Apr11
Online Daters are Shallow! And Water Is Wet!
John Tierney of the New York Times reports about a study that I cited last year, in which the follies of shallow online daters are dissected for the world to see. To his credit, because he’s a Times columnist, he dug up a study I hadn’t seen before, covering the behaviors of speed daters, who, not surprisingly, are even MORE shallow.Among the selected highlights:
Women who speed date are selected by half the men.
Men who speed date are selected by one-third of the women.
Money quote: “Women were not only pickier than men, but also more realistic about their own appeal in the dating market. Correctly divining that men put a premium on looks, the more attractive women set a higher bar for their partners than less attractive women did. But the men set about the same bar for their partners no matter what they looked like themselves or how successful they were professionally.”
You mean below average men actually think they have a shot at at above average women? Really? Who knew?
But guys aren’t the only ones to be single-minded about their preferences.
Ordinary looking men whose picture is in the median in attractiveness would have to make $143,000 more than a guy in the 90th percentile in order to have the same success. Similarly, a 5′ 6″ man would have to make $183,000 more than a 6′0″ man if he wanted to level the playing field.
Finally, fewer than 1 percent of online daters rated themselves as having “less than average looks”.
Who says that people lack self-esteem?
For more on these fascinating studies, click here:
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4 Comments »Filed Under Online Dating Sites, Reviews & News
Alison Dec 12th 2007 at 12:18 pm 1
My experience with online dating, perusing ads and meeting or talking with many men supports this. Most (Even quite average or less so) men think quite well of themselves and hit on the most attractive women in droves. (Even if they also had less attractive incomes to help them succeed.) Self- esteem or delusion? Also – what can they lose with an wink or email.
The more attractive men were more picky (and probably more successful in their searches. They can afford to be especially if income is added to attractiveness. The women seemed more realistic and open to a range of men with varied levels of attractiveness and incomes- though in general looking for a man with more income, I’m not sure they really expect 143-183,000 more . The ones that ‘advertise’ seem more attractive relative to the men – women need to be in a dating market. Reading the study about BMI and proportions, I now understand why so many men seem attracted to me even when I thought myself less worthy (in terms of status, income, or other variables) Men, at least initially, do seem forgiving if a woman just visually turns them on. However for me that did not increase my odds- as I, in line with the study, have been picky (though about more aspects than just looks) In speed dating one generally operates on quick judgements- gut and programmed attractions – of course shallow. To truly assess someone’s potential compatability, and character takes time and experience.
It is interesting that I found men more comfortable with the quick, brief format to come their conclusion about potential – as so much is based on looks for them. (All admitted they decided in less than 1 minute). Women, especially older women, seemed to want more time to assess a man – to delve deeper than looks for potential longer term dating or relationship. Women do care about looks, as some of these studies show, but not as much as men. So how does this effec the success of any particular online search? I guess the more realistic, attractive and successful two people are the better chance to make a match?
Alexandra Jun 11th 2008 at 03:08 pm 2
This article and Alison’s comment I concur with totally! I am so tired of getting winks and mails from men who would rate a 5 on their physical looks at the most and then reading their profiles which say “I only date women in their 30’s and 40’s” (he was 71), “I am athletic with a wrangler jeans build” (he was about 50lbs overweight and 61), “I am very attractive and so expect only women at least a 9 to contact me” (he was 51, balding, bad teeth). And Alison is also so right when she says that many have less than attractive incomes to assist them. I’ve pretty much given up as so many are losers with constant drama in the form of ex-wife sob stories, small children that they have sole custody of, or no sense of humour. It is so sad because they should be looking at the lovely ladies out there who would be interested in them and are an appropriate age rather than chasing what they can’t have and then complaining they don’t get responses.
Oh, and in case you are wondering, I have a PhD, a great career, 5′ 2″, size 2, in my early 40’s – I joined because I was new to the area and I hoped that I would meet new friends! I get hits by at least 15 new guys A DAY and the above descriptions are a typical cross section not the unusual ones!
Rachel Jun 15th 2008 at 03:11 pm 3
Hysterically funny! Of course, these online dating guys who are a 2 and rate themselves a 9 would be crushed if they actually met women the old-fashioned way — face to face, and taking a chance to speak to someone.
Josh Jul 23rd 2008 at 11:45 am 4
Really? Income offsets THAT MUCH for bad looks? Although I participate in online dating, I’m growing ever more disenchanted with it since there seems to be a lack of depth that develops. You meet someone and within the first 5 min you have to sell it right, or you’re gone. I personally, would like to take it slow and hang out a few times before getting into my stats.
Just for your info, I’m 27, make 100K+, am well educated, well presented (what I do for a living), in good physical shape, 6′1″, have excellent hygiene, and handsome. But I find myself getting rejected by women that I would consider a “4″ if we’d met in through other means. And no, it’s not my lack of humility that drives them away. It’s their demand for a “10.5″
I suspect that both men and women fall prey to this over-bloated self-esteem problem. “2″ men, think they’re entitled to have “9″ women, and “3″ women are offended if an “8.5″ like myself approaches them.
But seeing as there’s not much else I can do to meet my special lady, I’ll be surfing the profiles this evening again