Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age
Was just on CBS Early Show and had a blast, as usual. Julie Chen was super nice and made getting up at 3:30am well worth it. As for the “debate”? Well, it’s morning news, so there’s only so deep you can go. Too bad we didn’t have a full hour to really get in there. I had about three anecdotes about clients lying about their age that I didn’t get a chance to use.
1) My 54-year-old male client who had electric chemistry with a woman on a first date. After an hour of making out with her, he was fully smitten. Called her the next day, where she confessed that she wasn’t 54 herself. When asked how old she was, she said “Let’s just say I’m in my sixties”. They never would have met had she told the truth up front.
2) My 71-year-old female client who is on a crew team but has never confessed her age, because she doesn’t want to feel “different” than everyone else. She likes fitting in and sees no need to call attention to her age.
3) Just yesterday, my 44-year-old client, who, upon hearing about my upcoming CBS appearance, started to rail against guys who lie about their age. Yet when we logged onto her old JDate profile, she audibly gasped. “Ohmigod. I guess I lied about my age, too”.
So while I would never go and call myself an “advocate” of lying, I would say that we should reserve judgment. There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination. At least that’s what I would have said, if I had more time.
But the best part of the interview was the one in which I didn’t speak (ha!) It was when Julie asked the male anchors whether they’d date an older woman. Their non-answers speak for themselves.
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93 Comments »Filed Under Dating
Tina #17 James Bond is a...
Melissa 1
It was a quick segment… but I liked it. Wow, 3:30am! Crazy! ha, ha.
Is the whole “fibbing your age” thing a blanket recommendation or just for women/men who may want to start a family again or who feel they are being wrongly discriminated against because of their age?
I mean… I guess I’m okay with “weeding out” the guys who want to have babies. It’s a joint decision, but I’m okay with only communicating with the men who feel they don’t want children or have kids and don’t want anymore. Sure, if I fall in love with someone whose hell bent on having his own kid, I wouldn’t squash his dream… but I’m truly okay with being done in the kid department too, so I could go either way.
And, since not getting enough emails or not having enough men to date has never been a problem, are there any advantages to knocking my age down 5 years, since everyone thinks I look 32 anyways? I don’t know… I’m open to it if I saw advantages, but I guess I feel by keeping my age as much to the truth as possible, I’m weeding out ones who could be a potential problem anyways.
Curious.
Cilla 2
I find most older men, unless they want to have kids or are just emerging from a bitter divorce, don’t care if the women they date are their age–as long as they don’t look it.
I’m 47 and often told I look about 10 years younger. When I go to events at my son’s high school and look at the other moms, I can see why: married or single, they’ve let themselves go. Short hair, gray hair, dowdy clothing–most of these women look *older* than their actual ages. A style makeover with a little hair color and a youthful attitude can go a long way.
I’m currently dating someone who is 52, although within the last year I’ve dated men as young as 27. It seems that regardless of age, it’s the total package that counts. All men want a woman who is nice to look at in their eyes–it’s not enough to just have the cerebral qualities that take up so much space on those online dating profiles. While there will always be older men who insist on dating 20 somethings, there are plenty who are willing to date in their own age bracket provided they find a woman attractive enough.
$Francisco 3
I thought it was funny that one of Evan’s clients who railed against lying about their age lied in her own online profile without even remembering that she had! It makes one wonder whether someone lies so much about a particular aspect about themselves that they end up believing the lie.
There are ways to tell a lie in order to widen your dating pool of people who are compatible in other ways but after a while it’s just plain deception; especially if there’s nothing else in common. Personally, I don’t mind women who fudge their age in their bio but come clean in their profile. It makes perfect sense marketing wise and it does show a lot of character.
deannie 4
What fun! Evan, I like your hair better as depicted in the masthead. Just saying…
Evan Marc Katz 5
I put some gunk in it to tame the frizz, and, well, I looked like a wet poodle. Hey, some women like that…
Steve 6
Evan, can you get a video clip of your segment and put it on your site?
Steve 7
I’m 43, I have no problem dating a woman up to 5 years older than I am and I actually prefer women my own age.
I find them to be more fun to talk to and a whole lot less drama.
The downsides are that many of them, like many men in the same age group, let themselves go. Also, like many men in the same age group they have let the battle of the sexes give them bitter attitudes about the other sex. Many of them have also forgot how to have fun on a date. If they aren’t giving you a “job interview” with an agenda of questions ( ready to disqualify you at any answer slightly off program ) then they are rushing off to the next item on their perpetually tight schedules.
Ava 8
I’ve only started lying about my age (or choosing not to reveal it) as I’ve gotten older. I never reveal my age in the workplace, and I haven’t revealed it to men I’ve met outside of cyber-space. I’ve found that many men have preconceived ideas about what a woman of a certain age looks like. I’m constantly told I don’t look my age, but guess what, I am that age! I’ve lied about my age by a few years and the men had no idea. I really don’t look my age (does anyone think they do?), so no one seems to guess. I’ve actually found that men lie about their ages (and their height) quite a bit, but as Evan said, it’s so they can date much younger women. Even men who don’t want kids lie. I just want to stay in the game with men around my own age.
I’ve also found that the same men who are knocking 10-15 years off are posting pictures 5-15 years older as well. I’m very careful to make sure any photos are recent. I’ve also found that younger men are ok with dating an older woman, but middle-aged + men are not. (It was interesting to see the three men tripping over themselves on that!) As Leslie from More says, ideally no one would need to lie, and of course, it’s easy enough to find out if someone is lying, but there is so much age-prejudice out there. Everyone makes a big deal about lying, but no one wants to confront their own age-bias. It’s a bit of a vicious circle, but I liked what Evan said about “fighting it from the inside”.
Steve 9
@Cillia, post #2.
Cillia;
There are sexy and short hairstyles for women.
Having written that, if I was a woman who wanted to make sure that she never got male attention I would get a short, utilitarian “man cut”. Aside from large amounts of excess weight few things will stamp “matronly”, “boring”, “un-vital” across a woman’s appearance more.
I realize I may be offending people by writing that, but offense is not my intent.
Marc 10
Many women are as guilty of the ageism of which they so frequently accuse men.
From a woman’s actual profile:
“I am 41 years of age….and I am TIRED of 54 year old men writing to me! That is why I listed my age younger.”
Even if one were to respect the fact that she’s coming clean about her real age in her profile, why would a guy want to give her a chance with that type of attitude?
