Why Married Women Are Happier Than Single Women

After reading the University of Virginia’s study of nearly 3000 people to evaluate what makes marriages work, I was delighted to get validation for most of my theories that I espouse on this blog.

Among the highlights of the comprehensive report:

Women who are married are twice as likely to report they’re very happy than single women. 50 percent of married women say they’re “very happy” vs. 25% of single women.

65% of cohabiting parents break up vs. 24% of parents who had a child while married.

People who are married with kids are 8% less very happy than childless couples, but both relationships end up with the same marital satisfaction after 8 years.

People without college degrees get divorced 3x more within the first 10 years of marriage than people with degrees. Divorce has more to do with lack of employability and financial stress than education itself.

58% of married women prefer part time work once they get married. 78% of married men prefer full time work.

Regular church/temple attendance increases “very happy” reports by 9%. People who feel “God” is the center of marriage goes up by 25%. This has more to do with these people being commitment oriented than religious, per se.

Top 5 Predictors of Marital Success are almost identical.

Women:

1. Above average sexual satisfaction
2. Above average commitment
3. Above average generosity to husband
4. Above average attitude toward raising children
5. Above average social support

Men:

1. Above average sexual satisfaction
2. Above average commitment
3. Above average generosity to wife
4. Above average attitude toward raising children
5. Above average marital spirituality

Thus, this report suggests that one path to wedded bliss may be found by embracing an ethic of generosity that encompasses a spirit of service, frequent displays of affection and a willingness to forgive the faults and failings of one’s spouse. This spirit of generosity is all the more important as couples confront the challenges of parenthood together.

Remarkable, it’s everything I’ve been writing about for five years (apart from the God thing) and I didn’t even have to interview 2870 people!

So, to all you people who are perfectly happy being single, I’m thrilled for you – but the reason that people keep coming back to romantic love is that it has the capacity (not the guarantee) of giving your life greater meaning and satisfaction. There’s nothing wrong with being “single and happy” (since, of course, ALL of my clients are single) but, according to this study, women who are married are twice as likely to report they’re very happy than single women.

Why do you come back to the possibility of love, despite its chance to hurt you?

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Comments:

  1. 91
    marymary

    Goldie
    I went back to see what could have possibly started this nonsense. It’s this comment of yours:
    “Actually I find working together as a team, be it with my sons or any of my exes, to be one of the most enjoyable activities. Maybe even more so than vacations, concerts and sex. I think working together lays a foundation for a deeper connection. It also shows that you care for each other. I’m sure there’ll be no shortage of people wanting to go on vacation or have sex with me. But I want one who, in addition to wanting all that, would also want to help me fix a leaky toilet.”
    I agree with that, for what it’s worth  (and don’t feed the troll.  It ain’t worth it!)
     

  2. 92
    J

    David- you are barking up the wrong tree with Goldie. There are plenty of rude and/or unreasonable women elsewhere on this blog. You should find the of them to pick on- Goldie doesn’t fit that bill.

  3. 93
    Goldie

    Thanks, MaryMary! And don’t worry, I’m all out of troll food today :)

  4. 94
    David

    Sparkling Emerald – 101
    “Ahem”? ” Framing an accusation as a question?” I simply asked a question. There was no intent to accuse anyone. And by the way, that comment was to marymary -86, not to Goldie, and certainly not to you.
    I have a right to express my opinion just as you have. I have not become accusatory to you.  The first thing that came to my mind? What about the myriad of things that came to yours? – aging parents, free loading siblings, problems with uncles or cousins, children from a previous marrige, etc.  So the “fact that you thought to ask implies you thought it was a strong possibilty”. Did you think free loading siblings was a strong possibility? Is that one of the first things that came to your mind? I simply asked a question. I did not say, nor accuse, that there was an affair involved. I wondered if there may have been. Is that OK to do without you passing judgement simply for asking the question? I did not “practically accuse” anybody of anything. I simply asked.
    Your supposition that I was accusing her of an affair is what is based on “flimsy evidence”. Do I have the right to ask without such an abrasive response coming from someone to whom the comment was not even directed? I’m not a judge, niether are you. I simply asked a question. No one has the right to presume to characterize that as “accusing” anyone of anything.

