Comments on: My Boyfriend Still Talks to His Ex-Mistress. Should I Be Jealous? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/ Wed, 10 Mar 2010 00:05:30 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Avis Bailee http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-14305 Avis Bailee Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:53:46 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-14305 I think, YOU were the one who had the strong reaction to your boyfriend’s behavior - not him, not his brother who’s known your boyfriend all his life. His conduct offended your sense of propriety. And when you’re coming from a place where it’s your “manners rulebook” being violated - no matter how universally offensive his behavior may be or how irritated it makes you - it’s hard not to appear as though you’re imposing your own code on the other guy. I think, YOU were the one who had the strong reaction to your boyfriend’s behavior – not him, not his brother who’s known your boyfriend all his life. His conduct offended your sense of propriety. And when you’re coming from a place where it’s your “manners rulebook” being violated – no matter how universally offensive his behavior may be or how irritated it makes you – it’s hard not to appear as though you’re imposing your own code on the other guy.

]]> By: Brad http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10629 Brad Mon, 14 Jul 2008 17:24:09 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10629 You know... I've been skimming through these comments and maybe I've missed it... but I guess the one question that hasn't been asked is... "Why is it important for you to still be around this person?" Instead of being jealous or untrusting... ask that question and listen to the answer... That should give you all the info you need. Oh... and "Just because" doesn't count... :) You know… I’ve been skimming through these comments and maybe I’ve missed it… but I guess the one question that hasn’t been asked is…

“Why is it important for you to still be around this person?”

Instead of being jealous or untrusting… ask that question and listen to the answer…

That should give you all the info you need.

Oh… and “Just because” doesn’t count… :)

]]> By: Karl R http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10436 Karl R Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:13:31 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10436 Lorrie, I'd say your position is <i>not</i> worse than Jeannie's for one major reason: you didn't mention any history of infidelity. Your boyfriend may be completely honest in saying that they are "just friends". However, it seems likely that <i>she</i> is trying to win him back. He probably enjoys her friendship. I'm sure he enjoys the free meals. But he doesn't seem to be putting any effort into the relationship. She's doing the calling, visiting and cooking. You might want to sit down with your boyfriend and get some information about who initiated the break-up and why. If he broke up with her over a deal-breaker issue, that's about as safe as it gets ... regardless of <i>her</i> desire to reunite. Your boyfriend may be oblivious to his ex-girlfriend's desire to reunite, or he might be politely ignoring it and hoping it will fade. I don't know whether you should point out that she's pursuing him. If you decide to point that detail out to him, you'll probably want to express it as your opinion (you certainly don't have proof). If he disagrees, ask him whether she calls her other friends as often as she calls him, whether she visits her other friends as much as she visits him, and whether she cooks for her other friends as much as she cooks for him. Let him draw his own conclusions. If your boyfriend is trustworthy (and you know him better than any of us), then you don't need to worry. Lorrie,

I’d say your position is not worse than Jeannie’s for one major reason: you didn’t mention any history of infidelity.

Your boyfriend may be completely honest in saying that they are “just friends”. However, it seems likely that she is trying to win him back. He probably enjoys her friendship. I’m sure he enjoys the free meals. But he doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into the relationship. She’s doing the calling, visiting and cooking.

You might want to sit down with your boyfriend and get some information about who initiated the break-up and why. If he broke up with her over a deal-breaker issue, that’s about as safe as it gets … regardless of her desire to reunite.

Your boyfriend may be oblivious to his ex-girlfriend’s desire to reunite, or he might be politely ignoring it and hoping it will fade. I don’t know whether you should point out that she’s pursuing him.

If you decide to point that detail out to him, you’ll probably want to express it as your opinion (you certainly don’t have proof). If he disagrees, ask him whether she calls her other friends as often as she calls him, whether she visits her other friends as much as she visits him, and whether she cooks for her other friends as much as she cooks for him. Let him draw his own conclusions.

If your boyfriend is trustworthy (and you know him better than any of us), then you don’t need to worry.

