My Long Distance Boyfriend Does Not Want To Think About Our Future, But He Insists He Is Committed To Me. How Can I Be Sure?
In your boyfriend’s eyes, if you push for marriage or kids, you’ll be ruining the amazing thing you have together. In your eyes, if your boyfriend doesn’t cement your two-year relationship by stepping up to the plate, he’ll be ruining the amazing thing you have together. He believes he’s right. You believe you’re right. And, at the end of the day, one of you is going to have to make a compromise you don’t want to make.
I’m not going to tell you who it’s going to be. I am, however, going to lay our your options for you in a logical, almost clinical, way, using cost-benefit analysis. Your boyfriend would probably appreciate this.
First off, I agree with you wholeheartedly that you SHOULD get some “I love you”, and some talk about the future or moving in together or marriage if that’s what YOU want. If you’re not getting this, and will never get it, and will never feel good unless you get it, then guess what? You’re dating the wrong guy.
Certain guys inspire confidence and attraction, but have all the sensitivity of a brick fireplace. If that doesn’t work for you, that’s cool… find another guy who’s a better communicator.
This is the essence of the concept from “Why You’re Still Single” called “Men Don’t Go Both Ways”. Certain guys inspire confidence and attraction, but have all the sensitivity of a brick fireplace. If that doesn’t work for you, that’s cool… find another guy who’s a better communicator. Just don’t expect your Marlboro Man to suddenly become the man you want him to be. That’s not how he’s built.
Your guy has a few added wrinkles – he’s bipolar, stoic and long distance. Not to mention uncompromising. It’s very clear that you have to accept him on his terms if you’re going to be with him. Which is not “wrong”…if you can get yourself to agree with his terms – no marriage, no kids, no sweet nothings to let you know he cares.
Frankly, I think you can drive yourself crazy spending a life with a man like that. Waking up every morning, not knowing where you stand because he’s unwilling to give you the security of a commitment.
So here’s my two cents on how to proceed. You should discuss with him the possibility of moving in with him and see if he’s open to it. Your relationship will never go to the next level if you stay long-distance. If he resists because he’s too stressed or busy or indifferent, that tells you everything you need to know about where he prioritizes you. If he is receptive to it, see if living together brings you closer together or drives you farther apart. It’s a big risk, but one that you seem to need to take.
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