Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don’t Remarry And Men Do

Why Wealthy Divorced Women Don't Remarry And Men Do

According to a survey of 5000 members of MillionareMatch.com, 83% of divorced men would consider marriage in the next five years, while only 32% of divorced women would do the same.

That’s a huge disparity, and while the gap is a little surprising, the findings are not.

The article on MarketWatch does a pretty good job of explaining why. Here’s the paragraph that hit home for me:

“Why are wealthy divorced women more likely to decide to remain single? “It’s much harder for divorced males to be alone than females,” says Fran Walfish, a psychotherapist in Beverly Hills, Calif. Unlike men, she says, “a woman’s ego cannot bear to tolerate a man using her for her money. She needs to know she is loved—rich or poor—flaws and all.”

Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them.

As a dating coach for smart, strong, successful women, I’ve seen this up close, and think that this is a genuine obstacle for women to overcome. I’ve written a lot about gender, money, and equality, and believe that the entire point of having money is that it gives you the freedom to marry for love rather than security. This is what wealthy men do. Male millionaires (smartly) don’t seek out female millionaires because, to them, it doesn’t matter what she makes. All that matters is how she makes him feel: appreciated, accepted, adored.

Female millionaires – despite being equal to their male counterparts – have a huge block against dating a man with less money. Where men take delight in picking up dinners and vacations for their lower-earning spouses, women become resentful that their spouses can’t carry their weight. Which is pretty silly when you are a millionaire with the means to do whatever you want. Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.

Like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

My 67-year-old mom – who I recently visited with my family – has absolutely no desire to date, despite the profession of her son. She likes her friends, her card games, her home improvement projects, her grandkids, her dinner parties, her travel, etc. Of course she does. But, in a rare moment of candor, she confesses to me that she’s lonely, and I continue to wonder why she chooses solitude over partnership. To her – like many women – the risk is not worth the potential reward.

Yet to 83% of divorced millionaire men, the risk IS worth it. Which is why those men don’t stay on the market very long. So while I really don’t judge anybody’s life choices – whatever makes you happy – I do find it curious that men are so much more willing to spend their money on partners and take the risk of getting hurt.

Your thoughts below are greatly appreciated.


Join 7 Million Readers

And the thousands of women I've helped find true love. Sign up for weekly updates for help understanding men.

I hate spam as much as you do, therefore I will never sell, rent, or give away your email address.

Join our conversation (133 Comments).
Click Here To Leave Your Comment Below.


  1. 31

    I forgot to add just because you can quickly move on from a previous relationship doesn’t mean you should. I think women are more apt to go to therapy, self-reflect and figure out what went wrong than men are. And if you were married for years, you could probably stand to take a break and do some self-reflecting.

  2. 33

    I am 50 years old, divorced and I have decided to NEVER  marry or live together with a man.
    The reasons for that are:  I own my own home and do not want to lose it.  I don’t want to cook and clean up after anyone else. I want to wear whatever I like and talk to whoever I like. More importantly, I like to feel comfortable and relaxed in my own home. Also, I am not at all attracted to older men and cannot bear the thought of having sex with them. I do not want to be anyone’s nurse, soon I will have to take care of an aging parent and the last thing I need is a beer gut on the couch asking when will dinner be ready!
    When I am old, I would rather be alone in my own home, rather than alone struggling to pay rent in a crappy apartment.

