Comments on: My Boyfriend Still Talks to His Ex-Mistress. Should I Be Jealous? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/ Thu, 09 Feb 2012 06:12:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v= By: pixie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-246439 pixie Sat, 14 Jan 2012 21:25:13 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-246439 I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships - brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores - Kindle or paperback! I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper is a book for anyone having difficulty coming to terms with their partner’s past relationships – brilliant read! Available on Amazon or most bookstores – Kindle or paperback!

]]> By: Zax http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-92671 Zax Sun, 07 Nov 2010 07:53:12 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-92671 Funny stuff - the question is "Can I trust the guy who I know for a fact is a liar?"  That really should have been the heading.  Funny stuff – the question is “Can I trust the guy who I know for a fact is a liar?”  That really should have been the heading. 

]]> By: Jules http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-81031 Jules Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:41:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-81031 As a "been there" person, I think I talk from experience from both sides of the coin. I also had a boyfriend who had another woman who was "just a friend"and helped him in his business, but who chased after him.  I eventually broke off our relationship of four and a half years because of her and  he went on to marry her 6 months later. I am now involved with a man who I also had a few issues with over a very similar situation, another woman chasing after him, knowing that he was with me.  As it had happened before, I was particularly sensitive to it all and we broke up, although he didn't want to, just said he wanted some space, but I called it quits. It took him two months of testing the waters with this other woman and obviously decided that I was the better bet. We are back together and going strong. It took time for him to earn my trust again, but since then I have also worked on my own feelings of mistrust. I have noticed that he prefers to spend time with me even if one of his old girl mates invites him out (a girl whom he introduced me to incidently). He also will make a point of coming to my place after having been out for a drink with his guy friends. He says he wants me to be sure that he is not with some other woman. Lorrie, by giving you both stories, I hope I have shown you that not all men are the same. As Karl said, he may not even know that this other woman is after him. He may also just be stubborn and not wanting to be told what to do. I would approach him and say that it is hurting you that he is allowing this other woman to visit, especially as she lives closer to him than you do. Maybe suggest that if he introduces you to her then you may also find that she is no threat to you. Not many men feel comfortable with his current girlfriend and ex girlfriend meeting and getting to know each other, especially if the ex is still a significant other. If she is just a friend as he maintains then he won't mind as much. At the same time try not to overreact. Remember a man wants the woman he loves to trust him, and he also needs to be able to solve his issues on his own without added stress. The bonus here is that when he comes back to you wholeheartedly, then he's done it with his own free will. I hope it all works out for you. Take heart girl. You are not alone. As a “been there” person, I think I talk from experience from both sides of the coin. I also had a boyfriend who had another woman who was “just a friend”and helped him in his business, but who chased after him.  I eventually broke off our relationship of four and a half years because of her and  he went on to marry her 6 months later.
I am now involved with a man who I also had a few issues with over a very similar situation, another woman chasing after him, knowing that he was with me.  As it had happened before, I was particularly sensitive to it all and we broke up, although he didn’t want to, just said he wanted some space, but I called it quits. It took him two months of testing the waters with this other woman and obviously decided that I was the better bet. We are back together and going strong. It took time for him to earn my trust again, but since then I have also worked on my own feelings of mistrust. I have noticed that he prefers to spend time with me even if one of his old girl mates invites him out (a girl whom he introduced me to incidently). He also will make a point of coming to my place after having been out for a drink with his guy friends. He says he wants me to be sure that he is not with some other woman.
Lorrie, by giving you both stories, I hope I have shown you that not all men are the same. As Karl said, he may not even know that this other woman is after him. He may also just be stubborn and not wanting to be told what to do. I would approach him and say that it is hurting you that he is allowing this other woman to visit, especially as she lives closer to him than you do. Maybe suggest that if he introduces you to her then you may also find that she is no threat to you. Not many men feel comfortable with his current girlfriend and ex girlfriend meeting and getting to know each other, especially if the ex is still a significant other. If she is just a friend as he maintains then he won’t mind as much. At the same time try not to overreact. Remember a man wants the woman he loves to trust him, and he also needs to be able to solve his issues on his own without added stress. The bonus here is that when he comes back to you wholeheartedly, then he’s done it with his own free will. I hope it all works out for you. Take heart girl. You are not alone.

