Comments on: Men and Women Want the Same Exact Things – on Paper

By: downtowngal

downtowngal — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 12:53:36 +0000

RAR #14, this is probably why you have these clients – because their expectations are so high nobody can meet them. And then they wonder why they’re single.

By: Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach

Ronnie Ann Ryan - The Dating Coach — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:16:07 +0000

The argument about what people want versus what they perceive – I’d like to add a layer to that which is “What people want versus what is reality.” I talk to many women who refuse to settle, yet their standards are so high, only George Clooney could meet them – but not really since he is the consummate unattainable man.
And then I hear from all the men who want women 15 – 20 years younger than them. Some women want this too.
If criteria for a partner included good heart, honest, healthy, self-supporting, fun, shares the same values, is attractive to me -both men and women would have a much better chance of finding love. When my dating coaching clients work on getting to the bottom of what they really NEED, they increase their odds of finding love dramatically.

By: Andrew

Andrew — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:30:59 +0000

What a man wants on paper and what we respond to in real life are sometimes two VERY different things.

By: mic

mic — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 23:23:37 +0000

Ruby, don’t we all There is data for the in-between period that does not bode well. http://www.epjournal.net/filestore/ep07179205.pdf
Keep in mind that 1) people who say looks don’t matter/only the inside counts often are older and not looking, e.g., might not have practiced what they preach and 2) younger generations have grown up with different mores than their predecessors, such that the implication that time brings wisdom might be dubious (after all, IQ doesn’t increase). It’s also possible that people with dubious criteria in practice become less visible with age. Well, the educated guess is that most people behave at least a bit more wisely as they mature, in part because of lower emotionalism and external aging, as The Onion has satirized.

By: Ruby

Ruby — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:27:03 +0000

Mic #8

I would like to see a study involving people in their 30’s, 40,’s, 50’s. I wonder if a study of older people with more life experience and at different stages in their lives would yield different results. Sometimes what people think they SHOULD want, and actually DO want can be different…

By: Curly Girl

Curly Girl — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:45:00 +0000

Was the study about what people want in a relationship partner or what people look for in an online date? I thought it was about a relationship partner. I see dating (esp online) and relationship as two different things.

By: mic

mic — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 19:12:38 +0000

To not leave readers with the idea that you can’t judge a book by its cover when on some level everyone tries to… Sometimes the personality traits that lead to appealing presentation are bad, such as manipulativeness and narcissism – stereotypical example is a woman wearing tight clothing and excessive makeup, although generally such an extreme is not wanted for a serious relationship. Unfortunately, there are more than a few people of good character who swear off significant appearance effort because of such associations. Another issue is that people often fall into relationships, so that appearance (or other signs) might not raise flags because it’s just for “fun” but eventually an attachment that maybe ought not develop does develop.

By: mic

mic — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:51:56 +0000

Yes, dubious study. “Want” vs. “require,” for example. However, to the possible extent that in practice men and women genuinely want similar things beyond looks, people probably overestimate their skill in quickly judging the non-superficial traits, for example, inferring from a nice look and seeming friendliness that someone is a good person . The halo effect from appearance and perhaps social demeanor is strong and can last a long time. The possibly biggest lure of Internet dating is the bypass of that trap; the problem is that it does not.

By: Joe

Joe — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 18:51:27 +0000

20- and 21-year old college students don’t even know who they are, let alone who they’re going to be.

By: Lance

Lance — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 16:02:24 +0000

This study was zero credibility with me. 20 and 21-year old college students don’t know what the hell they want, and in fact I don’t think men and women really know what they want until they approach 30.