    (And so you shall be – EMK)

    1. 33.1

      You remind me of my friend who is 60. She owns her home, has a nice pension when she retires and lots more money b/c she’s a spend thrift. I am just stating facts and am not criticizing her monetary situation.   Her finances are tip top. However, after being divorced 20 years and making every excuse to not loose all that she’s worked for, she is lonely. She pretends that none of his is her doing, she has made excuses based on her finances and independence why her single life is so busy and a man would ruin it. Again, she is lonely.
      She could not convince me to pick money over love as I believe that a life without love is no life at all. :-) You can always speak with an attorney and financial planner to secure your finances. I think the right man is out there for you and you won’t have to be his maid, cook or caregiver. Please make sure your choices are not really to “protect your heart” guised as “protecting your wallet”. When you have love to give, it should give it from the heart :-)

  3. 34

    Evan – you’ve mentioned previously that your mother remarried after becoming a widow but that the relationship ended since her second husband wasn’t the right fit.  I wonder if she lost confidence, not in men, but in her own ability to select a good mate for herself.   I think the world of love and romance shakes the self-assurance of many.
    As for the general population of millionaires…  Men are most likely to become millionaires by earning the money themselves.  Women are most likely to become millionaires through marriage or inheritance.   So, unless we’re speaking about people of retirement age, I wonder if many affluent men think that even if they get divorced again and lose significant funds in the process, they’ll still be able to earn much of it back.  Whereas women realise they’re unlikely to come into big alimony/inheritance more than once in a lifetime ~ once it’s gone, it’s gone ~ so they are more financially self-protective.  Just one hypothesis…

  4. 35

    Helen and EMK @33: Most people don’t die alone at home. Most people die alone in a hospital or facility after  an extended illness/disability or after a sudden life-terminating event. The idea that a happy marriage ensures a comfortable, heart-warming death is laughable. Death chooses us, not the other way around. Better to make partnership choices based on how you want to live, as Helen is, rather than on how you want to die. Otherwise you will be living your death instead of your life.

  5. pingback
  6. 36

    I am a french women currently living in Sweden.
    This is a reflection, maybe not for American women  although I am not sure how different we are on that matter.
    I Think that it is not a question of beeing worried to be loved for the Money but rather a question of gender.
    Generally women are more willing to accept to live alone because for them living alone does not mean beeing lonely, for men it does.
    There is a sense of “feminity” of beeing living alone.
    The second reason I Think of why Men re-marry faster, is that Men love to be loved and are ready to do so,  because it gives a sense to their emotions, and Women love to love and protect their emotions.  

  7. 37

    Only one reasonable explanation for me  why men marry or remarry: it is in their nature to spend money on women and doesn’t matter how much he makes. Women are opposite.  Their nature to be taken care of. So their behavior totally normal. 

  8. 38

    “Women need to learn to respect lower-earning spouses the same exact way men do – for their character, kindness, warmth, attractiveness, and support, instead of looking down on them. Until they do, they’re going to remain single, surrounded by money, surrounded by friends, but without a significant other to share the ride.”
    Good luck with that!! These are qualities which make a good FRIEND, not a man a feminine woman chooses for a relationship! A woman is looking for STRENGTH in a man. How can a man who is not strong enough to compete with other men (including financially) protect her? Only a more masculine woman will be attracted to men who looses as soon as he enteres into competition with other men!
    As for rich men easily getting married to women who aren’t within the same economic strata I would say this is also not really true. Older rich men may less demanding in this respect but rich men in the best age usually pick women within their social circles. Whether the woman has to be a successful career woman depends on how masculine the man he is, but they will usually pick women who come from money backgrounds and known families.  Rich people, men or women, are usually generally afraid of being taken advantage of and therefore very distrustful.

  9. 39

    Also, very honnestly, how can a survey taken among members of just ONE (potentially dubious? Why would a millionaire who wasn’t looking for and equally wealthy spouse and who had other things to offer apart from his wealth go on a dating website for millionaires?) website be representative?

