How Come Everyone I Want to Meet Online Isn’t Interested in Me?

How Come Everyone I Want to Meet Online Isn't Interested in Me?

I haven’t found a solution for this. How does a 56 year old man find a good younger woman that would be interested in marriage and willing to have children by him? She would need to be 36 to 38. Most good sites line me up with the 50 year olds and most 36 year olds tend to think I’m a dirty old man.  I know that such a person exists but can’t find a good avenue to find her. I am fairly well to do and well educated.

Dale

Thank you, Dale, for acknowledging a few very common truths from the world of online dating.

You’re a successful older man who wants to date a woman significantly younger than him.

Websites generally attempt to pair singles with matches who are demographically similar.

Most 36-year-old women think you’re a dirty old man.

Now you’re going to get the same song and dance as every other guy who has written to complain about women on the Internet. I’m going to put you in HER shoes.

So let’s say you’re a 36-year-old woman, entering the prime of your life. You’re done with the bar scene and you’re very much interested in settling down to have a family of your own. How do you set your search criteria? Well, if you’re born in 1971, you’re part of Generation X. You went to high school in the 80’s. Your friends are buying their first houses and having their first kids. You probably want something that looks similar. So you search for men 35-45. Yeah, 45 is a little old, you say, but you want to be open-minded. Maybe he’ll still be vigorous enough to keep up with your active lifestyle.

And then you, the 36-year-old woman, post your profile, and what happens? You get BOMBARDED by emails from fifty and sixty something Baby Boomers looking to trade up in the world. You double check your profile to see if there’s something you wrote that’s attracting these older men. You remove that reference to Steely Dan. You cut how you want to travel in style. Yet these men keep on writing – talking about how they’re young for their age, how they’d love to have children, how they have everything in life except a good younger woman.

If you’re 36, you’re pretty darned confused by these emails. By the time you have your first child, you’ll be 38 or 39. Which will make him, what? 58 or 59? By the time the kid is in high school, Dad will be 74! That’s not the kind of life you imagined for yourself or your children. So you politely decline. Or, to keep things simple, you ignore. And ignore. And ignore. It doesn’t stop older men from writing, but at least you don’t have to explain yourself to a man who doesn’t want to hear your perfectly valid explanation.

Understand, Dale, there is nothing wrong with you being attracted to a fertile and youthful woman in her 30’s. Really. I’m not judging you. But you must understand that any woman you desire online has choices. Lots and lots of choices.

She can go out with a cute, successful man who is 35. Or 40. Or 45. Or 50. Are you getting the idea? This does not mean that you’re not a great guy with a ton to give and the purest intentions. It’s that you’re failing to recognize what most younger women want. A peer. A partner. Not a father figure. You’re still wrapped up in what YOU want.

Needless to say, this goes for ALL people who are dating online. … We want what WE want, even if what we want is unrealistic. We’re all so dazzled by looks and youth that we pass up amazing people who are a much better fit. Who are you going to have more in common with? The woman who graduated high school in the same year as you? Or the woman who could be your daughter?

“I can’t help what I’m attracted to,” say all of my clients – both male and female. And hey, I don’t blame them. I do know, however, that as long as they close their minds to dating people who are age-appropriate, they’re really going to struggle with online dating.

I know you were looking for advice, Dale, so I don’t want to leave you without it. As I see it, you have three options. One, sign up with one of those successful men/younger women sites. At least you know that a woman on MillionaireMatch might be more willing to sacrifice youth for security.

Next, since you can’t convince someone to date an older man, stop trying. To find out who IS interested, try Match.com’s Reverse Match. Instead of searching through hundreds of thirtysomething women who wouldn’t give you a second look, Reverse Match shows you who IS open to dating a 56-year-old man. There’ll be fewer numbers, but at least you won’t be wasting your time.

Finally, I implore you to give older women a shot. There are a lot of amazing ones out there and they are criminally underappreciated.

Let’s just hope that they don’t discriminate against men their own age.

 

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Comments:

  1. 271
    helana

    nice one

  2. 272
    chris

    If you are an educated and financially well off man and you cannot find someone who meets your standards, you don’t have to settle for someone beneath them.

    If your goal is children there are surrogates for that.

    If your goal is sex with an attractive woman there are prostitutes for that.

    These alternatives are better than being hitched up with someone for life that you don’t desire.

  3. 273
    Jim

    Well most single women nowadays are very picky when it comes to having a relationship since it is all about money for many women now which they will never at all go with a man that makes much less money than they make.  Women have become so very greedy and selfish now more than ever which most of them are better off staying single anyway.

  4. 274
    Shruthi Reddy

    You can find a 36 year old women. Target :

    1. Single mothers with financial debt. Promise to financially support their children.

    2. Women who never plan to work. Be open to unattractive women.

    3. Unattractive and severely obese women.

    4. Women who have been sexually abused and have daddy issues.

    5. Be open about the fact that you will support her financially, and will consider an open marriage.

    6. Be willing to talk about the fact that she may need to be with someone younger as time goes on.

    7. Sometimes you may get lucky and find a woman who admires your intellect and sexual prowess. Make sure you read at least one book a night. Take classes with regards to how to please a woman sexually and be willing to put in the work. Learn how to cook, and half the housework and children ring. An older man needs to have 400 times more to offer. Also make sure you go to the gym every day, hire a trainer and consult a plastic surgeon re neck lift and hair transplant and any other procedures that can make you look younger. Sometimes you can get lucky but if you want younger you sure as hell be ready to do the work. Cougars understand this. Older men just don’t.