Marc´s last blog post…My Cell Phone Would Never Get Laid
Danielle 11
I totally understand!!! I am not interested in dating older men! There are few men my own age I am willing to date. In fact I may start “lying” about my age so that I will fall into a different age-search range. I am 52 but I really don’t look it and people are surprised to find out that I am not early 40′s. I once was married to a man 10 years older than myself and when some relationship problems arose the deciding factor for me to leave was the age. I decided in my late 30′s that I was not interested in a man closer to 50! I am meeting a lot of men who are 49-52 and have young children with an average age of 7. Their Ex’s were quite a bit younger and went through their own mid life crisis. Like I said when it comes to what women and men want well we all want the same things, and we go through the same things. I had a long term relationship with a man 10 years younger and when problems began well I wasn’t interested in working things out and going through his mid life crisis! Age again was a major factor! Right now I am having the best time of my life and these are the best years I hope to share them with a man my age or with in 3 years. I prefer younger by 2-3 years but only because you guys just age faster than women and when I find him well I would like him around for as long as possible!
searchingwithin 12
I hated it when I turned 30, so I stayed 29 for quite some time. It was mostly to fool myself, not others.
I was talking to a woman one day who stated, she always says she is older than she is, so people will carry on about how good she looks for her age.
searchingwithin´s last blog post…The Casual Sex Debate – Couldn’t Help But Add My Two Cents
Steve 13
The hypocrisy about ageism is just flying in all directions between these two threads isn’t it? For anyone feeling slighted, take comfort in the fact that everyone writing is/will be
old/older to the point of being disqualified as worthy. That will only be made harder as their ageist beliefs backfire on them as they are forced to negatively evaluate themselves.
Cilla 14
@ Steve (Post #9)
I agree, there are lots of pretty short haircuts for women, and there are celebrities like Natalie Portman, Sharon Stone, and Halle Berry who have worn their hair short and look great.
Unfortunately, most of the short styles I see are on women who have that “I give up” vibe you also touched on. A short gamine cut somehow eludes them (I’m sure choice of hair stylist plays a part in this), and they resort to “practical” cuts to go with their mom jeans and mannish shoes.
Also, I’m sure there are plenty of men who like short hair, when styled in a feminine way, although to be frank, most of the men I know (and those whose dating profiles I’ve viewed) prefer long hair. Call it neanderthal, call it sexist–that just seems to be the way it is. If most men prefer long hair, and a woman wants to be competitive on the dating scene, it makes sense that she would hedge her bets by choosing a length most likely to be desired by men. If a woman looks better in short hair, she will have to face the fact that some men will dismiss her based on hair length alone–shallow, but true.
casualencounters.com/blog 15
@Steve-the-hugely-offensive-guy
I’ve been told the reason women of a certain age get “man-cuts” is a) pragmatic concerns related to child-rearing and b) to soften the focus on their features as they age – long hair on an older woman can make them look “witchy”.
Of course I think it’s all bollocks and women really just do it because they hate themselves and want to ensure that no men on Earth will ever find them attractive or interesting again.
casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog post…A perfect fake PENISTRON
JerseyGirl 16
I agree with Evan on this. Lets be honest, we don’t all lay our cards out on the table for our first dates. We don’t tell our dates about that time we got drunk and puked all over the cab, or how we have a little debt, or how we lost money in the stock market, forgot birthday’s or families or friends or didn’t tip the waiter a full 20% even if he did a agreat job, how we like to drink a little too much on Friday or gamble a little much on Saturday. I don’t advocate lying but I think it’s a little holy roller to say that omitting ones age or not being completely upfront about it is so horrible and makes that person a liar and only a liar. People are so much more multi-faceted for that. Frankly, I am young and don’t need to lie about my age but if I am still single as I get older, I probably will because men kind of rather suck on the age thing and even if men are 40s they think they are entitle to women 10-15 years younger.
Lucy 17
I agree the whole “I look/ have been told I look younger than am” is often true simply because of the choice of clothing, hairstyle and attitude. For both men and women. The grunge look does not work well for the middle aged. And attractive clothing IS available for those sporting extra pounds, not just sweats & “mom jeans”. Longer hair can work for women in their 40′s-50′s, but it needs to be colored and styled, not just hanging down grey and grizzly.
Recently I saw the movie “I’m Not Your Woman” on HBO with a (then) 49 yr. old Michelle Pfieffer in the lead role about among other things, a woman fighting aging. She looks GREAT and her awesome bone structure aside, you can easily mistake her for younger because of the choice of wardrobe, hair, attention to fitness, and most of all, her character’s “young-ish” projection of herself. Not all of us can pull it off in the looks department like Michelle, but humor, positive attitude, a sense of FUN, and a zest in expressing ourselves can break down the stereotypes of what 40-50-60 something “looks like” for both genders.
I don’t lie about my age (so far lol!), but I haven’t tried internet dating sites either; sounds rather depressing for people over 35. Seems to me, if someone is greatly upset to find out their date lied about their age after spending time getting to know them…then they weren’t bowled over by that person’s personality and looks anyway so what difference does it make? They can use lying as the excuse, but isn’t it really something else? I wonder what kind of world it would be if no one ever knew what anyone’s age was, including their own. What would the criteria be then?
Eathan 18
I date women older and younger. I’m in the 30′s and can get away with it. I have my limits because I’m not trying to get to far out of my visual expectations.
But if a woman lies about her age.. I won’t go out with her again.
@Cilla Yes I only date women with shoulder length hair or longer…I’m not into short hair at all. Could be a Texas thing. And since Halle Berry isn’t knocking on my door..
Eathan´s last blog post…Alpha Boy – Mother’s Day Edition
Steve 19
@casualencounters, post #15
I had hair down to my shoulders for a number of years so I can understand not wanting to take care of it while I had to take care of a new baby. I do agree with you because having been there I don’t think it is that much of a time drain or inconvenience.
About your other point, a good chunk of the fashion industry is driven by gay men. That is why models look like cross dressing teenage boys. If a woman wants to bag a gay man she should listen to their advice.
Wrinkles are a pretty visible thing, a hair style will not them invisible. Hairstyles are also highly visible. To me, even as a child a short “man cut” hair cut on a woman meant to me that her “days were over”. She was now neutered.
FWIW, I have seen women with well tended long gray hair who wore youthful ( but appropriate ) fashions. I will not lie, they were out of my age range, but they looked far more appealing to me than the women doing the Mrs Brady/Gertrude Stein look.
Steve 20
@Cillia, post #14
Have you ever noticed that women who look sexy with short haircuts make it point to play up femininity in other aspects of their appearance? They wear sexy clothing that flatters their bodies and it is obvious they were make up. Their short hair cuts are also not “man cuts”. Their hair is highlighted in some way, kinked and styled.
