Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

Newsflash: Older Men Don't Want Women Their Own Age

Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.

1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.

2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.

3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.

So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.

But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.

Check out the clip here!

Join our conversation (319 Comments).
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  1. 1

    It was a quick segment… but I liked it. Wow, 3:30am! Crazy! ha, ha.

    Is the whole “fibbing your age” thing a blanket recommendation or just for women/men who may want to start a family again or who feel they are being wrongly discriminated against because of their age?

    I mean… I guess I’m okay with “weeding out” the guys who want to have babies. It’s a joint decision, but I’m okay with only communicating with the men who feel they don’t want children or have kids and don’t want anymore. Sure, if I fall in love with someone whose hell bent on having his own kid, I wouldn’t squash his dream… but I’m truly okay with being done in the kid department too, so I could go either way.

    And, since not getting enough emails or not having enough men to date has never been a problem, are there any advantages to knocking my age down 5 years, since everyone thinks I look 32 anyways? I don’t know… I’m open to it if I saw advantages, but I guess I feel by keeping my age as much to the truth as possible, I’m weeding out ones who could be a potential problem anyways.


    1. 1.1
      sally mendelini

      So what if people lie about their age, really. If you look good and take care of yourself it can’t hurt. A person may miss out on meeting a good person because age, that number, has a connotation of being old and unattractive. When they meet you, see the beauty in and out, the age factor becomes unimportant. It’s hard enough meeting someone you like, lying about your age shouldn’t be a big deal.

      1. 1.1.1

        So, if I lie about my income to get you into bed is that ok?

        1. Sally Mendelini


          Most women can tell if a man has money or not, that may get her in bed, but the size of your —— will make her stay or hop out of bed while she points and laughs running out of the room. If you’re not well endowed physically, money is a must to offset a little weenie.

      2. 1.1.2

        So, I guess I can lie about my salary?

    2. 1.2

      If you can’t be truthful about something simple as age then what else are you going to be untruthful about….ummmm

  2. 2

    I find most older men, unless they want to have kids or are just emerging from a bitter divorce, don’t care if the women they date are their age–as long as they don’t look it.

    I’m 47 and often told I look about 10 years younger. When I go to events at my son’s high school and look at the other moms, I can see why: married or single, they’ve let themselves go. Short hair, gray hair, dowdy clothing–most of these women look *older* than their actual ages. A style makeover with a little hair color and a youthful attitude can go a long way.

    I’m currently dating someone who is 52, although within the last year I’ve dated men as young as 27. It seems that regardless of age, it’s the total package that counts. All men want a woman who is nice to look at in their eyes–it’s not enough to just have the cerebral qualities that take up so much space on those online dating profiles. While there will always be older men who insist on dating 20 somethings, there are plenty who are willing to date in their own age bracket provided they find a woman attractive enough.

    1. 2.1

      We’ve heard it all! Yes, yes, the obligatory, “I look ten years younger” and what not. You have it all figured out, you are the authority because you are dating somebody (likely, a man from a “bitter” divorce). 

      1. 2.1.1

        WOW!  That came off as much more bitter than I’m sure you intended.  I didn’t see anything wrong with Cilla’s post.  Yeah, I get that it gets old seeing everyone claim to look 10 years younger, but I think she touched on a truth there.  While most people probably don’t think she is 37, they probably also don’t think she is 47.  But the reason is what she highlighted.  A lot of her peers aren’t trying anymore, so they look older than they are.

    2. 2.2
      Sally Mendelini

      Many old guys are not the greatest catches themselves unless they have $$$ and Viagra. Good looking, thin young girls can get Louboutins, Louis Vuitton bags, fancy homes, restaurants and trips and have their bills paid or else she’ll move on…otherwise he has no better advantage then the older woman. Who wants an old man who farts, pees and naps on the couch all the time, who is limp with saggy balls, has man boobs and a pot belly unless you’re desperate and fat yourself. Usually educated, attractive men and women around the same age with similar backgrounds will be appealing and interesting to each other no matter what age. Anyone looking for someone out of their league is surely headed down the wrong path.

      1. 2.2.1

        Don’t forget Sally, no one is out of anyone’s league!


        Good looking old guy! :]

      2. 2.2.2

        Not all older men are like what you posted. I am fit muscular slim 60 year old with all my hair and very active. Blanket statements only make you look ignorant

      3. 2.2.3

        Great generalizations. Not all older men are like that. I know many that are fit. It’s the women that are gaining the most weight in there middle age. I am 10% body fat with bmi if 20. Slim fit with muscle definition at 59.

      4. 2.2.4

        cannot stop laughing

      5. 2.2.5

        I think it’s funny that so many guys are agreeing that they wouldn’t want to date older women or women over 30-35 regardless of their own age because according to them women become apparently more and more disgusting with every passing year. But the moment a woman dares to say that men don’t become more attractive or desirable with passing years either, all these guys come out of the woodworks trying to convince anyone that truly they are just as much a catch as they were 20-30 yrs ago. In my experience men really don’t look any “better” than their female peers. It’s just that woman think of other things besides looks when they think of someones attractiveness and no not because of biology but because that is what is stamped in our brains by media and society as a whole. While men are taught that what women are concerned it’s just looks, looks, looks. If it where just about biology than women be just as shallow or even more so.

