  I have to confess…what I have witnessed…is not an attractive sight, be it the owners, the managers, the patrons, and/or the strippers.  My observations are that most, if not all of the people involved, appear…pathetic…for lack of a better word.  Interacting with them, and watching them interact with others, I just feel sadness that they believe this is the only option available to them…to exploit others or be exploited.  I have not seen one person who I thought felt empowered or in control of their lives.  Most of them seem like they are either in denial of their role in the situation or they feel trapped without hope of ever doing anything else.
     
    To assess whether the dancers are attractive, dance “classy,” have cellulite, have jiggly butts or anything else like that…never occurs to me.  Mostly, I notice how sad their eyes are.
     
    Of course, YMMV.

  13. 103
    Robyn

    @Evan 105 – re: “blood diamonds” from South Africa… “blood diamonds” (a.k.a. conflict diamonds) are NOT from South Africa – they are diamonds “mined in a war zone and sold to finance an insurgency, invading army’s war efforts, or a warlord’s activity”.
    Most blood diamonds have come from the Central and Western African countries that were in civil war / unrest during the 1980′s to early 2000′s.
    South Africa was instrumental in setting up the Kimberley Process Certification Scheme in 2003 that has had some success in curtailing the flow of conflict diamonds and has helped several developing countries to legitimize their diamond industries, so that they can sell their diamonds legally.
    Yeah, I know this doesn’t have much to with bachelor parties or strippers, but as a South African I gotta set the record straight on this one.

  14. 104
    Karl T

    Cat5,
    I think your exploitation argument is bogus.  Maybe in some very rare extreme cases, but not to the level you are speaking of.  I am talking about the typical strip club, not some private place where sex slaves are trafficked to.  I think we’re talking about 2 different things.  Most girls at the local strip joint love all the money they make from googley eyed men who cough it up for them like it was water.

  15. 105
    cat

    I wasn’t suggesting that “while it’s wrong for a man to say “It’s my right to go to a strip club”, it’s perfectly acceptable for his wife to DENY him that right and for him to get over it.”….I don’t think a woman has the right to DENY a man’s right to go anywhere. And I don’t think a man has the right to deny a woman’s right to her feelings or voicing them. It goes both ways. Karmic explained it very well in #94. Men can do what they want, what is wrong is when they deny a woman’s right to communicate how she feels or deny any conversation about things she has questions about – that’s wrong. I don’t have objections to occasional visits to strip clubs by my husband, I would, however, have objections to him being secretive about it or not answering questions if I had some. And, if my husband voiced his negative feelings to me about me being friends with exes on FB, I would take his feelings into consideration & probably defriend the exes. In our relationship, his feelings about something are more important to me than being FB friends with some random people from my past that are not relevant. It has nothing to do with him “micro managing” our relationship or being “insecure” or “controlling”. Just like a woman saying “I don’t feel comfortable with you going to A or B” is controlling or micro managing or insecure either.  If a man’s need to visit strip joints is so great that it trumps his woman’s discomfort, than he’s probably not relationship material in the first place.   It all goes back to the golden rule of life, “treat others as you would like to be treated” & it’s also about having good communication in a relationship. Shutting someone off from voicing their feelings or opinions will not work in a relationship. The “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy isn’t the answer for good relationships.

    1. 105.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      You would defriend your exes for your partner, Cat.

      I would not marry a partner who would ask me to defriend my exes.

      Therein lies the difference. I value partners who are secure and find insecure people to be the most exhausting in the world.

      Just because someone else has an insecurity doesn’t mean it has to impact my life. I would highly recommend that everyone choose secure partners. The alternative is what Cat described above – he’s constantly censoring himself for her insecurities, she’s constantly censoring herself for his insecurities, and nobody feels satisfied or self-expressed because they’re not allowed to be themselves.

  16. 106
    Karmic Equation

    My response #103 should have been directed at Cat #99 rather than at Cat5. Sorry for the confusion.

  17. 107
    Cat5

    Karl T @ 112:
     
    That’s fine Karl T.  You have every right to believe that my exploitation argument is bogus, and I totally understand why you do believe it…and why you want to believe it.
     
    It does not appear you read anything on the link I included above, so I’m attaching it with the strip club specific information.
     
    http://www.polarisproject.org/human-trafficking/sex-trafficking-in-the-us/hostessstrip-clubs
     
    You can choose to read it, believe it, ignore it, or say it’s bogus.  That is your prerogative.  But, I would only ask that you at least research multiply sources that provide information on both sides of the argument before you call my comments bogus.
     