]]> By: Lorrie http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-10389 Lorrie Wed, 09 Jul 2008 04:32:00 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-10389 Well I am in the same boat as Jean only worse in my opinion.........My current boyfriend of 3 months not only talks to his ex, but she comes to his house to bring him dinner. I have told him I don't want them to be together but he insists he cares nothing for her and they are just friends. She calls all the time and is always around. They live 5 minutes away from one another. Im am 20 minutes away. This makes things hard. Even worse our children (mine and his) know each other and love spending time with each other. I don't want to hurt the kids but Im not sure I can deal with her being in his life. I am just finding out how involved she truely is. He says he loves me and has asked me to marry him but I have to wonder if she will go silently away. Any advice would be greatly appreciated........ Sorry about your breakup Jeanne, I hope mine doesn't come to that Well I am in the same boat as Jean only worse in my opinion………My current boyfriend of 3 months not only talks to his ex, but she comes to his house to bring him dinner.

I have told him I don’t want them to be together but he insists he cares nothing for her and they are just friends. She calls all the time and is always around. They live 5 minutes away from one another. Im am 20 minutes away. This makes things hard.

Even worse our children (mine and his) know each other and love spending time with each other. I don’t want to hurt the kids but Im not sure I can deal with her being in his life. I am just finding out how involved she truely is.

He says he loves me and has asked me to marry him but I have to wonder if she will go silently away.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated……..

Sorry about your breakup Jeanne, I hope mine doesn’t come to that

]]> By: Selena http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-8666 Selena Mon, 02 Jun 2008 23:21:15 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-8666 It appears you are stringing Jay along since you claim your heart is with Cory. Do him a favor and let him go to find a girl who really does love him. You are only 19--you really might be better off giving yourself (and Cory) some time to be single and date others without getting serious. It appears you are stringing Jay along since you claim your heart is with Cory. Do him a favor and let him go to find a girl who really does love him.

You are only 19–you really might be better off giving yourself (and Cory) some time to be single and date others without getting serious.

]]> By: Chelsea http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-8653 Chelsea Mon, 02 Jun 2008 16:54:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-8653 Anyone's advice would be greatly appreciated: My ex boyfriend (Cory) and I have liked each other since i was 15 and he was 13. We dated off and on until i was 16. When i was 17, and he was 15, we were very steady. We dated for two years. We are perfect for each others families and for each other. Our familes have noticed this. I am now 19 and he is 18. We broke up September 2007. I took it very hard, he just wanted space "to find himself". He suggested we see other people. AFter a month, I chose to date a guy that i had an "old flame" with back when i was 15..there had always been something there. We'll call him "Jay". Jay and i have been dating since October 2007. I only wanted to date Jay to help me get over Cory. I still talked to Cory a lot during the first 4 months of me and Jay's relationship. This killed both of them. Cory wanted to get back together and never thought i would date anyone else. I am torn as of what to do. It is now June 2008 and i am supposed to be going to Florida with Jay's family in 2 weeks. However, i cannot stop thinking about Cory. I never stopped thinking about him. I know he is what i want, but i have got myself too involved with Jay. To make matters worse, Cory and Jay run into each other alot. They graduated one year apart from each other and we are all from a small town. How can i have fun on this vacation when my heart is with Cory. Jay and i have a good time but i do not seem a prominent future like i do with Cory. How do i approach this situation?!?! Any response is greatly appreciated. Anyone’s advice would be greatly appreciated:

My ex boyfriend (Cory) and I have liked each other since i was 15 and he was 13. We dated off and on until i was 16. When i was 17, and he was 15, we were very steady. We dated for two years. We are perfect for each others families and for each other. Our familes have noticed this.

I am now 19 and he is 18. We broke up September 2007. I took it very hard, he just wanted space “to find himself”. He suggested we see other people. AFter a month, I chose to date a guy that i had an “old flame” with back when i was 15..there had always been something there. We’ll call him “Jay”. Jay and i have been dating since October 2007. I only wanted to date Jay to help me get over Cory. I still talked to Cory a lot during the first 4 months of me and Jay’s relationship. This killed both of them. Cory wanted to get back together and never thought i would date anyone else. I am torn as of what to do.

It is now June 2008 and i am supposed to be going to Florida with Jay’s family in 2 weeks. However, i cannot stop thinking about Cory. I never stopped thinking about him. I know he is what i want, but i have got myself too involved with Jay.

To make matters worse, Cory and Jay run into each other alot. They graduated one year apart from each other and we are all from a small town.

How can i have fun on this vacation when my heart is with Cory. Jay and i have a good time but i do not seem a prominent future like i do with Cory.

