How Many Common Interests Do I Need to Connect with a Guy?

I live in the Pacific Northwest which naturally attracts a lot of outdoorsy and athletic men, often with beards. We call them lumbersexuals. I’m not outdoorsy, and have honestly never been camping or climbing or swimming in a lake or anything like that in my life. I am not opposed to it; it just has never happened. I grew up in the nice suburbs of various cities and my father was a workaholic and very frugal so we just never spent time as a family like that.

Since it was not part of my childhood, it’s not something I even know how to do. If my friends or a boyfriend would invite me to go, I would definitely go and I’m sure I would love it. Maybe because I’ve worked in fashion and beauty all my life, people have assumed a beautiful girl with high heels and a blowout wouldn’t want to go, but I would if someone offered to take me.

So how do I choose who to swipe right on or message online when the profiles of most of the men in my area are filled with skiing and mountain climbing pictures and a list of all the outdoorsy and athletic activities they like to do? I see great guys all the time who I am attracted to but their profile is a long list of things I have no idea how to do: hiking, camping, water skiing, “adventure,” backpacking, etc. It is very intimidating. If they listed things like enjoying art museums, documentaries, and live music, I wouldn’t hesitate to say hi. And the thing is that it rains 9 months out of the year here! So, they can’t actually be doing all those outdoor activities ALL the time. How else do they fill their time?

I know you’ve tackled common interests before in earlier columns and you mentioned we didn’t need to have every leisure activity in common with the people we date. I totally agree. But how many do you think would be a good number to have in common in a profile in order for me to swipe right or drop a note? Should we at least share 3 activities in common? If they ONLY list outdoor activities that I’m not an expert in, should I just move on?

Thanks,
Seeking Lumbersexuals

P.S. I’m very pretty, never married/no kids, 46 yrs old. I have used your tips to write a great profile where I list activities we would do together (“Making a restaurant list together- Sleeping in on Sundays and cuddling- Surprise you with concert tickets to your favorite band”). I now give off a “girlfriend” vibe in my profile and it has definitely helped attract some great men. Thank you for helping me more accurately represent who I am and what I’m looking for.

Vanessa

Thanks for the kind words, Vanessa. Glad Finding the One Online worked for you.

Once upon a time, I got an interview request from Seventeen Magazine.

The assignment was to interpret texts from men.

The writer emailed me 10 texts for which I could theoretically provide deeper meaning.

One said something like: “Going to the bathroom. BRB.”

That’s when I decided to decline the interview.

Sometimes there are questions that are so simple that they don’t require interpretation.

I believe you’ve stumbled onto one yourself, my dear Vanessa.

“So how do I choose who to swipe right on or message online when the profiles of most of the men in my area are filled with skiing and mountain climbing pictures and a list of all the outdoorsy and athletic activities they like to do?”

How about you just swipe right on cute guys and cross that snow bridge when you come to it?

Really. It’s not that complicated.

After all, you’re not obliged to talk with him, meet him, kiss him, sleep with him, or marry him.

How about you just swipe right on cute guys and cross that snow bridge when you come to it?

You’re literally JUST SWIPING RIGHT on him.

The stakes could not be much lower.

Instead of being intimidated by outdoorsy guys and eliminating yourself from contention out of your own insecurity, by saying yes to the ones you find attractive, you put the ball in his court.

Either he’ll judge you for not having a photo with a crampon and pick ax, or he’ll find you attractive and write to you nonetheless.

Remember, most guys don’t want or need you to be their clones; they just want you to appreciate them without trying to change him.

So don’t make him shave, don’t guilt him for his guys’ trip to Whistler, and don’t worry that you’re not a lumbersexual yourself. He certainly won’t.

Join our conversation (49 Comments).
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Comments:

  1. 1
    S.

    I think it is a bit more nuanced.  Does Vanessa like these guys? Surely, she’s met lumber guys before.  If not, then go meet them!  Not that we should all stay with our ‘types’.  But she seems unsure and I’m not sure why.

    As for interests. Honestly, some guys really do expect their girlfriend to share interest in their hobbies or if not the hobby itself, than interest the value the hobby represents.  I lived in Seattle for three and half years.  People really do like to be outdoors when they can since that time is so brief and fleeting.  People (this is a generalization as I didn’t meet everyone there) are more health conscious. And they like their coffee, lol. Vanessa seems game with outdoors stuff so that doesn’t seem like a problem.

