Comments on: My Girlfriend Wants to Get More Sexual “Experience” Before Getting Engaged. What Should I Do? http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/ Thu, 18 Mar 2010 03:41:40 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Rob B http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-2/#comment-43805 Rob B Wed, 23 Sep 2009 15:43:39 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-43805 It this happened to me, I would tell her that she can sleep with whomever she wants, once our relationship ends. And if I ever found out that she did sleep with someone else while we were together, the relationship would end right then and there.... even if we'd been married for years and this occurred years ago. Don't put up with this. If she loves you she will not want anyone else. just the fact that this subject has come up is a HUGE red flag. It this happened to me, I would tell her that she can sleep with whomever she wants, once our relationship ends. And if I ever found out that she did sleep with someone else while we were together, the relationship would end right then and there…. even if we’d been married for years and this occurred years ago. Don’t put up with this. If she loves you she will not want anyone else. just the fact that this subject has come up is a HUGE red flag.

]]> By: Autumn http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-38310 Autumn Mon, 20 Jul 2009 19:16:37 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-38310 I've been in the same situation as your girlfriend. I loved a guy but I wasn't ready to completely commit to him without seeing "what else was out there." We considered going on a break or having an open relationship. My boyfriend at the time would have agreed to any of it; he loved me that much. I knew that it would only hurt him if he had to "share" me with other guys and it would hurt me to have to hide a part of life from him. Even though I was convinced that I loved him, had considered marrying him, and thought of him as my best friend, I decided to end our relationship of 4 years. After the initial pain passed, I realized that the reason that I wanted to "see what else was out there" had less to do with getting sexual experience and more to do with the kind of relationship we had. He loved me more than I could ever love him and I was aware and bothered by this fact. Although I didn't take advantage of it, I felt like I ALWAYS had the upper hand in the relationship. I realized that I wanted something more mutual, where I wasn't calling all the shots. I wanted someone that challenged me as a person and demanded my respect. The moral of the story for you is this: end it now, with no intention of getting back together. It is likely that she has other trepidations about the relationship anyways. Further, if she can't see how much it would hurt you if she went out and got busy with other men, then she doesn't love you as much as you thought; you deserve to have someone love you as much as you love them. I’ve been in the same situation as your girlfriend. I loved a guy but I wasn’t ready to completely commit to him without seeing “what else was out there.” We considered going on a break or having an open relationship. My boyfriend at the time would have agreed to any of it; he loved me that much. I knew that it would only hurt him if he had to “share” me with other guys and it would hurt me to have to hide a part of life from him. Even though I was convinced that I loved him, had considered marrying him, and thought of him as my best friend, I decided to end our relationship of 4 years. After the initial pain passed, I realized that the reason that I wanted to “see what else was out there” had less to do with getting sexual experience and more to do with the kind of relationship we had. He loved me more than I could ever love him and I was aware and bothered by this fact. Although I didn’t take advantage of it, I felt like I ALWAYS had the upper hand in the relationship. I realized that I wanted something more mutual, where I wasn’t calling all the shots. I wanted someone that challenged me as a person and demanded my respect. The moral of the story for you is this: end it now, with no intention of getting back together. It is likely that she has other trepidations about the relationship anyways. Further, if she can’t see how much it would hurt you if she went out and got busy with other men, then she doesn’t love you as much as you thought; you deserve to have someone love you as much as you love them.

]]> By: joe http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-36970 joe Thu, 02 Jul 2009 21:02:05 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-36970 if she wants to mess around on you..you straight up tell her that your just gunna do it right back while shes off doing it. see her reaction. if she wants to mess around on you..you straight up tell her that your just gunna do it right back while shes off doing it. see her reaction.