  5. 95
    David

    marymary – 103
    “I’m sure they’ll be no shortage of people… wanting to have sex with me.” Does that sound like an appropriate comment, containing any sort of class to you? Calling people caustic names for expressing their opinion, or calling their opinion “nonsense” is simply childish. We can certainly disagree, but name-calling is kid-stuff. I won’t resort to that. You certainly have the right to your opinion, as do I. I would certainly never presume to call you chidish names for simply expressing your own opinion

  6. 96
    Goldie

    @ marymary 103
     
    Want to add, I took the initial question “if working as team with your “exes” is so enjoyable, then why are they your “exes” to begin with?” completely at face value – i.e, if I say working together helps the relationship, then how come it didn’t help any of mine? so I went on to explain that, neither of mine can serve as an example of a couple working together, because for different reasons, in each of them, there wasn’t a whole lot of working together going on. However, my parents’ marriage can be used as such example. They worked together a lot, and it did, in fact, bring them together.
     
    I was in no way prepared for anything that followed.
     
    I still think that joining forces on household activities can be bonding, and fun. “and that’s the truth, Ruth”. And on this note, I will depart from this thread :)

  7. 97
    David

    J-104,
    You’re certainly right that there are some rude and unreasonable people on this blog. I simply asked what I think any reasonable person would find reasonable to ask as I read various comments. I did not stoop to rudeness, arrogance, cursing, name-calling or “attack-mode”. That is what lonely, unhappy people often do. I sympathize with them irrespective of their lashing-out toward me for simply expressing my opinion as we all have a right to do. Their lashing-out is born of that precise frustration that comes from being unhappy and alone, and I understand that. They could, perhaps, instead of beingrude and unreasonable as you mention, listen to a man’s perspective on these things. However, they chose to attack it. That is unfortunate.
    I never meant to pick on Goldie. I just asked honest questions and then she went off. Instead of at least listening to a man’s perspective, she chose to curse, insult, and be patronizing. I see Goldie has now left the thread. If a man simply giving honest comments to her posts made her “in no way prepared for what followed”, that is her affair. It was she who kinda jumped on me, not vice versa. And, if I was barking up the wrong tree (which I certainly did not think I was doing, just engaging in honest comments), then the tree no longer exists because she has left the thread. I wish her the best.
    And ladies, can I offer a man’s perspective on something? It is a huge turnoff for a man to read a woman say that there are no shortage of people who would want to have sex with her – a huge turnoff. Not only did I not intend to pick on Goldie, just respond honestly to her posts, but as I said before I think she has some deep-seated issues and I hope she can find a way to resolve them. I genuinely do feel sorry for her.
    I simply commented on the couples working together element because I have read several articles that say couples who work together (in business) end up resenting each other and often divorcing. I did not expect that to cause such a defensive series of rude, cursing and condescending responses. Despite her responses, I wish her well now that she has announced she has left the thread.

  8. 98
    Goldie

    Thanks J
     
    David. “And ladies, can I offer a man’s perspective on something? It is a huge turnoff for a man to read a woman say that there are no shortage of people who would want to have sex with her – a huge turnoff.”
     
    I agree. Which is why I don’t normally say it to people at random for no reason. However this was in response to Judy’s: “Now if you had said, it’s more fun to be married because you get to plan a lovely meal together, go for walks/cinema/pub/vacations, have meaningful sex, I would have understand you. ”
     
    See how it makes more sense when read in context? What I was saying is, it is easy to find a partner who wants to do all the fun things together. It is not easy to find one who wants to do both the fun things and the worklike things together. OK?
     
    Besides, it was an honest observation, and one that 99 women out of every hundred can make in good faith.
     
    “I simply commented on the couples working together element because I have read several articles that say couples who work together (in business) end up resenting each other and often divorcing.”
     
    That has nothing to do with helping each other out with housework, which was what the discussion was about. Again, context.
     

     
     

  9. 99
    David

    Goldie,
    You now purport to be the spokesperson for 99 out of a hundred women. Context or not, I don’t see any other ladies here claiming that there are no shortage of people who would want have sex with them. I suspect they know very well that is a crass and repellant remark from a man’s perspective, no matter what reason you attempt to justify it with. And yes, again, from a man’s perspective it is a huge turnoff to say such a thing, no matter what  “context” excuse you attempt to tie it to.
    I regret your need to lash-out.