    If a person really likes you, these things matter less.  But if they’re on the fence or you have a serious value mismatch, that’s a different story.

    Sometimes with my experiences, I’d rather know upfront and avoid folks who it’s a real obvious mismatch.  But most of the time? You find out what you need to know in the first weeks of knowing the person.

    I wonder what men think. Do you really expect women to do the activities with you that you write in your profile? And if she’s not interested (which is different than Vanessa who might be interested), would you rather her pass your profile by?

  2. 2
    Lisa

    I think the questions have to be, how much time does the man spend on the un shared interest?   Are you open to sharing in things you have not done before?    Do you have to share most or all of your interests with a spouse/partner, or are you the type of person that prefers to have separate interests?   What is the interest we are speaking of?

    So if say a guy likes to go camping a few times a season, and you have no desire to go, no problem.  But if he goes camping every weekend, and you do not want to share in that, that could be a serious problem. If he fishes or hunts, how often is that, I have seen both extremes.  For the most part, men do not want women to fish and hunt with them,  rather they just want a respect that that is something they want to continue doing.    You say you have never gone camping before, so why not try it?    Unless you actually hate an interest that your man has, I recommend compromising and going with him once in awhile so that you can share the interest. I mean how many men have been taken to brunch with girlfriends, or to plays or movies they never wante to see?  They go.

    I did not get engaged until my late 30s and I see that you are 46.   When we have been single for a long time, we tend to have our own developed interests and want to keep them into marriage or partnership.  What I am saying is that a man our age, is usually fine with not having everything in common and so should you be.    A man who likes to fish or hunt once in awhile is really not a big deal in the scheme of things, so look for more important compatibility factors.

  3. 3
    Malika

    See it as a chance to go on a new adventure! Like you my parents weren’t in a vey outdoorsy phase when i grew up, so we went camping maybe twice during my childhood. I started hanging out with a new group of friends a couple of years ago and they introduced me to hiking, sailing and camping and it was so cool to be introduced to a new lifestyle! They were probably a bit surprised that i went along with these activities with such gusto, but they gladly showed me the ropes and it was a great addition to my life.

    Quite often we seek our foil, so they might also be interested in your interests too. If you want to suggest going to a museum or a classical concert for example they might just say yes. So don’t think it’s a one way street. Out of curiosity, one of the outdoorsy lumbersexuals of my friend group went along with me to see a classical ballet performance and he loved it. It wasn’t something he would have thought of himself, but he liked being exposed to something outside of his interests. So don’t worry too much about the common interests, and give the plaid shirted lumbersexual a try.

  4. 4
    JB

    As a guy I get disqualified a good amount of the time because I mention I like Country music. Now I’m mid 50’s, live in the middle class suburbs of Chicago, I’m not a “Lumbersexual” and I don’t have a beard. I enjoy all kinds of music, but at the mere mention (and not in my profile mind you, but maybe in the first few emails) of going to or enjoying Country music it sends some women running to the hills….lol Like I’m going to drag them to or force them to listen to it all the time. I think it’s a stereotype that a guy that listens to or enjoys___________ (fill in the blank with whatever you don’t like) is not going to be into you if you don’t like all of it too. Men aren’t wired that way, but MANY women are. That’s why women have a list of 40 things a man must be or have and men have 3. Men care  that they’re attracted to you, your fun, easy going, and affectionate. NOT if you’ll go fishing, white water rafting, or 4 wheelin with em. They’ve got friends to do all that with, god forbid they want to you to go to a Luke Bryan concert with them you just might enjoy it. Like Evan said swipe right on them and I bet none of them will make you go or do anything your not into.

    1. 4.1
      Emily, the original

      JB,

      Men care … NOT if you’ll go fishing, white water rafting, or 4 wheelin with em. They’ve got friends to do all that with.

      Actually, there were several male commenters from a different post who said they didn’t have friends or do things with the guys, so a woman could be asked to share in a man’s hobbies if he doesn’t have a male posse.

      god forbid they want to you to go to a Luke Bryan concert with them you just might enjoy it.

