My Valentine’s Day Gift to You
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Assuming that something is wrong with Match.com when you don’t find love in 3 months, is like assuming that something is wrong with 24-Hour Fitness when you don’t drop 20 lbs in three months. Both companies work fine. If you’re not getting results, the only thing you can do is look in the mirror.
Those who work out often go to a personal trainer to get the most out of their performance. They quickly learn that there are better ways of doing things:
Proper form is more important than higher weights; high intensity cardio instead of low intensity cardio, and so on.
You may have gone to the gym for 5 years, but if you never used it RIGHT, you wouldn’t even know what you COULD get out of it.
Not until a professional stood over your shoulders and gave you personal suggestions. Which is ironic, because a all the machines looked pretty simple and straightforward. It would seem that ANYONE should be able to get results at the gym.
Not quite.
This is why I developed Finding the One Online, a comprehensive audio system designed to attract more men and higher quality men in online dating.
Over the course of 7CDs, with a 180 page transcript and a 35 page workbook, I give you EVERY SINGLE TRICK that I give to my $2000+ one-on-one coaching clients.
And because it’s going to be a lonely Sunday for both of us – and because I just relaunched my site to focus entirely on smart, strong, successful women (check it out at www.evanmarckatz.com!), I wanted to offer you a special Valentine’s Day gift.
The normal cost of Finding the One Online is $297, but for you, on this holiday weekend, I’m taking my signature program and slashing the price to $197.
Better yet, you can get it for only $66/month. Really. For the same cost of dinner and a movie or a new shirt, you can invest in your long-term future.
The best part is that by dispelling the disempowering perceptions you have about online dating, all of your frustration and confusion will be gone – leaving you a clearer path to love. Not to mention insider tips on how to make men do what YOU want them to do. (That’s my favorite part!)
This three-day sale starts NOW and runs until 12am, and runs until Monday, February 15th at 11:59pm. After that, Finding the One Online returns to its normal retail price, still an incredible value for the seven hours of coaching it provides you.
Naturally, if you’re away with your sweetie this Valentine’s Day, you can ignore this.
But if you’re at home (like I am), and want to be able to spend NEXT Valentine’s Day on a romantic getaway (like I do), I couldn’t recommend a stronger starting point than Finding the One Online.
Act now, jumpstart your love life, and save $100 instantly, before Monday night.
Write down this coupon code: vday2010 – and put it on your calendar to take advantage of this once-a-year special offering:
Click here to get started:
http://www.evanmarckatz.com/products/finding-the-one-online.html
Warmest wishes,
Your friend,
Evan
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39 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Tips & Advice, Promotions and Products
A Reader 1
If I could afford to drop $200 or even $66 every month just on trying to find a date, my life would be pretty good. As it is, I can’t even afford Match.com, and even if I could, there is NO WAY I would ever post my photo on a dating site, so it would be a waste of money anyway. Guess I’ll just have to keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along — or not.
Sarah 2
Thanks for the great advice Evan! I thought your readers might be interested in learning about the DateCheck $1000 Dream Date Contest! 3 lucky winners will win their dream date! http://bit.ly/DateCheckContest
Melissa 3
A Reader;
There are free dating websites out there.
The only dating websites I am on are both FREE and I go on a minimum of 4 dates a month.
plentyoffish.com and gooddatela.com (the last one is for So Cal residents.
I’ve met some great guys on Plenty of Fish. I’ve met some not-so-great guys also… but you shouldn’t use the cost as an excuse not to try when there are free options available to you.
A Reader 4
Melissa — do you have a photo posted on these dating sites? I keep reading that if you don’t have a photo no one will ever contact you, and I don’t want my picture all over the Internet. If I can join without posting a photo, I would consider it.
Vanessa 5
Hey…what would you all think if I said I was going to be alone on Valentine’s because my “boyfriend” of 15 months, decided he’d rather go with his daughter to the beach the whole weekend…I’m, 40, he’s 45 and the daughter is 11…great excuse for taking up Evan on his offer, no?
david 6
I’ll answer for Melissa — yes, Reader, no one (men) will ever contact you without a photo. Why? Because there are MILLLLLLLLLIONS of women who have photos up. There’s no incentive to write to someone who doesn’t when there are soooooooo many attractive women who have photos posted. And no one will do anything with your picture (most people don’t have that fear anymore — it’s not 1996 anymore),which they could have gotten off Facebook or MySpace or wherever. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about — everyone on there is single too! And is showing their face! Jump in!
A Reader 7
Eh, I think I’ll pass. I know it’s not 1996 anymore but I still don’t want my face all over the Internet. I don’t like the idea of people knowing what I look like when I don’t know diddly-squat about them. Like I said, if it means I don’t do online dating, then oh well. But thanks for the honest response, David.
