You can love this guy madly, but if you’re not willing to give up on the dream of being a mother, you need to know if he intends on being a father.
If he loves you – and I presume he does – he’s going to tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. Is it possible that he’ll say he wants to be a dad and not mean it? Sure. But it’s more likely that he’ll say that he can’t make that commitment now, and that if you choose to leave him, he understands.
All you need is the security of knowing that he wants to have children. And if he can’t give you that security, you’re going to have to think long and hard about whether your relationship has a future.
Face it: your boyfriend may or may not want to be a father someday, but he definitely doesn’t want to decide right now. That’s his prerogative. But it’s equally your prerogative to assess your future prospects. It’s no secret that it’s harder to date and conceive after age 35 than it is right now, so I would take this seriously.
Just know that conversations reveal a person’s intentions, they don’t determine them. What I mean is that talking about children is not going to influence his opinion on children. He already knows where he stands; he just hasn’t told you yet.
So when you ask him, don’t give him an ultimatum. Couch this in terms of what you need right now. You don’t need a ring right now. You don’t need a house right now. You don’t need a baby now – or even in five years! All you need is the security of knowing that he wants to have children. And if he can’t give you that security, you’re going to have to think long and hard about whether your relationship has a future.
Deciding to put your foot down in this instance doesn’t make you demanding, Allison. It just makes you smart.
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