Comments on: Nice Guys Finish First

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 20:27:55 +0000

I am a nice guy and no I don’t buy gifts etc. to try get woman to like me. Just don’t see the appreciation.
I think I’m done with the whole process.

By: Karl R

Karl R — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 16:51:22 +0000

Mark said:
“I have to believe what I actually witness, the empirical evidence. I mean after years of trying the ‘nice guy’ approach, I have finally ’seen the light’ “

Your experiences aren’t empirical evidence. They’re anecdotal evidence.

Would you care to clarify what proactive steps you take to let a woman know that you’re attracted to her … and find out if she’s attracted to you?

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I felt the same way you did. As I’ve gotten older (and more knowledgeable), I’ve realized that I was too cautious when pursuing relationships. That caution wasn’t a product of being “nice” (though I rationalized it that way). It was caused by my fear of getting hurt.

A lot of nice guys wait until they become friends with a woman before asking her out. Is there anything inherently “not nice” about asking a woman out when you barely know her? It’s a lot more effective than waiting.

If you’re doing nice things for a woman (buying her flowers, helping her move) with the ulterior motive of getting her to like you, does that make you a “nice guy”? I would say a nicer guy would be the one who helps people without the ulterior motive.

And finally, you said, “after years of trying the ‘nice guy’ approach, I have finally ’seen the light’ “

If being “nice” was just an “approach” that you tried and are subsequently abandoning, then I have to wonder if you’re actually a nice guy, or if it was just an act you were putting on in order to attract women.

By: Mark

Mark — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:14:43 +0000

I have to believe what I actually witness, the empirical evidence. I mean after years of trying the “nice guy” approach, I have finally “seen the light”

By: Karl R

Karl R — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:11:31 +0000

Mark,
You’re right … up to a point.

Women say they want a “nice guy”. Women actually go for a “confident guy”. The two are not mutually exclusive.

If you’re a confident, nice guy, women will be interested in you. If you’re a confident jerk, women will be interested in you.

If you lack self-confidence, you’re out of luck. Becoming a jerk won’t help you. Learning to project confidence might.

And the quality women tend to ditch the jerks as soon as they recognize what they actually are.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 21:52:38 +0000

Wow, it’s good to know that ALL women are being lumped into the same “doesn’t want a nice guy” catergory. If that’s the maturity level with which you view the world, then perhaps that’s why you’re not attracting the right women.

By: Mark

Mark — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 18:37:01 +0000

I find this hard to believe, Reality is very different, I have to believe my own eyes and ears. The jerks have women lined up to see them, then complain about how they are treated by the same jerks. Of course they get right back in line for more of the same. The next woman that I date will not see quiet the nice guy I have been up to now. I agree with match sites, women talk “nice guy”, but when it comes to do…total differently story.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 03:44:44 +0000

Match, what part of “nice but confident” did you not get?

By: match sites

match sites — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:23:50 +0000

All women say they want a nice guy. BUT, what they say and what they actually go after are two different things. Notice all the girls who date complete assholes. I’m not saying be a nice guy isn’t worthwhile, but to be honest, very few girls want just truly nice guys.

By: starthrower68

starthrower68 — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 12:12:20 +0000

The last two posts couldn’t have said it better. A happy medium.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 19:36:02 +0000

This is so so true.

Most girls looking for a relationship CAN’T STAND when guys try to play it cool. Nothing is more of a turn off than a guy who acts like he’s too “busy” or “too good”. If she’s into you, she loves when your humble, sweet and vulnerable. And a nice girl won’t take these qualities for granted and walk all over you.

Girls BRAG to their girlfriends about meeting a guy who lavished them with ATTENTION. “He calls me everyday and says the nicest things”. These are the things girls can’t wait to tell their girlfriends. And Evan is right… we like CONFIDENCE and need to know that a guy is not going to let us walk all over them, but for most of my friends… the more attention a guy shows, the more points he gets.

If a girl is acting “wishy-washy” it has nothing to do with how nice you are and everything to do with the fact that she’s just not that interested, YET. If she’s still talking to you… she’s mildly interested and trying to figure it out.

Don’t buy into this bullcrap about playing it cool. Look at it this way… most guys out there are busy TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL, so you’ll stand out if you lavish her with attention. And if she starts taking you for granted, gently put her in her place for it and let her know you won’t tolerate that. If she likes you, she’ll respect you more and snap out of it. If she continues to treat you bad, she’s not the right girl for you anyways, so move on.