      I’d bet that a lot of women, regardless of musical taste, would go to a Luke Bryant concert but not for the reasons you would.   🙂

      1. 4.1.1
        Joe

        I’m not really sure there’s a point there.  Those guys who don’t have a posse clearly do something with their (singleness) time; I don’t think if they had a woman in their life she’d necessarily be required to participate in those things.  I mean, the kinds of things they’d be doing would by definition be things that are generally done solo…

      2. 4.1.2
        Gala

        Emily, LOL. Yes I would definitely go to Luke Bryan concert, and he doesn’t even have to sing 🙂

        As far as the letter…. I always thought it was important to have delineated “guys” and “girls” activities, such as I would do yoga  with my girlfriends while you play golf with your buddies. Or whatever. What’s the problem? Also if the letter writer is looking for a sophisticated theatre going type she’s definitely in the wrong place…. but it would be sort of strange to move to a mountain town and look for that? Kind of like moving to the desert and being upset at the lack of skiing opportunities.

        1. Emily, the original

          Gala,

          Emily, LOL. Yes I would definitely go to Luke Bryan concert, and he doesn’t even have to sing

          Emily to Luke Bryan: Baby, we ain’t paying you to sing!  🙂

        2. JB

          Ok ladies maybe Luke Bryan wasn’t the best choice for the point I’m trying to make here to some of you superficial Country music haters……..Weeeee …we don’t like Country but Luke’s soooo cute! Weeeee, look at Luke shake those hips!……Weeeee Luke sings like Gomer Pyle! Maybe I’d want someone to go with me to see chunky Luke Combs who’s songs are better than Bryan’s but he’s not so fun to watch, or the Midland boys etc….. you get my point. I’ll go with you to something I might not care for and vice versa. That’s what being a “couple” is. NOT , “oh you like Country music so we couldn’t possibly be a match” as one woman so eloquently put it to me in her final email. Implying that I was some redneck idiot that lived in a traile.r

          On to the other point I made about guys having friends to do things with. Like Joe said some guys have no posse and that’s ok too. In my free time besides going to see live music (of any kind) I go bike riding, Rollerblading, play tennis & golf. Usually by myself. Have I dated women that have done some of those things with me over my illustrious 35 yr. career? Absolutely! Was it more fun? Sure! Is it a prerequisite for a woman I date to enjoy those things. NO! I’m perfectly fine going out to dinner, catching a movie, wandering aimlessly through the mall etc…. anything short being of dragged to the ballet or opera and I’m in.

        3. Emily, the original

          JB,
          Ok ladies maybe Luke Bryan wasn’t the best
          choice for the point I’m trying to make here to some of you superficial Country music haters……..Weeeee …we don’t like Country but Luke’s soooo cute! Weeeee, look at Luke shake those hips!……
          No, no, he’s the perfect example. You wrote that some women discount you because you like country music. If you are dating a woman who doesn’t like it and you want her to participate in that hobby with you, you are going to have to give her some incentive.
          On to the other point I made about guys having friends to do things with. Like Joe said some guys have no posse and that’s ok too.
          This we debated on another post. I would prefer to date someone who has a few friends.
          anything short being of dragged to the ballet or opera and I’m in.
          Ok, but what if your aversion to the ballet is equivalent to her aversion to country music?

        4. Gala

          FWIW, i could never understand some people’s aversion to the opera or the ballet (even less so). Yeah, seeing people with well-developed bodies perform a dance on the verge of human abilities.. simply horrible, indeed, right? wtf? Let’s go see an unkempt man sing to his guitar about his pickup trucks and girls, or whatever that is all about. Because that is “manly”, i suppose? LOL. Not that I wouldn’t go to a country music concert, it’s just not a whole lot of country fans where I live.

        5. JB

          The difference is 99.9% of heterosexual men hate the ballet but a large percentage of women love Country music. So that’s a bad analogy. I know this is going to blow your mind but not EVERY Country song is about trucks and girls. A man’s aversion to the ballet isn’t even close to being equivalent to a woman’s aversion to Country music.

        6. Emily, the original

          JB,

          The difference is 99.9% of heterosexual men hate the ballet but a large percentage of women love Country music. So that’s a bad analogy.

          Ah … where are you getting that information? I don’t like country music and I would guess there is a good percentage of people in the bigger cities who don’t like it, either.

           A man’s aversion to the ballet isn’t even close to being equivalent to a woman’s aversion to Country music.

          If you want her to participate in your activities, the favor has to be returned. Not the ballet … but maybe a nice reunion tour of a boy band from the 90s. BACKSTREET BOYS, BABY!