Selena 8
@#5
After 15 mos. together why weren’t you invited to go to the beach for the week-end also?
sayanta 9
#6-
I have to agree with David. I’m a woman, and when I was on those sites, I almost never responded to guys who wrote me if they didn’t have a photo up.
A Reader 10
Oh, I should also mention I’m not on Facebook or MySpace either, for exactly the same reason.
Vanessa 11
To Selena @ 8,
I was invited, but I refused to go because it would be an unconfortable place, sleeping on the floor and with one bathroom for about 8 people (his sister and her husband and their 2 kids would also go). I said I would not put up with that, and I offered to do something else for the weekend, but he still declined in favor of Yucky Beach. Oh well.
Selena 12
@Vanessa
Sounds like this isn’t the guy for you. Shrug.
sayanta 13
Vanessa-
Honestly, that sounds kind of high-maintenance. He offered, you refused. Of course his daughter is going to be a big part of his life. If you want to be a part of his life too, I don’t think it can always be under the precise circumstances you want considering you’re dealing with a guy who’s got a family already.
It sounds like you would do better with guys in their 20s/early 30s who don’t have families yet.
lily 14
You can post your photo when you open your account and hide it if you don’t want it displayed to the whole world.
But you don’t have to pay online dating. Plenty of Fish is free and I had good and bad dates part of online dating experience, I did not leave my picture for the whole world to see. I hide it everytime I log-off.
Selena 15
@ #13
I wouldn’t call Vanessa particularly high maintenance. Sleeping on the floor and sharing one bathroom with 6 or more other people doesn’t sound like a fun weekend getaway to me either. At least once out of college.
I figured the father had his daughter every other weekend, Vday happens to fall on *her* weekend and he made these plans with his sis as something fun for his daughter where she could also play with her cousins. Vanessa sounds pissed that he isn’t doing anything romantic with her this weekend. But Vanessa is a grown up; she can plan something romantic with her bf anytime, why pout over one commercial holiday?
And after 15 mos. together she knows the deal about dating someone with kids – particularly part-time kids. Sooo…is it really the V-day plans that are bothering her? Or is she getting burned-out dating a dad?
sayanta 16
Selena-
Yeah, I completely agree with your last two paragraphs.
Jonsi 17
Vanessa,
does it not sound lame to say to his sister and his daughter’s cousins “sorry, me and my daughter can’t come on vacation with you because I have to take my gf out to dinner for Valentine’s day”? Even if it were your birthday, there is no reason he can’t live a life of abundance and do both — spend time with his family and daughter and do something else with you 2-3 days earlier or later — especially since you were invited. Nothing he has done indicates that he does not love you or consider you a lower priority; rather, it indicates he is a good dad.
If there is a general absence of romance and affection, that is something to discuss with him, otherwise, I suggest you tell him “I think I’ll pass on going, but I hope you and your daughter have fun. I’m a bit bummed I won’t get to see you on Valentine’s day; can we do something special another day?” You give no evidence to suggest he won’t man up. If he does not, maybe then take Evan’s offer, but there is a difference in being disappointed in not seeing your BF on Vday and being disappointed IN him.
You are saying “I am dissapointed in my boyfriend for accepting his sisters offer to take a mini-vacation to the beach with his daughter and nieces instead of saying no and taking me out for Valentine’s day.” I would speculate (could be wrong) that the reason for this trip is because the kids have Monday off of school due to President’s day; ergo, this is an exceptional circumstance, not something that demonstates a lack of value for you and your relationship. An appropriate counter offer is “have fun. Can we celebrate Valentine’s day on Wednesday?” To me, it sounds like your bf is a good Dad and a good bf for inviting you, not a negligent guy who does not care.
Vanessa 18
To everyone,
Thank you all for your insight and comments. I appreciate it. I am a single mother, my daughter is 4 years old, and I am solely responsible for her, as her deadbeat dad lives in another country. My now ex-bf and I have had these kind of issues for 5 months now, we have been in therapy for 5 months and even the therapist told him he needed to put our relationship first. He had not been respecting the limits of our relationship, and I dumped him. Yes. today, on Valentine’s. Thank you again to everyone.
Selena 19
Wow. I don’t think I’d bother with therapy for a relationship so shaky so early on. Guess you can say you gave it your best shot though. Happy V-day to you and your daughter Vanessa.
BeenThruTheWars 20
@A Reader, if you post your photo on one free dating site, it is not “all over the Internet.” It is on that one free dating site.
The argument will be, “But it has the POTENTIAL to go all over the Internet.” And that’s about as much potential as we all have to be struck by lightning while hopping on one foot. Sure, it’s POSSIBLE… but come on. How special ARE you? Are you a celebrity? Leader of the Free World? What is anyone’s motivation to take YOUR photo, copy it, and post it “all over the Internet”?
