Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry And Men Do

Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don't Remarry And Men Do

According to a survey of 5000 members of MillionareMatch.com, 83% of divorced men would consider marriage in the next five years, while only 32% of divorced women would do the same.

That’s a huge disparity, and while the gap is a little surprising, the findings are not.

The article on MarketWatch does a pretty good job of explaining why. Here’s the paragraph that hit home for me:

“Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.”

Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them.

As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I’ve seen this up close, and think that this is a genuine obstacle for women to overcome. I’ve written a lot about gender, money, and equality, and believe that the entire point of having money is that it gives you the freedom to marry for love rather than security. This is what wealthy men do. Male millionaires (smartly) don’t seek out female millionaires because, to them, it doesn’t matter what she makes. All that matters is how she makes him feel: appreciated, accepted, adored.

Female millionaires – despite being equal to their male counterparts – have a huge block against dating a man with less money. Where men take delight in picking up dinners and vacations for their lower-earning spouses, women become resentful that their spouses can’t carry their weight. Which is pretty silly when you are a millionaire with the means to do whatever you want. Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.

Like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

My 67-year-old mom – who I recently visited with my family – has absolutely no desire to date, despite the profession of her son. She likes her friends, her card games, her home improvement projects, her grandkids, her dinner parties, her travel, etc. Of course she does. But, in a rare moment of candor, she confesses to me that she’s lonely, and I continue to wonder why she chooses solitude over partnership. To her – like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

Yet to 83% of divorced millionaire men, the risk IS worth it. Which is why those men don’t stay on the market very long. So while I really don’t judge anybody’s life choices – whatever makes you happy – I do find it curious that men are so much more willing to spend their money on partners and take the risk of getting hurt.

Your thoughts below are greatly appreciated.

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Comments:

  1. 31
    Trenia

    I forgot to add just because you can quickly move on from a previous relationship doesn’t mean you should. I think women are more apt to go to therapy, self-reflect and figure out what went wrong than men are. And if you were married for years, you could probably stand to take a break and do some self-reflecting.

  2. 33
    Helen

    I am 50 years old, divorced and I have decided to NEVER  marry or live together with a man.
    The reasons for that are:  I own my own home and do not want to lose it.  I don’t want to cook and clean up after anyone else. I want to wear whatever I like and talk to whoever I like. More importantly, I like to feel comfortable and relaxed in my own home. Also, I am not at all attracted to older men and cannot bear the thought of having sex with them. I do not want to be anyone’s nurse, soon I will have to take care of an aging parent and the last thing I need is a beer gut on the couch asking when will dinner be ready!
    When I am old, I would rather be alone in my own home, rather than alone struggling to pay rent in a crappy apartment.

    (And so you shall be – EMK)

    1. 33.1
      Sabine

      You remind me of my friend who is 60. She owns her home, has a nice pension when she retires and lots more money b/c she’s a spend thrift. I am just stating facts and am not criticizing her monetary situation.   Her finances are tip top. However, after being divorced 20 years and making every excuse to not loose all that she’s worked for, she is lonely. She pretends that none of his is her doing, she has made excuses based on her finances and independence why her single life is so busy and a man would ruin it. Again, she is lonely.
       
      She could not convince me to pick money over love as I believe that a life without love is no life at all. :-) You can always speak with an attorney and financial planner to secure your finances. I think the right man is out there for you and you won’t have to be his maid, cook or caregiver. Please make sure your choices are not really to “protect your heart” guised as “protecting your wallet”. When you have love to give, it should give it from the heart :-)

  3. 34
    Henriette

    Evan – you’ve mentioned previously that your mother remarried after becoming a widow but that the relationship ended since her second husband wasn’t the right fit.  I wonder if she lost confidence, not in men, but in her own ability to select a good mate for herself.   I think the world of love and romance shakes the self-assurance of many.
     