    1. 274.1
      Christian McKnight

      This may be the worst advice I ever read. Look for women with financial issues (I suppose homeless would be best of all); target “the unattractive and severely obese”; the sexually abused; and get her to sign off on a relationship that allows you to screw around with other women.

      In other words, be a predator who takes advantage of a woman’s problems.

      No wonder these younger women find older men despicable and repugnant.

  5. 275
    rens

    Why a 36 year old? Only because she can get kids? I got a kid with 39. Go for a 40+ year old single mom who has in her profile she wants kids and an older man. If that is too much effort don’t complain.

  6. 276
    Crystal

    Would just to point a few things out, first off the divorce rate is completely wrong.  The way it is measured is by divorced this year against the number of marriages the previous year.  So if there were fewer weddings than usual it will make it appear a lot higher, it really is a poorly done statistic that some ppl base their whole marriage ideas on.

    Secondly to that crazy Rusty guy and to everybody else talking to him.  It’s best to just ignore him, he’s doing something that is common among sociopaths and narcissists, he’s baiting you all to prove his point, and make himself appear more right, while making you look more crazy.

    To all the men wanting a younger female know this, by the time a woman hits her sexual prime in her forties or fifties you may be at an age where your in very poor health.  If your main reason for wanting a younger woman is procreation, there is always adoption, you don’t have to find somebody “fertile”.  Also if a girls father was 19 or 20 or there about when he had her, and your that same age, for some women that’s uncomfortable, you have watched your father age into a grandfather or almost grandfather and now somebody his age wants to have children with you.  And most of the women you will find younger who will date you (though I expressly point out not all) are after money mostly or the security that money will bring if not just the lavishness of it.  You outnumber women go out and really meet and talk to some stay away from bars, go to parks book readings etc.  Last thing, from the time females are very young, we have been ogled and most of us have heard more frightening and disgusting things from older men especially when we are very young.  And they always accompany their nastiness towards a young girl with “I’m young at heart”, or  some way to inform us that they can “keep up” with us.  So instead of pointing all that out just show who you are and don’t make it an issue, maybe hire or ask somebody to write a less creepy bio.  If none of that works you may want to ask with an open mind what is turning them off.

    1. 276.1
      Christian McKnight

      Re: To all the men wanting a younger female know this, by the time a woman hits her sexual prime in her forties or fifties you may be at an age where your in very poor health.

      At least you used the qualifier, “May”. I’m 64, flew fighters in the Air Force and will be flying for a major airline for another year. When I’m off, I run 10 miles a day, my cholesterol and high blood pressure are spot on and nine out of 10 or our 40-year-old flight attendants don’t have my BMI. As to your presumed sexual peak, a lot of other guys my age care less about your peak than skill and the two don’t follow a straight line correlation. Put another way, I don’t have the staying power I did at 30 or 40 but what I lack in endurance I compensate for in knowing much more about what women want. Most guys I’ve met at 40 are clueless. It’s all about them.

      And, frankly, I find your assertion that you have heard more “disgusting and frightening” things from older men (than teenage or college boys doesn’t pass the laugh test. I also coach high school football and whether it was in a locker room or later in quarters in the Air Force at 24, heard more obscene things said about women in a week than I have in 20 years from men over 50. Maybe your problem is you’ve been looking for love in the wrong places.

       

       

       

      1. 276.1.1
        Buck25

        Christian,

        Preach, brother, preach! First of all, Thank you for your service! I know us old ground pounders like to make fun of you zoomies, but we sure were grateful on a few occasions back in ‘Nam, when the air support showed up! Thanks for reminding some of the younger women here that for all their hate and stereotypes, there are a few of us old farts who aren’t what they like to paint  ALL of us as.

         

        Now, to each of  you younger (as in under fifty) members of the distaff set hating on older men here, sweetie, don’t get your panties in a wad. I seriously doubt that you, and most of the most hateful commenters here, are old enough to date me, or Christian, above (not mature enough, whatever the calendar says), and while you younger women are bashing older men, just let me say it is my personal experience that most of you younger ladies are so terribly inexperienced, overly-inhibited, selfish, insecure, ignorant, and otherwise generally inadequate in the bedroom, that all your looks can’t make up for it. (And yes, I know from personal experience; you might be surprised what some of us old guys still in shape can pull, in the real world on occasion). Seriously, can you not perhaps, get yourselves some good books on the subject, get yourselves a toy or two, and see if you can educate yourselves about your own bodies, before you start criticizing the performance of men (of whatever age)? Seriously, are we (or our younger counterparts) supposed to pay for everything, take you everywhere, and then on top of everything else, have to educate you as well? Stick to the younger boys; they haven’t wised up enough, to notice your many deficiencies…yet. In the meantime, just know that I am sick and tired of the stereotypical (and largely anecdotal) low-blows aimed at ALL older men by some of you, especially in this rather nasty little thread, and if you keep it up, I am going to respond with my own rather trenchant observations as to the many and varied sexual inadequacies/dysfunctions so prevalent among younger women these days. You want to hit at men’s supposed insecurities, be prepared to have some of your own real ones analyzed and dissected; sauce for the goose, and all that…