JB 21
What Eathan above really means is “if a woman lies about her age.. I won’t go out with her again” UNLESS SHE’S H O T …LOL
At 48 I don’t really age discriminate. I put 45 in my profile for obvious reasons and I never get questioned.I generally go out with women 38-55. But let’s face it…..I play tennis,go rollerblading,bike riding,health club 4 times a week and have a healthy sex drive. Not to mention out dancing 2 or 3 times a week at night. I’m NOT a couch potato . A lot(not all) of women in their 50′s can hardly keep up on any level. To many of them “exercise” is “taking a walk”….. and normal sex is once every 2 weeks.
Just my experience
Karl R 22
JerseyGirl said: (#16)
“Lets be honest, we don’t all lay our cards out on the table for our first dates.”
I think a woman should find out my good points at the same rate she finds out my bad points (and vice versa). And first dates aren’t long enough for all that information to come out. I’ll discuss all of that during the first few months.
Evan said:
“There’s a difference between a serial fabricator and a woman who is insecure that telling the truth will lead to age discrimination.”
I agree, but it’s easy to get on a slippery slope from there. If it’s okay for a woman (or man) to lie about her age, is it okay for someone to lie about something else?
What if I lie about my education? I could say I have a bachelor’s degree instead of “some college”. People don’t guess the truth unless I tell them. My dating pool on Match.com would quadruple if I said I had a degree.
For those women and men who have lied about their age, do you think it’s okay for me to lie about my education?
What if someone lies about their marital status and says they’re divorced when they’re only separated? Almost everyone on Match.com excludes people who are separated.
I’m sure a lot of people will say that certain lies matter more than other lies. I agree completely. However, how much of our decisions about which lies matter boil down to this: “The lies I tell don’t matter. The lies that other people tell do matter.” Doesn’t it stand to reason that the “other people” believe that their lies don’t matter, while yours do?
I expect people to lie. But trust is a crucial element in a relationship. I’m not going to sabotage the trust in a relationship before it even begins by lying to a woman up front.
Lance 23
I see listed age as an issue only because of the way searches are set up on match. Basically, it’s one of the first criteria, along with height/weight. If you want to appeal to a different crowd, I wouldn’t having a problem listing a different age and then describing what I was doing in the profile. For me, it’s just gaming the system. Guess what else? Girls aren’t punching in guys who are “short” either, so bumping yourself up a few inches to show up in more searches is perfectly fair IMO.
For me the pics and intelligence of the profile gets you in the door, and then how well the initial email convo goes. Lying about age means nothing to me.
Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction
Lance 24
Also, I would definitely date older chicks, probably even up to 10 years older than me.
Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction
LK 25
Lance said: “Girls aren’t punching in guys who are short either, so bumping yourself up a few inches to show up in more searches is perfectly fair IMO.”
And this is why I add a couple inches to my “minimum” when I do a search. It annoys me that I have to do this.
Robyn 26
Ageism occurs in many situations, unfortunately. And it ain’t going away anytime soon…. So we have to kinda work with it, work around it etc.
“Fudging” your age by a couple of years (1-5) is not that “bad” IMHO. When the “fudge factor” becomes closer to 10 years (or even more), I do get rather wary though.
Funnily enough, the one situation where I used to keep VERY quiet about my age was when I graduated from college & was starting out in business. I was still a teenager (19) and most of my colleagues at the same level as I was were several years older (23-28).
Luckily I looked/appeared older/mature so no one ever questioned my age. But if I was asked I would reply honestly (just not too loudly). I had already had one manager remark “Oh, so you’re that teenager that we just employed” which was kinda amusing, but I didn’t want to be typecast, y’know.
Lance 27
@LK: It annoys short guys that they get selected out of searches by chicks like yourself. It’s all fair in my opinion and that’s the game with online dating sites.
Lance´s last blog post…Tax Returns: Complete and Total Satisfaction
Jennifer 28
@Karl R #22- Very well said.
dadshouse 29
I’m truthful on dating profiles, and ever since I hit my 40s, it has killed my game! That said, if I’m just trying to hook up casually, I have no problem lying and saying I’m 39. I’m in shape, and look young. Women just want a guy they perceive to be “virile”. And over 40s for some women is not virile, no matter the guy’s true health.
dadshouse´s last blog post…Hot Dad – Sexy or Old?
casualencounters.com/blog 30
@Steve
I certainly think there’s something in the fact that women are basically told how to look and dress by gay men.
casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog post…Craigslist says it will drop erotic services ads
Cilla 31
@ Steve
Yes, I think we are in agreement: to pull off a short haircut, the cut needs to be good, and a woman really should have a feminine style of dress and a good body–of course easier if you are a celebrity.
@casual
I think the whole idea of cutting one’s hair to make life easier is bunk. I did that when my son was little, and it was actually much more time consuming having short hair. I had to have it cut more often to look good. I had to wash it every day. I woke up with wacky bed hair and could never go anywhere without at least wetting it down. With long hair, I can wash it every couple of days most of the year, and when I need to go somewhere in a hurry first thing in the morning, I can throw it in a ponytail. I can go much longer between cuts. I think you’re right–there is a component of giving up or surrendering one’s sexual self that many women buy into once they have children. I think it’s related to loss of identity and lowering of self-esteem.
Long hair can look witchy on a woman if she just grows it out without any layering or styling, if she lets it get too long, or if she doesn’t bother coloring it or blowing it out. I agree with Nora Ephron that a bottle of hair color is the single greatest anti-aging product a woman can buy. Very few women can rock the Emmylou Harris look (although I don’t think she cares about looking a certain age as much as making a visual statement). She has long grey hair, but styles it and wears hip clothing. It wouldn’t necessarily be my choice, but it works for someone artistic like her. Grey and grizzled is icky on everyone. I see sooooo much of that here in the upper midwest–women with that “I don’t need to spend time or money on that because I’m a middle aged married woman” attitude.
@LK
LOL–I do the same thing: I set my height minimum at 5’8″, realizing that’s actually 5’6″ most of the time. If I put 5’6″ in, I’d be getting emails from guys who are 5’3″ and 5’4″–a little too short even for me at 5’3″.
@JB
I see just as many men in their 50′s who think a once-a-week softball game is exercise and who physically can’t have sex more than every week or two, even if they’re interested in it. It works both ways.
mistechal 32
I could say that I was 10 years younger than I actually am, and no one would know. Trouble is, if I do meet the partner of my dreams, I don’t want to have to explain to him that I lied to him. That’s why I am honest about my age.
On the other hand, I met and fell quite in love with a fellow last year, who was 4 years younger. ( I’m 55) I met him at a charity event, but if it were a dating site, he might have filtered for women younger than himself. We would have never met ! I feel that dating sites shouldn’t ask for one’s age, but age range, in 10 year increments for those over 35. That would possibly cut down on some of the ageist filters.
