Are You Taking Advantage Of All Your Opportunities To Find Love?

You have standards.

You know what you’re worth.

And you’re never gonna settle for less.

I’m right there with you. (Boy, am I there with you!)

As a result of my high standards, I became a dating coach. I may have been labeled a “serial dater” by CNN when I was 32, but I was actually one of those rare guys who took his love life seriously at a young age. My parents were married for 30 years before my dad passed away, and it was their amazing marriage that I’ve always wanted to emulate.

You should never give up your standards, but… you’re quite possibly passing up the love of your life right this very moment.

When you have such a high bar to jump, you’ll likely find that most people fall short.

I’m sure you feel the same way. You’ve spent way too much time spinning your wheels on the wrong men to give up your lofty standards NOW.

As your friend, I want to tell you that you should never give up your standards, but that you’re quite possibly passing up the love of your life right this very moment.

I spent ten years dating online, passing up amazing women, and finding plenty of justifications for it. Then I figured out what I was doing wrong.

Click here to learn what you’ve been doing wrong in online dating – and, more importantly, learn how to get it RIGHT.

No doubt about it, you and I have some seriously high (and well-deserved!) standards.

Which partially explains how, between the ages of 25-35, I dated over 300 women.

I’m not proud of that. That’s a lot of failed dates, complete with all the rejection, confusion, and frustration that comes with them.

The silver lining to all of these experiences was that, as I got older, I found myself making much better decisions.

No more dysfunctional relationships with hot, toxic women.

No more jealous fights with women who had been burned in the past.

No more tolerance for petty insecurities or highly critical partners.

My taste was getting better and the quality of my girlfriends was consistently higher.

But it was January, 2007 and I was still single – despite writing a book called “Why You’re Still Single”! And all the money and media accolades in the world couldn’t take the sting out of that irony.

Then, I met a woman at a party.

We talked all night.

We started hanging out once a week, then twice a week.

We never fought. We always laughed.

Two years later, we were married.

And (here’s the punch line)…

I never, never, never would have written to her on Match.com.

Did I say never? I mean NEVER! And my reasons were justified…

She was 38. I was 35. Online, I set my search parameters for 25-36. I wanted to have kids but I didn’t want to feel rushed by a ticking clock.

She lived in North Hollywood. I lived in West Hollywood. If you know Los Angeles, she’s geographically undesirable. No one wants to hop on a freeway to spend the night.

She’s Catholic, I’m Jewish. I’m not religious, but why should I complicate things with my future children?

She’s right-leaning, I’m left-leaning. I actually lean a lot harder than she does, which makes the fact that she doesn’t agree with me even more intolerable.

We don’t give perfectly amazing people a chance. And then we complain that there’s no one out there to date.

These are just the criteria that would prevent me from seeing her in a SEARCH.

But what if she had an average photo next to her attractive blonde friends?

What if she wrote a generic essay that was overly reliant on adjectives and clichés?

What if she quit after one month on Match because she couldn’t find any good guys?

I never would have met my wife online for two reasons: because I wasn’t open enough to see her good qualities, and because she wasn’t putting the proper effort into online dating.

This is the essence of why it’s so hard to connect.

We don’t give perfectly amazing people a chance. And then we complain that there’s no one out there to date.

This is a belief we create to justify our single status.

And yet it’s really, really easy to think it’s true.

God knows, you’ve probably wondered whether there was anyone out there for you.

I promise you, there is. You may just be surprised at the packaging.

To make sure you see how this applies to YOU, check out the first CD in my Finding the One Online audio series, where I help you shape your mindset for online dating success.

If I had known when I was 25 what I finally figured out at 35, it DEFINITELY wouldn’t have taken me 300 dates to find the love of my life. If you want to stop wasting time pursuing the wrong men, click here.

But before you go, I want to relate to you one more story.

It’s the story of a client named Tina who invested in me as her dating coach for my 12-Week Commitment Course.

As part of her training in understanding the opposite sex, I recommended she take a weekend course called Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. During the program, the course leader brings three men on stage to share their points of view.

Tina, an attractive, successful 41-year-old from the Midwest, watched the men as they walked across the stage and sat down for their roundtable discussion.

Before they spoke, she sized them each up individually: Would I date this guy or not?

If I had known when I was 25 what I finally figured out at 35, it DEFINITELY wouldn’t have taken me 300 dates to find the love of my life.

“No,” was her silent verdict.

First guy was too heavy.

