Comments on: My Constant Text Messaging Has Driven My Boyfriend Away. What Should I Do?

By: saint stephen

saint stephen — Thu, 08 Sep 2011 12:57:57 +0000

@ starthrower68 #33

What is wrong in a lady initiating contact with her boyfriend when she is feeling emotional? whats the essence of having a boyfriend then? I’m a very busy person yet my girlfriend does that all the time, still i didn’t kick her away.
at least i knew what i was up for before entering the relationship.

Such emotional needy character has to do with the persons upbringing so you can’t change them, is either you love them the way they are or you leave them.

The problem here which every one has failed to realize is that the guy in this scenario do not love her sufficiently to be able to put up with the communicative/emotional/needy attitude.

By: Dana

Dana — Sat, 12 Mar 2011 23:58:53 +0000

Hi Roberta,
in my opinion the biggest problem is actually that it was you who was making so much efforts and contacting him every day instead of it being the other way round. I am speaking from personal experience as few year ago after I had separated from my husband and not having that much experience with dating which includes the usage of mobile phones, I too made the mistake of texting a guy too much (sadly I had kept in touch more than he did) and as a result that eventually drove him away. I was very upset at the time but now when looking back I know he wasn’t the one for me anyway as he was only interested in occasional booty call. The lesson I have learned from this experience and from dating books and newsletters is that even though that it can be very frustrating not being able to do anything and only be able to wait, men hate being pursued by texting, emailing or calling, they prefer to be the one who is in charge when dating is involved and that is the way it is am afraid. Or at least that is the way I see it. Hope this helps at least a little.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 02:16:14 +0000

I read somewhere – it currently escapes me – that a smart woman will not even have a guy she’s dating as friend on FaceBook (or other such social media) or on any of the intant messaging programs, because it provides too much temptation to check up on him and see who he’s talking to, what he’s doing, or to initiate contact when she is feeling emotional. Seems like a sound policy to me.

By: Cindy

Cindy — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 07:16:43 +0000

@Mara your comments struck a nerve, my boyfriend is always asking for reassurance in our relationship. He also easily bored, and then he says he’s depressed. And recently he was laid off, and he misconstrued his relationship with his boss, expecting that his boss wouldn’t do this to him as they were ‘friends’. I just want to shake him and say “GET OVER II”. I believe it is a sign of a mature person to have realistic expectations in a relationship. Falling in love is grand, your partner staying in love with you requires …. self restraint.

By: Laura

Laura — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 04:54:53 +0000

In the beginning of any relationship “less history, more mystery!!”

By: ladyfabu

ladyfabu — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 15:09:30 +0000

What about the guy who says he prefers text or emails and not phone convos? Granted we did have some issues that were discussed by email and a convo about the possibility, but I have learned to back off, I have a life he does too. Still smarts when you send a brthday message over 22 days ago and it is not acknowledged most men don’t know what they want until after its gone then they have refret! I might add that this person is out of state and into his business so things can be challenging.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 16:34:19 +0000

JerseyGirl said: (#27) "I dislike how Evan blogs about accepting men for who they are while this blog clearly was telling women to change part of who they are." You're mischaracterizing what Evan says. If Evan is talking to you, he will advise you to accept men as they are, and change who you are. If Evan is talking to me, he will advise me to accept women as they are, and change who I am. The only person I can change is me. The only person you can change is you. Most of Evan's clients are women. Most of the questions he answers are from women. The majority of the people on this blog are women. Therefore, Evan is giving that piece of advice to women more frequently than men. When Evan gives that piece of advice, there are two reactions he might get: 1. I'm right. They're wrong. They should be the ones to change, not me. - or - 2. I can't change them. I can change me. I should change myself, or I should accept the situation as it is. From what I can tell, you're in the first set of people. I'm in the second set. If you look at option 2 carefully, you'll notice that "right" and "wrong" aren't part of the equation. That's because they're an irrelevant distraction. I will admit, my ability to compartmentalize makes it easier for me to follow option 2, instead of getting hung up on option 1.

By: Joe

Joe — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 13:18:44 +0000

JerseyGirl, just one question: do you think it’s possible for you to change the behavior of men?

By: JerseyGirl

JerseyGirl — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 13:49:02 +0000

Karl, you ignored the part of my post where I said that she wasn’t necessarily in the right either for reacting the way she did. Let me qoute it for you:
JerseyGirl: I m not saying that she should unload on him every second she gets but if she can’t turn to him, then that’s just lame. Lets be honest. None of us are perfect and we all require certain amounts of patience and acceptance. He cut and run with very little reason. She needed communication. He ignored her for two days. Both didn’t handle the situaiton in the best way. Sometimes in relationships you make mistakes.
I don’t think your boyfriend should be your escape goat for every emotion you feel. However, sometimes it does happen. There are so many things men expect us to just acceot about them.
And in my eyes, this issue was quite minor compared to the harder things in life. If he is running now, he infact isn’t good boyfriend matieral for her.
Men don’t want to walk on eggshells around their girlfriends but girlfriends don’t want to have to walk on eggshells about their feelings around their boyfriend either.
I read the link you provided and I found it interesting. But I also will admit that I dislike how Evan blogs about accepting men for who they are while this blog clearly was telling women to change part of who they are.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 20:08:46 +0000

JerseyGirl said: (#10)
“Women don’t want to be with guys that run off with the smallest hint that things won’t be easy. It wasn’t even a big problem, just a little one. Where would he be on the bigger issues?”

Have you read this advice by Evan’s wife?
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/advice-from-a-single-dating-experts-girlfriend/
I think it’s pertinent to your statement.

You seem to be saying that a man ought to be able to put up with you venting over the little things. If you can’t, he’s not worth much as boyfriend material.

Most men would say, if she’s regularly going off over the little things, she’s probably not worth much as girlfriend material.