        1. DeeGee

          I feel it is pretty equal.  Most men and women as they get older let themselves go.  I have been on five dating sites for the past five years, and 80%+ of the women 45 to 65 are overweight to obese.  Just like in the younger years, 20s, 30s, 40s, there are the 20% who take good care of themselves physically, there are the same smaller number who take care of themselves in their 50s and 60s and beyond.  This entire men versus women argument is just silly.  And both older men and older women these days are often looking at connecting with younger people. I don’t think either gender has the market cornered on acting that way.  You all are just seeing things from your own perspective instead of looking outside of yourselves and your arguments at both genders equally.
          I also disagree with the statement that Veronica makes regarding men or women being shallow and just concerned with looks.  There are a percentage in both genders that are that way, it doesn’t mean they all are.

        2. Deepsouth

          Women are just as shallow, arguably more. Just look to dating sites for proof. Men on dating sites are willing to date average looking women, even below average looking. They do not have to be knockouts or 10’s for most men to be willing to meet for a first date. And men will respond to just about any woman that messages them. Women on the other hand, well its the complete opposite. Not only will they not date an average looking guy, they wont even respond to a message from them. Women on dating sites are extremely shallow, and many male model fake accounts have been made to prove this. Women don’t care what your hobbies or interests are. They don’t care about that silly love poem you wrote in your bio. They don’t care how funny or smart you are. They care about your looks and your looks alone.

  3. 3

    I thought it was funny that one of Evan’s clients who railed against lying about their age lied in her own online profile without even remembering that she had! It makes one wonder whether someone lies so much about a particular aspect about themselves that they end up believing the lie.

    There are ways to tell a lie in order to widen your dating pool of people who are compatible in other ways but after a while it’s just plain deception; especially if there’s nothing else in common. Personally, I don’t mind women who fudge their age in their bio but come clean in their profile. It makes perfect sense marketing wise and it does show a lot of character.

    1. 3.1

      Thank goodness for “marketing wise guys”! Lol

  4. 4

    What fun! Evan, I like your hair better as depicted in the masthead. Just saying…

  5. 5
    Evan Marc Katz

    I put some gunk in it to tame the frizz, and, well, I looked like a wet poodle. Hey, some women like that…

    1. 5.1
      Billie Britton

      Hi Even I like your hair. I’m one of those almost 40 & I still look like a 12 year old!😋

  6. 6

    Evan, can you get a video clip of your segment and put it on your site?

  7. 7

    I’m 43, I have no problem dating a woman up to 5 years older than I am and I actually prefer women my own age.

    I find them to be more fun to talk to and a whole lot less drama.

    The downsides are that many of them, like many men in the same age group, let themselves go. Also, like many men in the same age group they have let the battle of the sexes give them bitter attitudes about the other sex. Many of them have also forgot how to have fun on a date. If they aren’t giving you a “job interview” with an agenda of questions ( ready to disqualify you at any answer slightly off program ) then they are rushing off to the next item on their perpetually tight schedules.

    1. 7.1
      Fred D McMillan

      I am fourty getting ready to turn fourty one and I agree.

      1. 7.1.1
        Fred D McMillan

        I do agree totally, I am  forty and soon to be forty one soon.

        1. Jon Cunningham

          Totally agree, the older the woman, the more their insecurity drives a guy away. The woman that are interested are half my age. They may have a half-life of only three months, but a lot of fun it can be.


    2. 7.2

      Bravo, Steve!

    3. 7.3

      “…they have let the battle of the sexes give them bitter attitudes about the other sex.”


      I find this to be the case also, and a chief reason I’m not attracted to women my age (late 40s).  I’m a happy go lucky person, myself,  and I just can’t take the bitterness and anger so prevalent among women in their 40s on up.


      Sure, some younger women have their issues too. Immaturity at any age can be a major turn off. But I find those so much easier to deal with than the hostility and angriness.

      1. 7.3.1

        why do so many guys talk about women in their 40s being “hostile, bitter and angry”?

        I am just curious, is that really true?



    4. 7.4

      I’m 26 and I loveee your response

  8. 8

    I’ve only started lying about my age (or choosing not to reveal it) as I’ve gotten older. I never reveal my age in the workplace, and I haven’t revealed it to men I’ve met outside of cyber-space. I’ve found that many men have preconceived ideas about what a woman of a certain age looks like. I’m constantly told I don’t look my age, but guess what, I am that age! I’ve lied about my age by a few years and the men had no idea. I really don’t look my age (does anyone think they do?), so no one seems to guess. I’ve actually found that men lie about their ages (and their height) quite a bit, but as Evan said, it’s so they can date much younger women. Even men who don’t want kids lie. I just want to stay in the game with men around my own age.

    I’ve also found that the same men who are knocking 10-15 years off are posting pictures 5-15 years older as well. I’m very careful to make sure any photos are recent. I’ve also found that younger men are ok with dating an older woman, but middle-aged + men are not. (It was interesting to see the three men tripping over themselves on that!) As Leslie from More says, ideally no one would need to lie, and of course, it’s easy enough to find out if someone is lying, but there is so much age-prejudice out there. Everyone makes a big deal about lying, but no one wants to confront their own age-bias. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, but I liked what Evan said about “fighting it from the inside”.