Second guy was too old and grey.

Third guy was too short.

No one was her type. No big deal. That’s life. Besides, she was just watching these men on stage. She wasn’t really evaluating them as dating candidates.

Then Tina heard the men speak.

All were bright, articulate, and self-aware. After fifteen minutes of listening to them, it occurred to her that she would actually date ANY of them.

That wasn’t her REAL revelation.

But this was:

These men were the same exact guys she was ignoring every day on Match.com!

Too short. Too fat. Too old. Too far away. Too whatever.

This is wisdom.

This is power.

This is the kind of insight that changes lives.

It’s one thing for me to tell you, “Remain open to the unexpected!” It’s another thing to figure that out for yourself. But I’ll tell you, pretty much all of my friends who have gotten married have opened up to something that didn’t fit their ideal archetype.

Pretty much all of my friends who have gotten married have opened up to something that didn’t fit their ideal archetype.

One woman compromised on money.

One man compromised on age.

Another woman compromised on distance.

Another man compromised on race.

Another woman compromised on disability.

Remember, these are the people who are FINDING each other, and forging LASTING PARTNERSHIPS, while the rest of us scramble around with our checklists, deeming everyone unfit for our love.

As a lifelong bachelor dating coach who finally got married in 2008, I am not saying that you should settle, that I know better than you, or that you should give up all hopes of finding a transcendent love.

I’m just saying that you don’t know what you don’t know.

And until you open up to the unknown, you have no idea what you’re missing.

I’d have missed my own spouse.

You might be doing the same thing. Click here and I’ll help you find the partner you deserve.

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Comments:

  1. 1
    Mona

    Never have I posted a comment before, but I just had to this time. Evan, I am recently divorced and discovered your blog last April. In September, keeping in mind the advice I have read on here, and to look out for new experiences and opportunities, and started dating one of the most amazing men  that I have ever met. Actually, he’s one of the best human being I have ever met in my life, and that’s saying a lot. Is he a little short? Yes. Does he have a bit of a belly to lose? Yes. Is he Jewish and I am not? Yep. Am I perfect? NO WAY! Do we get along incredibly well and I can’t imagine how 5 months has gone by and we are still together, and things keep getting better and better? YESSSSSS.
    He had to open up and date outside his faith, as did I (not that either of us is “super” religious anyway….). He’s had to compromise on my flair for drama and predilection for spending too much on girly products like makeup and perfume. I’ve had to compromise on him being more quiet and stoic than I am used to, and his fondness for shoe shopping. However, somehow we make it work and I really see a good future with this man. I am blessed to have found him, and we both ask each other, still, at least 5 times a week… “How did we get so lucky?” We both feel that we have found a goldmine in each other….. It’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. :-)
    You give the BEST advice, Evan. Keep it up. I love reading your blog, every day…. You tell it how it is, and from a man’s point of view. Good job, sir! (And many many blessings to you and your family!! Congratulations….!)

  2. 2
    Honey

    Even if you find someone who meets all your crazy criteria, they will have lots of flaws you didn’t anticipate and you will end up compromising just as much anyway! 

  3. 3
    Shay

    That’s right, Honey. We can only try to make sure those flaws are small things that would not drive us crazy.

  4. 4
    Bill

    You can be as picky as you like and stay single.

  5. 5
    Jadafisk

    So what happens to women who just cannot generate sexual feelings for people that they’re not physically attracted to – the ones that they’d pass over on sight/in search? Does it mean that they’re unlikely to find love unless they conclude that feeling desirable is a sufficient substitute for feeling desire?

  6. 6
    SS

    @5
    Those women should move on.
     
    No one is saying to continue a relationship or try to build one with a man or woman in which you have NO sexual feelings for whatsoever… Evan is talking about people eliminating prospects before they even know if they have sexual feelings for them or physical attraction. People are too quick to eliminate other people that COULD be amazing for them just because they don’t have immediate attraction or because those people “aren’t their type.” … that’s the issue.

  7. 7
    Rose

    What a great post, Evan. Thank  you.

  8. 8
    Stacy

    Evan,

    This is a great post. I think it highlights the flaws of online dating. I know you’d disagree with me – which is ok, after all you’ve built a successful business around it, but I really think that online dating can only get you so far and should not be relied upon in finding love.