        By the way, ladies, I want to second Christian’s remark about your supposed sexual peak; kinda like it is with a man’s peak supposedly being around nineteen or twenty and yours at forty-something, it really doesn’t matter; what’s a lot more relevant, is how much either knows about what to do with it. Doesn’t matter if you can do it a dozen times a night, if you don’t know how to do it (and I’ve met quite a few 30+ and 40+ women who seem to know about as much about the latter, as I did at nineteen; that’s not a compliment)

  7. 277
    Jenna

    Why in the world would any woman in her right mind want a man in his 50s if she’s in her 30s? That’s old enough to be her father. A bit creepy, no? Maybe for money alone, but otherwise very doubtful. Any old fart is delusional if he thinks otherwise… and to have kids with no less. LOL. She’ll be having to change his diapers along with their kid’s I guess.

    Good luck with that.

    1. 277.1
      Christian McKnight

      Re: Jenna: Why would any womanwant a man in her 50’s–old enough to be her father?

      To begin with there are hardwired biological and evolutionary reasons. Steven Proulx, a zoologist writing in The Proceedings of the Royal Society and as reported in Science on line suggested,

      “It is the very fact that an older male can still display his munificence that really makes a female’s head turn. A younger male may do so, but a potential mate does not know how long he is capable of maintaining that ostentation. It could be all over too quickly.

      In other words, any stag that can still display a fine set of antlers in the twilight of its years, or an old peacock that can still rustle up a first-rate plumage – or an ageing Lothario who can still sport a Rolex and a riverside apartment – has to be considered a major catch. Only a creature with really powerful genes can do that and therefore attract females who are, in general, the ones who choose partners while males wait to be selected.”

      Proulx also inferred that extreme efforts to turn the heads of young women by young men (among these I woulkd suggest obsessive time spent in a gym to get six pack abs, living paycheck to paycheck to afford to drive a BMW, or blowing money on Armani suits,  can exact a high cost in expenditure of energy which can trade long-term survival for short-term mating success and does not elicit the sense of reassurance women can feel from the older man who has resisted the urger for immediate gratification to get laid, for long-term goals such as raising a family and providing for that family should he die prematurely.)

      Aside from that I can give you at least a dozen other reasons from intelligent, emotionally sound, and mature women of 30 to 40 who have been involved with a man 20 or 30 years their senior. I’ll admit that the women I’ve talked to are not representative of the general public. They are flight attendents for an airline I fly for, which I will not name, who believes FA’s should reflect in their experience the aescetic of the company: sleek, elegant, graceful, and very easy on the eyes.

      Their reasons:
      “He made me feel really special. Not like the guys my own age who seemed to take the time we were together for granted.”
      “It was definitiely his personality. He was incredibly kind and thoughtful.”
      “I belonged to the ‘hookup culture’ and the more I saw of it the more I wanted out. Then this guy came along and opened the door to a world that was incredible.”
      “The guy I became involved with was really charming. He knew how to treat a woman. I may be old school but his chivalry floored me. He was the first man–other than a waiter–who held a chair for me and helped me take off my coat. Small things? Sure. But the cumulative effect was intoxicating.”
      “…He was so understanding. I had a lot of baggage I was carrying around. I was a wild kid. I would share some of these things with younger guys and they would be deal breakers. He taught me that we have two lives: the first we learn with and the second we live with. He NEVER judged me or criticized me. I never felt so free to be me.”
      “The sex was out of this world. It was never ‘Wham, bam. Thank you, Ma’mm.’ It was as if he had all the time in the world for me and he made me feel like an absolute Goddess in the bedroom.”
      One more thing. It’s the diaper thing. You might be an absolute stunner but even if you are, you have the emotional intelligence of a high-school sophomore. I’m thinking right now of one of our senior captains whose first wife died about five years ago. I believe he’s 62. He fell for one of our FA’s who was 30 or 31. They got engaged. She was diagnosed with CRC (colon-rectal cancer). She was told she might need a colostomy and told him she would understand if he wanted out. He said, “The for better or worse, in sickness and in health, started for me after our second date. I’m not going anywhere.”
      How creepy is that? While your friends in their 30’s are being hit on by guys in clubs who just want to get laid, this woman is with a guy who is not having his diapers changed but who is change her colostomy bag, holding her hand when she is getting chemo, and talking to her about how much amazing they’re honeymoon cruise will be.
      Good luck to you. You’re going to need it because we see the world not as it is but we are and the world you see is not one mots men would want to endure.