  9. 9

    @Cillia, post #2.


    There are sexy and short hairstyles for women.

    Having written that, if I was a woman who wanted to make sure that she never got male attention I would get a short, utilitarian “man cut”. Aside from large amounts of excess weight few things will stamp “matronly”, “boring”, “un-vital” across a woman’s appearance more.

    I realize I may be offending people by writing that, but offense is not my intent.

    1. 9.1
      Laura Jones

      I am a female in my mid 40’s with a short hair cut (recently went from long to short). I don’t give a fig if men find me attractive. Women spend far too much time worrying over their looks, much more time than men. It’s a trap, it’s a waste of time and energy. Just be natural ladies, you want a man who loves your insides, that’s the man u will grow old with


      1. 9.1.1

        …as you sit alone, night after night…

  10. 10

    Many women are as guilty of the ageism of which they so frequently accuse men.

    From a woman’s actual profile:

    “I am 41 years of age….and I am TIRED of 54 year old men writing to me! That is why I listed my age younger.”

    Even if one were to respect the fact that she’s coming clean about her real age in her profile, why would a guy want to give her a chance with that type of attitude?

    Marc´s last blog post…My Cell Phone Would Never Get Laid

    1. 10.1

      Evan, that’s not ageism. the woman said she was 41 & isn’t interested in 54 year old men. A 54 year old man is not in her age group, he’s 13 years older then her.  I don’t blame her. the reason I say that is frankly, 90% of 54 year old men have long ago let themselves go. Their hair (if they have any) is usually gray and just sticking up all over the place. They are fat, and at the same time they act like ONLY they can have anybody in the world. It’s crazy. Not ALL 54 year old men are like this, but a lot “seem” & “look” like I what I described.

      1. 10.1.1

        Caramel, you just described tons of women in their 40s who let themselves go yet still think somehow? > they can compete with women in their 30s for men in their 30s…that is delusional = cougars.  Wow, what liberation has done to Baby Boomer women’s minds is out of this world rather than down to earth.  Give them an inch and they took/take a mile to nowhere so Unreal.  I looked outside of this cultural decay of Caucasian women because of their attitudes and of course, excess weight yet not around their mouths.

        1. Karmic Equation

          John, I think you misunderstand about cougars. We don’t go out seeking and propositioning younger men. They approach an attractive woman and the woman reciprocates the interest, she just happens to be older. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to tell guys “Honey, I’m old enough to be your mom. You know that, right?” And their reply, of course, is some form of “Age is just a number.” 

          I know of some women who do chase younger men, but those women are desperate, and delusional, yes. But the ones who get chased, which I believe outnumber the ones doing the chasing, we simply get approached and reciprocate when we feel like it.

          I had a transplanted Australian doctor contact me on Tinder (mid 30s very cute).
          Him: Hey, I think there’s something wrong with your profile. 
          Me: What do you mean?
          Him: It says you’re 47.
          Me: But I am 47.
          Him: Wow. You look like you’re in your late 20s.
          Me: TY 🙂

          Never heard from him again. LOL

          He’s a 30-something cute doctor. He’s got better options than me. No hard feelings.  

        2. kevin

          Hell yeah, John!

        3. Pat

          John (10.1.1):  You are misunderstood on a few levels.

          1.  The vast majority of women in their 40s do not chase after men in their 30s.  The vast majority of women want to date and marry their peers.  That is, women in their 30s go for men in their 30s, women in their 40s go for men in their 40s, women in their 20s want men in their 20s.  There are obviously exceptions, but they are the minority, as Evan has stated before.  If you think that women enjoy dating men with huge age gaps, you don’t understand women as well as you think you do.

          2.  The few older women that date much younger men are usually approached by these younger men, as most young men are not super selective about who they hook up with and older women think it’s just for fun.  Most cougars aren’t delusional – there’s ALWAYS some guy out there that’s willing to hook up with a woman, regardless of her age or looks.  Men aren’t selective about sex, they are selective about huge commitments, like marriage or having kids.  So you clearly don’t understand the majority of men as well as you think you do, either.

          3.  If you are in the dating market, you should really curb the vitriol coming out of your mouth.  I’m not Caucasian, but if I ever heard a man speaking about a race of women in such insultingly monolithic terms, there would not be any further communication with him.  And did you know that obese American men actually outnumber obese American women?  Look it up!  So maybe men can lead by example, if they desire to have a fit partner.  Also, most women who become overweight usually lose their bodies from child-bearing – what excuse do so many men have for getting fat?!

          Oof.  Guys like you make me SO thankful that I’m not single (though, I still love reading EMK, since he helped me find love).  If you ever want to be in a functional relationship with a woman, you need to overhaul your sexist, racist, ageist attitude (or at least keep it to yourself like a decent human being would), or you will be perpetually single, bitter, and all alone.  Good luck!

        4. Russ


          Wrong.  You chose a sight that includes both overweight and obese on one lumped together category.