Someone who is crackerjack at computers could probably find a way to hack Evan’s site (hey, if they can hack DOD and the CIA, it’s certainly possible) and find out who our anonymous friend “A Reader” is by this one blog thread. All of our computers’ unique identifying numbers would be there, and from then it’s extremely easy to identify the service provider and even come up with a name and address of the subscriber. IF you are unbelievably motivated to do so.
Again… why would anyone bother? People have better things to do with their time on dating-related sites. Like find a girlfriend or boyfriend.
Sorry, but “I don’t want to join any dating sites or social networking sites where I might meet a suitable mate because putting a picture or two up is too fraught with peril” is not a valid reason. It’s an excuse. I’ve met FBI agents, federal air marshals, public school teachers — all kinds of people online whom you’d think WOULD have an excuse to want to hide their identity. But they don’t, because A) they are not prohibited from doing so by their employers or government agencies, and B) they know it’s the best way with their busy schedules they are ever going to find a date.
BeenThruTheWars 21
@Vanessa. Sorry to hear your relationship didn’t work out. But as others have said, it probably wasn’t the relationship for you. I agree with Selena that therapy at that stage of the game is heavy-duty.
One thing I will say, though. I dated and was engaged to a man with two daughters for seven years, when I, myself had no desire to have kids or be around them. (My biggest mistake was answering his personal ad in the first place, knowing he had kids still living at home at least part of the time.) He always put his daughters first. That was his responsibility as a parent. If he hadn’t put them first all or nearly all of the time, it would have been a very serious red flag for me. He had plenty of those in other areas! But the one thing you could say in his defense was, he was a fabulous dad and really had his priorities straight. For me — I had to decide: Do I always want to come in third with this man? After his two daughters, and then him? I didn’t, and so I left. (Sure took me long enough, but that’s another story. Be glad you are out of a non-functioning relationship with only fifteen months invested.)
Put yourself in his shoes. Would YOU put your boyfriend’s wants and needs over your daughter’s on a consistent basis? If the answer is “no” then quit picking on him. Just move on and acknowledge that you need someone who will be more devoted to you next time. Be fair. He did invite you to participate in a family event. You declined. If you’re invited and you freely say no, you don’t get to complain about it afterwards. It’s not about, “He chose the yucky beach over me.” It’s about, “He chose to be with his family this weekend, and I wasn’t interested in joining them, which was my prerogative.”
A Reader 22
@Been Thru the Wars — If some evil computer genius were to hack this site, they would not find my name and address. I don’t subscribe to an Internet service provider. No, I don’t steal Internet access; it’s free with my rent. Or I use free wi-fi channels. I guess if somebody was really determined they could actually find me, but I am not worried about that. Like you said, why would anybody bother?
I never said anything about not wanting to post a photo on a dating site or a social network because it is “fraught with peril.” I said I don’t like the idea of people knowing what I look like when I have never met them. I’m not WORRIED about my picture being on the Internet. I just don’t WANT it there. See the difference?
Like I told David who posted earlier, if that means I don’t do online dating, then oh well. If it means I never date at all, then oh well. I accept that. Your problem with this is what, exactly?
Joe 23
You know, just because you’re paranoid, it doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you!
sayanta 24
#22-
You sound kinda defensive. Honestly- it’s just that it seems a little…weird, about the photo thing. I’ve only met a couple of people who don’t want their pics anywhere- and one of them had some personality disorder involving extreme paranoia, and the other one didn’t want anyone to find him because he was afraid he had illegit. kids he didn’t want to know about.
Karl R 25
A Reader said: (#22)
“I said I don’t like the idea of people knowing what I look like when I have never met them. I’m not WORRIED about my picture being on the Internet. I just don’t WANT it there. See the difference?”
A Reader said: (#1)
“Guess I’ll just have to keep waiting for Mr. Right to come along or not.”
I understand completely. I want to be able to play the piano, but I don’t WANT to take lessons or practice. I don’t like the thought of spending that kind of time. It’s wonderful to finally meet someone who can empathize with my predicament.
sayanta 26
By the way, EMK- I’m loving that pic of you on the top left, in the blue shirt.
MeetMeinOtrSPce 27
A Reader: You will know and see as much of the other person on an online dating site as they will of you. You know as well as anyone else, attraction requires more than just a mental connection. Appearance is important to everyone looking to date. Obviously you have some interest in dating since you made your way to this website. Also, if you’re as you put it “using free wi-fi channels” then you’re using someone else’s unsecured internet connection which means that it is available to everyone close enough to their modem. This is called stealing another person’s internet connection. Usually when your landlord is lame enough to say it’s included in your rent it means it’s crappy enough to where you’re better off just getting a cable/internet package which is probably what all your neighbors did, hence why you probably have so many connections available. (I did the same thing in my dorm)Assuming you’re in an apartment complex… That being said, get with the century lady! Post a pic online! Quit being such a baby.
sayanta 28
#25-
You know…there are those pianos that play themselves. Like in the Twilight Zone.