Jennifer 33
@Mistechal #32 I think your post presents an excellent argument for meeting people in venues other than online- age isn’t the first thing you see. Online should be one way to meet people, not the only way. If people regularly exercised their other options for getting dates, they would have less time to spend raging against the problems with online dating- they’d simply stop doing it if it doesn’t work for them. Which in my mind makes more sense than trying to figure out what to lie about to *force* it to work.
I don’t agree though that people not wanting to date people of a certain age is ‘ageist’ – we are talking about dating, something very individual and personal, not job discrimination. No one has to give anyone with (insert whatever characteristic here) a chance to get in their pants if they don’t want to and, to me, that’s more than reasonable and alright
Karl R 34
Jennifer said: (#33)
“I don’t agree though that people not wanting to date people of a certain age is ageist – we are talking about dating, something very individual and personal,”
A couple years ago I was chatting with Curtis, an acquaintance of mine. Curtis is in his 60s, but looks like he’s in his 80s (due to heavy smoking, no exercise and a lot of time in the sun). I had recently been on a date with Sally (she was 24 years old, I was 37). I mentioned to Curtis that I wouldn’t be going out with Sally again because thought she was “too young”.
Curtis: “I’m open to dating women of different ages.”
Me: “Like what?”
Curtis: “Women in their 30s and 40s. Hell, I’d be open to dating Sally.”
Karl: “Would you date a woman in her 70s or 80s?”
Curtis: “HELL NO !!”
So Curtis is open to dating women of “different ages” … provided that difference is a lot younger than him.
I start thinking someone is a bit “ageist” if they’re opposed to dating people their own age.
Angela 35
I am 51 years young. I have no wrinkles, am 5’6″ and wear a size 4-6 and look much younger. Great genes and lots of melanin really helps. I was carded until I was 34. Online I have my real age and am amazed at the guys that are 5-10 years younger that look so old!!! The older men that do look younger go after the younger women. In person, I am always approched by much younger men that do not know my age. If I had to do it all over again, online I would have taken off a10 years. I am suure more guys would approach me. I get many emails aking how old are my pictures and they are less than 6 months.
Cilla 36
@ Angela
You could always do as a previous poster suggested and put a fake age in the searchable part of your profile and reveal your real age in the narrative section.
Ruby 37
@JB
Viagra anyone? Most of the men I and my friends have dated over 40/45 have had problems with sexual performance. I’m over 45 and do not! Maybe they should put that fact in their profiles!
JB 38
He he he ..Ruby…Don’t hold your breath for guys to start putting in their profile that they use the “little blue football”(aka Viag,Cialis,err..any other performance enhancing pharmacutical) to score touchdowns. Many men of ALL different ages use it and the women never know….lol too bad
What’s next ? Women putting in their profiles that they’re going through Menopause?? …lol yeah right.
mistechal 39
I feel that if I see a fellow that I might be attracted to on a dating site, and he has stipulated that he is only interested in younger women, I could always contact him myself. After all, it’s not like it’s only the men who are in control of who contacts who.
The thing is, I don’t want to meet a man who is 50, but has narrowed his criteria by age. If he is that devolved, then I don’t care to know him anyways. I want someone who is at least as mature as I am, and that, sometimes has nothing to do with one’s age.
Angela 40
I may adjust my age, but now it seems too late. The interesting thing is that now so many young guys are into thre whole cougar thing. I had a guy my age (51) who looked 75 proposition me. Hell, if I am just looking for sex, I will go with the 25 year old and go to the moutain top!!!!! I get approached by a lot guys 25-35, but since I am looking for a longterm relationship I beg off but thank them for the compliment!
Cilla 41
@ Angela
I hear ya–I’m 47 and I dated two guys in their 20′s last summer–strictly fun, but you’re right, it is the mountain top. I actually got hit on by a 23-year-old, but since my son is 17, I declined.
I also have a ton of older guys (who look even older) emailing me. As I wrote in a previous post, “I’m not dating Gandalf, Santa, or the guy holding the pitchfork in ‘American Gothic.’” LOL
Currently dating a 52-year-old and we seem well matched, age wise, among other things.
Curly Girl 42
Lying about your age is never a good idea. You can find out anyone’s age online if that person was born in the U.S., has a drivers license, bought real estate, etc. It doesn’t cost anything. And once you have the evidence of a lie staring you in the face it’s hard to think well of that person.
Won’t tell you how to do it, but it’s very, very easy if you know the sites.
Curly Girl 43
Also, not a good idea to lie about your education. Places I’ve worked will call the school to verify the degree, as will employment agencies. I’ve had to do it as part of a screening process for job candidates. Not all places do, but you don’t want to get caught doing that. Will ruin your reputation.
And just because everyone is putting in their dating stats: Currently seeing a guy 1 1/2 years younger. And my hair is naturally curly–shoulder length when wet, shorter when dry (because of the curls). Growing it out, though, to be more alluring. Never know when dowdy and matronly will kick in, so best to head it off at the pass!
The guy I’m seeing has straight, blond guy hair. He is ultra cute.
We don’t do online dating, so no need to lie about stats. He always downplays his credentials, though, if he thinks they might intimidate someone (he’s pretty much a brainiac). This surprised me at first. I’m so used to people inflating their personal and professional resumes.
Isn’t it amazing when you find out that a person is actually MORE than he or she admits at first?
He really is great. I must have done something right in a past life…
Michael 44
I feel that dating sites shouldn’t ask for one’s age, but age range, in 10 year increments for those over 35. That would possibly cut down on some of the ageist filters.
That would not be useful to me.
I want a woman who is of a specific age (my own).
mistechal 45
Ah, my, ..
don’t you see? That years are merely a chronological event? 40 is 40, for some people , but some 40 year olds are 65, yet others are 25. I am not speaking about the physical. Yeah, like everyone else , and her sister… I look good for my age. Good genes, and a really good plastic surgeon. I get turned down by people my own age , because I am a little ‘ out there’ . My thoughts and outlook are fairly immature, my tastes in music and culture, do not ‘fit’ with my age group, whom are just beginning to go to ‘live theater’ and the abysmal tripe that is foisted upon us in the flexible name of ‘culture’. But they try to ‘fit in’ and pretend to like it. ( oh lord deliver us from ‘ Dirty Dancing” ) See, my point is, your exact age means nothing. I would probably find you boring as watching paint dry. But I do Know some 50 yr olds who could run rings around you both sexually, and intellectually.
mistechal 46
P.S.