  10. 100
    Tom10

    @ David # 111
    “I don’t see any other ladies here claiming that there are no shortage of people who would want have sex with them. I suspect they know very well that is a crass and repellent remark from a man’s perspective”
     
    In continuing your logic that Goldie should only speak for herself I assume you mean; “from ONE man’s perspective” (i.e. yours) it is a crass and repellent remark.
     
    I’m not sure why you find that comment so offensive as from another man’s perspective it isn’t really. I date attractive women so I’m going to assume that I’m not the only man who finds them attractive, all of whom want to have sex with her. In fact the more attractive she is the more men will want her. The more she knows this the more confident she will be.
     
    The fact that there is no shortage of men to pick from, yet she still picked me is actually a compliment. Would you want a woman who has a shortage of people who would want to have sex with her?
     
    I’m a guy and I’ll proudly say that there are no shortage of people who would want to have sex with me. Is that crass and repellent?
     

  11. 101
    David

    Tom-111
    The more attractice the woman, the less she has to verbalize that lots of guys want to have sex with her. That’s simply my opinion and I believe it reflects common sense. There is such a thing as tact and class and some measure of adult refinement. My opinion is that most guys would prefer a gal with tact and class as opposed to one who openly states that there is no shortage of men who want to have sex with her.
    Yes, in my opinion it is crass and repellent as opposed to having some class and not having to come right out and say it. I am an Italian looking guy with a thick head of wavy hair and am told I’m very good looking. I’m always told I’m the best singer everywhere I sing. I’ve never had any problem with women. That does not mean I have to “proudly” proclaim it. That’s akin to having to brag about it. And in my experience, if you have to brag, you really don’t have it – otherwise bragging would not be necessary. I only make reference to my own looks in response to your remark. I have never had to brag about it or “proudly say” it. 
    The more you have it, the less you have to “proudly” state it. Most people who are genuinely secure in their level of attractiveness don’t have to proclaim how lots of people would like to have sex with them. If that’s your thing – fine. Yes, not only do I find that classless and presumptious, but also kind of adolescent, insecure and immature. But hey, that’s only my opinion. Shout it from the rooftops if you’d like. That’s your business. 
    You’re entitled to your opinion. My opinion is that most guys want a gal with a little class and refinement – and announcing that there’s no shortage of guys who’d like to have sex with you is not my idea of a woman with much class. It may be yours and your certainly entitled to your opinion – as am I.
    And again, I think most gals would agree that openly saying this sort of thing is a huge turn-off to men. I sure don’t see anybody else on here saying it except you and Goldie. But again, your free to express your own opinion, just as I’m free to think it reflects classlessness and a certain level of insecurity. I’m as entitled to my opinion as you are – and yes, my opinion is that it is crass and repellent and I think most woman would agree. A woman can certainly exude confidence without announcing that there’s no shortage of guys who’d like to have sex with her. In my opinion, that is extremely bush-league.
    And as far a a guy goes – a guy who has no shortage of woman who’d like to have sex with him just plain does not have to “proudly” proclaim it. He just does it. He doesn’t have to talk about it. That’s my opinion, to which I have as much right as you have to your own.

  12. 102
    judy

    David 113 – I would rather die than say publicly “Yes.  There are hundreds of men who would just LOVE to have sex with me”.
    I’m not being bitchy here.
    It’s just – so horribly embarrassing to even think about saying that.  It just isn’t feminine (or maybe…..I’m totally wrong).
    To be fair, since I’m trying to be fair here, a woman does notice when men just desire her sexually and if she has her brain wired properly, she will also be wondering if SHE wants THEM.  (And for the guys, yes, I know that’s true for you too).
    And she behaves accordingly. 
    That, for me, is class and integrity. 
    And if I don’t get that at least from a man, well the hell with it.

  13. 103
    Karl R

    David said: (#113)
    “I am an Italian looking guy with a thick head of wavy hair and am told I’m very good looking. I’m always told I’m the best singer everywhere I sing. I’ve never had any problem with women. That does not mean I have to ‘proudly’ proclaim it.”
     
    And yet, you just did.
     
    Or did you just proclaim it while feeling a great deal of shame and loathing? I can’t tell from here.
     
