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What are the signs that someone’s desire for exclusivity is really about YOU, rather than about a need to control?
I’ve been casually dating for three years since my divorce, and have had my share of all the various issues that most of your readers have experienced. The newest guy has his share of initial red flags flying. Most concerning to me is that he is an alcoholic in recovery for 12 years. He mentioned that he struggles at the holidays and one of the current struggles includes some regrets over an old 4-year relationship of his that he messed up. He works his program and has many supports in place, which is all very good.
What has my radar up is that we have only been dating for three weeks and he is already asking me to date him exclusively. He’s the first guy in a long time that makes me feel like I enjoy him enough to consider an actual relationship, but it just seems so soon. We have been sexually active and he wants us to take our profiles down and date exclusively.
When I expressed some hesitation, he requested that at the very least, I tell him before I enter into something sexual with someone else. I think that’s fair, but parts of me wonder if his focus on exclusivity so early in the dating process is a controlling behavior that is characteristic of his addiction. Three weeks just seems too soon for his decision to really be about ME. I would love an exclusive relationship with the right guy, but I want to be the catalyst for him wanting exclusivity, not his need to control.
That’s the way we want love to feel – organic, passionate, and FAST. No waiting, no games, no B.S… Like Communism, it sounds great in theory, but it doesn’t work in practice.
I recently sent out a newsletter about this, but since not all of you have gotten my 5 Massive Mistakes report (hint, hint), I will attempt to recap what I said.
Namely, that when you’re positive about a man from the get-go, all you want to do is let down your guard and be “real” with him. You may have that “you just know” feeling and nothing seems more right than to give into the moment and become an insta-couple.
That’s the way we want love to feel – organic, passionate, and FAST. No waiting, no games, no B.S. “I want you. You want me. Let’s give this a go.”
Like Communism, it sounds great in theory, but it doesn’t work in practice.
Take Exhibit A:
His name is Bill. He thinks you’re the bees knees. He tells you that he wants to be your boyfriend. He finds you the most divine creature on earth.
And all you can think is: I’m on a fast train to Red Flag City.
Why He Disappeared is the smart, strong, successful woman's guide to understanding men. If you want to learn how men think, and rediscover how to have meaningful relationships - all from a man's point of view - click here to learn Why He Disappeared.
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