    People tend to objectify each other online. This is natural – all I am seeing is a (sometimes bad) photo and a generic description. Wit, kindness, positive attitude – none of this can be communicated through the computer screen. Ergo, the second best thing is to check your quantitative criteria – age, distance, income – and quickly narrow down the list of potential candidates.

    I actually had a similar experience – met a guy in a social situation, liked each other, hit it off. He’s the type of guy I would’ve NEVER responded on match. For one, he’s GU, for two he’s not a white-collar ivy-league type I’d usually go for – albeit very successfull with his own business.

    My conclusion, though, would be different from yours. Instead of killing yourself going on hundreds of dates from match, most of which are likely to fail, singles need to get out and socialize more. At any big enough party you’d be able to talk to 20 people in one night and get a real FEEL for whether you like this person or not, something you can’t get from a computer screen. It would take you more than a month to go on that many first dates from online. Talk about efficiency.

    Match is an ok medium of meeting people. But seeing it as your main way of meeting people is really a mistake.

    1. 8.1
      Evan Marc Katz

      Stacy – Fair enough. Are you meeting anyone in “real life”? If so, great. If not, Match is the single best source of single people on earth, unless you can prove otherwise.

      1. 8.1.1
        S

        But you shouldn’t be limiting yourself to just online dating anyway.  I’ve fallen into that trap before.  You should be open to meeting men in many different ways, and yes, devoting some time to going out and actively meeting men IRL just as much as online dating.

  9. 9
    Vanessa

    Evan @ 9,

    I agree with your comment to Stacy @ 8. I have never had so many dates in my entire life so easily!! Meeting that many people in “real life” takes a lot more time and effort. I have found tons of great guys to date, including my current amazing boyfriend, on Match. And, oh, I am 41 and a single mother.

    Many thanks Evan.

  10. 10
    Stacy

    Evan,

    Of course – I meet people everywhere. I fact, I met my ex-b/f on match – so I can appreciate the value of it. That said, most match dates tend to be extremely low-quality and overdosing on them can cause dating burnout and impact one’s selfesteem. I am sure that it is also a function of location and one’s age group though, a 41 yo in Tennessee and a 28 yo in NYC will have drastically different dating experiences and options on- and off-line.

  11. 11
    Aya

    Dear Evan,

    I understand what you’re saying to Stacy, but she’s right that your post highlights the flaws of online dating. I also want to add to that, that I have dated online quite a lot, and dated people of high quality, but- I find that the biggest problem is that people expect a really fast progression of things. Meaning, these are nice people that I would like to know better, but they seem to want the physical part too quickly for my taste. If I had met these men offline, or not for the stated reason of dating- this pressure would not exist, and I could get to know them better.
    I come to the same point where either they end it because they feel that I am not attracted to them, or I end it for the same reason. This usually happens around the third or fourth date. I tried actually telling them I need time, and they say I’m worth the wait, but still around the third date, the wait is over..

  12. 12
    Denise

    #11 & #12

    Totally agree with you both, ESPECIALLY this:

    overdosing on them can cause dating burnout and impact one’s self esteem.

    On line dating also doesn’t often provide a ‘story’, how the couple met, which is usually something endearing or surprising.  (Like Evan’s story!)

    I wouldn’t say not to do on line dating, but there are significant drawbacks.  And if you’re going to do it, put yourself in the best position possible like investing in Evan’s on line tools and advice.  What I do say about on line dating though is it keeps one in the ‘game’, you know, ‘use it or lose it’ :)

  13. 13
    Annie

    @5 Ahh..Jada.

    I met a man, some time back(4 years?). I met him onlie, not dating website, but through playing online computer games. (yep, geeky gaming chick here!!). I didnt’ know what he looked like, but within the first week of spending time with him(online), he seemed amazing.

    It took 6 months before we could finally meet(We lived across country). He was very average looking, my hieght, slim build, nothing special physically. He was very nerdy, intellectual type.

    When he first touched me, on my shoulder in a way that was “subtly” intimate, I couldnt’ stop shaking. I was so excited I almost melted into the floor.

    Although for a number of reasons(I wont’ get into), we couldn’t work out, I learnt more from my time with him, than I had in my whole life.

    When you really like some-one, and get to know them…the chemistry is simply there. But I would have passed this man on the street as being a very average, older guy, without anything to “offer”.

    But until you’ve experienced this type of Personal chemistry(rather than physical), you cannot know. It is  so amazing.

