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	<title>Comments on: My Crush Jokes About Being Gay Too Much. Should I Be Concerned?</title>
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		<title>By: Drew</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-27270</link>
		<dc:creator>Drew</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 22 Apr 2009 15:38:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-27270</guid>
		<description>I always make homo jokes with my close guy friends and my girlfriend has never had a serious problem with it. I mean, every once in a while I&#039;ll just go up and grab my friend&#039;s man boob and there&#039;s no issues.

I tweeted this post on @RomanceTips. You&#039;ve got a lot of good content here. Feel free to forward me what you think is your best stuff and I&#039;d love to help promote it!</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I always make homo jokes with my close guy friends and my girlfriend has never had a serious problem with it. I mean, every once in a while I&#8217;ll just go up and grab my friend&#8217;s man boob and there&#8217;s no issues.</p>
<p>I tweeted this post on @RomanceTips. You&#8217;ve got a lot of good content here. Feel free to forward me what you think is your best stuff and I&#8217;d love to help promote it!</p>
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		<title>By: casualencounters.com/blog</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26349</link>
		<dc:creator>casualencounters.com/blog</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:32:46 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26349</guid>
		<description>I joke about being gay with my male friends a lot, often to defuse situations that might otherwise become tense, or sometimes just for the lulz. If he&#039;s straight (rimshot) with you about it, I wouldn&#039;t worry too much. 

Take Evan&#039;s advice and worry more about whether or not he&#039;s into YOU.

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;casualencounters.com/blog&#180;s last blog post...&lt;a href=&quot;http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/casualencounters/SkqR/~3/MHuBvJeJf-0/&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;Weekly Roundup - Top 10 Casual Sex Links from Around the Web&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I joke about being gay with my male friends a lot, often to defuse situations that might otherwise become tense, or sometimes just for the lulz. If he&#8217;s straight (rimshot) with you about it, I wouldn&#8217;t worry too much. </p>
<p>Take Evan&#8217;s advice and worry more about whether or not he&#8217;s into YOU.</p>
<p><abbr><em><abbr><em>casualencounters.com/blog&#180;s last blog post&#8230;<a href="http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/casualencounters/SkqR/~3/MHuBvJeJf-0/" rel="nofollow">Weekly Roundup &#8211; Top 10 Casual Sex Links from Around the Web</a></em></abbr></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: mic</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26331</link>
		<dc:creator>mic</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:52:47 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26331</guid>
		<description>Some people wonder why many heterosexual men are terrified of seeming gay. Part of it is that women, probably for primal reasons, don&#039;t want to be with men who might turn out to not be heterosexual. It&#039;s not rare for younger men to be sexually confused. If a woman becomes attached to such a man, it could be a disaster for her. (Even if she does not get pregnant and have to worry about provisioning, it could take years for her physiological attachment to disappear.) So acting and looking in ways that aren&#039;t clearly hetersexual can backfire for men, even when there&#039;s preexisting female interest, like on a date.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Some people wonder why many heterosexual men are terrified of seeming gay. Part of it is that women, probably for primal reasons, don&#8217;t want to be with men who might turn out to not be heterosexual. It&#8217;s not rare for younger men to be sexually confused. If a woman becomes attached to such a man, it could be a disaster for her. (Even if she does not get pregnant and have to worry about provisioning, it could take years for her physiological attachment to disappear.) So acting and looking in ways that aren&#8217;t clearly hetersexual can backfire for men, even when there&#8217;s preexisting female interest, like on a date.</p>
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		<title>By: Marc</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26322</link>
		<dc:creator>Marc</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:23:37 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26322</guid>
		<description>I&#039;m with Lola. Straight dudes don&#039;t call each other &quot;cute.&quot;

&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;abbr&gt;&lt;em&gt;Marc&#180;s last blog post...&lt;a href=&quot;http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com/2009/04/is-facebook-new-blow-off.html&quot; rel=&quot;nofollow&quot;&gt;Is Facebook the new blow-off?&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/abbr&gt;&lt;/em&gt;</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;m with Lola. Straight dudes don&#8217;t call each other &#8220;cute.&#8221;</p>
<p><abbr><em><abbr><em>Marc&#180;s last blog post&#8230;<a href="http://diaryofadisillusioneddater.blogspot.com/2009/04/is-facebook-new-blow-off.html" rel="nofollow">Is Facebook the new blow-off?</a></em></abbr></em></abbr></p>
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		<title>By: moonsical</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26146</link>
		<dc:creator>moonsical</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2009 18:29:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26146</guid>
		<description>I think there&#039;s a little, &quot;gay,&quot; in all of us, isn&#039;t there?  I have observed my flamingly heterosexual man friends facebook banter to each other, &quot;You so pretty,&quot; etc.  Meaning, the man being addressed has a, &quot;look,&quot; going on.  I don&#039;t think they want to get down with each other.  The comments are belittling and acknowledging at the same time.  &quot;What&#039;s with the movie star hair?&quot;  These are attractive men, irritating each other.