    As for me, I did just that…researched both sides of the argument from multiple sources for and against the commercial sex trade, including pornography and strip clubs.  But, I took it a step further.  I began volunteering to help individuals in the commercial sex trade.  I’ve seen first hand the things described in the above link, so I know that information is true, and far more prevelant than most people in America want to believe…because if they did believe it, then they would have to re-examine their behaviors and how that behavior plays a roll in the commercial sex trade.
     
    FYI – I have never been in a private place with sex slaves.  I have only ever been in strip clubs.

  18. 108
    JoeK

    @Cat # 96
     
    “Avg. age of individuals sex trafficked in the U.S. — 13″
     
     
    So what that means is most sex trafficking in the US is NOT at strip clubs – potential performers must have ID showing they’re of age.
     
    Again – stop painting men as evil and supporting all your outlandish claims of sex trafficking for going to LEGAL strip clubs. That’s like blaming women for underage workers in pedicure shops.

  19. 109
    Cat5

    @ Karl T. and others – I saw the articles shown below and it made me think of our prior discussion.  Does the FBI bust from this past weekend make any difference in your calling my argument of exploitation bogus?  Perhaps I’m just ahead of the information curve on this issue because of the volunteer work I do.  Hmmmm…just some food for thought.
     
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2381145/FBI-child-prostitution-bust-reveals-scores-teen-sex-slaves-worked-Super-Bowl-Atlantic-City.html
    http://www.fbi.gov/news/stories/2013/july/operation-cross-country-recovering-victims-of-child-sex-trafficking
    http://www.cnn.com/2013/07/29/justice/child-prostitution-arrests/index.html
     

  20. 110
    Frimmel

    105 children across 76 cities is barely over a child a city. (How many of those cities didn’t even turn up one with the largest cities like LA and NY turning up 2 or 3?) That is hardly evidence of an epidemic of child prostitutes. Yes, one is too many but those numbers hardly suggest that the sex trade is flourishing on child hookers.
     
    And the only women who the media interviewed was not trafficked. She ended up in the trade after running away from home and needed a way to survive which is a bit different than what is implied by trafficked. All of those articles had the stink of police justifying their exorbitant budgets.
     
     
     

  21. 111
    Cat5

    @Frimmel #120:
     
    I did not use the word epidemic. That is the word you used. I said it was a problem that needs to be acknowledged and addressed, and it is increasing more than most people care to believe or understand.
     
    You, and others, were doubting that there were girls trafficked at the Super Bowl. So, I provided information that according to the statements released by the FBI, all the girls involved were 13-17, and some of them were trafficked at the Super Bowl and NCAA Final Four.   But, you now appear to blow off the FBI’s statements as unreliable because the police are just trying to justify their budgets, and the girl involved ran away from home so she couldn’t have been trafficked.
     
    Huh?  What do you think is implied by the word “trafficked?”
     
     “Sex-trafficking” is defined in 22 USC Section 7102.  Please explain wherein it states or implies that it’s not sex-trafficking because the girl ran away from home, and needed a way to survive?
     
    For your ease in reference, below are Subsections 8 and 9 of Section 7201 wherein sex trafficking is defined:
     
    (8) Severe forms of trafficking in persons
     
    The term “severe forms of trafficking in persons” means—
     
    (A)sex trafficking in which a commercial sex act is induced by force, fraud, or coercion, or in which the person induced to perform such act has not attained 18 years of age; or
     
     
    (B)the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, or obtaining of a person for labor or services, through the use of force, fraud, or coercion for the purpose of subjection to involuntary servitude, peonage, debt bondage, or slavery.

     
    (9) Sex trafficking
     
     
    The term “sex trafficking” means the recruitment, harboring, transportation, provision, or obtaining of a person for the purpose of a commercial sex act.

  22. 112
    JoeK

    @Cat #119
     
    Yes, your exploitation/trafficking argument is bogus. Let’s do the math:
     
    Note that the resulting numbers will be MAXIMUMS from the supplied data, since trafficking will likely happen more in larger cities than in the small ones, so the reporting is from highest-incidence locales.
     
    From those reports (and as Frimmel noted) there were 106 cities, 76 “trafficked” women. (Quotes because I’m granting the data is accurate, though I really don’t trust these vested interests). That’s 1.38 trafficked women per city.
     