    I think that’s what Evan is really saying. He’s not expecting you to be with a man, you will never feel chemistry with. But you may be amazed, that if you give a bloke a chance, that chemistry, like you’ve never felt, will build up and you will be very happy and excited to be with him.

  14. 14
    Annie

    @12 Aya.

    I’m with ya on that one. I find that the online thing, seems to cause a very quick progression. IE, after 1 or 2 dates, sex is on the cards. It’s way too much, and too soon and I cannot deal with it. It’s why I got off the online dating. I may join up again, but I hate that pressure, and I began to really begin to dislike men and the pressure they put on me.

    So I stopped. I just need to figure out a way to deal with it, and not get offended or hurt by it. Not sure how to manage that one.

  15. 15
    Denise

    #15

    You’re not an innocent bystander in your life, defenseless in regard to what others ‘do’ to you.  Consider changing your whole mindset that it’s YOUR life and you want to live it the way you feel is best for you–that’s in regard to work, men, friends.

    How about setting your expectations right up front, on the first date, in a conversational tone (vs. accusatory or negative), and if you like the guy and think there might be multiple dates?  It’s not that difficult, but does take some courage.  I guarantee, if he’s a decent guy, he will admire your ability to exert your boundary and let him know what your boundary is without game playing or him trying to read your mind.  Then let him make up his mind if that works for him.

  16. 16
    Joe

    I think that a little bit of the pressure can sometimes come from the fact that meeting people “organically” (through friends, in social situations, etc.) usually doesn’t cost a lot of money.  You’re usually doing something you’d like to do anyway, without the pressure of buying dinner or being bought dinner.

    Also, as alluded to earlier, meeting people online has basically one express purpose: to date.  Organically, you can each rationalize things as, “oh, we’re just hanging out.”

  17. 17
    Liz

    #16

    Explaining your expectations on the first date? That seems to be the exact opposite of what Evan would advise. Even if it’s in a “conversational tone.”

  18. 18
    Stacy

    Joe #17

    When you’re meeting organically, you don’t need to “rationalize” – you ARE just hanging out. In my case we hang out multiple types at a friends’ beach house, went to clubs with a larger group of friends, did bbq, etc. We had things/friends in common. There was a connection before a romantic connection.

    Whith online dating it is very mechanical. There’s no connection other than you belonging to the same dating service.
    I’d be curious to hear Evan’s suggestions about how to navigate this with integrity.

  19. 19
    Annie

    @16 and @18.

    I know my own boundaries and know that I can “say no’.  I’m not however going to bring up on a first date “Oh btw, I’m not going to sleep with you until I’m ready and I’m not sure how long that will be”.

    Male expectations of immediate intimacy, wether I say no or not as some kind of proof for them that I’m interested, simply wear me down and makes me realize how many men feel entitled to something they have not yet earned. I’m an invisible walking talking vagina to them. I just need a break from it.

    The last male “friend” who propositiond me for sex, did so, via text, the day he got engaged.(No he and I were not FWB, or dating or anything, just friends). Enough years of that shit, and you can get rather disillusioned no matter how much you try not to be.

    It’s the one area, I most struggle with, with dating and has actually some-what turned me off intimacy with me. Hence the need for a break. I still read and learn though.

  20. 20
    Annie

    That was intimacy with “men” not me. haha…that I’m fine with. :P

  21. 21
    ss

    @Annie 20
    Male expectations of immediate intimacy, wether I say no or not as some kind of proof for them that I’m interested, simply wear me down and makes me realize how many men feel entitled to something they have not yet earned. I’m an invisible walking talking vagina to them. I just need a break from it.
     
    Annie, I’m in agreement on this one… this mentality seems to permeate the dating world today and is even expressed on this blog (which I otherwise love). And certain poster will even imply that a woman who wants to wait for a more established commitment to have sex are using it as a “bargaining chip.”
     
    That’s a lame cliche if I’ve ever heard one. So what are people saying here? You should just have sex with any man just because he might be hot and you had a few good dates, and if you dare have a standard for yourself about waiting until you’re in a committed relationship, now you’re playing the “bargaining chip” game? Please. I think not.

  22. 22
    Denise

    #20

    Annie, totally  understand what you’re saying.  I think there’s ways to be creative about getting your point across.  The first date is supposed to be fun and flirty, nothing serious (actually the first phase of dating would be best to be this way).  Somehow, because it’s on line dating, that feels like sometimes it goes to the wayside–another downside of on line dating, the steps of courtship are reversed.