Just come out with it and ask, is what I say.  Decide then how you want to proceed.

moon</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I think there&#8217;s a little, &#8220;gay,&#8221; in all of us, isn&#8217;t there?  I have observed my flamingly heterosexual man friends facebook banter to each other, &#8220;You so pretty,&#8221; etc.  Meaning, the man being addressed has a, &#8220;look,&#8221; going on.  I don&#8217;t think they want to get down with each other.  The comments are belittling and acknowledging at the same time.  &#8220;What&#8217;s with the movie star hair?&#8221;  These are attractive men, irritating each other.</p>
<p>Just come out with it and ask, is what I say.  Decide then how you want to proceed.</p>
<p>moon</p>
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		<title>By: Sayanta</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26137</link>
		<dc:creator>Sayanta</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2009 17:33:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26137</guid>
		<description>Evan&#039;s personal story pissed me off- only because stereotyping, in general, just really pisses me off. 

Interestingly, the same thing happened to me in college. Apparently, a lot of people thought I was lesbian. I couldn&#039;t understand why they thought this, since I had a crush on a new guy pretty much every week. Well....I found out from friends that it was because I 1) Wore my hair short at the time, and 2) Looked angry a lot. For the record, I was angry a lot at that particular time because I was going through some heavy personal issues. 

So- this is how people came to a certain decision about me 1) My haircut, and 2) An expression on my face. And of course all lesbians walk around with short hair and angry expressions all the time, right? 

Just like a straight guy is incapable of being well-rounded, empathetic, and attractive, right? Sheesh....no wonder society is in the state it&#039;s in. Sometimes I think a nunnery is the best option for me- at least Hindu/Buddhist ascetics are unlikely to make ridiculous stereotypes about people, considering their minds are expanded and everything. 

PS- One more thing- a lot of gay men, sadly, have grown up with a lot of self-hatred because of their sexual identity. Of course, prejudice and self-hatred still do exist. But Evan&#039;s professor said that because gay men are generally good-looking, articulate, etc. to take it as a compliment. There doesn&#039;t seem to be anything wrong with that statement on its face, right? But there&#039;s that underlying notion there, per my previous statement, that straight men are the obvious opposite. What&#039;s the opposite of good-looking, articulate, and sensitive? Neanderthal. So it&#039;s okay to think of straight men as fat, ugly, stupid slobs. 

Well, what if you eliminate gender here and substitute race? Say a light-skinned Puerto Rican person, for example, asks his professor why everyone thinks he&#039;s white. The professor says, &quot;Oh, well, white people are generally good-looking and intelligent and articulate. Take it as a compliment.&quot; How do you think people would react to this? 

It&#039;s the same thing here....only, because gay men have been horribly treated over the centuries, some of us think it&#039;s okay for these &#039;good&#039; stereotypes (if there is such a thing) to exist to &#039;alleviate&#039; the past somewhat. I say it&#039;s bullshit. I could go on and on about this, but I won&#039;t because I&#039;ll be typing forever. The real thing is, how do we solve this stereotyping problem- we&#039;ve all seen that it does no good. I have no answers, other than to avoid making such stereotypes myself.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Evan&#8217;s personal story pissed me off- only because stereotyping, in general, just really pisses me off. </p>
<p>Interestingly, the same thing happened to me in college. Apparently, a lot of people thought I was lesbian. I couldn&#8217;t understand why they thought this, since I had a crush on a new guy pretty much every week. Well&#8230;.I found out from friends that it was because I 1) Wore my hair short at the time, and 2) Looked angry a lot. For the record, I was angry a lot at that particular time because I was going through some heavy personal issues. </p>
<p>So- this is how people came to a certain decision about me 1) My haircut, and 2) An expression on my face. And of course all lesbians walk around with short hair and angry expressions all the time, right? </p>
<p>Just like a straight guy is incapable of being well-rounded, empathetic, and attractive, right? Sheesh&#8230;.no wonder society is in the state it&#8217;s in. Sometimes I think a nunnery is the best option for me- at least Hindu/Buddhist ascetics are unlikely to make ridiculous stereotypes about people, considering their minds are expanded and everything. </p>
<p>PS- One more thing- a lot of gay men, sadly, have grown up with a lot of self-hatred because of their sexual identity. Of course, prejudice and self-hatred still do exist. But Evan&#8217;s professor said that because gay men are generally good-looking, articulate, etc. to take it as a compliment. There doesn&#8217;t seem to be anything wrong with that statement on its face, right? But there&#8217;s that underlying notion there, per my previous statement, that straight men are the obvious opposite. What&#8217;s the opposite of good-looking, articulate, and sensitive? Neanderthal. So it&#8217;s okay to think of straight men as fat, ugly, stupid slobs. </p>
<p>Well, what if you eliminate gender here and substitute race? Say a light-skinned Puerto Rican person, for example, asks his professor why everyone thinks he&#8217;s white. The professor says, &#8220;Oh, well, white people are generally good-looking and intelligent and articulate. Take it as a compliment.&#8221; How do you think people would react to this? </p>
<p>It&#8217;s the same thing here&#8230;.only, because gay men have been horribly treated over the centuries, some of us think it&#8217;s okay for these &#8216;good&#8217; stereotypes (if there is such a thing) to exist to &#8216;alleviate&#8217; the past somewhat. I say it&#8217;s bullshit. I could go on and on about this, but I won&#8217;t because I&#8217;ll be typing forever. The real thing is, how do we solve this stereotyping problem- we&#8217;ve all seen that it does no good. I have no answers, other than to avoid making such stereotypes myself.</p>
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		<title>By: Steve</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26117</link>
		<dc:creator>Steve</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2009 12:32:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26117</guid>
		<description>@Aki,  I think Karl&#039;s advice in post #1 is the way to go.    However, you might be better off,  first,  letting Mark know that you are interested in being in a couple with him and if not, you are just as happy to be his friend as you think he is cool.      Then, ask  him if he is interested in Brandon or men in general.

