Comments on: Newsflash: Older Men Don’t Want Women Their Own Age

By: Julie Phelps

Julie Phelps — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 13:41:40 +0000

This thread has really struck a chord with me. Now that I cannot avoid being labeled a senior citizen I am recognizing how that moniker affects many aspects of my life. Actually, it IS nice to have more doors opened for me or to be allowed to enter a room before others do – good seating! I admit to appreciating “senior discount days” or shopping benefits, too.
What is annoying is that men in my age group are screening out potential online matches with by setting parameters that preclude a woman of 66 – or of their own age group. Many guys aged 62 to 72 state they seek a woman 50 to 58. Ergghh.
Their reason might have to do with how many women in my age range really do appear to have let themselves go, so to speak. Many of them are no longer vibrant and enthusiastic about life – if they ever were. Many of my female peers have no real passion for anything in life other than their grandchildren, their needlework, their bridge club, and so on. They have settled into a routine of life that broadcasts loudly that they have given up. How can a guy envision a happy “rest of his life” with a person who appears to be content with the status quo? Or in one who is obviously hoping that a man will come into her life to “make her happy”? She needs to radiate some degree of happiness in her own life.
The same is true in reverse, guys. I cannot churn up any interest in a man who states his favorite things to do are watch sports or relax on the sofa or simply “see the sights”. Does he have no specific examples of interest to recite? If he does he should mention them, even if he states that he loves to watch tennis (or baseball, etc). Relaxing on the sofa? Does that mean you just sit there staring into space? … and for how long? HEHE.
Guys who state they are active but offer no examples are basically communicating nothing. Guys who say they would like to find someone to “do things with”… well, gee. What types of activities do you hope to share with someone else?
When they state their occupation or hobbies they enter “retired” or “a variety of things”. No specifics. I suspect they have given up on participating in the world. They exhibit no passion or zest. So they appear to be older than I am, even if they match my age chronologically.
Meanwhile, guys who do display enthusiasm and positivity for each day and the new-found freedom that comes with maturity are seemingly screening me out because I don’t lie about my age. Part of looking younger than you are is in the attitude you project. Yes, appearance is right in there too, such as style of clothing, hair, weight, etc. That works both ways. But I still think the first criteria should be about overall attitude. One does not need to seek out potential matches simply based on age. See how they verbally present themselves, along with how their appearance strikes you.
Now I will climb off my soapbox and go write a Blog post about this subject Apparently I’ve much to say.

By: Helen

Helen — Mon, 10 Jun 2013 09:14:46 +0000

I have been in a horrible marriage for over 20 years and I am now free. I keep myself in good shape, in fact, it was my exercise regimen which led to my divorce – but that’s a topic for another post.
I like to date guys in their 20s early 30s. I am not at all attracted to men my own age and older and as I do not intend on getting married, I see no reason why I shouldn’t date younger guys. I don’t know if looking for a relationship is worth the time and effort , they do say that relationships need work! I would be missing out on a lot of fun sitting at home waiting for the “right” man.
Even if I did find “Mr Right” the relationship would become boring after a while. The online dating scene is full of men in “happy” marriages/relationships looking for a bit on the side, that’s partly what turned me off remarriage and relationships, the cheating, lies, verbal abuse, sex that becomes a chore, cooking and cleaning. Besides, I don’t have any nursing skills!
If some men my own age don’t find me attractive, it’s no loss to me, I don’t find them attractive either. Some of my friends would wonder why I would not date men my own age. So, I logged on to my internet dating site and showed them pics of men my own age, most of whom looked 10-20 years older, my friends went OMG!!! and they understood.
In my opinion, sex should be mutually pleasing, how can I have a relationship/sex with someone I am not physically attracted to? I cannot help it if I am not attracted to men my own age. One cannot compel attraction.
Young men are not the only ones who want fun with NSA, I have come across many older men who want the same. So, if I am destined to not ever have a relationship or marriage and only NSA fun, why have it with a overweight, unfit 55 year old who wont let go of the remote control, when I can have a buffed young guy mid 20s!
I felt very lonely when I was married. Yes, I know, I will be alone when I am old, but alone is not the same as lonely! Even if I did marry a man my own age or a little older, it’s likely that I would still end up alone when I am old due to the fact that men generally die earlier than women and do not care for their health, where as, I work out, eat healthy, do not drink/smoke and have no health problems that other people my age have.
that’s my 2 cents worth!

By: JDuffy

JDuffy — Fri, 17 May 2013 21:21:51 +0000

Cilia: Unless you have the face of Jane Seymour, it’s pretty tough for most women to successfully pull off long hair after 50–if anything, it tends IMHO to age the woman. The hair itself on older women tends to “age” too (those nasty hormonal effects) and often looks more dry and brittle, not to mention fried from all of our years of endless bleaching, coloring, etc. (unless, of course, you can afford all the coiffing Jane probably does). A friend of mine recently gave up on her mid-back length tresses, despite her husband’s protests, and got it bobbed just above the shoulders–it took 10 years off her face–and he loves it too. I’ve had short hair for years, due mostly to heridary thinning-and-breaking, but it’s “long-short” and in a cute layered, flippy style with volume. I’m 51 but petite and slim so it’s still very feminine. The problem is that men lump all short haircuts together as “butch” and cannot differentiate between a feminine short style and a masculine one–despite claiming to be “visual”, they don’t have good eyes for this. Luckily my late husband accepted and liked my short hair. Be open-minded guys!