]]> By: Patty Pasadena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-65456 Patty Pasadena Sun, 09 May 2010 19:41:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-65456 That is a tough one.  It sounds like he is really not over her.  I just watched a movie called feast of love with greg kinear and he married a woman who was not over an ex affair and it did wind up breaking up the marriage since when he become available she left kinear for him.  Men always like to obsess about younger women too.  It's annoying.  I would be worried.  XOXO from Patty Pasadena. That is a tough one.  It sounds like he is really not over her.  I just watched a movie called feast of love with greg kinear and he married a woman who was not over an ex affair and it did wind up breaking up the marriage since when he become available she left kinear for him.  Men always like to obsess about younger women too.  It's annoying.  I would be worried.  XOXO from Patty Pasadena.

]]> By: Avis Bailee http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-14305 Avis Bailee Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:53:46 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-14305 I think, YOU were the one who had the strong reaction to your boyfriend's behavior - not him, not his brother who's known your boyfriend all his life. His conduct offended your sense of propriety. And when you're coming from a place where it's your manners rulebook being violated - no matter how universally offensive his behavior may be or how irritated it makes you - it's hard not to appear as though you're imposing your own code on the other guy. I think, YOU were the one who had the strong reaction to your boyfriend’s behavior – not him, not his brother who’s known your boyfriend all his life. His conduct offended your sense of propriety. And when you’re coming from a place where it’s your manners rulebook being violated – no matter how universally offensive his behavior may be or how irritated it makes you – it’s hard not to appear as though you’re imposing your own code on the other guy.

]]> By: Brad http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10629 Brad Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:24:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10629 You know... I've been skimming through these comments and maybe I've missed it... but I guess the one question that hasn't been asked is... "Why is it important for you to still be around this person?" Instead of being jealous or untrusting... ask that question and listen to the answer... That should give you all the info you need. Oh... and "Just because" doesn't count... :) You know… I’ve been skimming through these comments and maybe I’ve missed it… but I guess the one question that hasn’t been asked is…

“Why is it important for you to still be around this person?”

Instead of being jealous or untrusting… ask that question and listen to the answer…

That should give you all the info you need.

Oh… and “Just because” doesn’t count… :)

]]> By: Karl R http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10436 Karl R Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:13:31 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10436 Lorrie, I'd say your position is <i>not</i> worse than Jeannie's for one major reason: you didn't mention any history of infidelity. Your boyfriend may be completely honest in saying that they are "just friends". However, it seems likely that <i>she</i> is trying to win him back. He probably enjoys her friendship. I'm sure he enjoys the free meals. But he doesn't seem to be putting any effort into the relationship. She's doing the calling, visiting and cooking. You might want to sit down with your boyfriend and get some information about who initiated the break-up and why. If he broke up with her over a deal-breaker issue, that's about as safe as it gets ... regardless of <i>her</i> desire to reunite. Your boyfriend may be oblivious to his ex-girlfriend's desire to reunite, or he might be politely ignoring it and hoping it will fade. I don't know whether you should point out that she's pursuing him. If you decide to point that detail out to him, you'll probably want to express it as your opinion (you certainly don't have proof). If he disagrees, ask him whether she calls her other friends as often as she calls him, whether she visits her other friends as much as she visits him, and whether she cooks for her other friends as much as she cooks for him. Let him draw his own conclusions. If your boyfriend is trustworthy (and you know him better than any of us), then you don't need to worry. Lorrie,

I’d say your position is not worse than Jeannie’s for one major reason: you didn’t mention any history of infidelity.

Your boyfriend may be completely honest in saying that they are “just friends”. However, it seems likely that she is trying to win him back. He probably enjoys her friendship. I’m sure he enjoys the free meals. But he doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into the relationship. She’s doing the calling, visiting and cooking.

You might want to sit down with your boyfriend and get some information about who initiated the break-up and why. If he broke up with her over a deal-breaker issue, that’s about as safe as it gets … regardless of her desire to reunite.

Your boyfriend may be oblivious to his ex-girlfriend’s desire to reunite, or he might be politely ignoring it and hoping it will fade. I don’t know whether you should point out that she’s pursuing him.

If you decide to point that detail out to him, you’ll probably want to express it as your opinion (you certainly don’t have proof). If he disagrees, ask him whether she calls her other friends as often as she calls him, whether she visits her other friends as much as she visits him, and whether she cooks for her other friends as much as she cooks for him. Let him draw his own conclusions.

If your boyfriend is trustworthy (and you know him better than any of us), then you don’t need to worry.