        7. Gala

          The difference is 99.9% of heterosexual men hate the ballet

          Uhm, no, may be 99.9% of men who like country music hate the ballet (though i doubt they even have seen it really, they just probably “know” that this is what a “real man” is supposed to hate). Men in large cities and/or who grew up in in households that exposed them to various arts and culture don’t have the same outlook. Classical arts (inc. ballet) are not for the masses that’s for sure. But where I live it would be a faux pas for someone to admit to liking country music (almost as embarrassing as admitting you voted for Trump)

        8. Emily, the original

          Gala,

          But where I live it would be a faux pas for someone to admit to liking country music (almost as embarrassing as admitting you voted for Trump)

          I’m in a big city.  No one has told they like country music. When I lived in a small, Southern town (read: Republican), people were surprised I didn’t like it. I don’t hate it but, after about a song or two, I’m ready to switch the channel. However, being an open-minded individual, I’m be willing to give a Luke Bryant show a chance.    🙂

        9. Emily, the original

          JB,

          Oh … I do like “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” That’s clever but almost campy. I’d go see that show, but there would have to be a bunch of male dancers in short shorts on stage.

        10. JB

          I’ve got no problem with Boy Band fun, I like many of those songs. Don’t embarrass yourselves by saying something as ridiculous as “the ballet or opera music is equal to or just as popular as Country music” in the context of what were talking about here. It’s not and I stand by my statement. It doesn’t matter where you live or how you vote.

        11. Emily, the original

          JB, 

          I’ve got no problem with Boy Band fun, I like many of those songs. 

          Ok, but we’re going to get right up on ’em. In the front row. I plan on bringing some panties to throw at them.

        12. JB

          No granny panties Emily, make sure there’s no skid marks too!

        13. Emily, the original

          JB,

          No granny panties Emily

          Luke Bryant would get the leopard-print thongs. Granny panties are saved for boyfriends.

    2. 4.2
      S.

      I dunno. I think it’s important to have life goals in important.  For example, I practice yoga and meditation.  It’s not just for fitness, but part of my spirituality.  I don’t exactly need a man to do yoga with me, but I do want a man who regularly tends his own spirituality and I would want that to be important in our home.

      Some interests are about lifestyle and values.  Some are not.  The other thing if couples share interests is it saves time.   As Lisa said above, if the man likes to go camping every weekend and she doesn’t want to go, that could turn into a big issue.

      It’s too early in the game for Vanessa to know.  So just be open to people and be prepared to recognize if something isn’t going to work out.

      One last thing, I skip by heavily muscled men and ones that say how much fitness is important to them.  I am a big believer in whole foods, optimal nutrition, and moderate exercise. I keep fit by walking on city streets and running errands where I live.  I’m never going to spend hours and hours at a gym. So I just think that me and those guys have different values.  In addition, heavily muscled folks aren’t attractive to me.

      I always wondered if those men want their woman to work out with them.  Sometimes when I see couples, both partners are usually at similar levels of fitness.  So I wonder.

      (And this isn’t about weight, so please let this comment not be that particular can opener.  It’s just about values and lifestyles being compatible.)

      1. 4.2.1
        KK

        Emily, Gala, JB,

        I’ve always liked ALL kinds of music. When I was a young girl, I remember riding around with my dad and flipping through the radio stations finally landing on country. As I sang along, my dad said, “You know, I tried listening to country for a while, and couldn’t figure out why I was suddenly sad all the time. I finally realized is was that damn ‘tear in my beer, my wife took off with my truck and kids’ depressing country music I had been listening to”. Lol : )

        1. Emily, the original

          KK, 

          I finally realized is was that damn ‘tear in my beer, my wife took off with my truck and kids’ depressing country music I had been listening to”.

          It is a depressing musical form. At least the older stuff.

          I’m a mixture of high brow and low brow.  Low brow in my musical tastes. The lead singer has to have good hair, be sexy and make me want to dance. I have yet to find one male country star who fits those criteria!  🙂

        2. KK

          Emily,

          “The lead singer has to have good hair, be sexy and make me want to dance. I have yet to find one male country star who fits those criteria!  ”

          Check out Jake Owen on YouTube and get back to me.  😉

        3. Emily, the original

          KK,

          Check out Jake Owen on YouTube and get back to me. 

          Too twangy.

  5. 5
    Sylvana

    Oh gosh! You mean there are still places that aren’t flooded with girly men? I’m so moving. Pacific Northwest, here I come.

    On a serious note, I agree that you shouldn’t worry about it so much. Those men sound rather masculine, and you sound rather feminine. That should make for a rather great match. And I’m sure that if the men in that area tend to be more outdoorsy, a lot of men feel a need to showcase themselves as mostly such to meet expectations. You might just end up finding one who still has a lot of things in common with you once he realizes that you don’t expect him to be all “manly”.