Mark may not know.   Mark may not answer honestly.

The best fall back advice is Evan&#039;s standard: look at how he treats you and ask yourself if you are happy with that.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>@Aki,  I think Karl&#8217;s advice in post #1 is the way to go.    However, you might be better off,  first,  letting Mark know that you are interested in being in a couple with him and if not, you are just as happy to be his friend as you think he is cool.      Then, ask  him if he is interested in Brandon or men in general.</p>
<p>Mark may not know.   Mark may not answer honestly.</p>
<p>The best fall back advice is Evan&#8217;s standard: look at how he treats you and ask yourself if you are happy with that.</p>
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		<title>By: lola</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26078</link>
		<dc:creator>lola</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2009 03:55:26 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26078</guid>
		<description>Really weird. I don&#039;t think I would move forward. Plus, I have many, many male friends. I have never heard(even in their weakest, drunkest, dumbest moment) call another man &#039;cute&#039;.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Really weird. I don&#8217;t think I would move forward. Plus, I have many, many male friends. I have never heard(even in their weakest, drunkest, dumbest moment) call another man &#8216;cute&#8217;.</p>
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		<title>By: Selena</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26067</link>
		<dc:creator>Selena</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:22:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26067</guid>
		<description>&quot;Mark does not seem gay. I do not know if he is bisexual, and now that I think about it, I think it&#039;s high time I asked.&quot;

Yes I would think so. I would have long before I became &quot;together&quot; with him. Like when he first seemed interested in ME: &quot;So what&#039;s the deal with you and Brandon? Do you have a thing going?&quot;

 What&#039;s so difficult about that?</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>&#8220;Mark does not seem gay. I do not know if he is bisexual, and now that I think about it, I think it&#8217;s high time I asked.&#8221;</p>
<p>Yes I would think so. I would have long before I became &#8220;together&#8221; with him. Like when he first seemed interested in ME: &#8220;So what&#8217;s the deal with you and Brandon? Do you have a thing going?&#8221;</p>
<p> What&#8217;s so difficult about that?</p>
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		<title>By: Karl R</title>
		<link>http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-crush-jokes-about-being-gay-too-much-should-i-be-concerned/comment-page-1/#comment-26047</link>
		<dc:creator>Karl R</dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:00:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=938#comment-26047</guid>
		<description>&lt;b&gt;Aki said:&lt;/b&gt;
&lt;i&gt;&quot;Before I knew about this situation, Mark said he wants to be with me,&quot;&lt;/i&gt;
&lt;i&gt;&quot;Mark and I are pretty much together already,&quot;&lt;/i&gt;

If Mark says he wants to be with you &lt;i&gt;and&lt;/i&gt; the two of you are together, then it doesn&#039;t matter whether Mark is bisexual or not.  (And as long as it&#039;s moving from &quot;pretty much together&quot; to &quot;together&quot;, then the same advice applies.)  As far as I know, bisexuals are just as capable of fidelity as anyone else; my personal experience dating bisexuals certainly supports this.

But if you want to get answers, you&#039;ll probably get them fastest if you just ask Mark.</description>
		<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><b>Aki said:</b><br />
<i>&#8220;Before I knew about this situation, Mark said he wants to be with me,&#8221;</i><br />
<i>&#8220;Mark and I are pretty much together already,&#8221;</i></p>
<p>If Mark says he wants to be with you <i>and</i> the two of you are together, then it doesn&#8217;t matter whether Mark is bisexual or not.  (And as long as it&#8217;s moving from &#8220;pretty much together&#8221; to &#8220;together&#8221;, then the same advice applies.)  As far as I know, bisexuals are just as capable of fidelity as anyone else; my personal experience dating bisexuals certainly supports this.</p>
<p>But if you want to get answers, you&#8217;ll probably get them fastest if you just ask Mark.</p>
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