          The rates for Obese are about the same for the genders of most races.


          Also, and this is important…how do they arrive at these numbers?  Well, my doctor simply uses the chart on his wall, which simply uses height vs weight.  That is highly inaccurate, especially for men who lift weights, like I do.  I have big arms, big chest, big legs, etc…  To measure me accurately, you must do the water dip method, which nobody does.  Unfortunate.

      2. 10.1.2

        You describe many women over 40…over weight, not fit and less attractive. It works both ways.

    2. 10.2

      That’s not ageism though because she’s not Entitled.  She wants to date men her own age roughly.  I feel the same as that woman.  It’s a waste of time for men of 54 to message me as I won’t reply.   But older men think ageing applies only to women, or they don’t care if they get 99 rejections for every one reply.  I don’t know, but in order to get men closer to my own age to message me I’ve had to subtract a few years off my age.  Such a stupid tail-chasing charade in the end, but it’s men’s entitlement to a much younger date that slows everything down.  Most men would recoil in horror if a woman 11 years their senior messaged them.

      1. 10.2.1
        ricky agnew famina

        I’m 62 years old and easily pass for early to mid 40’s and in some cases younger.not a wrinkle on my face.I’ve been using alpha hydroxy face  cream since I was in my 30’s which has a lot to do with it ,but also I have genes on my father looked much younger than his real age and my mother always has and still does.25 years younger in fact(she’s 91)..a couple nights ago I was listening to two people in the local diner conversing about how things have changed in the last 25 ,30 years….the customer is  a confessed 60 and the waitress? when I questioned them both about a particular tv show that was airing in the 50’s,they both said they couldn’t remember it as they were much too young..i made the comment that ‘s par for the course,as I always seem to be the oldest in the group..the waitress laughed and said “oh I think I’ve got  a good lead on you there,i’m 59..”  and I said  “no I have you  both beat,i’m 62″..their mouths dropped wide open and they didn’t want to believe it at first..when I was in my mid 30’s I easily passed for early 20’ fact people that age were always hanging around,as they though I was their age..i didn’t say any was a great decade regarding the romance partners I had..much younger.and I still pass for being  way way younger,easily.i have no painful joints,or bones or any kind of pains anywhere and feel as physically fit as I did in my 30’s..i power walk everywhere I go,i’m flexible and limber  and bend in the same places that I did at thirty which makes wrestling with my dog and friends great fun and ..  and grey hair? I shave my head,wear a lot of black and keep fit..well ok I dye my eyebrows with Just For Men.. If anybody asks my age,i reply how old do I look? and whatever their reply is I just say ” that sounds good to me” keeps people guessing..and I feel like if people are going to only befriend me based on my age then I don’t need their friendship …that’s called ageism…period! ya know I remember a person telling me years ago that a person begins to feel their age(the sluggishness) at about 50..huh..i never did..still don’t..

  11. 11

    I totally understand!!! I am not interested in dating older men! There are few men my own age I am willing to date. In fact I may start “lying” about my age so that I will fall into a different age-search range. I am 52 but I really don’t look it and people are surprised to find out that I am not early 40’s. I once was married to a man 10 years older than myself and when some relationship problems arose the deciding factor for me to leave was the age. I decided in my late 30’s that I was not interested in a man closer to 50! I am meeting a lot of men who are 49-52 and have young children with an average age of 7. Their Ex’s were quite a bit younger and went through their own mid life crisis. Like I said when it comes to what women and men want well we all want the same things, and we go through the same things. I had a long term relationship with a man 10 years younger and when problems began well I wasn’t interested in working things out and going through his mid life crisis! Age again was a major factor! Right now I am having the best time of my life and these are the best years I hope to share them with a man my age or with in 3 years. I prefer younger by 2-3 years but only because you guys just age faster than women and when I find him well I would like him around for as long as possible!

    1. 11.1

      What a pile of narcissistic bunk from you saying we age quicker?  There are sooooooooo many over weight middle aged women out there who are so delusional thinking they somehow are hot and deserve younger men yet they remain single and alone.  Middle aged men tend to be slimmer so being with these over weight same age women is not in their books.  Cougars are a passing fancy that in a few years or bit more will be LOLed at more than it is today.  Middle aged women first need to eat right and then start to move again and not their mouths.  Also, their attitudes of dominance is pervasive.  It is no wonder men look for younger women and outside of Caucasian women especially.

      1. 11.1.1

        Both sexes are guilty of letting themselves go, but do some research and you will soon find the percentage of overweight or obese men is markedly higher than women. 

        1. JennLee

          It’s not as doom and gloom as you think Ella Many guys played football, or worked out with weights. So they are not thin, or slim. That’s not a problem. I see many men that look good that fall into the “overweight category. Most women I know find these men to be very good looking men. Most college and pro football players fall into the overweight category, even if they are not one the big fat guys in the middle. I have a friend who is all muscle and played football. He is very good looking, and yet his height to weight ratio falls into the obese category. I know this because he told us when he came back from a doctor’s appointment. He was shocked. Thing is, he’s mostly muscles. So many men like him would be removed with a BMI measurement not done through simple height/weight ratio.