]]> By: Seductress Within http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-19569 Seductress Within Sun, 21 Dec 2008 16:45:59 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-19569 She's telling you that she is not ready for such a serious commitment at her young inexperienced age. She wants to date other men. She's using the "excuse" that she wants more sexual experience because it's convenient. It works because you have had others and she hasn't. But I don't believe a women wants to increase her numbers for the sake of numbers. I believe it goes deeper than the sex issue. I think she wants the freedom to date/and have sex with other people because she is young and not sure that you are the one. Maybe she thinks that using the "I need more experience" excuse will hurt you less because then it's not about you. She’s telling you that she is not ready for such a serious commitment at her young inexperienced age.

She wants to date other men. She’s using the “excuse” that she wants more sexual experience because it’s convenient. It works because you have had others and she hasn’t.

But I don’t believe a women wants to increase her numbers for the sake of numbers. I believe it goes deeper than the sex issue.

I think she wants the freedom to date/and have sex with other people because she is young and not sure that you are the one.

Maybe she thinks that using the “I need more experience” excuse will hurt you less because then it’s not about you.

]]> By: patty http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-19530 patty Sat, 20 Dec 2008 12:20:54 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-19530 She just wants to get her score even with what you have. Imagin the pain she feels when she thinks of the experiance you have. God she just feels the only way that she can ever feel right about this is if she has sex with someone else too. She doesnt want to. Its you. Its because of your past. She loves you. And you most definatly please her. She just wants to get her score even with what you have. Imagin the pain she feels when she thinks of the experiance you have. God she just feels the only way that she can ever feel right about this is if she has sex with someone else too. She doesnt want to. Its you. Its because of your past.

She loves you. And you most definatly please her.

]]> By: Derek http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-17496 Derek Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:50:45 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-17496 Chris, Since this you have probably already made your mind up what to do by now and have done it I'll make my post anyways. I dont believe that she is necessarily saying she wants to be sexual with another man but more or less that she is unhappy with the sex life the two of you share together. Have you experimented with toys? Are you out of shape? Do you use the same ole same ole sex positions? These I believe are the trully important questions you have for yourself. If you trully gave her all she disired in the bedroom then there is no way she would want another man, regardless of her inexperience with other partners. Those questions I listed abover are a few that you have control of that can make the difference. Good luck! Chris,

Since this you have probably already made your mind up what to do by now and have done it I’ll make my post anyways.

I dont believe that she is necessarily saying she wants to be sexual with another man but more or less that she is unhappy with the sex life the two of you share together. Have you experimented with toys? Are you out of shape? Do you use the same ole same ole sex positions? These I believe are the trully important questions you have for yourself. If you trully gave her all she disired in the bedroom then there is no way she would want another man, regardless of her inexperience with other partners. Those questions I listed abover are a few that you have control of that can make the difference.

Good luck!

]]> By: Cilla http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-17029 Cilla Thu, 06 Nov 2008 21:30:29 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-17029 Take her to an adult lifestyle resort and let her get her freak on with whomever she pleases. While you watch. If she truly just wants the experience, that will fulfill the requirement. Take her to an adult lifestyle resort and let her get her freak on with whomever she pleases. While you watch. If she truly just wants the experience, that will fulfill the requirement.

]]> By: Peter http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-17018 Peter Thu, 06 Nov 2008 18:49:04 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-17018 Nobody can say what to do, but I can share my experience. After ten years of marriage, my wife asked me permission to have sex with another man, because she wanted to have the experience once in her life. She felt that she had the right to do that, because I have had sex with another woman before our marriage. I did not sleep that night. The next morning I gave her permission because of the following reasons: - I knew that she would do it anyway. - I was sure that she would not leave me. - Thinking of her having sex with another man turned me on. - I loved her so much that I did not begrudge her the pleasure. One month later she told me that she had slept with another man on a tour with her choir. Although the sex was very satisfying, she would not do it anymore. We are still happy together. Nobody can say what to do, but I can share my experience.
After ten years of marriage, my wife asked me permission to have sex with another man, because she wanted to have the experience once in her life. She felt that she had the right to do that, because I have had sex with another woman before our marriage. I did not sleep that night. The next morning I gave her permission because of the following reasons:
- I knew that she would do it anyway.
- I was sure that she would not leave me.
- Thinking of her having sex with another man turned me on.
- I loved her so much that I did not begrudge her the pleasure.
One month later she told me that she had slept with another man on a tour with her choir. Although the sex was very satisfying, she would not do it anymore. We are still happy together.