    If it’s appropriate, the point can easily be brought up that you believe that relationships  need time to develop, that you want to take your time to get to know someone.  That’s all you have to say.  Women decide when and where sex will happen.  Sex or any sexual details do not even have to be brought up.  Mature men will get what you are saying; you don’t need a lot of words either.

    Of course this depends on each man and how mature they are, I do think they do ‘expect’ sex as part of a relationship.  Otherwise, why would they want to be there?  They want the whole package, just like women do.

    If he proceeds to push, and you like him, you can gently remind him of your preference.  If he continues to push and is also obnoxious, he’s not the right man.  If he doesn’t push, and he gets it (although that doesn’t mean he won’t try now and then, he’s a man, he can’t help it!), then he’s a keeper.

    Men are ALL about sex, that’s in their core, it’s who they are in their being and how God made them–that’s in their reptilian brain.  However, that doesn’t mean they don’t have higher brains to curb their reptilian brain impulses–if not, then men would be forcing women to have sex with them everywhere they went!  The more  mature the man, the greater control he has.  Even in that circumstance though, he wants sex, period.  (Keep in mind though that’s not ALL they want, but at the end of the day, that’s the bottom line with them.)

    This is in contrast to women who want relationships, that’s in our reptilian brain.  We want safety and security with the man we’re with, not just physically by emotionally.  We want his resources of time, energy, affection, time, listening, money.  We can’t help it, that’s the way we are.  (We’re not nagging when we ask for something to be done, we’re asking for a man’s resources.)  More immature women take this to the extreme and smother the man, hen peck him.  A mature woman will find balance and work with him on how to get what she needs and wants.

    You probably know all this, but thought I would mention it.  It sounds like you’re a little burned out from dating, and I can totally understand that.  If you’re doing on line dating, that’s another downside.  It’s quantity vs. quality and that can be tiring.

    You sould like an awesome woman that any man would be lucky to have!  It sounds like you’re working on being the best person you can be, and that will certainly attract the type of man that deserves you.

  23. 23
    Karl R

    Denise said: (#23)
    “If he doesn’t push, and he gets it (although that doesn’t mean he won’t try now and then, he’s a man, he can’t help it!), then he’s a keeper.”

    A mature man’s decision to try every so often has nothing to do with his ability to “help it”.

    Women generally expect men to take the initiative with intimacy. Women also expect the man to wait until the woman is ready. There’s one small flaw with this plan. Men can’t read minds. We don’t know when you’re ready for more intimacy.

    Mature men know that the boundaries change over time, so we occasionally test those boundaries to see where they are.

    Denise said: (#23)
    “The more  mature the man, the greater control he has.  Even in that circumstance though, he wants sex, period.”

    It’s not the primary motive for most mature men. However, it is one of several dealbreaker issues. We don’t want a sexless marriage.

    ss asked: (#22)
    “So what are people saying here? […] if you dare have a standard for yourself about waiting until you’re in a committed relationship, now you’re playing the ‘bargaining chip’ game?”

    Some people might go to that extreme. Most have a different perspective.

    I don’t want to marry a woman who uses sex as a bargaining chip. I want to marry a woman who wants to have sex with me … and frequently. When my girlfriend and I have sex, we both have a really good time. We see that as an equal exchange. Sex isn’t a reward for good behavior. It’s not withheld for poor behavior. It’s not a bargaining chip.

    I fully understand a woman (or man) not wanting to have sex with a near-stranger. And if that’s a woman’s concern, I have no issues with that. I can patiently wait.

    But I can’t read minds. I watch a woman’s behavior to get an idea what her future behavior will be. If I have to jump through a bunch of hoops in order to have sex prior to marriage, that means it’s possible (or likely) that the same thing will occur after we’re married.

    That’s the crucial difference.

  24. 24
    SS

    Karl, I always love your perspective!
     
    I agree with how you put it. I waited until I felt comfortable with the man I was dating exclusively (and later married) before deciding to have sex… and he waited for me to reach that point because he understood why I was waiting. After that, things were great with our sex life.
     
    But before that, I dated a man who, after I suggested a third date at a coffee shop, that he was tired of eating and chatting and was ready to make our interaction more physical. I said that I was not ready for that, and would not feel comfortable progressing to that level until we were in a committed relationship.
     
    He proceeded to then tell me that he didn’t like when women used sex as a “bargaining chip” and that I pretty much had old-fashioned ideas and was very rigid with my sexuality.
     