( to Angela… my gosh… I love your thinking ! What a brilliant woman. If guys our age are only looking for a sexual relationship, then why the hell not just go for the guys in their 20′s who are up front about it. At least they still are in good condition, care about personal hygiene, will be impressed as hell about my Jag convertible, and not pester me in the morning about when I can see them again. ! Angela , you are SO right ! Why oh why do I get myself tied up in knots over some pot bellied old guy, who just wants a toss in the hay, when a young guy will treat me with kindness, and be sweet and caring , if it is just for the same end result. Rather go for the young guy, instead of the guy I just ended the relationship with who kept apologizing every time he couldn’t keep an erection unless I gave him a BJ. His constant refrain was…. you are so patient… no other women would put up with this. …. I kept my thoughts to myself, but wondered why he was so afraid of the little blue pills.
LK 47
Lance said: “@LK: It annoys short guys that they get selected out of searches by chicks like yourself. It’s all fair in my opinion and that’s the game with online dating sites.”
My point is simply that my preferences exist for a reason. They’re not going to change just because I meet someone once in person for a casual coffee date. All liars are doing is wasting my time. They are not helping their cause.
For the record, I don’t lie about anything on my profile.
Angela 48
Mishtechal,
I did have a brief relationship with a guy 29. The sex was good and he was smart and good conversationalist and we had fun. The ironic thing was that I initially had a problem with his age and then he later had a problem with mine. Reason, he wanted kids and I was done in that department. We both didn’t see anything longterm in our relationship so we parted. We remain friends. Since then I have been looking for guys closer to my age . But you know those 4 months were really nice and I may decide to have another brief relationship with a much younger guy. Life is too short and tomorrow is not promised !!!!
Angela 49
Cilla,
I’m not dating Gandalf, Santa, or the guy holding the pitchfork in American Gothic. LOL YOU ARE TOO FUNNY!!!!!
I agree that guys 45-55 will date a woman their age if she looks good and not old, but online it is a different story. People are looking for the perefect person,via picture and profile and in my experience it has been very misleading. The essence of person can only be felt in person. Its so one dimensional. What these online websites really need to do is to have monthly meet ups. So people can meet in person in mass!
Joe 50
So in essence, it’s not the years, it’s the mileage?
IMO, if you lie in your online profile statistics (age, education, height, whatever), you absolutely have to come clean in your essay/text portion. The person you may end up dating is gonna find out at some point, and do you really want that person ending up feeling that the way you met was based on a lie?
Barbara 51
I’m 50 and out there dating. I also have great ab definition and keep my body in great shape. I work out about 45-90 minutes EVERY day and it is worth it just for the ego boost it gives me. I’m also currently training for my fourth marathon. My hair is long, I keep it colored and in good condition, and I still wear (tasteful) above-the-knee skirts and get whistles and comments in the street. I’m not sure age is so important anymore. I look at pictures of my mom when she was 50 (unhappily married and saddled with 3 teenagers at the time) and it seems like times have changed and folks are aging better, taking better care of themselves, and because so many of us are single in the upper age groups, we are more cognizant we have to keep ourselves “maintained.” I’m starting to get some crow’s feet, and it doesn’t bother me. My dating profile gets loads of responses, and I’m having a ball with these guys! And I’ve had all age ranges responding – guys in their early 30s up to men in their mid-60s.
Barbara 52
I agree with the above poster that men lie regularly about their height in their profiles. Guys, get a friend to hold a ruler at the top of your head and mark the wall! It’s not rocket science! I’m 5’8 and I’m going to know if a guy tells me he is 5’10 because in heels I’m going to be taller than he is. Generally, a guy saying he is 5’10 means he’s about 5’6 or 5’7, if that. If they say they are 6 feet, they are usually 5’9 to 5’10. It’s a shame, really, because many many women aren’t going to mind the height thing.
JB 53
It IS a shame Barb because just as many women DO care about a man’s height. God forbid a woman who’s 5’8″ is seen with a guy who’s 5’9″ ……YIKES !!! I think it’s funny that all the sites have exact numbers for “height” but NOT weight where women tend to lie the most….lol
Barbara 54
Sorry, “JB,” but I never said that I wasn’t into guys my height or shorter. I just said my experience is that they are lying about their height. For the record, I don’t lie about anything in my profile. If a guy doesn’t like my height or weight, it’s not my problem – it’s his.
) I had a guy tell me in an email he was 6’1. When we got together, I was wearing flats, and we were the same height. That’s pathetic. He literally lopped 5 inches off his height – for what reason? Did he honestly think women won’t notice? What kind of magical thinking is that? I’m actually just about 1 inch taller than the average woman, so I doubt they are lying only to me about it. Just give me the facts so I have a fighting chance of evaluating you based on the evidence. And, use the ruler method, “JB.” It really does work!
Barbara 55
N.B.: He added 5 inches to his height.
(
JerseyGirl 56
“Ah, my, ..
don’t you see? That years are merely a chronological event? 40 is 40, for some people , but some 40 year olds are 65, yet others are 25.”
————————————————————————–
While this is true, I am alway turned off by men that try to sell themselves with liners like “I am young at heart”, “I look young for my age”, “I look 35″..or a million other lines that tell me how insecure they are about their own age. While I understand wanting to express that you are still fun and energetic, don’t be so obvious in your attempt. If your 45 and tell me you look 35, why shouldn’t I just go find a 35 year old?
Evonda 57
What I am getting from all this is that the only way to attract a man is through some kind of deceit. If they are all that shallow they are not worth the effort. There is nothing wrong with remaining single for life.
JB 58
@ Jersey “If your 45 and tell me you look 35, why shouldn’t I just go find a 35 year old?”
Because a “35 yr.old” might not be as emotionally mature as a 45 yr. old or he may be in a totally different place like wanting to start a family etc….. where as a 45 yr. old that looks,acts and feels younger like I do at 48 might not want to start families etc..
that’s why you might want someone who “looks,acts,and feels younger” but is actually around your own age.
LK 59
JerseyGirl: “While this is true, I am alway turned off by men that try to sell themselves with liners like I am young at heart, I look young for my age, I look 35?..or a million other lines that tell me how insecure they are about their own age.” Preach it! I don’t need anyone assessing their own appearance because that is subjective. All they need to do is post an accurate photo, and all that youthful energy should shine through if it’s there!
Karl R 60
JerseyGirl said: (#56)
“I am alway turned off by men that try to sell themselves with liners like ‘I am young at heart’, ‘I look young for my age’, ‘I look 35′ ..or a million other lines that tell me how insecure they are about their own age.”
Women do this a lot as well … and frequently enough that it sounds cliche’.
