Comments on: My Boyfriend Won’t Stop Talking About His Ex-Girlfriend!

By: pixie

pixie — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 16:12:13 +0000

I just read I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. You can get it on Amazon or other bookstores. It helped me to deal with so many issues that I had with my fiance’s ex – who I really hated!! Now, my relationship is perfect xxx

By: Raina

Raina — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 00:43:39 +0000

The only reason you should bring up an ex is to show that you learned something and improved as a result of that experience. Someone I dated constantly brought up his ex, how excited she made him, etc. While this was happening, our intimate life was flagging. How could he expect me not to compare myself to her and how could anyone, no matter how secure, not take this ‘ex talk’ personally when their partner was showing no interest in them? We used to have to walk past the restaurant his ex co-owned with her husband (whom she was married to during the time my partner was ‘seeing’ her) and he would rubberneck the whole time we went past. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around with this guy too much longer. Turns out she was pretty hot (I’m not shabby either), and because all the guys who frequented the restaurant wanted her, he felt like the top of the alpha heap when he slept with her. No matter how nice a guy is, he will never be above his primitive instinct to mate with the (perceived) most desirable female, and most men insensitively bring up their exes all the time to show their sexual desirability and prowess. The only reason he didn’t like me as much is because he didn’t have to compete for me (I didn’t tell him about all the other guys I turned down in order to date him only). Ladies, when a guy brings up his ex in a way that reveals something about his need to win, or his esteem for her as a coveted sexual object, immediately start dating other men and make sure he knows it. Constantly talk about other men with awe in your voice for their abilities and qualities that he doesn’t possess. He will straighten up right quick because, in essence, you are dealing with a primitive alpha male, and you don’t have to dump him and start all over again because deep down you know that on some level, all guys are like this. To keep breaking up with each one hoping to find another who’s better is going to be a waste of your child-bearing years because you’re constantly going to be playing roulette with your heart and the chances of you finding someone more evolved will be slim. Many factors must coincide for you to meet the right person, and it could take YEARS. If he brings up exes just to talk about his history in a way that doesn’t feel like he is devaluing you, by all means, have the talk. In many cases, I have felt like the ex talks I’ve had with most men are tainted with a combination of bitterness and braggadocio (neither of which make sense to me as a woman).

By: MrsB

MrsB — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 00:58:49 +0000

So I have no idea how old this thread is but I’ve found it relatively useful. My situation is a little different, I’m the one talking about exes. Married for 6 months, been with hubby for 2 years. I’m talking about Exes to girlfriends in conversation, and usually it’s a conversation around once every three months. Like, a fantasy I had from age 16 up with an authority figure that never got acted out. Or talking about other fantasies. Or using an experience with an Ex to give advice on a girlfriend’s current situation. My husband finds it extremely hurtful that I would even mention an Ex to anyone, when he feels like I should just be perma-praising him and our sex life or whatever.
I find it hard to see from his point of view, as my Ex references are almost always only with girlfriends (he and I have talked it out in terms of EVERYTHING we’ve ever done with anyone) in conversational context. My intention is never to be hurtful, and my husband and I have a very fulfilling sex life (new job = libido boost), and we certainly have rough patches, but this seems like such a bizarre thing to be in an argument about.

By: RR

RR — Fri, 27 May 2011 02:23:42 +0000

I’m also having a similar problem. The guy I’ve been dating pretty seriously keeps bringing up past sexual exploits. It’s starting to really bother me, and I would normally consider myself pretty confident. But he’ll tell me the crazy things past women have requested of him, and he even bragged to me once of a woman he had sex with who had fake boobs.I asked him what he thought and he said fake boobs are much better. I have real boobs. I should have never asked him further questions. I got divorced a while back and was monotonous for 14years so I don’t nearly have the experience he does, although I do have a kid. I’m not sure if he brings these things up out of insecurity or he’s just too obtuse to realize it’s inappropriate. Anyway, I’m feeling pain about this too…

By: Ridiculous

Ridiculous — Mon, 28 Mar 2011 10:28:56 +0000

“I’m one of those people who doesn’t see anything wrong in dredging up the name of ex’s”

I am generally very understanding, and by no means too obtuse to recognize the value of “being open and honest” or “explaining your paramters”, but: a girl I have dated a few times is doing this incessantly–all bad things that she is describing, and it is one of the most UNsexy things imaginible.