       

       

       

  8. 278
    Kara

    I am a 42 yr old woman who looks significantly younger and had a man 65 years old who was interested in me.  The worst thing was he got to me through my son. My son is very interested in trains. We met him a a model train club I took my son to. He offered to bring my son aboard the cab. I was thrilled. His dream come true. Alas, when I took him up on the offer because I saw him as someone similar to my father, I t shocked me  when this fatherly type tried to touch me inappropriately in the cab when my son was not looking. Before this I was starting to get the creepy vibe as  he initially thought I was in my 20’s and a poor single mother. (No joke, I look very young for my age. Most people pin me for being  25). When  he thought  I was in in my 20’s he couldn’t stop talking about how financially well off he was. Not realizing I was in my 40’s and stable and also… WELL OFF. I have a great job (I am a financial analyst so I am not hurting for money.  It insulted me to no end. To top it off I am also half asian so he was also telling me how he always wanted an asian wife because they know how to treat their men and his exwife never cooked for him. I then told him, I wouldn’t cook for him either. He laughed thinking I was joking. I am not looking for a father figure to have sex with. And my baby making days are over( tubes tied!) I want a best friend and a partner who has the same beliefs I do both morally and politcally. I found one way to get rid of him, I told him I was voting for Hilary (which I am!). As a 65 yr old  white male the most likely scenario is that he is against Hilary and didn’t like OBAMA. Bingo. My out card. (I talked about Hilary and could see him getting mad to the point I think he was about to have a heart attack.)

  9. 279
    Kara

    addendum to above,, I would definately be ok in dating an older man if he didn’t look like my father. If I had an older man who looked like this – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oRupBx2Xuw I’d be ok. And it’s defninately  not looking at money. He is in GREAT shape. Not just a guy who occasionally runs. But a man who can keep up with me and then some!  A Man I could lift with, get fit with. I have yet to meet any man of that age group that are like this guy. EXTREMELY rare. I can’t be wowed by money or them saying they can make it up in the bed deparment. That is a big turn off for me. As if looks don’t matter to a woman also. They do for many!   But most older men in their 60’s who try to date me look like my father. Old, health issues, beer belly. I get called superficial and told my time will come. But at the same time these same men aren’t looking at their own age group and want someone who is young, lean and fertile (I look fertile and actually can no longer have children!!) They are also superficial. But if a 65 yr old man looked like the guy in the video and could move like that, I would BE VERY open to the idea. Biggest criteria …you cannot look like my FATHER. The man in the video…heck he doesn’t look anything like my father. Not even when my father was younger.

  10. 280
    Anthony

    Hello, I am very glad I found this little conversation . I am a 57 year old man in very good shape I live very nicely have been on my own for the last 4 years. I moved to Fort Myers in May from New Jersey and have been on match for the last 3 months. I have to say and it is very embarrassing but I have sent out so many emails to women I could have been very interested in I’m a good looking Italian that loves to cook all that good stuff. I can not believe I have not gotten one single email in return I mean not even a rejection.I just can’t believe it what are women looking for I have been out of the game for almost 33 years in a marriage but WOW not one??? Hey just venting..

     

     

     

    1. 280.1
      Christian McKnight

      Forget about emails. Strike up conversations in parks and malls. If you get rebuffed it won’t be any more embarrassing than what you’re experiencing on Match.

  11. 281
    Stacy2

    Why would a 36 yo woman need to marry a 57 yo guy? No offence, but who wants to spend her prime years (40-ies) taking care of a teenager and an old man at the same  time?? This is the time for us to enjoy our lives not be home attendant/nanny. Seriously, some guys are just delusional. He must have passed on dozens of good eligible women when he was in his 30-ies and 40ies, it is time to accept that that ship has sailed. The OP made his life choices and needs to live with them.

    1. 281.1
      Christian McKnight

       
      Re: “Why would a 36 yo woman need to marry a 57 yo guy? ”
      Here reasons such women gave:
      “Older men are wiser and that is much cooler to me. I’ve never been one for going out clubbing or getting off my head, so I always gravitated to men who were similar. They just tended to be older. I think you have more of an adventure with an older man. And a happier journey. ”

      “I have gone out with younger men, and they’re great fun; they’ve got enthusiasm. Stamina! But I think older men are much better lovers.”
      (Jerry Hall, a former A-list model)
      “I find older men more attractive than boys. I need a man who can teach me a thing or two.”                                                                                                                                             Donatella Versace

      “It also made me feel special — this man seemed so much more worldly than the men my age, and the fact that he was interested in me seemed too good to be true.”   (Cosmo Interview)
      “I admired his personality traits. He’s such a kind and loving person. I’ve always loved that about him.” (Cosmo Interview)
      I think I’ve always been attracted to people older than me. People in my age group have always annoyed me. There is a particular immaturity connected to the hookup culture which I just have no time for. (Cosmo Interview)
      “I feel that it is the best thing that has happened to me. I chose the person, not the age. Sometimes our age difference is really noticeable and at others, it feels like I’m the more mature one in the relationship. He makes me giddily happy just by being there. I’m very glad I asked him out! (Cosmo Interview)”
      And this from Zoologist Stephen Prolix:
       “Any stag that can still display a fine set of antlers in the twilight of its years, or an old peacock that can still rustle up a first-rate plumage – or an ageing Lothario who can still sport a Rolex and a riverside apartment – has to be considered a major catch. Only a creature with really powerful genes can do that and therefore attract females who are, in general, the ones who choose partners while males wait to be selected.”
      Some guys are delusional? Most likely, but you are uninformed about the biological realities. You may WANT a young stud but you are evolutionarily hard-wired to want a mate that has proven he is not a flash-in-the-pan, and has financial and genetic staying power. The 40-year-old guy you lust for could be dead in a year from prostate cancer or lose all his money. The 65-year old guy has proven he is a survivor and if he has money to boot, the intelligence to keep it–something the 40-year old guy hasn’t.
      So, while some guys may be delusional, women like you are wither outliers or missing the genetic hardwiring that nature built into females.
      Yeah, it sucks but nature always bats last burt thanks for the cliche: “His ship has sailed.” I haven’t heard that in a week.