I used Evan’s advice on this one. I don’t say that I look young for my age. I state how old my pictures are, and let people draw their own conclusions. I don’t tell people that I have a lot of energy. I tell them what I do, and (again) let them draw their own conclusions.
I’ve noticed another common trend among women (and probably more common among men) who say they’re “young for their age” or something similar. Since they allegedly are 10 years younger than their actual age, they target people 10 years younger than them. I sometimes turn that around and look for women who are several years older than me, but look younger (and are more fit) than the average woman my age.
Jennifer 61
@JB I’m assuming the reason they have exact numbers for height on dating sites and not weight is that height is static (until you are much much older and may lose an inch or so) while weight is more likely to fluctuate. I don’t think it’s a conspiracy against the men
Selena 62
Re:#61
Weight also has a relationship with how it is distributed: fat, muscle, height. And where: breasts, butt, belly, thighs, face. Different women can weigh the same amount but look completely different depending on how their weight is distributed.
Cilla 63
@Jennifer
I had a friend who used to say, “My weight is always perfect for my height–which varies.” LOL
Angela 64
JB
The 5’8″ woman wants to wear her 3 inch heels so at a minimum he must be 5’11” LoL!
My preference is to date someone near my age who is youthful in many ways. Doesn’t mean they do no look their age but that they carry it well! The reality in this is thatthe shrinking pool of candidates, shrinks further.
JB 65
But of course Angela but the same 5’8″ woman would have no problem dating a shorter Justin Timberlake,George Clooney,Brad Pitt, etc……______________ <—- fill in your favorite shorter fantasy fella here. ….lol
I’ve had women with certain height stipulations throw them out the window for my shorter “hottie recon profiles” ie: A woman that’s 5’8″actually showed interest in a 5’9″ “hottie”….lol go figure !!
Angela 66
JB
On another note, if a person matches up in every other way many people will make an exception. Its the total package. People are subconsciously assessing a value on different traits.
Such is life, There will always be other variables that can influence people to overlook certain things. It can be wealth, notoriety, fame, career, connections …etc. That is why so many ugly, old and short rich men have beautiful wives. Lol
Ava 67
Just the other day, a guy I’ve recently started dating commented on much much he enjoyed spending time with someone around his own age (mid-late 40′s). He’d dated younger women, but was enjoying the similar points of reference with someone who could relate. I’ve heard this from a number of other men also, that in theory, dating someone more than 10 years younger sounds great and is an ego-boost, but the actual compatibility and maturity of the other person wasn’t so good.
jmarie 68
Well, I must be in the minority.
I prefer men who are two or three inches above my height which is 5’5.
Also I prefer dating older men, 40-50.
I’m 35 but told all the time I look 24, 26, 27.
Course I won’t lie, I am afraid of getting older and have thought about lying about my age. I figure saying 30 would be great because I can no doubt get away with it.
As conniving as that sounds, I am actually an honest person in every other aspect. I can just understand why women lie about their age now, now that I am beginning to age.
Men have a preconceived idea of every age of a woman, good and bad.
paula 69
I don’t understand the emotionally mature excuse that men use to date younger. After 30 everyone should be on the same maturity level. Its fine that you want to date younger cause you don’t like the aging you see on yourself. Just be honest.
Sara 70
Personally, I do not like men who lie about their age. I do not and expect men to be honest as well. Of course we don’t share all the info about ourselves before we meet a person (a little scary), but lying is a complete other thing!
Lying about your age is not a white lie in my book. If you can lie about that, what else can you lie about? I agree everyone does tells white lies, but why start a relationship based on one?
My age range is 32-42 and seriously, I do not wish to date anyone that much older. I mean I want to have children and dating a man 16 years older is not appealing. I don’t think that is ageist at all. I was in a relationship with a man 12 years older (i did make an exception because he e-mailed me, was truthful and I really liked him-he did look much much younger than his age) and really that is my limit.
Seriously, I just found out a guy I’m going on a date with is 48 yrs old. 16 years older than me and lied saying he is 43. I mean 5 years in this case is pretty significant. I was willing to to the 11 yr diff but 16? come on. this guy has never been married and I doubt he is even interested in that at this point.
Liz 71
Do you notice how every woman says “I’m X (years old) but everyone tells me I look 10 years younger!!”
Just sayin’.
Karl R 72
Liz said: (#71)
“Do you notice how every woman says ‘I’m X (years old) but everyone tells me I look 10 years younger!!’ “
In the past I’ve made a point of surreptitiously finding out a woman’s actual age, so I could later “guess” that she was 10 years younger than she actually was. This is sufficiently commonplace that I’ve seen a few women get angry if a guy guessed their age 5 years younger, instead of the 10 years that they were accustomed to.
I’ve also seen a number of women put their statement in their Match.com profiles. That’s like advertising that they’re gullible. If you really look 10 years younger than you are, mention how recently your pictures were taken … and let the guys draw their own conclusions.
Selena 73
People don’t look 10 years younger to those who actually are 10 years younger.
When was the last time you mistook someone 10 years older than you to be your same age?
Cat 74
I’m often mistaken for 10 or more years younger by both men and women who are that age. In fact, they refuse to believe I’m nearly 40. I usually end the argument by asking, “how many women lie UP?” I never lie about my age, though I easily could. And would probably benefit from it in the short run on dating sites.
Cat 75
I see those comments more in guys’ profiles than women’s (and yes, you should always check out same sex profiles to see what competition is in your area. Someone commented in another thread that they were afraid to check out other women’s profiles because what would the women think if they see you in the visitors list? Uh, who cares? If you don’t ask them out, it should be obvious as reconnaissance. If they’re not smart enough to figure it out, are you really worried what they think?)
Also, Karl, it may be that women are quite aware that men mostly pursue younger looking woman. You can’t fault women for emphasizing that point when it makes such a difference to men. It’s far better to say it (and show recent pictures to back it up) than do as a lot of men do, which is say it and show pictures that are 10-15 years younger when they were in marathons and show up on the date fat, bald and liars… Although, I’m sure a fair share of women do that as well.
Just remember to add a grain of salt (or two) to whatever you read and see in a profile… You never know who or what will show up!
Karl R 76
Cat said: (#75)
“it may be that women are quite aware that men mostly pursue younger looking woman. You can’t fault women for emphasizing that point when it makes such a difference to men.”
I can fault women (or men, when the situation is reversed) for completely missing the point.
Men pursue women who look younger. Not women who say they look younger. Not women who say other people tell them that they look younger. Men will make that decision by looking at you … not by listening to what you or other people say.
Cat said: (#75)
“It’s far better to say it (and show recent pictures to back it up) than do as a lot of men do,”
Did I strike a nerve? You’re trying to justify a bad idea by claiming that it’s not nearly as bad as a ridiculously stupid idea. While that’s inherently true, it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s a bad idea.