    Number of cities in the US: 19355 (from The Straight Dope)
     
    Number of strippers in the US: 400,000 (from StatisticBrain)
     
    Average number of strippers per city (400000/19355): 20.6
     
    MAX Percentage “trafficked” (1.38/20.6): 6.7%
     
     
    Sorry, I don’t see 93.3% of strippers NOT being trafficked as indicating going to strip clubs is “means that I actively or passively participate in the sexual exploitation of women”.
     
     

  23. 113
    Cat5

    @ JoeK #122
     
    *The FBI was not reporting about the sexual exploitation of “trafficked” women.  It’s about the sex-trafficking of minor females (ages 13-17).  These are two different groups as evidenced by the use of “or” in 22 USC Section 7102, Subsextion 8(a), which I posted above in #121.
     
    *You are taking one bust by the FBI of people trafficking in minor females (ages 13-17), (and I’m pretty sure there are a lot more in the works, particularly since Backpage is having new ads posted every minute of every day), and comparing it to the number of strippers in America.  Those two numbers are not comparable…unless, perhaps, you can find the number of minor females (ages 13-17) stripping in the US.  Even then, then numbers are still not comparable because you have to look at the number of minor females performing commercial sex acts, of which stripping is only one subset, to extrapolate your percentage.  But, there again, you are only using the numbers from one recent FBI bust.  You would still need to find total numbers of people busted for trafficking minors and the number of minors involved, nationwide, to do an accurate comparison.  Feel free to do so, the numbers are readily available on the FBI website…just look for reported crimes statistics, and then the proper categories (minors — sex trafficked).
     
    Of course, that still doesn’t take into account the unreported crimes of trafficking in minors.  Those estimated numbers are readily available from organizations working to help minors (and adults) get out of sex trafficking.  I posted the link to one such non-profit agency at #104.
     
    So rather than making a quick comparison with the incorrect data to prove your point that I don’t know what I’m talking about, it would behoove you to do proper and complete research, came up with the correct data, and then use that to try and persuade me of the correctness of your position.
     
    For you to believe that there is a maximum of 1.38 women (which does not include minors) trafficked per city, based on my day-to-day experience alone is very naive and uninformed.  I’ve seen significantly more than 1.38 people per block being trafficked in certain parts of many, many cities.  What do you think it means when a person (and I say person because it can be a male or female, adult or minor) has a pimp that is sending them to clients?  Per 22 USC Section 7102, Subsection 9 (which I posted above @ #121) that pimp has just trafficked that person.  Because, in my humble experience, all a pimp does is recruit, harbor, transport, provision, and/or obtain a person for the purposes of a commercial sex act.
     
    However, I do understand that, when it comes to actual experience in thse matters, YMMV.

  24. 115
    rena

    i  say  pray about it. dt stress over it.

  25. 116
    Danielle

    Correct me if I’m wrong but don’t bachelor parties usually involve strippers?  
    I think she’s getting herself worked up for no reason.  Unless she has a legitimate reason to distrust him and thinks he had sex with one of them, then I think this party was harmless.  And talking about getting a masseuse like it’s some sort of payback is just counterproductive.  Trust seems to be lacking here.  

  26. 117
    Rose

    One step removed from prostitution and one step removed from being a John.

  27. 118
    Charlene

    Gia I could not have put that better myself. Well said! 

  28. 119
    ramon

    Evan is so spot on I can’t add anything for the most part. The only thing I will say is that it is not the SOON to be wife’s part to interfere with what kind of party her SOON to be husband has… also, it isn’t the STB husband who is making the plans so he has no control over it, that job is the best man’s. It is the best man’s decision of where to throw the party, when it happens, and how many naked strippers will be there…. It is a right of passage that every man has to go through before they get married. These uptight STB wives should just mind there own business and worry about there own bachelorette party. for the commenters that are bitching about how it is disrepectful to the marriage and to the wife…. They are not married yet… how is watching strippers disrespectful? Stripper bachelor parties are not sex orgies… most of the time there is a security guard that the ladies bring to keep things in line

  29. 120
    Logic Alert

    Many of you women who have a problem with this have either not enough or too much self esteem.

    1. The strippers are for the groomsmen, not the groom.

    2.The groomsen aren’t going to encourage the groom to cheat with the stripper.

    3. The groom is there to have fun with his friends, not to have a wild night with a stripper. A stripper just happens to he there.

    If you are really going to let something like that bother you then you will have trouble finding a strong independent man to marry you and probably will settle for a weaker, more timid man who will quietly resent you for the way you act out your insecurities and never letting him leave “the nest”, so to speak.

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