    People say things on this blog that we don’t say in real life. I’ve mentioned my height several times on this blog (when making a relevant point). In real life, I don’t feel any need to inform people of my height unless they directly ask. They can just look at me and guess.
     
    Goldie was making a point. By describing herself/her circumstances, she was adding context that the rest of us couldn’t see.

  14. 104
    Goldie

    I am taking a break from this blog for a while. Will be looking forward to seeing the new design when I come back in a few months. Thanks Evan for a great blog and thank you everyone for the fun and informative discussions!

  15. 105
    Tom10

    @ David #113
    “my opinion is that most guys would prefer a gal with tact and class as opposed to one who openly states that there is no shortage of men who want to have sex with her”
     
    I’m amused that you admonished Goldie #111 for purporting to be the spokesperson for women, yet on your next post you speak on behalf of most guys. Hmm.
     
    “I am an Italian looking guy with a thick head of wavy hair and am told I’m very good looking.”
     
    Glad to hear it – I was wondering what you looked like. Not.
     
    “I’m always told I’m the best singer everywhere I sing”
     
    And what’s that got to do with the price of tea in China?
     
    “I’ve never had any problem with women. That does not mean I have to “proudly” proclaim it. That’s akin to having to brag about it.”
     
    I didn’t say it to brag; rather that stating that sex is easy to come by for either men or women isn’t crass or repellent or indeed have any value judgement against it – it’s just a statement of fact.  But this is just my opinion. I do have a right to my opinion right?
     
    “And again, I think most gals would agree that openly saying this sort of thing is a huge turn-off to men”
     
    So not only are you a spokesperson for most men, but you’re a spokesperson for most women too!
     
    “A guy who has no shortage of woman who’d like to have sex with him just plain does not have to “proudly” proclaim it. He just does it. He doesn’t have to talk about it.”
     
    Yes, but you do realize that we’re writing on a blog here, where nobody can see what people are doing? So if people don’t talk about it, no ideas can be exchanged.
     
    @ judy #144
    “David 113 – I would rather die than say publicly “Yes. There are hundreds of men who would just LOVE to have sex with me”
     
    You’d rather die? Really? Hyperbole much? And that’s not exactly being fair, as no-one said that there are hundreds of men who would just love to have sex with me.
     
    Anyway the point is – as Goldie already clarified – that David took her quote out of context and re-quoted it unfairly. She just meant it’s easy to find someone to have sex with (which it is); not so easy to find said person to stick around and help broken toilets.
     
    @ Goldie # 116
    I hope you haven’t been upset by this discussion. I find you always write reasonable and balanced comments. I just couldn’t resist getting stuck in.

  16. 106
    judy

    Tom 117 – as I said, yes, I’d rather die than say that ” ” (as stated in my post).  Hyperbole? No, gut honesty.
    I don’t think I want to get into kindergarten arguments about who said what, etc.
    I was replying to your post.

  17. 107
    David

    Karl R – 114
    If you read my comment, I clearly state that I’m making reference to myself only for reasons related to responding to Tom’s remark. The exact point being that I would never have to proclaim it to others under other circumstances. I think that is clear to any reasonable person from the content of my comment – that I was only mentioning myself to make a point about Tom’s comment.
    Your “shame and loathing” comment, in addition to making very little sense and being extremely rude, seems downright strange. However, I will not presume to say such a sort of rude and insulant thing to you in return. You inferred the complete opposite of my intended point. I was stating that I would never mention my own looks outright, and was only doing so to make a point relative to Tom’s comment. That WAS the whole point. This is the exact opposite of your claim that I had just overtly done it. You obviously missed the entire point.
     You state, “I can’t tell from here.” I don’t know where your “here” is. But in my opinion the tone of your comment was exceedingly wierd, stating that we say things here that we would not say in “real life”. What? You ARE saying them in real life and are publishing them to everyone on this blog. You MAKE my point when you say you have mentioned your height on this blog but would never do so in “real life”. That was my whole purpose when mentioning myself in order to make a point when responding to Tom’s comment. I did it only for that purpose, and stated that quite clearly in my post.
    “Shame and loathing”? That is such a strange thing to say that it almost seems to denote something you inwardly feel about yourself. And then to say Goldie was adding context “the rest of us couldn’t see?” What? Her whole assertion has been that her context should have been obvious all along. What a wierd sort of way to word a comment all the way around.
    Judy-114
    What an extremely sensible and common sense-type comment. Of course you would not want to state such a thing in public. I don’t think the vast majority of women would. That’s the whole point I was making about a woman saying lots of guys want to have sex with her. I don’t think any classy lady thinks that would be an appropriate thing to do. Its just common sense. You seem like a very honest, classy, good-hearted gal with old fashoned common sense. A man would be lucky to find you and I’m sure a good one eventually will. 
     