I am considering ending the whole thing as a result.

I do not want to end up with a person who is SO unable to see me and what I am offering.

I do not want to be compared to past idiots.

I do not believe that their reactions were entirely one-sided.

I do not want to be denied normal, fun, development of the relationship because she is broken. This is NOT fun, and all the extra boundaries aren’t either.

I am considering ending the whole thing as a result.

By: Bee

Bee — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 14:52:52 +0000

I have to disagree. While I think it is ok to talk about exes, it depends upon the context. I once had a guy I was living with confees that his ex was the love of his life and he regretted breaking up with her. Sorry, but you don’t say that to someone you’re in a relationship with. It’s hurtful. I had another guy I dated talk about his ex all the time. He would complain about her, and bring her name up in conversation. I would say something about me, and he would reply, “My ex was like that too.” I’m sorry, but again, not cool. Bringing up your ex in this kind of context means you’re still not over that person and most likely not ready to be in another relationship. However, just mentioning an ex in passing or relating a funny story about an ex would not bother me. It’s all about the context.

By: Relationship Writer

Relationship Writer — Wed, 19 Jan 2011 16:11:43 +0000

Personally, I disagree with Evan in this case.
I feel that you should be honest about your past before getting to a new relationship but once you are together, there is no point mentioning about your ex.
Repeatedly story sharing about their ex only shows a lack of mindset preparation for your new relationship and the inability to let go of your past. Imagine you are deeply in a love with a man and wants to give all your attention to him but all you are required to do all day is to put up with stories about his past.
To me, it is disrespectful and unfulfilling, time wasting and emotionally draining.
Different people enter a relationship for different reason but when the right time to do is to give love in a relationship rather than sharing stories about your past love!
Well, but that is just me!
p.s – many people bring emotional baggages into their new relationship without realizing it! unless you are ready, you should not enter into a new relationship yet!

By: fs

fs — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 19:33:12 +0000

my bf talk about his ex a couple of times even on our first date. at first, i hinted that I don’t want to hear about it, then I told him that he’s hurting my feeings, but he still mentions her. then I finally got mad and yelled at him. I understand whatever logical reasons it is to suck it up and not bothered by the ex talk, but I’m a person who’s feelings, I care about his feelings and tried to listen to him, I’d expect him to get a grip about it if he cares about my feelings too. It’s hard to remove “ego” from the equation, i’d question whether he’ll still get back to her if she comes around, whether I’m just a replacement he’s seeking, whether I should feel secure about his feelings to me, whether I should trust what he says.

Evan is right in his rational analysis, but we can’t tell ourselves how we feel. It’s unfair for someone to get into new relationship before they’re totally ready. If you both want to stay in that relationship, you should talk and try your best caring about your partner’s feelings.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:25:09 +0000

To Sarah G. Post #4

I hear you girl…dating a divorced guy is not the best thing there is. But guess what…unless you give dating and relationships the importance they have, in your late 20′s and early 30′s, all you have left is that…divorced guys, at 40, like me. Never-married guys into their 40′s and beyond are most likely battling issues. So if you’re not in your 40′s yet, best of luck!

By: Andrea

Andrea — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 20:28:57 +0000

I completely disagree with the advice given I had a boyfriend who constantly talked about his ex and I did what you said I ignored it I thought the same thing she is an ex and he broke up with her and next thing you know he leaves me to go back to none other than his ex so if your boyfriend is talking about his ex and if you say you don’t Like it and he doesn’t stop dump him because he is in a relationship with you not her and he shouldn’t be allowed to bring her into your relationship