       

        1. rar

          why firing shots tho?

        2. Buck25

          Evan, there isn’t a thing that either Christian or I have said, in response to the hateful, stereotypical bile and intentionally inflammatory invective many (not just a couple) of the women in this thread have been slinging  at older men, (by which they apparently mean any man over fifty) , that even comes close to the sheer patently offensive venom from the distaff set here. I think, in comparison to that, both Christian and I have been very restrained in our responses. With all due respect, it’s now run to ten pages worth of this over the top, deliberately provocative,demeaning, calculatedly insulting, and completely unrestrained vitriol, the overwhelming majority of it from the female side of the room. I though we had some limits as to basic civility, or do those no longer apply? I’m just sayin’

        3. Evan Marc Katz

          Because you’re the only one talking. 5 consecutive posts. And I don’t read most of the posts on here. Skim, maybe.

  12. 282
    Christian McKnight

    These may seem harsh generalizations. Nonetheless, I am going to make  them. First, on-line-dating, in my opinion, is a means by which men and women who lack the confidence to approach people they find attractive can do an end run around the potential pain of being rejected in a face-to-face confrontation by doing it anonymously through such matchmaking.

    A few statistics: Approximately 23% of age-appropriate people have dipped their toes in the online-dating pool. Two thirds of these people actually go out on a date with someone with whom they connected via online dating. The next number, however, is the deal-breaker: only one in twenty (5%) of married people or people in a relationship say they met their partner through an online dating service; 88% say they met their future spouse or partner offline. The dismal success rate of these businesses is likely due to the fact that there is  NO reliable evidence that the matching algorithms stand up to empirical testing, because they can’t be tested test given they are the provence of private companies and thus are proprietary.

    Admittedly,  it is far less stressful to swipe on Tinder rather than doing the heavy lifting it might take to strike up five, ten, twenty, or fifty conversations that lead to a date with an attractive compatible individual but the sales pitch of these websites–that traditional dating strategies are passe” is utter nonsense. Match.com reports that only about 33% of it’s subscribers claimed to have had a relationship that lasted six months. A study by Pew research suggested 23% of those who use such services have found a spouse or wound up in a relationship using online dating services–about  1/4 of the people who achieved the same results offline.

    Most problematically, the data from Pew Research suggested that 54% of online daters “have felt someone else seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile,” which implies that millions of members are knowingly deceptive.

    I don’t have to worry about that offline. I’m pretty slick when it comes to smoking out someone trying to “catfish me”. But as to the topic at hand, as an older guy who has worked with models more than half his age (and a few who have wanted to date me, nonetheless) I could care less about being thought of as “a dirty old man”. As a general rule, I won’t “own” somebody else’s insult. I do recall someone once said my attraction to younger women was “weird”. She was 23, I think. I asked her who her favorite actor was. She said, “Tom Cruise.” I reminded her that he was 31 years older than she was and said, “There are some people out there who would think that was weird.” I told her that I thought she was a hypocrite because if a guy who worked for the sanitation department was 31 years older than her and he found her attractive, she would probably think it was somewhat repugnant but if Tom Cruz asked her out she would jump at the chance.”

    Here’s the bottom line for me. I find my chances of meeting someone just walking in Central Park far better than any person I know on a dating service–and age is irrelevant. On average, I usually connect with about 50% of anyone I approach and if they aren’t into what I’m selling, I move on. It’s their problem not mine. I’m not trying to come off like a player. I’m far from that. But once you learn it’s just a numbers game and know how to turn insults to your advantage, meeting people offline is far more rewarding and fulfilling–and the odds are in your favor.

     

     

     

     

     

     

  13. 283
    Christian McKnight

    Re: I find this is an issue for me too. I am 31 but most people think I look 25.

    Wow, six years. that’s an accomplishment. When i was 60, I was thought to be 45.

    Re: You want a genuine relationship. Not a daddy figure.I want a genuine relationship. Not a daddy figure, or a paycheck or a financially secure relationship.

    You are so naeve. In a study published in 2012, “Examining the Relationship Betwen Financial Issues and Divorce” which examined 4,500 couples, those who had an unstable financial situation, and who argued about money, were at a greater risk for divorce. Then, too, I don’t know any guy over 50 who wants a woman he has to treat like a teenager, which you come off sounding like you are.

    Re: “They want a younger woman because it’s no secret, younger women are often more insecure. a 40 or 50 something year old woman knows who she is and won’t put up with a man’s shit.”

    Oh,yeah, you’re the poster woman for the secure,erudite woman. You’ve spouted nothing but your own biases without any supportive data. I don’t think you know who you are at all. If you wer you’s be mortified by posting such venomous, misogynistic tripe.