  10. 40

    The problem is that men are really loud, ugly, dirty, have big bellies and spread their legs when sitting, are annoying and want to always win and be right about everything, resist helping women and do what women need them to do and want women to be their slaves. Women are NOT like that, women are open, talk about their feeling and are always willing to help, specially if they are being helped. In any marriage, women always end up giving themselves up and losing themselves, mostly because of our size, bigger men overpower us, even forcing us to have sex with them and then the male judge refuses to recognize it as rape. Really this issue is very complex and u are minimizing the reality. Women have the right to protect themselves, a man knows for a fact his wife will never rape him, because if she tries, he is bigger, so no big deal, also he can say “no” at anything anytime for any reason, while women mostly cant because they risk a mans fist that can break their jaw, yet even if a woman were to punch a man, she is not likely to break his jaw. Women dont have the guarantee their husbands will not abuse them and for a woman to be left in the street its way more dangerous than for a man. I have had many men trying to rob me and pretend they wanted a relationship with me, men are so betraying and at the end they are all just jealous of any womens money, women are NOT like that, and I know because now I date only women, and yes I would marry one. And no, Im not even lesbian, I just want to share my love and I look for it where its possible, thats all. When lad culture and patriarchy is over, when men stop raping, murdering and abusing women, then millionare women may be able to marry men, until then hold on to your dollars ladies. Its appalling someone like you misinforming ppl like this, what about recognizing how abusive men are, and how when women give them their money they become even more abusive.

  11. 41

    This article is unfair, u r forgetting about the fact that this rich women may have very high standards and might not put up with a lot of emotional abuse that other poorer women put up with due to low self steem, this women might have gone through therapy and might not be willing to settle , which is what alot of poorer women do when it comes to men. Men need to change, be more caring and more emotionally supportive . Women are afraid men will kill them and rightly so. DIdnt you see about that man that married a woman and kill her after just 4 days to steal her money?? she was even a lot younger than him !! now, women dont do that.

  12. 42

    I think the issue is women with money date young stupid goodlooking guys with nice bodies. When i moved to a big city i noticed that when i went out i would wait for the young women to talk to me, but in a big city it’s the ‘cougar’ women that are a lot more confident who would try and get me back into bed. But as i got older i noticed it became less and less. Cougar women go after young attractive males who are the most likely to be insecure about a womans income(because i was young stupid and macho) but that’s what cougars adore an prey on. 

  13. 43
    Dr. Ed Breslin

    These posts go to show that each case is individual.  People, in general, hang their hats on too many generalities about both men and women.  Their is no magic common denominator in seeking relationships.

  14. 44

    I disagree that men are less happy being alone than women. In fact I dare say that women over 35 slowly grow more miserable and desperate as they realize time is ticking and they don’t have a man to love them. Guys just like things that make them happy and they go for what they want, whether it’s a wife or a boat. The fact that older women are spending tens of thousands of dollars on coaching on how to find a man from evan while men would only younger men tend to hire coaches for attracting women. While a lot of us want a great woman, we can live without, and many older ones have been raped by divorce have decided that long term relationships aren’t for them and will not pursue women unless she makes it very clear that she’s not like the average American woman(good luck proving that if you’ve divorced). Though I guess these aren’t the truths women need to see as such things are bad for morale and thus bad for business.

  15. 45

    Also older women especially rich ones will drop out of the market realizing that few men want them at their age, and that past 40 or so she really is more for security than him genuinely wanting her. Guess no one wants to be sugar mommy to someone their age or older and expected to treat as an equal.

  16. 46
    William Ganness

    Bullshit. They are smart enough to know that there are hardly any men out there that marry for money. And her wealth makes in impossible for her to find someone to “marry up”. Men fall in love, women want resources. She has it already. She will fool around. And we men dont understand this. We have been socialized to believe in the myth that women fall in love with us for who we are. They only want resources – it is necessary for them to bring up offspring. Thats why men dont look at women’s resources. Thats why a mans resources are his primary attraction.

  17. 47

    I usually agree with most of what you’re writing, but I was a bit puzzled here. As far as I understand you appreciate the fact that men and women are different – equal, but different. Men care more about youth and appearance than women do, women care more about confidence and social status than men do.
    It is extremely easy to angle this in a way that would make the opposite sex seem shallow simply because you don’t share their preference. Women could say that the pressure to be slim and beautiful is crazy and adapt a victim mentality, but the truth is that even though men don’t suffer from the same focus on their appearance, they suffer from other types of pressure. No gender has it easier.