How do i approach this situation?!?!

Any response is greatly appreciated.

]]> By: Jeanne http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-8407 Jeanne Sun, 25 May 2008 22:27:51 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-8407 Update on my situation: A couple of weeks ago I busted him e-mailing the former mistress to say "hi, keep in touch" and then he tried to lie about it. He accused me of having "trust issues" and if I would just trust him, I would see that an occasional e-mail or lunch is no big deal. He assured me that she was no threat to our relationship but was unwilling to give up contact with her and said if I couldn't trust him then maybe we shouldn't be together. So I dumped him. Sigh...back to the dating world I go. Update on my situation: A couple of weeks ago I busted him e-mailing the former mistress to say “hi, keep in touch” and then he tried to lie about it. He accused me of having “trust issues” and if I would just trust him, I would see that an occasional e-mail or lunch is no big deal. He assured me that she was no threat to our relationship but was unwilling to give up contact with her and said if I couldn’t trust him then maybe we shouldn’t be together.

So I dumped him.

Sigh…back to the dating world I go.

]]> By: Emily http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-4985 Emily Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:10:30 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-4985 You have a right to be jealous! Hes cheated on a marriage with this woman. If hes as crazy about you as he says he is than their "no big deal" friendship, is seriosuly a no big deal. He can get rid of their "friendship". Im not saying you have to get rid of him. My boyfriend and this girl "Leanne" were constantly hooking up through their teenage years, but only when she was hitting a rough spot or planning on breaking up with them. My boyfriend fell head over heels for her (b4 we were togethr)...he confessed his feelings to her finally but a lil too late, she had a 1 year old and was pretty much married. Not even 6 months later, she broke up with her boyfriend or fiancee or w/e...and just like all the times b4, you got it...she was calling my boyfriend to hang out!! Naturally i lost it...but in the end he was crazy about me, he completely ended all communications with her, even told her that b/c of their history it wouldnt help our relationship, so having a friendship with her wasnt riskl losing me...so moral of the story is...ppl arent blowing shit outta their ass when they say hell give her up for you..if shes really part of his past n he really is crazy about you, hell do it. You have a right to be jealous! Hes cheated on a marriage with this woman. If hes as crazy about you as he says he is than their “no big deal” friendship, is seriosuly a no big deal. He can get rid of their “friendship”. Im not saying you have to get rid of him. My boyfriend and this girl “Leanne” were constantly hooking up through their teenage years, but only when she was hitting a rough spot or planning on breaking up with them. My boyfriend fell head over heels for her (b4 we were togethr)…he confessed his feelings to her finally but a lil too late, she had a 1 year old and was pretty much married. Not even 6 months later, she broke up with her boyfriend or fiancee or w/e…and just like all the times b4, you got it…she was calling my boyfriend to hang out!! Naturally i lost it…but in the end he was crazy about me, he completely ended all communications with her, even told her that b/c of their history it wouldnt help our relationship, so having a friendship with her wasnt riskl losing me…so moral of the story is…ppl arent blowing shit outta their ass when they say hell give her up for you..if shes really part of his past n he really is crazy about you, hell do it.

]]> By: Michael Ejercito http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-4773 Michael Ejercito Sat, 16 Feb 2008 19:52:12 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-4773 Evan is absolutely right. A fourteen-year-old with no relationship experience would come to the same conclusion. Evan is absolutely right.

A fourteen-year-old with no relationship experience would come to the same conclusion.

]]> By: jimmy5x http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/comment-page-1/#comment-4595 jimmy5x Wed, 13 Feb 2008 03:38:02 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-boyfriend-still-talks-to-his-ex-mistress-should-i-be-jealous/#comment-4595 If you aren't jealous you are a naive idiot. I would bet my next paycheck your boyfriend is still "tapping it." When he is away from you, he is probably with her. The two of them probably have animalistic sex which includes him drooling and sweating all over her wanton body. He still is talking to her because the sex is the best he's ever had. Take it from me. Been there, done that! If you aren’t jealous you are a naive idiot. I would bet my next paycheck your boyfriend is still “tapping it.” When he is away from you, he is probably with her. The two of them probably have animalistic sex which includes him drooling and sweating all over her wanton body. He still is talking to her because the sex is the best he’s ever had. Take it from me. Been there, done that!

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