  14. 284
    trent

    I’m 35. I am still only attracted to 23 year old girls. Watch porn all women are aged between 18 and 25 that’s what men find attractive.

    If men found 40 year old women hot they would be on the movies there not.

    At my age tho I prefer enjoy my time to myself then go with a woman the same age as me. They will still be very demanding and selfish,  just they would have had many lovers and their looks are gone.

     

    Love is a beutiful thing but it’s what happens to teenagers who get married and have kids.  At 35 I would feel like an idiot going with old woman and starting family etc.  Why bother?  I rather play fallout 4 or any number of other things that make me happy.  I come and read these articles and look on pof every blue moon and once I see what the women are asking for or how they behave I don’t feel like I am missing out, and any man that is stupid enough to go with one of these ex party girls gets exactly what he deserves.

  15. 285
    James

    Well since most of the women nowadays are very picky which certainly has a lot to do with it since most women now prefer a man that makes mega bucks and has his own business.  Many women are just too very selfish and very greedy today as well since it is all about them unfortunately.

    1. 285.1
      Anna Y Moss

      James:  So you assume women are very selfish and greedy, but men are not? So why is it men only want women who are at least 15 to 20 years their junior, and they have to be thin and model perfect? Who’s being selfish now?

      1. 285.1.1
        James

        To Anna,  First of all which it is very true what i have said that most women are very selfish and very greedy these days since they really do want the best of all and will never settle for less since they’re so very money hungry today. Comparing the women of today that many of them are a real joke anyway which years ago they certainly had a much better personality and good manors as well and today they really have no respect for us men at all these days.  I am not looking for a thin model by the way since they’re completely out of my league since they want men with money anyway. I am not looking for a woman a lot younger than me which a woman more my age will do just fine for me.  At least most of the women in the old days had class and much better manors as well with a great personality and certainly had a lot of respect for the men since most men in those days really did have respect for the women also since most of the time both sexes did get along very well. Today unfortunately most of the women are just down right horrible altogether since they act so very nasty to us men when we try to talk to them which they will curse at us for no reason at all.  It is very obvious that many of these women today have been very abused by the men that they were with at one time and are now taking their problems out on us innocent good men looking for a relationship now.  I have no reason to blame myself for the type of women that are out there now which it is a real shame that the good old fashioned women of years ago are all gone or taken now unfortunately since the women back then really did put these women today to real shame as well.

      2. 285.1.2
        Buck25

        Anna,

        Sorry, but you’re reaching. A lot of the women I’ve dated recently are 10-20 years younger than I am, but “reed thin and model perfect”, certainly is not a description of my current GF (very much a girl next door type who actually looks a bit older than her calendar age), or of any of the rest of them. All have at least some curves, none looks like a model, but all are attractive, active and fun, and none has let herself go, became morbidly obese (and I don’t mean 20 libs), dress or act like a frump, or lost her libido ten years ago, either. I know it’s shocking but gee, they actually have interests beside their bridge club, their book club, and the horde of grandchildren, and they don’t sit on the couch all day glued to re-runs of who know what on the TV, or stuffing their faces with ice cream either. They can enjoy actually sharing the lifestyle of a man who still rides (horses), hikes, kayaks (whitewater) and rock climbs, and oh BTW doesn’t need Viagra, has his hair and teeth,and is still well acquainted with both his feet and  his belt buckle. Now, if you think I’m selfish for wanting a woman as fit and active as I am, you’re entitled to your opinion, and I’m just as entitled to tell you I don’t give a rat’s rear end what you happen to think.

  16. 286
    Zoe

    The person who wrote this blog didn’t pay much attention to the fact the 56 year old asker of this question said he wanted children.

     

    Everyone’s heard about women over 40 being prone to having children with downsyndrome only it turns out that it’s actually women over 35 not 40 as I found to my shock with doctors and nurses fussing at me that I was 35 and should be prepared that my child might have downsyndrome. But neither I nor the doctors and nurses were thinking about my husband being 40. Turns out that there is a thing called the Paternal Age Effect and men over 35 are three times more likely to have a child with autism. Look it up Paternal Age Effect.

    My son born when my husband was 40 turned out to have autism. My husband who was 40 when my son was born only lived until he was 8.

    My husband and I had had another baby when we were younger who did not have special needs.

    Now I find on dating sites there are all the men in their 20s wanting a MILF which I assume means they just want to insult with casual sex. Then the men in their 30s and 40s also send messages about “Let me be straight up I only want a casual fun time” yeah get lost. It’s only the men in their 50s that want any commitment and that just seems really ridiculous. The men in their 40s that start in with those lines I have a lot of disgust for.

    1. 286.1
      Anna Y Moss

      Zoe:  Are you insinuating that a child born with Down syndrome or other birth defects is only the fault of the mother?  Well, science is showing that older fathers can also have faulty sperm and produce children with disabilities, too!  As for the term “MILF”  yes, you’re right. It IS an insult!  However, not all younger men think like that, thank goodness.

  17. 287
    rar

    she’s not entering the prime of her life at 36 with no kids, she’s entering the twilight of her life. dudes her age who haven’t had kids yet need someone who won’t require ivf unless they’re rich as fuck, meaning a man under 50 will want a woman 35 and younger.

