And who could blame you? Losing a girlfriend means losing your best friend. It means giving up your source of constant sex. It means scrapping the relationship you’ve been building for 11 months. It means you suddenly have a lot of time to fill that was previously occupied. In short, a break-up leaves a tremendous void that doesn’t just get magically filled. It takes work. And a lot of the work is going to be of the trial-and-error variety – going out to bars and not having the guts to ask for a number, emailing a few women online who relegate you to the friend zone, taking out a few first dates where there’s no chemistry, hooking up with a couple of women for whom you have no feelings.
So you say to yourself – “Was it really that bad? I mean, my life kind of sucks now. Maybe I should give her more of a shot. She knows me a lot better than anyone else out there, we do have great sex, and I don’t have to take her on expensive dates.” And that’s how you find yourself right back where you started.
I’ve been in your shoes, and I’m very sympathetic. A woman I loved dumped me primarily because she couldn’t handle who I was – a dating coach, a flirt, and unapologetic about both. A few weeks after she broke up with me, she came back to figure out how to make things work. After all, we had so much worth preserving; it would be a shame to let our chemistry just fizzle out like that. But as much as I was dazzled by her and wanted her back, I knew one thing for sure: she was the exact same person who dumped me three weeks before. Nothing had changed – except we were both a little scared and lonely on our own. That fear and loneliness was bringing us back together, and would have been the easiest thing to give into.
She doesn’t want you back. She wants to use you like a sex toy and not deal with you as a boyfriend.
Don’t do it.
For two reasons: 1) After 11 months, you know this girl well enough to know exactly what you’d be getting if you took her back. 2) She doesn’t want you back. She wants to use you like a sex toy and not deal with you as a boyfriend. I can’t think of a stronger endorsement as to why you should cut this woman out of your life.
“Friends with benefits” is great conceptually; but once someone develops feelings, it all falls apart. Don’t ignore your feelings, R. Use them to your advantage. Think about all the reasons you resent your ex and use them as a justification to cut her off cold-turkey.
Not only will she survive just fine without you, but you’ll have a chance to thrive on your own. More importantly, your freedom will help you find a girlfriend who may be a keeper. This one’s certainly not it.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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