    Therefore I find it a bit strange to shame women for their preference for successful and well off men. One could argue that men are biologically wired to be competitive and to want to achieve things, and his success is an indicator of his masculinity, and not less reasonable to look for than for a man to want a feminine woman. For better or worse, money is an indicator of how well you do in life. It’s not the only one, but it’s one. Money buys freedom, safety, pleasures and convenience and seeing that most men don’t exactly rely on meeting a wealthy divorcee, they will make an effort to achieve a certain level of wealth. And they can either succeed or fail.

    At 24, I completely accept the way men think and I adjust after it. Like a lot of young women, I go to great efforts to stay slim, dress well and keep my self overall very attractive. I just see the world for what it is – where your physical appearance has an immense effect of the quality of man you can get – rather than to complain about it.
    But it does piss me off when someone has different standards for women. One example is a young and attractive woman dating an older man. I can assure you she will be attacked for her choice (golddigger, whore) – the fact that he has chosen a young and good looking woman for equally shallow reasons is simply ignored – we’re just so used to it. Men will be men and so forth.

    The desire for a successful and wealthy man doesn’t have any logical reasoning behind it when you have money yourself. But that’s how sexual triggers work. Men are wired to respond to women with certain traits even though, in reality, it does not mean they will be better spouses or mothers. That women with shiny, thick hair and a perfect hip to waist ratio may very well be infertile. But we recognize and accept that she excudes a femininity that is appealing to men. And that sexual attraction matters for a relationship to start.

    Some people have to high standards for their partners and that’s okay. They’re the ones who have to suffer. Some people should lower their standards if they struggle to find someone, man or woman. But I don’t think the preference for wealthy men is an “obstacle to overcome” for women, any more than a man’s preference for attractive women is an obstacle for him to overcome.

  18. 48

    A woman’s loyalty is tested when her man has nothing.   A man’s loyalty gets tested once he’s acquired everything.

  19. 49

    Women don’t want to remarry because being the mommy of one grown man in one lifetime is generally enough for us. OFCOURSE men remarry. They get a mommy out of the deal and life becomes much easier and carefree.

  20. 50
    Beth Bradley

    You fail to mention the other half of the dilemma faced by women who are independently wealthy–a vast majority of men resent women who make/have more money than they do. That lead to two divorces for me, and since then to a lot of experience with this issue in dating. At first men are impressed, and enjoy being treated to trips or nice dinners or hanging around with celebs. But for men (more than women) MONEY is a currency for keeping score in the game of power. The one with the most, wins. Stupid but true. So in the long run, the guy tries to ‘even’ the score by picking away at the woman’s sense of value/worth subtly or not so subtly. Remarks about her appearance, her taste, her choice of a friend/s, her judgement, her ‘emotionality’ or her ‘coldness.’ Basically a rude, hostile, brutish type of M.O. Finally, I don’t understand the ‘loneliness’ motive for finding this theoretical ‘man.’ I have never been so lonely as when I was married to one of these guys whose plans for the day were to take the wind out of MY sails. Never so free as when single. Now I am retired and spend the days as I like. Volunteer work, and friends, and activites and interests keep my life filled with interesting and well loved people. Although I do accept dinner dates, and enjoy time/trips with friends…I traveled as a business woman and am completely at home seeing a movie by myself or having dinner out or traveling alone. I have a lovely german shepherd, and my home is my castle. I once had a male acquaintance who told me that I should never be married, and when I asked him why he said that, he remarked–“Because you just have a kind of impenetrable certainty around yourself. There’s no vulnerable spots for a man to work his way through.” !!!! Uh huh. I’d gladly accept friendship, passion, love of a man who is as confident in himself as I am in myself. Until then, I remember the total of 37 years I devoted to two marriages, during which so-called men attempted a wrecking ball strategy to ‘break me.’ And to women who are ‘lonely,’ I say, visit women in nursing homes, volunteer for the homeless, become a hospice volunteer, visit and play with the kittens at your local humane society or animal shelter…there is a world out there that needs your special touch…that will remind you that you are fortunate, and valuable.