          Take a look at this table taken from the CDC website. Journal of the American Medical Association website.
          Website image taken from

          Image of table.

          In the overweight and obese statistics, men are significantly higher. But when you move down to just the obese category, you get a different story

          Asians only have an obesity rate of about 11% and is practically identical for both sexes except in the 60+ category where far fewer men are obese. In all other races except whites 40-59, the women are normally more obese than the men. But, even with whites, the difference isn’t huge. Might have something to do with more white men having office jobs than many men of other races. Black women 20 to 59 have the largest gap with all groups very close in numbers and the women in the 56% obese range while the men are in the 35% obese range. Is this the real reason many black men are rejecting black women, and also seem more tolerant of chubby women of other races? Hispanic women also tend to be more obese with only one age group 20-39 having 7% less while the 40-59 group has 12% more, 60+ 10% more.

          I know some guys who also claim that most of the single women are fat. I will point them to this to show them that it’s actually about even. Maybe you ladies might want to give my Asian brothers more of a chance if being overweight is a problem for you.

        2. Insidious_Sid

          Hahahahaha no.

          Unless you consider “average” weight (as women report on dating sites) to be 50 pounds overweight.

          Today, average = fat but they want me to have a hard abdomen. Yeah, not feeling it.

        3. Layla

          Women should look elsewhere , there is a whole world out there of attractive men, but they’re in other countries. All I here from American men are complaints about women, so I looked elsewhere and couldn’t happier.

      2. 11.1.2

        Isn’t is amusing how we get so bent out of shape over the dating preferences of people in whom we have no interest whatsoever?  Disdain is such a waste of energy.

      3. 11.1.3

        John – women need to “start to move again and not their mouths”? I think physical activity and continuing to make an effort is advisable for both sexes.But no woman who exercises her mind at all is going to be interested in a man with that attitude, slim or otherwise. From your caustic remarks about liberation, Caucasian women and their “dominance”, to your horror at the idea that “cougars” are having sex with younger men and enjoying it, I’d say you’ve been reading a few too many third-rate PUA blogs. It’s not doing you any favours; poorly-articulated sexism is a first-rate cockblocker.

        1. Pat

          Well put!

      4. 11.1.4

        Where are these slim middle aged men you speak of?   Beer bellies, inflammation, and baldness to boot.   Battle of the bulge – not just for women.

      5. 11.1.5

        Where I live, there are no fat middle aged women but the men, oh good grief.

      6. 11.1.6

        My sister is 50 and looks 19, but we  are Asian and Swedish, those nationalities look youthful for years. You are very sexist, and I find men in the US have a fit when a woman is over 30, even if she looks 21 or so. You are also in a dream world if you think older men are slimmer, really too funny. Older women with cubs are here to stay, especially if the older women wants men from countries other than the USA. Also it’s obvious you don’t care if women can find anyone, which is typical of men in the USA, because you make it all about your needs , your desires and your lives. I’m 40 with a 25 year old that should drive you crazy.

        Women from the USA are tired of men who don’t please them sexually, men who don’t even know you’re a sexual person, and men who expect lots in looks, but think women should just put up with whatever.

    2. 11.2

      Wow danielle, good thing ur good at math! Lol

      …Ageism personified :/

    3. 11.3

      Not true, in general men look younger because they have more collagen and don’t wrinkle up as fast, most women after menopause gain lots of weight, become less fit, and become less attractive. I see this all over

      1. 11.3.1

        Brad, it depends on nati0nality, race. Your disdain for women I can feel that loud and clear. If women were fatter after menopause my mother would be 600 pounds.

  12. 13

    The hypocrisy about ageism is just flying in all directions between these two threads isn’t it? For anyone feeling slighted, take comfort in the fact that everyone writing is/will be
    old/older to the point of being disqualified as worthy. That will only be made harder as their ageist beliefs backfire on them as they are forced to negatively evaluate themselves.

    1. 13.1

      The problem with ageism, as with all the –isms is that you start thinking of and lumping individuals into a single bucket, you dehumanize them.  My master thesis dealt with ageism, and I can tell you that as people grow older they are more heterogeneous or different that one another than they are similar.  What I will say is instead of saying everybody in X age range lets themselves go or I refuse to date men in X age range because of blank, consider that people are individuals and cast a wider net.  You may be surprised.  I say this as woman with a husband who is a decade younger.  I can’t imagine if I had dismissed him just because he was younger and no other reason.  Any of you could be dismissing the love of your life because of an age difference.  As long as you are and adult and he/she is an adult, what is the problem?  Obviously if you’re looking to have children you may have to be more restrictive, but finding the one is a numbers game, and the wider your net, the more likely you get a good catch.

      1. 13.1.1

        Elle, u my dear have a head on your shoulders… if only the women I’m trying to meet new how sexy I find you even though we never met or that i don’t know ur age, lol. Too bad she’s married 😉

      2. 13.1.2

        Well said !!

    2. 13.2


      1. 13.2.1

        Get a man your own age. It will be more fun for you!

        1. Josha

          Not in my case. He was a control freak.

        2. APB

          Age is but a number, dear…

      2. 13.2.2

        Is that my brother !