  18. 108
    Jennifer

    I’m sorry but have seen a lot of married people bicker and be unhappy around single people. It’s more of a in your face tactic that isn’t cool. Some people get married just for show. Not to say that there aren’t any unhappy single people too. And men press the issue to see these evil jezebels target single women. It’s the truth. Seen a Medicaid psychologist for years and figured all this up. Because been abused by BOTH SINGLE AND MARRIED GAL PALS…gosh my life has improved so much since they have gone and love it! 41 single and HAPPY.

  19. 109
    Eve

    I don’t think that’s true. My mum has been miserable ever since she got married. She always told me not to get married so I can be “happy and free.” And the only time I’ve been miserable is when men have been either emotionally or physically abusive towards me. So, I would rather stay single and enjoy some peace and quiet!

  20. 110
    Charli Renee

    Ok, I found this entire blog entertaining. I AGREE with so many of you on both sides. No I’m not wishy washy, just open minded. The author, Evan, makes good points that happiness can be found in a healthy happy marriage. I think that we all agree. I also think that so many variables are involved in every scenario. Happiness is subjective, and has so many varying components. I think being in a happy and healthy relationship takes lots of energy and effort. I think that is true to be happy and healthy single. I think that the benefits of being in a happy marriage are many as are those of being happily single. Where the difference lies is in the individuals choice, to seek happily married or happily single. I have no doubt given all the right variables, two players can find bliss, but eventually hard times will come via illness and or inevitable death. This again is true of being single. I will say this about that, however, lol. Healthy love of all kinds is where happiness, I believe, is found. It’s at the core, so to speak. God’s love, family love, friend love, pets love, even self love, all seeking to live and love beyond self while respecting self is the key, married or not. Striving to grow, to give, to learn, to forgive, to walk in gratitude, to see the best in others , in every situation, in every surrounding, and in self is crucial. Let’s not forget laughter, it needs to be a constant.

    For laughing out loud, can’t we all just get along?

    Warm safe hugs to ALL…:)

  21. 111
    Ashley

    Hogwash. single people are less happy because they are stigmatized by society, not for a lack of partner. People rush into marriage because of societal pressure. I wouldn’t say those people are happier. Look at divorce rates.

  22. 112
    Evan Marc Katz

    Marriage doesn’t make people happier by virtue of putting a ring on your finger. Yes, lots of people get divorced and there are plenty of unhappy marriages.

    And yet twice as many married people classify themselves as “very happy” as compared to single people. That’s what the study says. Sounds to me like a happy marriage may be a better state of being than happily single. What part of that doesn’t make sense?

  23. 113
    Charli Uihlein

     Again, it would depend on the ppl of which you studied, just as many studies have shown that many more singles are happy, and that numbers in this arena are growing.  Now, with that said, again, it depends on the participants. I have been happy in a relationship and out of one. I think happiness begins within, period. I love my life more now than ever but I am also a 49 year old lady who is financially independent, lots of friends and family, and date from time to time.  Would I want to step into another relationship now, eeks, not too sure, not when I like it this way.  But I am trusting God to help me with that decision. If a highly evolved gentleman who fit with me entered into the equation, maybe. But he would have to know what he wants and be all grown up. I just think that happiness is not anything that anyone can measure across the board, as so many ppl view it differently from day to day.  Again, a happy marriage is awesome but that doesn’t imply that a table of one can’t be just  as awesome as a table for two.  Both present pluses and minuses, that simple, and depending on the study that we are investigating, we will get different results.  I too think that I am being pretty darn clear as well. 