    As for the general population of millionaires…  Men are most likely to become millionaires by earning the money themselves.  Women are most likely to become millionaires through marriage or inheritance.   So, unless we’re speaking about people of retirement age, I wonder if many affluent men think that even if they get divorced again and lose significant funds in the process, they’ll still be able to earn much of it back.  Whereas women realise they’re unlikely to come into big alimony/inheritance more than once in a lifetime ~ once it’s gone, it’s gone ~ so they are more financially self-protective.  Just one hypothesis…

  4. 35
    Yves

    Helen and EMK @33: Most people don’t die alone at home. Most people die alone in a hospital or facility after  an extended illness/disability or after a sudden life-terminating event. The idea that a happy marriage ensures a comfortable, heart-warming death is laughable. Death chooses us, not the other way around. Better to make partnership choices based on how you want to live, as Helen is, rather than on how you want to die. Otherwise you will be living your death instead of your life.

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  6. 36
    liliane

    Hello
     
    I am a french women currently living in Sweden.
    This is a reflection, maybe not for American women  although I am not sure how different we are on that matter.
    I Think that it is not a question of beeing worried to be loved for the Money but rather a question of gender.
    Generally women are more willing to accept to live alone because for them living alone does not mean beeing lonely, for men it does.
    There is a sense of “feminity” of beeing living alone.
    The second reason I Think of why Men re-marry faster, is that Men love to be loved and are ready to do so,  because it gives a sense to their emotions, and Women love to love and protect their emotions.  
    Liliane
     

  7. 37
    Luda

    Only one reasonable explanation for me  why men marry or remarry: it is in their nature to spend money on women and doesn’t matter how much he makes. Women are opposite.  Their nature to be taken care of. So their behavior totally normal. 

  8. 38
    Ges

    “Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.”
    Good luck with that!! These are qualities which make a good FRIEND, not a man a feminine woman chooses for a relationship! A woman is looking for STRENGTH in a man. How can a man who is not strong enough to compete with other men (including financially) protect her? Only a more masculine woman will be attracted to men who looses as soon as he enteres into competition with other men!
    As for rich men easily getting married to women who aren’t within the same economic strata I would say this is also not really true. Older rich men may less demanding in this respect but rich men in the best age usually pick women within their social circles. Whether the woman has to be a successful career woman depends on how masculine the man he is, but they will usually pick women who come from money backgrounds and known families.  Rich people, men or women, are usually generally afraid of being taken advantage of and therefore very distrustful.
     

  9. 39
    Ges

    Also, very honnestly, how can a survey taken among members of just ONE (potentially dubious? Why would a millionaire who wasn’t looking for and equally wealthy spouse and who had other things to offer apart from his wealth go on a dating website for millionaires?) website be representative?

  10. 40
    ysil

    The problem is that men are really loud, ugly, dirty, have big bellies and spread their legs when sitting, are annoying and want to always win and be right about everything, resist helping women and do what women need them to do and want women to be their slaves. Women are NOT like that, women are open, talk about their feeling and are always willing to help, specially if they are being helped. In any marriage, women always end up giving themselves up and losing themselves, mostly because of our size, bigger men overpower us, even forcing us to have sex with them and then the male judge refuses to recognize it as rape. Really this issue is very complex and u are minimizing the reality. Women have the right to protect themselves, a man knows for a fact his wife will never rape him, because if she tries, he is bigger, so no big deal, also he can say “no” at anything anytime for any reason, while women mostly cant because they risk a mans fist that can break their jaw, yet even if a woman were to punch a man, she is not likely to break his jaw. Women dont have the guarantee their husbands will not abuse them and for a woman to be left in the street its way more dangerous than for a man. I have had many men trying to rob me and pretend they wanted a relationship with me, men are so betraying and at the end they are all just jealous of any womens money, women are NOT like that, and I know because now I date only women, and yes I would marry one. And no, Im not even lesbian, I just want to share my love and I look for it where its possible, thats all. When lad culture and patriarchy is over, when men stop raping, murdering and abusing women, then millionare women may be able to marry men, until then hold on to your dollars ladies. Its appalling someone like you misinforming ppl like this, what about recognizing how abusive men are, and how when women give them their money they become even more abusive.

  11. 41
    Morgana

    This article is unfair, u r forgetting about the fact that this rich women may have very high standards and might not put up with a lot of emotional abuse that other poorer women put up with due to low self steem, this women might have gone through therapy and might not be willing to settle , which is what alot of poorer women do when it comes to men. Men need to change, be more caring and more emotionally supportive . Women are afraid men will kill them and rightly so. DIdnt you see about that man that married a woman and kill her after just 4 days to steal her money?? she was even a lot younger than him !! now, women dont do that.

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