      3. 13.2.3

        Don’t waste your youth on an old man,. there’ll be plenty of time to date fifty four year olds.

    3. 13.3

      I agree ! Ageism is prejudice and self loathing of one’s future self! Not very healthy at all! I am a geriatrician. We waste the resources of our elders who have seen , done and continue to do great things. We render ourselves and each other useless and unworthy with each passing summer…

  13. 14

    @ Steve (Post #9)

    I agree, there are lots of pretty short haircuts for women, and there are celebrities like Natalie Portman, Sharon Stone, and Halle Berry who have worn their hair short and look great.
    Unfortunately, most of the short styles I see are on women who have that “I give up” vibe you also touched on. A short gamine cut somehow eludes them (I’m sure choice of hair stylist plays a part in this), and they resort to “practical” cuts to go with their mom jeans and mannish shoes.

    Also, I’m sure there are plenty of men who like short hair, when styled in a feminine way, although to be frank, most of the men I know (and those whose dating profiles I’ve viewed) prefer long hair. Call it neanderthal, call it sexist–that just seems to be the way it is. If most men prefer long hair, and a woman wants to be competitive on the dating scene, it makes sense that she would hedge her bets by choosing a length most likely to be desired by men. If a woman looks better in short hair, she will have to face the fact that some men will dismiss her based on hair length alone–shallow, but true.

    1. 14.1

      Usually it’s the super pretty woman that looks good with short hair, and no man is passing her up because of that.  Case and point, Halle Berry who looks gorgeous with short hair, and fairly ordinary with longer hair.  Women with OK looks and on the average side do better to have longer hair.

  14. 15


    I’ve been told the reason women of a certain age get “man-cuts” is a) pragmatic concerns related to child-rearing and b) to soften the focus on their features as they age – long hair on an older woman can make them look “witchy”.

    Of course I think it’s all bollocks and women really just do it because they hate themselves and want to ensure that no men on Earth will ever find them attractive or interesting again.´s last blog post…A perfect fake PENISTRON

    1. 15.1

      Wow, who knew a hairstyle meant all that?  Only in America in 2015. 

    2. 15.2

      longer, cared for hair is more feminine…if a woman really wants to date, she will make an effort in her appearance, including HAIR

      1. 15.2.1

        My wife is 61, has long hair, thank God, and her! Beautiful.

  15. 16

    I agree with Evan on this. Lets be honest, we don’t all lay our cards out on the table for our first dates. We don’t tell our dates about that time we got drunk and puked all over the cab, or how we have a little debt, or how we lost money in the stock market, forgot birthday’s or families or friends or didn’t tip the waiter a full 20% even if he did a agreat job, how we like to drink a little too much on Friday or gamble a little much on Saturday. I don’t advocate lying but I think it’s a little holy roller to say that omitting ones age or not being completely upfront about it is so horrible and makes that person a liar and only a liar. People are so much more multi-faceted for that. Frankly, I am young and don’t need to lie about my age but if I am still single as I get older, I probably will because men kind of rather suck on the age thing and even if men are 40s they think they are entitle to women 10-15 years younger.

  16. 17

    I agree the whole “I look/ have been told I look younger than am” is often true simply because of the choice of clothing, hairstyle and attitude. For both men and women. The grunge look does not work well for the middle aged. And attractive clothing IS available for those sporting extra pounds, not just sweats & “mom jeans”. Longer hair can work for women in their 40’s-50’s, but it needs to be colored and styled, not just hanging down grey and grizzly.

    Recently I saw the movie “I’m Not Your Woman” on HBO with a (then) 49 yr. old Michelle Pfieffer in the lead role about among other things, a woman fighting aging. She looks GREAT and her awesome bone structure aside, you can easily mistake her for younger because of the choice of wardrobe, hair, attention to fitness, and most of all, her character’s “young-ish” projection of herself. Not all of us can pull it off in the looks department like Michelle, but humor, positive attitude, a sense of FUN, and a zest in expressing ourselves can break down the stereotypes of what 40-50-60 something “looks like” for both genders.

    I don’t lie about my age (so far lol!), but I haven’t tried internet dating sites either; sounds rather depressing for people over 35. Seems to me, if someone is greatly upset to find out their date lied about their age after spending time getting to know them…then they weren’t bowled over by that person’s personality and looks anyway so what difference does it make? They can use lying as the excuse, but isn’t it really something else? I wonder what kind of world it would be if no one ever knew what anyone’s age was, including their own. What would the criteria be then?

  17. 18

    I date women older and younger. I’m in the 30’s and can get away with it. I have my limits because I’m not trying to get to far out of my visual expectations.

    But if a woman lies about her age.. I won’t go out with her again.

    @Cilla Yes I only date women with shoulder length hair or longer…I’m not into short hair at all. Could be a Texas thing. And since Halle Berry isn’t knocking on my door.. 🙂

    Eathan´s last blog post…Alpha Boy – Mother’s Day Edition

  18. 19

    @casualencounters, post #15

    I had hair down to my shoulders for a number of years so I can understand not wanting to take care of it while I had to take care of a new baby. I do agree with you because having been there I don’t think it is that much of a time drain or inconvenience.

