Next on CBS…Evan Marc Katz Says You Should Lie!
Okay, so it’s not exactly like that, but I’m going to be on the CBS Early Show on Tuesday at 8:15am, talking about the ethics of lying about your age. The segment doesn’t even necessarily have to do with dating – and why they chose me remains a bit of a mystery – except for the fact that I was on the show once before (see second video on the right). Still, it should be interesting and I’d encourage you to tune in.
I’m pretty sure I’ll be banging the same gong that I do on this blog - yes, it would be great if age didn’t matter, but it does, so let’s not get so pollyannaish about it. Moralists and absolutists drive me nuts, as you can tell.
Anyway, you’ll get to hear my voice and see how poofy my hair has become since my wife insisted that I grow it out. Thanks for your support!
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21 Comments »Filed Under Evan's Press
Steve 1
It isn’t a crime not having died or being single. Being honest and unapologetic about your age is the best policy.
A lot of people don’t look as young as they think they do.
I’ve seen a large number of profiles on Match where I had the thought “Geeze, her health looks terrible for ____ years old”.
Then there are the people who tell the truth about their age but throw in a line like “I’m 115 but I look 97″.
If that is the truth, you don’t need to write it in your profile. You can let your pictures (dated) show it for you.
However, if you really don’t look younger and use that line you come off looking foolish at best and vain/delusional at the worst.
Just tell like it is, you will avoid problems.
P.S.
Don’t mix in older pictures from when you were younger/better looking in with current pictures. It confuses people and sends the message that you have trouble accepting yourself.
Karl R 2
Imagine reading a profile that said…
“People tell me that I look tall for my height.”
Would you be able to take this profile seriously? It sounds utterly ridiculous to me.
I could honestly put this into my profile. People tell me that I look tall for my height. I’m thin and I have good posture, so I (apparently) look an inch or two taller than the ruler says. But I would sound like a short person in denial if I put that into my profile.
I’m not going to undermine my profile by telling people, “I’m young for my age.”
casualencounters.com/blog 3
It’s boring that people regard their age as interesting.
casualencounters.com/blog´s last blog post…Weekly Roundup – Top 10 Casual Sex Links from Around the Web
Selena 4
Karl #2,
People tell me that I look tall for my height.
I love that! If I saw that in a profile I would think the guy was being funny and disarming. I don’t have a height preference – ‘course I’m only 5’3” myself. I may borrow that line sometime if I want to make a joke about myself. Grin.
Sara 5
This is great. I can’t wait to watch it.
Sara´s last blog post…Restoring Kenyan Politics One Prude at a Time
Evan Marc Katz 6
Um, by the way… my JDate profile used to say “tall for my height”.
Hey, at least I know I would have attracted Selena.
And if you have strong feelings about this lying thing, please join the conversation on my Facebook page:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=582571295&ref=profile
Everyone seems to think you should NEVER lie about your age in ANY circumstance, because it means that you have no integrity and can’t really establish trust. I disagree.
Try asking a woman who’s lowered her age if she feels like she could not possibly be trusted. I’m quite sure you’d find a kind person who is frustrated at being ignored by men.
It’s easy to judge liars…but it’s not all that fair until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes…
Steve 7
@Evan, post #6
I don’t feel offended by it as I don’t see it as lying with a capital ‘L’. My grandmother and mother lived their lives and passed away without anyone ever knowing their true age. I had no problems. It just seems silly, and lame, to me that in the year 2009 people are still playing games that way. Yes ageism still exists.
I just don’t see the percentage in online daters lying about their age. Either they look older than their assumed age or they don’t. If it is the first case then people can tell and they end up looking silly. If it is the second case they don’t need to lie, maybe they just to make people believe that their photos are current.
Online Dating | be2.net 8
I was at work and could not watch the show. Can we have a follow up to let us know how it went. Did you have it recorded?
Evan Marc Katz 9
http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5008287n
LK 10
I’m a 32yo single woman who wants to have a family. I don’t want to date a guy much more than 10 years older than me and would really prefer someone within 5-7 years of my age. The reason has nothing to do with stereotypes or aesthetics. It’s because I want to have children, and I don’t really think it’s fair to a kid for his/her father to be almost 50 when s/he is born. I don’t want to have to shop for colleges and retirement communities at the same time. I also don’t want to spend the last 20 years of my life as a widow.
I get really turned off by guys who lie about their age. Some guys also list their age as, say, 42 and then say in their profile that they’re really 47 but wanted to show up in searches. Guess what? If I’m not looking for a 47yo, then I’m not looking for a 47yo. NEXT!
I went on a date with a guy who was slightly over my age range as it was, and then I looked him up on Facebook and discovered that he was five years older than that. He was an airhead anyway so I would not have gone out with him again regardless, but I was not happy about being lied to.
I was in a dating web site chat room the other day and there was a 45yo guy stating that he will only date women from 28-35. Good luck with that, dude. What is wrong with women within a few years of your age? Why do guys have such a complex about this?
Jennifer 11
@LK #10 you make a really good point. There is a certain age I won’t consider dating no matter how great he is and that’s that. But, I believe there are enough people who are on the fence about age limits (ie, they don’t *think* they want to date a 45 year old, but once they meet the right one they are happy and get over the age thing) to make it worth someone’s while to get a bit creative.
For example, I can understand someone putting 40 so that they appear in your search results but in their profile stating that they are 45. It doesn’t make me question their trustworthiness since they state their real age explicitly in their profile and it gives them a chance to meet a woman they otherwise wouldn’t have been able to. But flat out lying and bringing it up on a later date? I’d have a huge issue with that, even if I was on the fence.
