Pages: 1 2
My boyfriend and I have been together going on 4 years. We have moved in together and overall, it seems that we are making the steps to build a loving future together. Until, that is, the beginning of February.
While doing some maintenance work on his computer, I came across pictures of his sister’s friend, who was topless. He claimed he had asked her to stop sending them and had only saved the pictures as a way to ensure she would. I accepted his explanation as I have never had reason to distrust him in the past.
Well, a couple months later, I found an inappropriate picture of a female coworker whom I thought had a crush on him. I talked to him about this, trying to be as emotionless and non-confrontational as possible. I explained to him that I can’t stop some girl from sending him pictures, but HE has the power to delete them and put a stop to it.
Since that talk, I’ve found other pictures of his friends in various stages of undress: a high school friend laying in bed with her breasts exposed and another woman fully nude. We had a huge blow-out about it, and I told him I’m going to leave if it doesn’t stop. He begged me to stay, says he’s so sorry, that he didn’t mean to hurt me, doesn’t know why they send him pictures etc.
I’m pretty sure he’s not physically cheating on me. We spend almost all our time together, and besides these pictures, he behaves normally. Our sex life is good, we go out, we genuinely enjoy each others’ company. So what’s his deal? Does he just want to get pictures of girls he knows for fun? I mean, I don’t care about porn; that’s fantasy and healthy. But I do have a problem of pornographic photos of girls he knows! I just need some perspective as to why he’s doing this and is this a valid reason to end our relationship?
You’ve come up with a real doozy! I mean your boyfriend, of course, not your story.
You ever hear the adage, “Fool me once, shame on – shame on you. Fool me… you can’t get fooled again. Wait, that was the George W. Bush version. What I meant to say, Nichole, is that your boyfriend is playing you for a fool, and, at a certain point, the responsibility falls upon you to take action. That point was about three nude women ago.
Now, when you’re dealing with a four-year relationship in which you’re living together, “taking action” is not something that should be undertaken lightly. Before you pack up your things and move out, you need to have an authentic conversation with him. My concern, naturally, is that he’ll say all the right things to keep you, thereby setting you up for your fifth rendition of “fool me once”.
It’s clear, Nichole, that you WANT to believe him, because breaking up would send your life into turmoil, because blinding yourself to the truth is easier than facing it. Otherwise, I can’t think of any other reasons that a bright, self-aware woman who calls porn “healthy” would believe a whopper like:
He claimed he had asked her to stop sending them and had only saved the pictures as a way to ensure she would.
Um, I don’t get it. I mean, I’m turning it over logically in my head, and I just can’t follow. If he retains the pictures on his hard drive, it PREVENTS more pictures from coming in? Who knew? …
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
Do You Want to Attract the Partner of Your Dreams?
If so, sign up for my free dating and relationship newsletter and receive my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You're Making In Your Love Life - And How to Turn Them Around Instantly. Simple and effective advice to jumpstart your love life.