    The nerve! So I tell a guy after two dates that I’m not ready to sleep with him yet and it’s ME who has the issue?
     
    It’s this sense of entitlement that I’m referring to — the idea that because a woman goes out with a man a few times, she should be ready to progress to physical intimacy with that man, regardless of the fact that he’s still a virtual stranger that she’s spent little more than a few hours with in total.

  25. 25
    Joe

    I think there are 2 types of women: The Strong, Smart woman and the Weak, Doormat women.  But both need to Understand their Own Power.  They need to assess themselves as potential Wives/Mothers, just like when they analyze men as potential Husbands/Fathers.  Then they need to understand how to mold, control, and build a man into a lasting relationship.

  26. 26
    starthrower68

    I think it’s pretty easy Joe.  Show up naked and smiling. 

  27. 27
    Annie

    @25.

    Yep, that’s what I’m talking about. The men that try and tell me there is something “wrong” with me, because I won’t sleep with them. I’ve so far heard.

    1. I will turn off the sex-tap, when I don’t get what I want. (Gee, I love being thought of as a tap, that a man gets to turn on and off whenever he chooses. )
    2. I’m a man-hater
    3. I’m going to end up a very very lonely old woman
    4. I’m a prude
    5. I use sex as a weapon
    6. I’m making him wait
    7. I’m a bitch who wants to keep hold of the key to the golden gates
    8. I’m manipulative
    9. I’m a princess who thinks she’s worth more than she is
    10. I’m a cold unloving woman

    and that’s in about the last 12 months or so.

    The thing that wears me down, is not that I don’t realize that men like sex. I would like to enjoy it as well. It is that they don’t seem to realize this is something we need to “share” not something I “give” a man or something he is owed. And it IS intense, it IS intimate and I’m not automatically turned on, because some guy wants to stick his penis inside of me. Thousands of men during my life have wanted to do that. Why on earth would that be exciting to me by default?

    And men make a huge, huge mistake in thinking that because a woman “puts out”, “gives it up” or “gives him some loving” in the beginning that the long term relationship will involve a lot of sex.

    Men make the mistake over and over in not understanding a woman’s sexuality and expecting it to be just like his, and wonder why the sex ultimately dies in a relationship.

    Yeah, I’ve gotten so burned out over this, that I’m almost turned off by the thought of a man touching me. It’s meaningless to them. Just something I do for them, so they can feel good.

    I don’t want to end up bitter, so I’m taking a break. Thanks for those that replied and understand.

    1. 27.1
      ann

      thank you for sharing, as I have the same occurrances.   stay true, good for you!

  28. 28
    Karl R

    Joe said: (#26)
    “they need to understand how to mold, control, and build a man into a lasting relationship.”

    Could you explain how a woman would mold or control a man? Perhaps you could give examples of ways that women have molded and controlled you in the past.

    Based upon the comments women have previously made on this blog, it is my understanding that women view moldable, controlable men as being weak doormats, and therefore, undesirable.

    When women have tried to mold and control me, I’ve seen that as a reason to end the relationship.

    Has your experience been different?

  29. 29
    BeenThereDoneThat

    @ Joe. 
    I try to mold, shape and direct my children and maybe occasionally control.  Any man who is looking to be or needs to be “molded” and/or “controlled” I would not view as an adult.  I already have 3 kids, I’m looking for an adult relationship; not a mother/child one. 

  30. 30
    Evan Marc Katz

    @Annie:

    If you’ve been told all of this in the past year:

    1. I will turn off the sex-tap, when I don’t get what I want. (Gee, I love being thought of as a tap, that a man gets to turn on and off whenever he chooses. )
    2. I’m a man-hater
    3. I’m going to end up a very very lonely old woman
    4. I’m a prude
    5. I use sex as a weapon
    6. I’m making him wait
    7. I’m a bitch who wants to keep hold of the key to the golden gates
    8. I’m manipulative
    9. I’m a princess who thinks she’s worth more than she is
    10. I’m a cold unloving woman

    …I think you should probably look at how you’re coming across to men. Seems there’s a pattern there, and since men aren’t going to change, it may be wise to figure out how to better message your stance on sex. “Why He Disappeared” has a section on this, and most women have said that it changed their lives.

    And if you get defensive, consider me saying the exact same thing to a man who has been told 10 times in the past year that he’s too sexually aggressive and that women get turned off. You’d probably think he should listen to my advice, right?

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