  24. 114
    j

    Ive known several people men and women but probably more women that say they really really want marriage and commitment but yet they have unresolved emotional problems that make it hard for them to have this in their life. Like they have a very volatile temper or drink and party too much or shop too much or are unwilling to compromise and don’t want anyone to dictate what they would like to do. As a long time married person I can see even though some single people claim they dont want to be alone I see they have characteristics that act as a buffer to it actually happening. The older these folks get in the current climate I see that year after year those people are allways in the same position. My husband has noticed this too. While its true that some people just haven’t found the right person and maybe been unlucky or maybe got burned by someone others are their own worst enemies. I have observed that some people are relationship people and some aren’t. I see more and more people staying single and I wonder if that95 percent getting eventually married statistic is going to be turned on its head in the near future.

  25. 115
    Jennifer Anne

    yet the women you guys CLAIM to love always cheat on you or vise versa.   MOST people who are in depressing marriages make the union worse by manipulating and fighting and blah blah blah.   I call bull shit on your article.  I am a shy person but whenever I gave of myself and had “friends” they were married.   always arguing and always finger pointing and whatever with your privledge lives.
    and before you go shooting off on the lip about my looks I am FAR from ugly and love my inner being.   AND interracial relationships ARE THE WORSE AND CARRY THE CRUTCH OF SOCIETY.  jus’ sayin :) 

    1. 115.1
      EmeraldDust

      Ooops, meant to say, just returned from an interracial WEDDING.

  26. 116
    Jennifer

    Evan,
     
    Where do you put in about Men being happy in their marriages?  Seems the good old double standard.
     
    thanks for making me feel even more horrible about myself.  If you guys only knew how truly horrible married women are to single women after 40 you would see her in a new light.
    and…..if my shelf life of happiness has ended because i’m oh how dare i say it.  “an old maid” then why do I get emotions of joy and love when i see on facebook and hear about so and so wanting me back. 
    you’ll always go back to the person you truly love once it’s all said and done.  Gosh you men really know how to make a woman feel like shit!
    thanks for making my day even more worse.

    1. 116.1
      starthrower68

      Jennifer, don’t allow anyone else to define you or define how you feel about yourself. It doesn’t help you to take the negative opinions of others about you and internalize them. Single people have as much potential and value to society as do married folks.  And some of our dear brothers comment on here with the express purpose of making the women here feel lousy about themselves. If gives them a fleeting sense of satisfaction, but solves no problems.  Most of us are just making our way in this world as best we can, trying to live right and do well by others. Don’t feel bad about that.

      1. 116.1.1
        JennLee

        I’m sorry. I posted earlier, trying to make a joke, but I just don’t get why there needs to be squabbling among us. I think we should elevate the conversation. We should debate and share experience, not squabble.