]]> By: Lorrie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10389 Lorrie Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:32:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10389 Well I am in the same boat as Jean only worse in my opinion.........My current boyfriend of 3 months not only talks to his ex, but she comes to his house to bring him dinner. I have told him I don't want them to be together but he insists he cares nothing for her and they are just friends. She calls all the time and is always around. They live 5 minutes away from one another. Im am 20 minutes away. This makes things hard. Even worse our children (mine and his) know each other and love spending time with each other. I don't want to hurt the kids but Im not sure I can deal with her being in his life. I am just finding out how involved she truely is. He says he loves me and has asked me to marry him but I have to wonder if she will go silently away. Any advice would be greatly appreciated........ Sorry about your breakup Jeanne, I hope mine doesn't come to that Well I am in the same boat as Jean only worse in my opinion………My current boyfriend of 3 months not only talks to his ex, but she comes to his house to bring him dinner.

I have told him I don’t want them to be together but he insists he cares nothing for her and they are just friends. She calls all the time and is always around. They live 5 minutes away from one another. Im am 20 minutes away. This makes things hard.

Even worse our children (mine and his) know each other and love spending time with each other. I don’t want to hurt the kids but Im not sure I can deal with her being in his life. I am just finding out how involved she truely is.

He says he loves me and has asked me to marry him but I have to wonder if she will go silently away.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated……..

Sorry about your breakup Jeanne, I hope mine doesn’t come to that

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-8666 Selena Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:21:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-8666 It appears you are stringing Jay along since you claim your heart is with Cory. Do him a favor and let him go to find a girl who really does love him. You are only 19--you really might be better off giving yourself (and Cory) some time to be single and date others without getting serious. It appears you are stringing Jay along since you claim your heart is with Cory. Do him a favor and let him go to find a girl who really does love him.

You are only 19–you really might be better off giving yourself (and Cory) some time to be single and date others without getting serious.

]]> By: Chelsea http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-8653 Chelsea Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:54:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-8653 Anyone's advice would be greatly appreciated: My ex boyfriend (Cory) and I have liked each other since i was 15 and he was 13. We dated off and on until i was 16. When i was 17, and he was 15, we were very steady. We dated for two years. We are perfect for each others families and for each other. Our familes have noticed this. I am now 19 and he is 18. We broke up September 2007. I took it very hard, he just wanted space "to find himself". He suggested we see other people. AFter a month, I chose to date a guy that i had an "old flame" with back when i was 15..there had always been something there. We'll call him "Jay". Jay and i have been dating since October 2007. I only wanted to date Jay to help me get over Cory. I still talked to Cory a lot during the first 4 months of me and Jay's relationship. This killed both of them. Cory wanted to get back together and never thought i would date anyone else. I am torn as of what to do. It is now June 2008 and i am supposed to be going to Florida with Jay's family in 2 weeks. However, i cannot stop thinking about Cory. I never stopped thinking about him. I know he is what i want, but i have got myself too involved with Jay. To make matters worse, Cory and Jay run into each other alot. They graduated one year apart from each other and we are all from a small town. How can i have fun on this vacation when my heart is with Cory. Jay and i have a good time but i do not seem a prominent future like i do with Cory. How do i approach this situation?!?! Any response is greatly appreciated. Anyone’s advice would be greatly appreciated:

My ex boyfriend (Cory) and I have liked each other since i was 15 and he was 13. We dated off and on until i was 16. When i was 17, and he was 15, we were very steady. We dated for two years. We are perfect for each others families and for each other. Our familes have noticed this.

I am now 19 and he is 18. We broke up September 2007. I took it very hard, he just wanted space “to find himself”. He suggested we see other people. AFter a month, I chose to date a guy that i had an “old flame” with back when i was 15..there had always been something there. We’ll call him “Jay”. Jay and i have been dating since October 2007. I only wanted to date Jay to help me get over Cory. I still talked to Cory a lot during the first 4 months of me and Jay’s relationship. This killed both of them. Cory wanted to get back together and never thought i would date anyone else. I am torn as of what to do.

It is now June 2008 and i am supposed to be going to Florida with Jay’s family in 2 weeks. However, i cannot stop thinking about Cory. I never stopped thinking about him. I know he is what i want, but i have got myself too involved with Jay.

To make matters worse, Cory and Jay run into each other alot. They graduated one year apart from each other and we are all from a small town.

How can i have fun on this vacation when my heart is with Cory. Jay and i have a good time but i do not seem a prominent future like i do with Cory.

How do i approach this situation?!?!

Any response is greatly appreciated.

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