  21. 51

    I worked my butt off building a business with my ex, and most people knew I was the brains behind it. When the money began flowing, he decided to spend it on prostitutes, strippers, drugs, and bigger and bigger boats. In the end, I was the only one really working, raising two toddlers, maintaining the house. I was practically the only one home. Lack of physical intimacy was never our issue, we remained intimate until the end, although it did become unsatisfying to me and I made him wear a condom an no kissing. Basically, I became his “home hooker”…….. and I signed checks when needed for the business. I had to leave him to save what money we had remaining and to save my kids.

    After my divorce, I dated for six years – older, younger, gold-digging men, much older men looking for a hot middle-aged woman, and many many many men with insecurities or other emotionally suffocating personalities. I finally decided to only date men approximating an “equal” to me, defined as attractive, fit, similar income, emotionally stable, confident, intelligent, and within 5 years of my age. I am in Miami, a world of older wealthy men dating women 10, 15, 25 years younger than them. I have dated so many men that have done this over and over again and have been repeatedly taken to the cleaners by their much younger ex-wives…… and they are always stunned!!!!! Can you imagine? As I said, they do it over and over again….. some have children from multiple women, and their children see them as little more than a bank account. So, who is the smarter gender?

    And, physical intimacy, i.e. sex……… only gets better with age for most women and more difficult with age for most men.

    But, I do love men…… so……

    I say it all the time, any man that I meet has a high threshold to clear, for me to take time away from my pre-teens to spend time with him. It’s been liberating….. and a little lonely. I’ve finally met someone that I absolutely love and adore. And, so, now I struggle with the thought of marrying again. Guess I’ll ask the magic 8 ball.

  22. 52

    I think the reasoning extrapolated from the surface appearance is off in this article. Women are exceedingly generous and nonjudgmental as a rule. Very few women would have any problem paying for others in terms of dining out, participating in activities, and the like.

    The problem is that a man who cannot support himself has something seriously wrong with him as a man. For some reason our culture has tried to convince people that this isn’t true, but it is a serious red flag, and wealthy, experienced women have learned this.

    If he is unsuccessful in life, a man will either keep trying on his current path, change paths, or quit.

    A quitter who gives up the desire to support himself obviously is a problem. Changing paths can often be wise, but some people do this as a means of avoidance, another thing to be concerned about. And if he isn’t a quitter, he still might be delusional, for example a no-talent hack convinced he’ll become a middle-aged rock star, and willing to try to let others support him while he pursues his “dream”. There are many women dealing with all of these kinds of men, sadly often having had children with them as well, and having unhappy lives because of it.

    So yes, an experienced, wealthy, divorced woman is going to want to be sure that any man she hooks up with has some motivation to be a man and pursue his career or endeavor legitimately. If that is the case, and he just doesn’t happen to earn as much as she does, I think many such women would be much more open. The question is will the man start to view her as a financial resource or will he be a man and undertake management of his own life?

    1. 52.1

      Dating a man who makes less is difficult for a lot of reasons, even when you’re not a millionaire. It’s been a challenge for me (or rather for the man I was dating) when the income difference was less than $10,000/year. Kind of silly. I don’t really blame men for this nor does it describe all men. For every man who feels insecure getting serious with a woman who makes more there are many more women who dismiss a lower earning man as not a potential partner (not to mention those who don’t want the pity comments from friends and family about how she can do better).

      There might also be another explanation (and I got hammered for suggesting this in a different post). While women may want to get married far more than men do, the jury is still out on whether married women are actually happier and better off than single women, based on much of the research that’s been done. Could be because of the expectations we carry into marriage that we are inevitably let down, or it could be that despite what the manosphere promotes marriage is still a better deal for men in our society. I don’t know.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>