]]> By: Kris http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-13934 Kris Sat, 06 Sep 2008 19:57:28 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-13934 Dude I'm going through the same thing... except I was with the girl 8 years engaged for 1.5 years, then she is to start university and she's heard all the helpful 'advice' from other women who tramped around while in school and it's causing her to have massive doubts. I'll tell you what I went through and you can make your own mind up of what to do buddy but you're damned if you do and damned if you dont. Year 6 she had an affair with my friend. It was an emotional affair nothing physical but it was totally traumatic and probably would have gotten physical if I didnt find out. The guy was fat, dorky, married with 2 kids and wife was pregnant, plus he was 16 years older than her (I'm 7 years older than her) so it was an ego-killer. I worked with her on it and we toughed it out and then a year later we got engaged (hey if you can make it through that you can make it through anything, right?) Well six months of being engaged go great then she starts to get a little 'off'. The stupid "experience" crap comes up again with the helpful women in the family, friends. Comes back to haunt us. We work through our issues and both of us are trying like crazy for 16 months, but nothing made her happy, she always found reasons to complain about the life we shared together. None of the complaints really mattered, she would forget about them and each time they would be different. In the end she packed up her crap and moved out and says she "doesn't want to committ to a relationship right now", needs to "figure herself out" and all that bull. She, like your girl, totally loves me and sees herself spending the long years of life together and raising kids and wants to stay friends and kind of have a no strings attached on and off relationship but it's bull, she obviously wants to take up the advice and try it out with some other men, even though she loves me. Its like she is pushing herself to do it, there's no other guy in the picture and she's not even going out trying to meet any. And because someone asked, yes I can please this woman. I almost always make her come at least 2 or 3 times except maybe when I'm having an off day. My record score with her is 14 times in one session, second record is 9 times which was after we separated. I'm not some adonis we just click. Honestly your best bet is to put it to her real plain, I just had to do it after 2 months separated and this on and off crap and it's super duper hard to do but it's the only option you have. Tell her, you're with her and she's with you and there's no other guys, or she doesn't get to have you and you're going to go off and find someone else and live a life without her. Don't close the door on her entirely or anything, because there is the odd chance that she may change her mind after a while and come running back, but don't count on it at all. Actually, live under the assumption that she never, ever, will and it will do you more good than anything, it may actually encourage her to come running back. But the key is this: don't be a doormat. Don't be that guy that she can come and have sex with when she can't meet someone else to have sex with. Don't be that guy who will always take her call and always hang around with her when she's lonely. Don't be the guy who will help her fix crap. Don't be the "fallback man" because then she will associate you with feeling guilty and you may never get her love back anyway. You will keep letting both yourself and her enter some half-assed relationship with no committment and feelings of guilt and neediness and each time her "romance clock" will reset back to zero for you. If she's ever going to come back to you 110% she needs to feel what it's like to truly be without you. Sorry bro. See as I was typing out this crap my ex called right now because she needed help with something. Murphy's law works. Trust me on that one, as counter intuitive as it feels. Dude I’m going through the same thing… except I was with the girl 8 years engaged for 1.5 years, then she is to start university and she’s heard all the helpful ‘advice’ from other women who tramped around while in school and it’s causing her to have massive doubts.

I’ll tell you what I went through and you can make your own mind up of what to do buddy but you’re damned if you do and damned if you dont.

Year 6 she had an affair with my friend. It was an emotional affair nothing physical but it was totally traumatic and probably would have gotten physical if I didnt find out. The guy was fat, dorky, married with 2 kids and wife was pregnant, plus he was 16 years older than her (I’m 7 years older than her) so it was an ego-killer.