Paul 12
I totally agree with LK post#10 on this one, and disagree with Evan. I know the reality, I know the arguments and all. And I do see some people putting it in their profiles how old they really are but list as a younger age to get into more searches. I get all of that. But it is still lying and to me, speaks to integrity. If all your after is a “good time” and are just out trying to get your physical needs met, then you will probably lie. If you are out to create a relationship that is going to last for the rest of your life, do you really want to start that relationship out with a lie? Frankly if someone will lie about something like that, even though it is a pretty small thing, they could, and probably will also lie about something else. I say be 100% completely honest and you should have no problems if you have followed Evans advice and put some time and effort into your profile and don’t do the mistakes most people make. I read Evans articles about how to write profiles and it was literally everything…I get replies back all the time saying what a great profile mine is, that it is the best they’ve ever read. And you know what? It is because I am a great guy, can put a sentence together, have my poop in a group pretty much, and people like me. That’s what comes through and that is what attracts. if some gal that is 35 doesn’t pick me because I’m 50, guess what…she is too young for me anyway! I’m a firm believer in staying pretty close (6-7 years give or take in either direction) to your age range.
-NN- 13
I don’t see anyones age tattood to their forehead, therefore why would I tell age online either?
Picture tells the truth, and for those who want to be analretentive and know my age.. I am not interested in them.
I rather select a right man – because some people are just over the hill despite their age, and others have miles to go – even at the age of 47.
But then again, I am not trying to breed, since I think my life is complete without children, and even a man is just extra goodies to what I already have.
JM 14
This could not have been any more timely. I have a blind date scheduled for tomorrow. His profile said 49; after some googling (which I like to call ‘due diligence’) I discovered that he is really 51. Not a big deal as he sounds like a nice guy [we've spoken on the phone a few times], but as Paul pointed out above, “it is still lying”. I can speak from experience that deception is rampant on online sites – age, height, photos, etc. It’s a complete “bait and switch”, and as Evan mentioned during his TV segment, based on insecurity. I’m 48 but look and feel much younger [I don't mention that in my profile Steve
], however, if a guy has a problem with that “number”, he’s probably not the right guy for me. It’s a shame we live in a society where the only way we think we can “succeed” in love and in our professional lives, is to embellish our credentials.
Steve 15
@JM, post #14.
Hah! If you are ever in DC I’ll buy you a drink. That is, if you don’t mind being seen with a punky 43 year old
Karl R 16
-NN- said: (#14)
“I don’t see anyones age tattood to their forehead,”
Your age is written all over your face. Maybe not to an exact number, but at least to the general vicinity. If I randomly chose a man 10 years older than you and one 10 years younger than you, do you think you would be able to tell which was which?
I think you would have to try extremely hard to find two individuals where the answer wouldn’t be obvious.
-NN- said: (#14)
“why would I tell age online either?”
When I’m on Match.com, I’d prefer to look through the women somewhat close to my age. I think I can rule out the teenagers and the octagenarians without even glancing at their profiles.
JM 17
Likewise Steve, if you’re ever in the big apple, perhaps we can meet for the early bird special!
Mandy 18
Evan, love your candor with touchy subject matter. As for age…it definitely can be a touchy subject, but it’s just a Number, people…too bad it’s such a societal hang-up that some of us find it necessary to embellish our age on match making sites for ‘marketing’ purposes. Consider this: The age hang-up thingy is limiting our options and maybe causing us to miss out on Great friends, not to mention, potentially, the Love of our lives! Just a suggestion…try a more inclusive (broader range of ages) match making search, next time; you may be pleasantly surprised in who you find!
Leslie 19
If I find out a guy has lied about ANYTHING, he’s history. It’s a major character flaw.
m 20
I think the “tall for my height” thing is kind of cute and funny, actually.
Shows a man has a sense of humor without him having to bellow “I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR” elsewhere in his profile.
Dondi 21
Stick within your generation. That’s what I would say. For me that means 10 years in either direction. My significant other is 10 years my senior, and imagine that I was about to blow him off when we initially met, but only because I thought he was in his 20s. I did not lie about my age, btw. Not only do I look youngish for my years (40) but I also look tall for my height! LOL. But seriously, I can understand certain people who want children having to be more discriminating due to age. Women over 25 and men over 40 often experience fertility issues. Yes, its sad people feel they need to lie or should I say society is structured in such a way that makes us feel worthless as we age. Like the old woman Evan was mentioning on the crew team. I could understand her point of view. When I tell people I’m 40 it sucks all the air out of the room and the younger people suddenly start behaving toward me as if I’m an octogenarian. There’s so much stereotyping and distancing going on because we’re youth obsessed and fear death (what older people represent). We also don’t see enough older people in real life, no wonder kids think 40 is old. Would they think that if they regularly had contact with true old folks? The old old and increasingly the middle aged 55 and older are segregated in “retirement communities.” Where we don’t have to gaze upon their aging carcasses or deal with the fact that they’re people like everyone else who have interests and passions. In the dating realm, people do need to face facts, however. Young men and women typically want people closer to their age, older men want women 10 or more years younger than they are and older women have to settle for men who may be significantly older. I’m attached, but if it were to end tomorrow, I’m comfortable with the fact that men who are 50 or older will be interested in me. For the record, there are some hot guys in those age ranges. Looking youthful and fit would allow me to skim the cream off of that crop.