  27. 117
    EmeraldDust

    Just a general comment on all of this.
    I’ve never really had a hard time believing (in principle) that marriage provides a greater opportunity for happiness.  So I wouldn’t even think to question that assertion, weather the study was done by conservative Christians or liberal Pagans.
    And why not ? Marriage provides an extra layer of financial support (for both spouses)  Marriage provides an extra layer of domestic support (for both spouses)  Marriage provides a reliable source of sex, non-sexual affection, and companionship.  Marriage means the end of the frustrations & uncertainty of dating.  Marriage can increase your social circle. Call me old fashioned, but for people who desire children, marriage provides the best means of caring for those children due to the additional financial and domestic support.  (please, I am NOT slamming single parents, I just really believe it is easier as a couple) Or maybe it’s marriage SHOULD provide all of the above, but it is no longer doing that.
    Since I’ve been divorced, I am very disheartened to hear my married friends / family members coming out of the closet about how unhappy they really are in their marriages.  Sometimes, these teary eyed confessions are whispered when their spouse is  in close proximity and is just temporarily away.  Often times it is an “I love my spouse but . . . s/he wasn’t there for me when I was mourning my parent’s death”.  “I love my spouse but his/her job, hobby, friends come before me”.  ” I love my spouse, but s/he has withdrawn sexually, emotionally, or never gives me non-sexual affection”.  Sometimes these teary eyed admissions come from people whom I’ve long suspected weren’t really so happy.  Sometimes they catch me completely by surprise.  And these misty eyed breakdowns aren’t always accompanied by “I love my spouse but . . . ”  But when I was (supposedly) happily married, everyone else claimed also to be happily married.  When I divorced, the truth came out.
    I hold no ill will towards these people, I have no nasty, “It’s your own damned fault for staying, getting into it to begin with”  mentality towards them.  It saddens me and  does make me wonder why I even have fleeting moments of wanting to be married or coupled again.  I’ve been happily single and happily married.  I’ve been discontentedly single and miserably married.  Being happily married WAS the best, but miserably married WAS the absolute worst. I’m also the by-product of a miserable marriage, so I really know that there is no greater misery than miserably married.  At least staying single still allows for happiness, even if it is not the GREATEST happiness available and allows one to avoid the soul crushing misery that can only be found inside a toxic, dysfunctional, soul crushing marriage.  It’s easier to find & create happiness while single (not 24/7, but reasonably so), then it is to create happiness while inside a miserable marriage. 
    So now I DO question they survey results, not because of the source, but because of my limited observations.  And I do believe people often answer survey questions with the answer they think they SHOULD give.  People feel like they SHOULD be happy if they are married, feel guilty if they aren’t, and are loath to admit it, even annonomously on a survey. It’s like admitting that you really don’t like Christmas. Since I only heard these confessions of unhappily married AFTER I was divorced, I really do think that giving the “right” answer as opposed to the REAL answer could be at play in some of these results.
    I know the big mistake I made w/hubby #2.  (aside from marrying too soon, was insisting on too much “space” in a marriage, and marrying someone who was the same in the “I need my space” dept)  At the time I thought all this freedom and space giving, and space making was a good thing, and was our strength.  Didn’t realize that at the time, we were just two highly attracted to each other people, who wanted a family, but didn’t want true intimacy.  (It really is truly amazing that we managed 10 years of happiness)
    So I won’t make THAT mistake again, but there are like a million other mistakes that can be made.  No one thinks they are making the mistakes when they make them, until it is too late.  
     
    I still believe that truly happily married (generally speaking, no one is happy 23/7) is the greatest joy there is.  (Your opinion may differ, I get that)  I also believe that it is getting increasingly difficult to obtain.  (EMK would be out of business if that were not so) 

    1. 117.1
      EmeraldDust

      Very thoughtful and insightful reply.  And mature, and relevant. And witty & clever too!
      I can’t believe you are on a dating advice blog.  You seem like such a gem. You must have dozens of (white) men drooling all over you.
       

      1. 117.1.1
        Henriette

        Jennifer: You will, of course, be banned shortly and your comment deleted but before that happens I’d like to take the opportunity to say, that this is not appropriate language or behaviour.
         
        Are you truly over-40, as you state?  Your words seem to be those of an poorly-raised 13 year-old.  
         
        You owe apologies to: Emerald, EMK for befouling his blog with your filthy language and hateful attitudes and to all his readers who are unlucky enough to have read what you wrote, before it was deleted. 
         
        Shame on you!  Begone!

    2. 117.2
      Henriette

      @Emerald  ” I also believe that it is getting increasingly difficult to obtain.”  I agree that at least half of my still-married friends seem unhappy in their unions (plenty have already divorced).  But I actually believe it was always thus, maybe for different reasons.  Think of 100 years ago, when there was huge stigma against divorce, marital rape was legally acceptable and homosexuals usually felt unsafe unless deeply closeted (which, too often, meant marrying some poor heterosexual and making him/her feel unsexy for life). I can’t imagine that happy marriages were oh-so-common then, either.  
       
      Humans were flawed, are flawed, will always be flawed.  I think it’s possible to remain happily single and only marry when we find someone with whom we can have a very high chance of marital success.  It’s also good to remind ourselves that we can never be 100% and put measures in place that would help a split be less acrimonious (like a pre-nup, written up when you’re both deeply in love and therefore likely to be kind and fair-minded).
       
       
       
       
       

    3. 117.3
      toodahlooihaveeveryrighttopost

      i must of struck a cord. ha ha

    4. 117.4
      clickityclackandallthatback

      lol…. whatever this is so lame.  buy buy ! 

  28. 118
    starthrower68

    It must be be a full moon or it’s getting strange because it’s almost Halloween.  Very Alice In Wonderland.

  29. 119
    Right Answer

    It is very obvious why single women are Not happy, and the same holds true for many of us single men too.

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