I worked with her on it and we toughed it out and then a year later we got engaged (hey if you can make it through that you can make it through anything, right?) Well six months of being engaged go great then she starts to get a little ‘off’.

The stupid “experience” crap comes up again with the helpful women in the family, friends. Comes back to haunt us. We work through our issues and both of us are trying like crazy for 16 months, but nothing made her happy, she always found reasons to complain about the life we shared together. None of the complaints really mattered, she would forget about them and each time they would be different.

In the end she packed up her crap and moved out and says she “doesn’t want to committ to a relationship right now”, needs to “figure herself out” and all that bull. She, like your girl, totally loves me and sees herself spending the long years of life together and raising kids and wants to stay friends and kind of have a no strings attached on and off relationship but it’s bull, she obviously wants to take up the advice and try it out with some other men, even though she loves me. Its like she is pushing herself to do it, there’s no other guy in the picture and she’s not even going out trying to meet any.

And because someone asked, yes I can please this woman. I almost always make her come at least 2 or 3 times except maybe when I’m having an off day. My record score with her is 14 times in one session, second record is 9 times which was after we separated. I’m not some adonis we just click.

Honestly your best bet is to put it to her real plain, I just had to do it after 2 months separated and this on and off crap and it’s super duper hard to do but it’s the only option you have. Tell her, you’re with her and she’s with you and there’s no other guys, or she doesn’t get to have you and you’re going to go off and find someone else and live a life without her.

Don’t close the door on her entirely or anything, because there is the odd chance that she may change her mind after a while and come running back, but don’t count on it at all. Actually, live under the assumption that she never, ever, will and it will do you more good than anything, it may actually encourage her to come running back.

But the key is this: don’t be a doormat. Don’t be that guy that she can come and have sex with when she can’t meet someone else to have sex with. Don’t be that guy who will always take her call and always hang around with her when she’s lonely. Don’t be the guy who will help her fix crap. Don’t be the “fallback man” because then she will associate you with feeling guilty and you may never get her love back anyway. You will keep letting both yourself and her enter some half-assed relationship with no committment and feelings of guilt and neediness and each time her “romance clock” will reset back to zero for you.

If she’s ever going to come back to you 110% she needs to feel what it’s like to truly be without you. Sorry bro. See as I was typing out this crap my ex called right now because she needed help with something. Murphy’s law works. Trust me on that one, as counter intuitive as it feels.

]]> By: Sahaja http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/comment-page-1/#comment-11597 Sahaja Wed, 30 Jul 2008 08:42:10 +0000 http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/my-girlfriend-wants-to-get-more-sexual-%e2%80%9cexperience%e2%80%9d-before-getting-engaged-what-should-i-do/#comment-11597 To all of you guys who have gfs who want more experience or vice versa, please take note of all the ppl commenting above. You can not stop what he/she does, only what you do. If they want to do something outside of the relationship, 1 - there is not saying they havent already and 2 - you are not in the relationship that you want and deserve. And neither of you will be happy in it. So get out now - You can hold up hope they will change their mind, and some do - but the likelihood is not high. I feel like Im restating a lot of what is said - but bottom line - open communication, figure out what you want and WHY , both of you, and if you can not reconcile both, you're going have to end it and move on and hope for the best. Thats all I can say - you'd save a lot of pain that way. To all of you guys who have gfs who want more experience or vice versa, please take note of all the ppl commenting above. You can not stop what he/she does, only what you do. If they want to do something outside of the relationship, 1 – there is not saying they havent already and 2 – you are not in the relationship that you want and deserve. And neither of you will be happy in it. So get out now – You can hold up hope they will change their mind, and some do – but the likelihood is not high. I feel like Im restating a lot of what is said – but bottom line – open communication, figure out what you want and WHY , both of you, and if you can not reconcile both, you’re going have to end it and move on and hope for the best. Thats all I can say – you’d save a lot of pain that way.

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