  18. 288
    Anna Y Moss

    Men and women both who only want younger women are ridiculous. Get real and stick to 5 years either side of your age. Otherwise, you’re worse than a vampire lol

  19. 289
    Johannes

    I say older men wanting younger women goes beyond culture. It is instinct – they want a fertile woman who bear children successfully and pass on their genes. Women over 50 are menopausal, and thus, less attractive to males, who can sire children into their 70s. I know this sounds reductionist but I suspect that like our craving for sweets and fats (which were rare in the wild) we as a species are still heavily influenced by nearly a million years of evolutionary priorities. Our modern concept of marriage happened only a couple of millenia ago – a blink of an eye evolutionarily. And monogamy wasn’t culturally preferred until after A.D. 1.

    Don’t discount the power of Mother Nature…

     

  20. 290
    Beenthere

    He shouldn’t hang onto the hope women his age will have him back after that, having such a massive lack of empathy is a huge red flag. I’m nowhere near my 50s but men around my age online are already demanding a lot younger and take their frustrations out on women they don’t consider younger enough or when they don’t get things their way. It’s like they have a sliding scale from fake charm for 20 years younger (which quickly dissolves) through to ALL CAPS rage for only 5. You don’t have to be a Boomer woman to see the stupidity in action

    They don’t treat young women well either, in my 20s I was set up with a man who turned out to be in his 50s and unattractive on more than just a physical level, when I asked how his other dates were he said “older and fatter” thing is I’d just done a test shoot for Penthouse and the magazine approved me for a shoot with them, on the way out the waitress said to me “I hope you take him for all he’s got” I mean what the hell do these guys want? They just have a problem with women in general.

    After all this rubbish online I ignore men my age and up completely now, I’ve had so many message me with random abuse, at the very least they expect me to do all the work and act like they’re doing me a favour. They’ve been obnoxious in person too (I’m sure many comments will follow proving my point). Old men have lost it and are taking their own failures out on women. I won’t even acknowledge them anymore, no matter how horrible they are they think any woman who talks to them wants to sleep with them like they’re walking around a smorgasbord of eager women, but in reality they’re making women uncomfortable and then she’s polite to avoid conflict, the smile isn’t “come here” it’s “please go away”.

    I’m not just ignoring them online but offline as well, I dont find old men attractive but I gave them a chance anyway, they threw it back in my face, I’m sick of being the decent person and being mistreated for it. In the end it didn’t matter for me anyway because while they were busy filtering me out of their online search men only a few years younger than me were chasing me online and off.  Younger men call not text, they pick up the tab on the first date, they compliment me without a sneer and a backhanded sting, they put on the big boy pants and court like a man. They don’t refer to me as “older” either, 5 years difference isnt an issue for them, they treat me like a human being and at the age I am now they’re not imature 20 somethings or panic stricken early 30s going through the grab a wife before all the good ones are taken phase, many have already had a family, they’re grown men who can hold their own. The old guys being noxious idiots forced me to look elsewhere, by the time they wake up to themselves myself and my peers will be remarried, then all the good ones really will be taken, only got himself to blame. A few years ago I would have dismissed a younger man but they’ve really come into their own and they’re an excellent fit for someone my age.

  21. 291
    DP

    I’m 36 and I get a lot of messages from men 20+ years older than me.

    I dated a significantly older man (more than 20 years older) for 5 years from ages 30-35.  He was great and we had a great relationship but he didn’t want me to be limited by his age as he headed into retirement, so we split up. It was sad, but I understood his feelings on the issue, and I do believe he was right.

    So, I ignore those men 20+ years older than me, because I’m not going there again, but they are very persistent and when I don’t respond, some get nasty.  I had one man get quite angry and tell me to “broaden my horizons”.  I didn’t have the energy to tell him I already had.  In any case, I’d love to meet a man in the early to mid-40s range, but I can’t find any (well, I found one, but that’s a pretty sad story).

  22. 292
    ariel

    Ok here is the problem. 1) As a woman over 50 — to my surprise after all the press — it is a myth guys are not interested. They are MORE interested. This applies to all age groups. The reason why, is I have put the emphasis on the positive things that come with age — sexual confidence, ability to have a conversation based on experience, fun, etc. Also to be blunt, I don’t have children and can’t have them, which is a big plus to many people. Less drama. There is time to play and have adventures. It’s been a blast — though sadly not always which leads me to…

    2) The problem I have with guys my age is erectile dysfunction. I only know one over 60 who does not have it to some extent. It is a drag – but it does not seem to stop them from trying. This is frustrating. So where my time of life has been a plus, my contemporaries changes — not so much. Viagra does not appeal. I am not alone in this, but it is rarely talked about as a turn off. Too sensitive.

    3) Older men seem to get either really insecure about their looks or are delusional about them. If I was 30ish, I would not date a man who was 55 and thought he looked 40 — if for no other reason than thinking so makes him look stupid. What was worse, is guys who have absolutely no sense of personal style or are stuck in a time warp. Turn off.

    4) Younger women have been raised to take care of themselves. If they are looking for a sugar daddy, you are going to get what you deserve. Try a mail order bride. The trade off for being able to leave a third world country is worth it to them. Women do not want to have children with men who will be in a nursing home by the time they are in college. There would have to be a reason to accept that very negative reality.

