Women Choosing to Be Single Instead of Married in Old Age

I really didn’t plan on beating this marriage thing to death, but there have been a spate of articles about marriage recently.

This one validates something I already suspected from writing this blog for 5 years: that single women, in particular, are opting out of marriage and remarriage.

It makes sense from many perspectives. Women are self-sufficient in a way they weren’t 30 years ago. The stigma against divorce is largely gone. There are other single women with whom you can have a strong community. And there’s been an increase in people looking for happiness and being unwilling to suffer through unhappy marriages. These are all good things.

I agree wholeheartedly that it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.

Because if it’s not abundantly clear from the previous Saturday posts on marriage, I’m not a dogmatist, I’m a pragmatist. I believe that marriage can and should be a positive force, but only if both parties are on the same page and willing to make the necessary sacrifices for that marriage. I agree wholeheartedly that it’s better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.

Just don’t forget who’s choosing the bad relationship – you.

Which means that you can choose a good relationship and a good marriage when you’re good and ready.

You don’t have to opt out of it for life as so many of these women in the NYT article do. Click here to read the article if you have a NYT subscription.

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Comments:

  1. 91
    al

    Amy makes some very relevant and interesting  points and I can honestly say that the older I have gotten and the more I see if live the harder it has become to stand by the whole consensus of men and women being equally ‘good’

    I look around the world and see murder and domestic violence and war and rape and child abuse. The vast majority of these crimes are perpetrated by men against women.

    I see women valued purely for youth and appearance. I see a world where I stop and question whether men secretly hate us. I read only recently research by professor Gail Dines that showed 88percent of mainstream porn showed violence against women in the form of physical  abuse, spitting on the woman or calling them sluts and whores. Considering men are by far the main consumers im left to question why qbuse against women is so exciting to So many men

    it is really becoming harder and harder to not question whether men are simply

    less evolved

  2. 92
    Bozica

    Who says that every woman needs sex? They, they need, they for sure have a partner. After I broke with my partner (love of my life), I did never wish to have sex with anybody. All I need is a good friend to help me; but men don’t need women for friends.

    Bozica

  3. 93
    Ken

    Wow! Interesting thread.  I was married almost 45 years when my wife died at 64.  We married when she was 19.  I would give  everything I own including my right arm and right eye to have her back.  Love is a precious thing.  Much (not all) of this thread trivializes it and somehow blames men for the lack of it.

    When my wife was in our home as she was dying.  She had 24 hour nurse care in our home for almost 3 weeks.  Every single nurse told me to get on the dance floor whenever she passes.  I didn’t know why, they all just said, “life is short.”  That was their only answer. So, I did start taking lessons and did get on the floor within 3 weeks of her passing.  My first dance partner was about 75 and full of life.  I am 68.  This much I have learned from dancing.  Every woman I ask to dance WANTS me to hold her, WANTS me to watch her as she dances, WANTS my attention, WANTS to feel free, WANTS to feel confident in the process.  None of the women who are there to dance hate men.

    I will consider marriage, or a long term relationship.  I still have my faculties, am degreed, financially stable, no police record, have multiple sources of income, still have most of my teeth, a full head of hair, not over weight, am free to travel and I love women.  Women in their 50’s and 60’s are my target group, not younger women.  However, I will consider ONLY a woman who can show unselfish love and be willing to receive it in return.   Reading this thread shows me that there are some here who are capable of showing unselfish love, while others, for whatever reason, can’t.

    This I have learned since my wife died, I have a better chance of finding any future love on the dance floor.

  4. 94
    Diane

    Amy–

    You are awesome. If you do write a blog, I will be all over it like white on rice.

    And, yes, there are more quality women than men in the world. I’ve given up on finding a good one and have been happy giving up the search. I’d rather spend my time making me and my friends happy.

  5. 95
    Tim

    What you want to achieve in life is made harder or simpler in what you choose to believe in life.

    For example: If I believe that all women are bad, then even if I date women, my subconcious will always be looking for things to confirm my already existing belief. This will lead to bad experiences with women, and will further enforce this negative belief – making the belief harder to get rid of.

    If you honestly want good relationships and you havent been successful, I would look at what you currently believe about men, women and relationships in general – identify the beliefs that are stopping you from achieving your goal relationship – and change it to a belief that supports your goal relationship.

     

    Changing a belief you have IS HARD, but the results are definitely worth it.

     

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