By: Jo

Jo — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 03:47:20 +0000

When I see this stuff about ages, I think of the movie The Best Exotic marigold Hotel where they show a “speed dating” scene and the woman mentioned she had advertise for someone younger, and the very old man responded, so did I LOL. Personally, I think people should stick with age appropriate people, meaning 5-10 years either side of their age. Men and women alike who insist on dating much younger people are vampiric. Those who say they look much younger than their ages are usually being delusional lol.

By: Cat

Cat — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 13:01:22 +0000

Why do so many people put such high regard toward “looking young for my age”. I’m in my forties & look it. When I’m 70, I’ll probably look 70. If a man or woman is 67 & looks 47 (although I would find that really hard to believe) they are still 67. People are at totally different stages of life at 67 vs 47, doesn’t matter what you look like & that is what makes dating challenging in a “May-December” relationship. My first husband is 13 years older than me, he’s 57 now & could pass for 50 maybe, that didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. I think people need to stop over inflating the importance of “looking young for their age” & concentrate on what really matters in a relationship beyond looks. I know a woman that just turned 50, she works at a cosmetic office doing botox. Her skin is beautiful, no wrinkles, no spots, no flaws – she has the skin of a 30 year old. And she’s really in shape. With that said, when she told me she was 50 & thought I’d be super surprised when I heard that, I wasn’t at all. Yea, her skin looks amazing – but somehow I still knew she was about 50. Honestly I probably would have guessed between 48 – 52. There are intangibles I think that somehow reveal peoples’ ages, no matter how young they think they look.

By: Elena

Elena — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 11:39:01 +0000

I am 46 .my ex husband is 39 and my current boyfriend is also 39. I didn’t set out at all to be with younger menl..they chose me. And they both look older than me. What I like about both these men is that they are fun loving and still wild at heart as am I. I think its possible that more and more women are finding themselves with younger men instead of older men based on personality type. No matter what his age I personally must be with a man who is young at heart. I do not want to have a boring routine life..nights in front of the TV. I want men who are still up for fun.

By: Branda

Branda — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 02:29:53 +0000

Good post, Chris Alison. I’m 65 and look late 40s to early 50s (no plastic surgery either). Still have my natural hair color. Am much more fit and energetic than men my age and more sexually viable, too. Good genes from parents who are alive and self-sufficient at ages 92 and 91 respectively. I am not just imagining this (as someone earlier alluded that we do) because I was carded until I was about 40… still get hit on by men sometimes as young as late 30′s, have men look at me (with great big eyes) and say, “You SURE don’t look it!!” when I must produce ID for some business transaction, etc. I put my real age on a dating site once and was frequently met with, “How old is that picture?”…or, “That has to be photoshopped..no woman looks like that at your age.” Bottom line: Many men can have some rigid preconceived notions. And so many online are damaged players with more baggage than Delta Airlines. They just KNOW that any woman over 60 must IRL look like Aunt Bea from “Mayberry” and they feel entitled to a young hottie (as opposed to a mature hottie)….even though their nicknames ought to be “Baldy McPaunch”. I ended up in a stable relationship with a man 9 years my junior (met offline) who looks MY age. I firmly believe that had he known my exact age before he developed a strong affinity for me, he might have been so gun shy that he would never have pursued. I agree about the age bracket system for internet dating. It makes sense.

By: Chris Alison

Chris Alison — Thu, 07 Mar 2013 07:47:40 +0000

I’m 62 and I look 40 younger than all of my girlfriends in their 40s. I was really offended by the CBS anchors comments about women over 55. This is why we have to lie. We do not live in retirement communities in Florida and eat at 4:30.
I ride a road bike 50 miles, hike for miles, drive a Porsche, love sex, am fantastic looking. Yes I am going to lie. I deserve something better than a 70 year old man with a pot belly. If a man 55 can date a woman 35, then why can’t I date a man 46 when I’m 61? If I told my real age on a dating website I would fail at finding a match for me.
Age is mind over matter. It you don’t mind, it don’t matter. But the first hurdle is getting them to notice you. I agree with Evan.

By: Tim

Tim — Wed, 23 Jan 2013 06:37:11 +0000

Personally I would rather date a woman closer to my age than 10 or 15 years younger. But I have a limit on how old they are 53 is my max. I will be 49 in February. I had a gal who was interested in me; she is 65 way to much for me, thanks but no thanks! I am finding many women I am interested in had rough relationships so prefer to be single or something. I don’t get it.

By: elena

elena — Thu, 08 Nov 2012 03:49:17 +0000

I am 49, recently divorced and have no intention of ever marrying again. I keep myself fit and have notrouble attracting much younger guys. After being in a horrible marriage for more than 20 years I have found that men my own age and older repulse me. As a result I only date guys who are at least 15 years younger than me. Why have sex with an over weight middleaged man when I can have a buffed 20-30 something year old! The sex is mind losing!