  23. 293
    cinnamon

    Dale, If you are a 50 plus year old man and say you are well to do. Than why haven’t you been married or had your children by now? Something isn’t quite right about your story. It makes no sense to me at least. If i was on a dating site in my 30’or or early 40’s I wouldn’t give you the time of day. I don’t care about your money what so ever. However I don’t want some man 10 plus years older than me. But thats me. I’ve seen plenty of young woman with older men and you know why, it usually for money reasons. But there’s no way in hell I will lay in bed with a man every night so I can drive a nice car, have nice clothes etc. I have more class than that. I want to love the man that walks in our home everyday and treat him like a king. Because I love him not because what he can buy me. Forget the kids Dale your too old it won’t be fare to them. You missed your window. Find a woman your age and stop thinking you deserve more than you do. I’m not trying to sound mean at all just being honest with you. Good luck.

  24. 294
    Reggie T.

    I am single and turning 60 and feel like I’m 20 and have the same romantic desires as I did at 20. I have recently dated a couple of men a few years older then me who both said they primarily only dated much younger women.

    Because I am still attractive and vibrant and fun along with being very financially secure both men wanted to have sex with me. As it turned out both these guys fell for me and found the sex unbelievable, got hooked and ended up pursuing me for long term relationships. I declined both.

    These relationships were very rich in conversations and there was a sense of being alike and in the same struggles of life together. Being close to the same age is beautiful and very gratifying. We ‘got’ each other and the difference’s that come with age compared to being youthful.

    Both these men had some big emotional baggage that I was not prepared to live with and that is why I ended the relationships.

    To be honest and say my true feelings about older men who want to find a much younger mate… well if it is that an older man meets a much younger woman and they have that deep connection, then good for both of them.

    But if it is that an older man is greatly biased to only mating with a much younger woman,  then I can’t help but think ( as do most all my girlfriends who range from much younger then me to much older) that he is quite a superficial guy with an ego problem. And its like the guys who drive giant trucks or over muscle builds, they are deeply insecure dudes waving a big… ‘I’m very insecure’ Flag! who’s only ultimately impressing the other deeply insecure dudes!

    People, men and women who are self aware and manage themselves with integrity, wisdom and a desire to be a person of emotional balance and are truly a ‘catch’ have worked hard for it. No matter what age. But we know that that youth rarely endows such qualities so young. So a 50 something man much preferring a woman who has just come out of her girlhood is just a sad reflection on the male population where men behave this way.

    These type of guys never took heed to the saying ‘Beauty is skin deep’.  Real true beauty is the essence of a person.

    My deceased husband of 21 years was a very beautiful man. One of the most gorgeous men I have ever met yet after 5 or so years of married life I didn’t even notice how beautiful he was.

    Instead I noticed how gloomy he could get and how we didn’t like to do the same things for fun and how he didn’t like my friends. How he got drunk most every week-end. But I also noticed how generous he was and what a good father he was and how we worked well together to create a loving warm home together. How he tried to make me happy and how I tried to love him even when he was drunk.

    Point being.. an emotionally mature and intelligent man would not and does not narrow his ability for partnership compatibility and happiness by only wanting pretty young girls.

    Men who embody such short sidedness are all too prevalent and most all women have been saying so for a long time. These kind of men are offended by this truth and condemn women with any unkind verbiage they can come up with to try and deflect the truth.

    When men who think there is nothing wrong with only wanting to date women much younger then themselves, will easily and openly as a ‘type’ of man, admit that they are shallow and egotistical, then men will have made a short stride in getting the respect that many women are struggling to retain for these kinds of men.

    I am just calling a spade, a spade!

     

  25. 295
    Rudo

    Thank you all for the endless entertainment. I belly laughed for a good half an hour reading these comments. I had no idea adults could be so puerile. It must be the loneliness that we are all feeling. Let’s face it… if you were all having the great relationships and endless fufilling liaisons that you describe with relish, you wouldn’t be on a dating advice blog. You need to hook up with one another and stop being so miserable. Bonne chance mes amies! May happy dating and beautiful relationships find us all!

  26. 296
    ana

    As always Evan described the dynamics perfectly.

    What I still don’t understand and have trouble accepting is there are many older men who want younger women don’t have much to offer them.

    It’s incredibly hypocritical and selfish. They keep thinking about what they want and don’t reflect whether they have the ability to earn it.

    I just went to coffee with a man in his 50s. He looked good in his photos. But when I met him, he was unkempt, unshaven, in dire need of a haircut, sores on his face, hair coming out of his ears, etc.

    I put in the effort to be presentable, yet some of these men are entitled to whatever women they want without making an effort on themselves – on how to be more interesting, pleasing, etc.

    Successful, handsome, well-groomed older men may have a better shot at younger women, but the vast majority of these “older men” aren’t George Clooney types; I had a truck driver message and get offended that I didn’t respond.

    I know this is reality and people want what they want.

    But I just feel gross sometimes and when I was feeling very vulnerable, this stuff just depressed me.

  27. 297
    Zap

    Story of my life.
    I’m 34 M and i keep getting messages from women who are 45+

     

    What the hell ! I can’t be THAT ugly !!

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