You’re not backing up your claim with your recent pictures. You’re trying to back up your recent pictures with your claim. If the claim is true, then the pictures don’t need your verbal support. If the claim contradicts your pictures, you’ve decreased your chance of attracting the guy by being wrong (or by appearing to lie).
Lose the comment about looking 10 years younger. Let the recent pictures do the talking. People believe their own eyes a lot more than they believe other people’s words.
Dreaming Lady 77
Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind. – William Shakespeare
Jack 78
Thats cool. Lots of older women don’t want men their own age either. Men start to lose testosterone production at age 25 so they hit early manopause pretty early.
Vicki 79
Maybe people would stop trying to game the system by lying about their height/age (on Match.com or other dating site search criteria), if the dating sites themselves came up with a better system? Maybe let users determine an ideal height/age range, but still include profiles (on daily match emails) of otherwise compatible singles who are up to 5 years or inches off the top or bottom of the range?
If someone is 100% match *except* for being 1 or 2 years older than my highest stated age range, or 1 or 2 inches shorter than my stated height range, I’m not going to complain if Match.com sent me his profile anyway, since I might take a chance on him. I think most people feel that way.
I’m not sure I’d want matches sent to me that were 10 years older than my highest stated range – I try to always include a 10-year range, such as 37 to 47 or 39 to 49, since I think 10 years is a pretty generous range. But I am not a stickler for exact numbers. If my profile states I don’t want to date anyone younger than 37 but a 35 year old guy writes to me, I would read his profile and meet him if he’s otherwise a good match.
At this stage of the game (I’m 43), I just want to meet a guy who is honest, reliable and motivated. I want a guy whose parents are (preferably) still married and enjoy a great marriage. If a guy is a 99% match, but his father was a schmuck who didn’t treat his mom very well…. it’s a deal breaker, I’m sorry to say. I’ve met too many 99%-ers with that story, and it never ended well (i.e. I’m still single!)
I’d rather meet an 80% match from a happy, healthy family background than a 99% match whose formative years were impacted by divorce, abuse, a “deadbeat” or otherwise absent father figure, or other types of dysfunction.
Most dating sites, unfortunately, don’t include “Father was a schmuck, yes or no” as one of the dating criteria. They should, ‘though!
The book “Select Men Wisely,” by David Shade boiled it down to 3 essential qualities: high self-esteem (from having great parents!), intelligence and sexuality. Everything else is negotiable. Age, height, how many kids he has under 18 living with him, etc etc. All negotiable!
The book “Why Men Marry Some Women and Not Others” by John T. Molloy states that while many men over 40 will date much younger women, statistically they end up marrying someone closer to their own age. (page 159) Almost half of men over 40 who dated, lived with or married much younger women were uncomfortable in those relationships and wouldn’t do it again.
According to Molloy:
Men over 40 are attracted to women who “take care of themselves” (i.e., haven’t let themselves go), dress stylishly, wear makeup, are congenial/relaxed/easy to get along with, and who display real kindness/thoughtfulness toward their dates. They like women who will fit into their lifestyles, with their friends and business associates. Many are divorced, and cautious, and need to know up front if you have real feelings for them or not. They also need a woman to be financially responsible and have her s*** together on the debt/finances front. Lying or changing the subject when the topic comes up will make him nervous. Just be honest about your finances. About 15% of men over 40 try to rush a woman to the altar. Take it as a compliment, but ask him to wait 6 months so you can get to know him better. Don’t just dump him because he comes off as “desperate to get married.”
Don’t assume you’re in a monogamous relationship – verbally insist on it. If your intention is to find a relationship that will lead to marriage, verbally state this early in your dating relationship. Many men over 40 are stringers who will never settle down. Dump them early and often. Women men over 40 marry usually insist on more romance, cuddling, snuggling and being taken out on dates, not just quickie sex and watching tv at home. Men bought flowers for women they eventually married more than twice as often as for the women they did not marry. The women in those relationships also insisted on doing more youthful and entertaining things and having more fun together.
Men over 40 who are the least likely to ever marry: those who actively and passionately hate their exes long after the divorce; those who have limited contact with their children because of the ex-wife; men whose exes have used their children against them in the divorce; men who are convinced they were cheated in the divorce and have decided not to pay alimony/child support; men whose ex-wives cheated/walked out/treated them very badly will be unlikely to ever marry again. Avoid those guys.
Older men =Moobs (man boobs) 80
older men have boobs like women and are just “horrible,horrible,horrible” in bed. it’s horrible. women that like older men with these boobs either have a problem or have a young buck like jacob black or edward cullen on the side to get some real action, satisfying sex. women that don’t like attractive men have something wrong with them in my mind or they’re lying. who wants manboobs and disgusting sex over a nice, muscular chest to run your hands over? maybe a lesbian? just my opinion. others will vary. and this comment is not a derogatory put-down, it’s a fact.
RoyP 81
It’s funny, nearly everyone above who is older says they look much younger for their age. Give me a break! If you’re 47, you ARE 47! If you’re 52, you ARE 52. So much denial! Most would like to believe they really look that much younger, but the reality is that most probably look within a few years of their actual age, just maybe healthier for their age, that’s all. You can still tell. What is the moral of the story? Don’t let the years slip by. Live it up while you can.
Bill 82
Because I am over 60, I find it sort of amusing that people consider people in their 40s or 50s to be “older.” No big deal, I know it is all relative, but just thought I would mention it. The fact that I can outrun, outswim, outbike, and outthink most people in those age groups gives me a lot of satisfaction.
I am single and there is little chance I would be attracted to a woman my own age. They look, talk, and act too much like my grandmother. It’s not that I do not love and respect many of those women. I’m just not attracted to them and don’t want to date them.
Bill 83
And yes, I know, I probably look kind of like my grandfather. I am not claiming to be consistent or wise but I do want to know when was the last time you managed to successfully change the kind of person you are attracted to.
So after all that, I am struggling with the question of whether to lie about my age and have nothing to offer on that subject.
Lorin 84
I am 47, I live in southeast Texas (North of Houston by a 1.5 hours). It seems like a lot of men here have really let themselves go. A stereotypical man in this region has a huge beer gut, really outdated clothes, or wears camo 24/7, hair in need of a stylist and calls me darlin, or baby, or sugar, without knowing me, and assumes I’m a dummy because I am a woman, and are bigots about race. Example from a guy I went out with 2 weeks ago–”I have black friends, but I wouldn’t date a black gal.” Seriously, why would you tell me that on a first date? Thanks for the heads up! It infuriates me, the lack of datable men here.