    About your other point, a good chunk of the fashion industry is driven by gay men. That is why models look like cross dressing teenage boys. If a woman wants to bag a gay man she should listen to their advice.

    Wrinkles are a pretty visible thing, a hair style will not them invisible. Hairstyles are also highly visible. To me, even as a child a short “man cut” hair cut on a woman meant to me that her “days were over”. She was now neutered.

    FWIW, I have seen women with well tended long gray hair who wore youthful ( but appropriate ) fashions. I will not lie, they were out of my age range, but they looked far more appealing to me than the women doing the Mrs Brady/Gertrude Stein look.

    1. 19.1

      To each his own. I always had shoulder-length hair until I lost all my hair in chemotherapy. As my hair grew into a pixie cut, I received so many compliments that I decided to keep it like that. 
      This week I am going out with a very attractive Pacific Islander with shoulder-length hair. And with a tall Caucasian man who is quite handsome.
      I also had six dates last week. I am 54 years old.
      I work out and dress in an elegant/sexy style. (not slutty and not frumpy).

  19. 20

    @Cillia, post #14

    Have you ever noticed that women who look sexy with short haircuts make it point to play up femininity in other aspects of their appearance? They wear sexy clothing that flatters their bodies and it is obvious they were make up. Their short hair cuts are also not “man cuts”. Their hair is highlighted in some way, kinked and styled.

  20. 21

    What Eathan above really means is “if a woman lies about her age.. I won’t go out with her again” UNLESS SHE’S H O T …LOL

    At 48 I don’t really age discriminate. I put 45 in my profile for obvious reasons and I never get questioned.I generally go out with women 38-55. But let’s face it…..I play tennis,go rollerblading,bike riding,health club 4 times a week and have a healthy sex drive. Not to mention out dancing 2 or 3 times a week at night. I’m NOT a couch potato . A lot(not all) of women in their 50’s can hardly keep up on any level. To many of them “exercise” is “taking a walk”….. and normal sex is once every 2 weeks.
    Just my experience

    1. 21.1

      I don’t think I could keep up with you, JB. I only go dancing once a week, work out 6 days a week and have sex an average of 3 times per week.

      I love being 55!

      1. 21.1.1

        Your one of a kind, 90% of the women my age in Midwest are way overweight wrinkly, and have health issues.

  21. 22

    I see listed age as an issue only because of the way searches are set up on match. Basically, it’s one of the first criteria, along with height/weight. If you want to appeal to a different crowd, I wouldn’t having a problem listing a different age and then describing what I was doing in the profile. For me, it’s just gaming the system. Guess what else? Girls aren’t punching in guys who are “short” either, so bumping yourself up a few inches to show up in more searches is perfectly fair IMO.

    For me the pics and intelligence of the profile gets you in the door, and then how well the initial email convo goes. Lying about age means nothing to me.

    Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction

  22. 23

    Also, I would definitely date older chicks, probably even up to 10 years older than me.

    Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction

  23. 24
    Karl R

    JerseyGirl said: (#16)
    “Lets be honest, we don’t all lay our cards out on the table for our first dates.”

    I think a woman should find out my good points at the same rate she finds out my bad points (and vice versa). And first dates aren’t long enough for all that information to come out. I’ll discuss all of that during the first few months.

    Evan said:
    “There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination.”

    I agree, but it’s easy to get on a slippery slope from there. If it’s okay for a woman (or man) to lie about her age, is it okay for someone to lie about something else?

    What if I lie about my education? I could say I have a bachelor’s degree instead of “some college”. People don’t guess the truth unless I tell them. My dating pool on would quadruple if I said I had a degree.

    For those women and men who have lied about their age, do you think it’s okay for me to lie about my education?

    What if someone lies about their marital status and says they’re divorced when they’re only separated? Almost everyone on excludes people who are separated.

    I’m sure a lot of people will say that certain lies matter more than other lies. I agree completely. However, how much of our decisions about which lies matter boil down to this: “The lies I tell don’t matter. The lies that other people tell do matter.” Doesn’t it stand to reason that the “other people” believe that their lies don’t matter, while yours do?

    I expect people to lie. But trust is a crucial element in a relationship. I’m not going to sabotage the trust in a relationship before it even begins by lying to a woman up front.

    1. 24.1

      Karl, this comment made so much sense! I was naive when i first began internet dating (and eventually gave up dating altogether because i got discouraged.) Men misrepresented themselves AND discriminated. Younger men wanted to hook up and older men — idk what they wanted … a younger woman i suppose … men my own age or living nearby ignored me. it seemed what they all wanted regardless of age was just sex … not to take a women (over 40) seriously. it’s too bad, too, because i entered the dating world with enthusiasm and left it discouraged and dejected. 

      1. 24.1.1

        Sadly, the truth seems to be that most , not all, but most men are pathetically shallow. I am 51 and have had some great long term relationships, but I really fear that things are different now.

        The internet and texting and all this easy access to woman and porn, etc and lets not forget viagra! has destroyed communication and personal interaction of many kinds, and when it comes to men, it has brought out the inner pigs in all but a few decent, wonderful guys, and there weren’t that many to start with. “God” stopped them from getting erections for a reason lol! Maybe he knew what he was doing?

