I am married to a man who has no interest in me. He never takes me anywhere. All he does is work and sleep. I realized now that he does not make me happy; however, his twenty-two year old son (my stepson) does make me happy. In the past, my stepson has told me that he wants me.
My husband thinks something is going on between my stepson and me. He told my stepson that if he finds out something is going on, my stepson will be out the door. So now, my stepson is backing off a bit; although, he’s still smiling at me and acting like he’s interested in me.
I see my stepson more than I see my husband, and I think I am falling in love with my stepson. What shall I do?
Next on Jerry Springer…
Okay, Karen, I didn’t want to ignore you, because you asked the single most provocative question that I’ve yet to field in my two years of blogging. But I have to be honest with you: you need serious therapy.
Because while it doesn’t take a psychologist or a dating coach to tell you what to do – DON’T FUCK YOUR STEPSON! – it probably takes a significant amount of $200+/hr shrinking sessions to figure out how you ended up in such an unhappy marriage and how you could possibly think that a relationship with your husband’s son is a reasonable idea.
So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you.
The greatest anguish you have in your email is not about your loveless marriage, nor is it about the weirdness of copulating with your stepson. No, the most acute pain you feel in your email is due to the fact that your husband is onto your illicit relationship and may kick your potential lover out of the house.
It’s not that I’m not sympathetic to you. Many of my emails come from people in unhappy relationships and people with crushes that they can’t act upon. But however serious your issues right this moment – they pale in comparison to the hell you’re going to put everyone through if you get together with your stepson.
Maybe your marriage needs to be ruined, but this is not the way. Chances are, your feelings for this kid – and, as a boy who was born in 1986, he IS a kid – stem directly from the indifference of your husband. His son probably makes you feel special and beautiful and looks at you with starry eyes. You’re likely in love with how he makes you FEEL, as opposed to who he is.
You don’t say your age, but even if you’re only 15 years older than the stepson, you are of entirely different generations. The only thing you have in common is attraction, and maybe a common resentment of your husband. This is not something on which you should stake your future.
So please, Karen, go get professional help, get out of your marriage, and go be a cougar to someone who isn’t related to you. But don’t think that there is any other outcome to sleeping with your stepson than full family tragedy.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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