In the looks category, the only men around here worth dating are ones that have moved here from other regions. But for some reason a 50 year old decent looking and seemingly intelligent man has on their profile that they are interested in women in the 21-40 year old age group. Seriously grow up dude! I won’t even bother with them. They are even more shallow than I am. HA!
I have taken good care of myself and I do look several years younger than my age. Working out, no smoking or excessive drinking, and drug-free, and college educated. Is it too much to ask to find a guy that is smart, non-racists, taken good care of themselves, and is interested in women in their own age group? Oh and doesn’t sit in front of the TV every waking moment away from work. BLAH!
Signed Disgusted in Texas
Lorin 85
Selena wrote:
People don’t look 10 years younger to those who actually are 10 years younger.
When was the last time you mistook someone 10 years older than you to be your same age?
@Selena
I am 47 and many people have been fooled by my age. I met a 35 year old guy earlier this year and he asked me out, we went out. He is a great guy and we have ended up friends, but he swears he thought I was his age when he asked me out. When I told him how old I was his jaw dropped and he kept staring at me. I wish he was just a few years older…*sigh* There is no way he would have know how old I was prior to us going out. We don’t have any common friends and I didn’t have a dating profile at that time.
elena 86
I am 49, recently divorced and have no intention of ever marrying again. I keep myself fit and have notrouble attracting much younger guys. After being in a horrible marriage for more than 20 years I have found that men my own age and older repulse me. As a result I only date guys who are at least 15 years younger than me. Why have sex with an over weight middleaged man when I can have a buffed 20-30 something year old! The sex is mind losing!
Tim 87
Personally I would rather date a woman closer to my age than 10 or 15 years younger. But I have a limit on how old they are 53 is my max. I will be 49 in February. I had a gal who was interested in me; she is 65 way to much for me, thanks but no thanks! I am finding many women I am interested in had rough relationships so prefer to be single or something. I don’t get it.
Chris Alison 88
I’m 62 and I look 40 younger than all of my girlfriends in their 40s. I was really offended by the CBS anchors comments about women over 55. This is why we have to lie. We do not live in retirement communities in Florida and eat at 4:30.
I ride a road bike 50 miles, hike for miles, drive a Porsche, love sex, am fantastic looking. Yes I am going to lie. I deserve something better than a 70 year old man with a pot belly. If a man 55 can date a woman 35, then why can’t I date a man 46 when I’m 61? If I told my real age on a dating website I would fail at finding a match for me.
Age is mind over matter. It you don’t mind, it don’t matter. But the first hurdle is getting them to notice you. I agree with Evan.
Branda 89
Good post, Chris Alison. I’m 65 and look late 40s to early 50s (no plastic surgery either). Still have my natural hair color. Am much more fit and energetic than men my age and more sexually viable, too. Good genes from parents who are alive and self-sufficient at ages 92 and 91 respectively. I am not just imagining this (as someone earlier alluded that we do) because I was carded until I was about 40… still get hit on by men sometimes as young as late 30′s, have men look at me (with great big eyes) and say, “You SURE don’t look it!!” when I must produce ID for some business transaction, etc. I put my real age on a dating site once and was frequently met with, “How old is that picture?”…or, “That has to be photoshopped..no woman looks like that at your age.” Bottom line: Many men can have some rigid preconceived notions. And so many online are damaged players with more baggage than Delta Airlines. They just KNOW that any woman over 60 must IRL look like Aunt Bea from “Mayberry” and they feel entitled to a young hottie (as opposed to a mature hottie)….even though their nicknames ought to be “Baldy McPaunch”. I ended up in a stable relationship with a man 9 years my junior (met offline) who looks MY age. I firmly believe that had he known my exact age before he developed a strong affinity for me, he might have been so gun shy that he would never have pursued. I agree about the age bracket system for internet dating. It makes sense.
Elena 90
I am 46 .my ex husband is 39 and my current boyfriend is also 39. I didn’t set out at all to be with younger menl..they chose me. And they both look older than me. What I like about both these men is that they are fun loving and still wild at heart as am I. I think its possible that more and more women are finding themselves with younger men instead of older men based on personality type. No matter what his age I personally must be with a man who is young at heart. I do not want to have a boring routine life..nights in front of the TV. I want men who are still up for fun.
Cat 91
Why do so many people put such high regard toward “looking young for my age”. I’m in my forties & look it. When I’m 70, I’ll probably look 70. If a man or woman is 67 & looks 47 (although I would find that really hard to believe) they are still 67. People are at totally different stages of life at 67 vs 47, doesn’t matter what you look like & that is what makes dating challenging in a “May-December” relationship. My first husband is 13 years older than me, he’s 57 now & could pass for 50 maybe, that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I think people need to stop over inflating the importance of “looking young for their age” & concentrate on what really matters in a relationship beyond looks. I know a woman that just turned 50, she works at a cosmetic office doing botox. Her skin is beautiful, no wrinkles, no spots, no flaws – she has the skin of a 30 year old. And she’s really in shape. With that said, when she told me she was 50 & thought I’d be super surprised when I heard that, I wasn’t at all. Yea, her skin looks amazing – but somehow I still knew she was about 50. Honestly I probably would have guessed between 48 – 52. There are intangibles I think that somehow reveal peoples’ ages, no matter how young they think they look.
Jo 92
When I see this stuff about ages, I think of the movie The Best Exotic marigold Hotel where they show a “speed dating” scene and the woman mentioned she had advertise for someone younger, and the very old man responded, so did I LOL. Personally, I think people should stick with age appropriate people, meaning 5-10 years either side of their age. Men and women alike who insist on dating much younger people are vampiric. Those who say they look much younger than their ages are usually being delusional lol.
JDuffy 93
Cilia: Unless you have the face of Jane Seymour, it’s pretty tough for most women to successfully pull off long hair after 50–if anything, it tends IMHO to age the woman. The hair itself on older women tends to “age” too (those nasty hormonal effects) and often looks more dry and brittle, not to mention fried from all of our years of endless bleaching, coloring, etc. (unless, of course, you can afford all the coiffing Jane probably does). A friend of mine recently gave up on her mid-back length tresses, despite her husband’s protests, and got it bobbed just above the shoulders–it took 10 years off her face–and he loves it too. I’ve had short hair for years, due mostly to heridary thinning-and-breaking, but it’s “long-short” and in a cute layered, flippy style with volume. I’m 51 but petite and slim so it’s still very feminine. The problem is that men lump all short haircuts together as “butch” and cannot differentiate between a feminine short style and a masculine one–despite claiming to be “visual”, they don’t have good eyes for this. Luckily my late husband accepted and liked my short hair. Be open-minded guys!