        1. Buck25


          Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Lot of newly divorced women in that age range, but even there, it’s an individual thing,Not everybody processes something like that the same way. Maybe it;s the sheer numbers, and that the angriest ones are the most obvious, that promotes that particular stereotype. I’m not sure that has any real validity beyond that, or whether we can conclude anything useful from that we do know.

    2. 24.2
      Mrs Happy

      Karl you are so correct in your comment, “The lies I tell don’t matter. The lies that other people tell do matter.” I think, the lies you tell, affect other people, and it’s important to try to do the right thing by others.
      I recall some back-and-forth conversations before I met a man years ago, during which I worked out he had lied about his age quite significantly. Basically his autobiographical information and time at university doing each degree across which years, didn’t add up. At the time I was in my early 30’s and wanting to have a family so I was looking for a man around my age and stage of life. When I queried him on the age stuff he said “wow you’re smart” (Ah, not really mate, it was basic maths), he admitted he’d lied, and kept insisting he “looked and felt young” (who cares what you believe/feel, I thought, it’s your AGE that matters to me). He was in his 50’s or something, I had no desire to date or marry a man 20 years older than me, even if he said he wanted to do so, and said he wanted to have children, etc. I found it all so offputting that I didn’t want to meet him. He railed against that, telling me “everyone lies”, but I found getting to know people and evaluate them for compatibility hard enough without lies right up front. I never met him, and it was because of him lying about his age, and the many years of age difference.
      My last boyfriend just before I married was in catestrophic financial debt, and he disclosed this about 2-3 months in, but only after he had to borrow my credit card for something while we were travelling, because three of his didn’t work. He really lived the high life, spent huge amounts on luxury living, and I later found out he had been in significant debt for almost 2 decades, from the time he started at college. He was not able to live financially within his means. His plan was to “change after I marry”. (He reasoned he would then have incentive to provide for a family.) I don’t know when the best time for him to disclose this to me would have been. As it was I battled with it, I spent some time wondering whether the (decent-sized) deposit for a house I’d been accumulating over a decade should be instead put to paying off his debts if we married… we broke up so I never had to decide.
      I have also met 2 men who didn’t disclose to their 2 female partners they were HIV positive, even though in one case, one of the women had asked him outright.
      Lies, lies, lies. People have different thresholds. People often lie to get something advantageous for themselves.

    3. 24.3

      I think it’s ok to lie and say you have a degree if that lie gives a more accurate picture than the answer ‘no’.   I gravitate towards more educated people than myself and always have done.   If a man is like me and can hold his own in a conversation with more educated people, than ‘yes’ even though it’s untrue actually gives a clearer picture.  Tbh, most people with degrees only half remember what they learnt about one subject twenty years ago.   That’s what I find.  I never feel intimidated by somebody because they did a degree in  culinary arts or some such indulgence twenty years ago.   A curious mind with a good memory and an outward-looking mindset, those are the people who who come across as educated long after everybody’s moved on from the uni references.

  24. 25

    @LK: It annoys short guys that they get selected out of searches by chicks like yourself. It’s all fair in my opinion and that’s the game with online dating sites.

    Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction

  25. 26

    Lance said: “Girls aren’t punching in guys who are short either, so bumping yourself up a few inches to show up in more searches is perfectly fair IMO.”

    And this is why I add a couple inches to my “minimum” when I do a search. It annoys me that I have to do this.

    1. 26.1

      LOL!!!! Most men think they are still the height they were in their 20’s. I have men (supposedly} 6′  that ended up being 5’9″. Don’t up your height….when we meet you and see how short you are, the date is OVER!!! I am tall and expect you to be the height you say you  are!! If you can’t handle a 5’11” tall woman, YOU are the insecure one.

  26. 27

    Ageism occurs in many situations, unfortunately. And it ain’t going away anytime soon…. So we have to kinda work with it, work around it etc.
    “Fudging” your age by a couple of years (1-5) is not that “bad” IMHO. When the “fudge factor” becomes closer to 10 years (or even more), I do get rather wary though.

    Funnily enough, the one situation where I used to keep VERY quiet about my age was when I graduated from college & was starting out in business. I was still a teenager (19) and most of my colleagues at the same level as I was were several years older (23-28).
    Luckily I looked/appeared older/mature so no one ever questioned my age. But if I was asked I would reply honestly (just not too loudly). I had already had one manager remark “Oh, so you’re that teenager that we just employed” which was kinda amusing, but I didn’t want to be typecast, y’know.

  27. 28

    @Karl R #22- Very well said.

  28. 29

    I’m truthful on dating profiles, and ever since I hit my 40s, it has killed my game! That said, if I’m just trying to hook up casually, I have no problem lying and saying I’m 39. I’m in shape, and look young. Women just want a guy they perceive to be “virile”. And over 40s for some women is not virile, no matter the guy’s true health.

    dadshouse´s last blog post…Hot Dad – Sexy or Old?

    1. 30.1

      Funny but so true lol I’m still laughing.  Im 45 6,5 260lbs if I like what I see regardless of age I go for it. Never have used cyber dating

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