A Reader 29
@Sayanta. No illegitimate kids here. I would know. And no paranoia. Just personal preference. One of the many benefits of living in an (ostensibly) free country. I really don’t see why MY preferences bother you or anybody else. Honestly, I’m not telling YOU that you shouldn’t post your picture on a dating site or on a billboard over Times Square if you want to. More power to you. I choose not to. It’s a big enough world for both of us, truly it is.
A Reader 30
@MeetMeinOtrSPce You know what happens when you assume? You make an ASS of U and ME. I wouldn’t make any sweeping generalizations based on no information if I were you about my Internet access or anything else.
And my response to you concerning online dating is the same as my response to sayanta. I choose not to post my photo online. I’m not giving you grief because you do. Does the phrase “live and let live” mean anything at all to you?
Selena 31
@26
That’s the kind of hair you just want to reach out and run your fingers through.
Joe 32
Live and let live, complain and let complain.
sayanta 33
A Reader-
Sure. I get what you’re saying. It’s just that we all tend to come here to kind of ‘fix’ what’s wrong in our dating lives, or to figure out how to better navigate the dating world, proactively. Since you’re posting here pretty frequently, I’m “assuming” (big risk there, I know), that you’re interested in this topic, and possibly your own dating life.
Like Evan said multiple times, you can’t have a dating life if you’re not dating. Online dating (though I’m not crazy about the idea myself) is really the best method to ‘meet’ lots of men. From what I’ve seen here, most people go into dating, relationships, etc. and tend to ask for ‘help’ or just exchange ideas on what’s currently happening, or not happening, in their dating lives.
But you seem to be ‘waiting for Mr. Right to just come along’ and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t. That’s totally cool- but what’s odd is that people with that attitude tend not to post so frequently on dating blogs, and then get defensive about their choice to not date.
A Reader 34
Well, when people put words in my mouth (“fraught with peril”), throw around words like “paranoid” or make assumptions based on no information at all, it tends to make a person defensive. *shrug*
I’m not really looking for a “fix” for my own dating life. I couldn’t afford Evan even if I was (ha!). I just happen to enjoy reading the blog and commenting on the different posts, so, yes, I guess you could say I have an interest in the topic. I dunno, I wasn’t aware that was a problem.
sayanta 35
Selena, 31-
lol- yep, and the blue brings out the eyes too. ok, evan, I’ll stop hitting on you now.
Kenley 36
Sayanta,
I think we all suffer a little from the do- as- I- say- not- as- I- do syndrome in that we can easily tell someone else to do something we ourselves are unwilling to do. You have indicated that you simply don’t want to date the shy, feminine guys who are asking you out. Why? Because you don’t feel comfortable with them. What does this mean for you? Well, right now it means you aren’t dating as much as you could be. How is your situation all that much different from A Reader’s desire not to put her photo on an on-line dating cite? To me, it’s not different at all. She is unwilling to do something because she doesn’t feel comforable. Will it be harder for A Reader to find a guy without dating on-line? None of us really know the answer to that question. What I do know is that there are tons of both men and women who haven’t had much luck with it so it’s not the be all and end all for everybody. Let us not forget that Evan did not meet his wife on-line AND he said he is pretty certain that if he had seen her profile on-line, he would have ignored her. So, just let A Reader do her thing and we can all do ours.
sayanta 37
Kenley-
A Reader can do whatever she wants. The only reason I got into this at all is I was curious as to why someone who doesn’t really date frequents this blog. And she answered my question. That’s fine. No big deal. Also, the way she worded her responses made it seem that she kind of looked down on the whole ‘photo-on-the-Internet’ trend. Maybe I read it the wrong way, but I have a feeling that’s why she incited so many comments. For example, I had a friend who only listened to classical music- every time she saw my college dorm room, she’d look at my Who/Doors posters and wrinkle her nose saying- “you have those on your walls?”
She didn’t say she looked down on my musical choices, or that I was better off listening to classical, but it was apparent indirectly.
As for me, I’m just choosing not to date men whom I’m not clicking with in a certain way- that’s a different scenario from not putting myself in a situation where dating’s possible.
A-L 38
Sayanta,
Does that mean you’re now dating online?
sayanta 39
A-L-
lol- yes, I’ve taken the plunge again. We’ll see how it does. My New Year’s resolution was, I will NOT allow the dating issues to drive me to post insane comments on this blog. lol we’ll see how that goes… I think Reva Seth’s “Arranged Marriage wisdom for modern relationships” book, coupled with Gottlieb’s treatise is helping keep my head on my shoulders a bit.
PS- Forgot to thank you for the ‘why men are great’ post- a much-needed post for me to read!