    Good luck!

  6. 6
    Mrs Happy

    Realistically, a couple of shared interests make for enjoyable times spent together during the course of a long-term relationship.  It would be harder to maintain a connection with no shared interests.  Running a household together and having sex only take you so far. You certainly don’t need to share all of your partner’s interests, or always do everything together.  But if there aren’t children in the picture your time is your adult own (bliss!), so it makes sense to be with a partner who often/sometimes likes doing similar things on weekends and holidays.

    Also to remember is, the things people state as their interests are sometimes only done a few times a year. Men who list all these outdoor adventures may only do them once a month or less often.

  7. 7
    Clare

    For what it’s worth, my brother, who is a great guy, said he looked up advice about what kind of pictures a guy should have on his Tinder profile. Apparently this advice said that action shots and pictures of you doing your masculine hobbies were good because they show that you have a full and fun life and showcase you in a manly, attractive light to women.

     

    Where I live, we have beautiful sunny weather for at least ten months of the year and outdoorsy activities are big here. So I experience the same thing as the LW when I go on Tinder. At least 80% of the guys have pictures which show them surfing, offroad biking, fishing, hiking, playing rugby and most list these in their profiles too. Or some variation of “loves the bush, the oceans and the mountains.”

     

    My point in the first paragraph is that I think men are doing their best to come across in the best possible light. It’s tough in the online dating/dating app world and they’re trying to put their best foot forward. For them, their masculine hobbies represent something they’re really proud of and see as some of their best qualities – spending time in nature, a commitment to being active and keeping fit, and being disciplined enough to devote time to a hobby that requires effort and strength. I really think men are just hoping women will be as impressed with them as they are with themselves when they finish a particularly difficult hike/run a half-marathon/catch a really big fish. I think it’s rather lovely, and I DEFINITELY find a man who exercises and is reasonably strong and masculine attractive.

     

    Again though, as others have mentioned, it does depend on the attitude towards those hobbies. If those hobbies take priority over everything else, and the girlfriend is required to participate in those hobbies or risk never seeing the guy, that could be a problem. We all have to make some compromises on the activities we used to do when we were single when we get into a relationship. That’s not about wanting to change someone, that’s just common sense. There is being accepting of a man’s hobby and then there is consistently taking a back seat to it. He has to be accepting of you too. Much like you will have to accept that there will be the odd Saturday or Sunday where he will spend most of the day doing his hobby, he will also need to set aside time for you as well if he knows you’re not much of a hiker/swimmer/biker/whatever.

  8. 8
    Helene

    I read somewhere once – possibly on this blog – about a woman who was a psychologist who dated a huge range of men – old, young, fat thin, outdoorsy, artistic….. her contention, as a psychologist, was that the most important thing is whether your personalities mesh, not your hobbies. We’ve all met the “good on paper” guy who seemed to tick all the boxes yet turned out to be just…dull. I think Evan’s best advice on this topic is – be open. The wider you’re prepared to cast your net, the bigger chance you have of meeting someone who’s right for you.

  9. 9
    Noquay

    To me, it’s a matter of how your values mesh. When I was married, my husband and I didn’t do many things together; he couldn’t run, bike, Nordic ski, snowshoe very far, yet we supported one another in everything we did. I took over the firewood, gardening, because I had far more endurance; he would have supper waiting and did the “sitting down work”, which I had zero patience for. I am very outdoorsy in a silent sports, naturalist, enviro way but do not mesh well with the more redneck huntin, fishin, off roadin folks nor the ski/snowboard crowd; we have opposing philosophies about land use, enviro protection, wilderness, how to live your life. It’s basic values and lifestyles that matter; reverence for natural environments, lifestyle, diet, activity level, drive, ambition, giving back to community, integrity, what one wants in a rship; these are what matter.

  10. 10
    Theodora

    Common interests are overrated, in my opinion. I rarely met a person, no matter how different from me in terms of background, education, age, hobbies with whom I can’t find at least one thing in common, even as a mere topic of conversation. I also rarely met a person, man or woman, no matter how different from me, who I can’t admire for at least one thing that I don’t possess – it might be a skill, a trait of of character, wisdom, experience, etc.

    I agree though that the only exception is a boyfriend who would make me have an inferiority complex. A man who is very much into fitness when I’m only a (very) moderate exerciser (though very active and in shape) would make me feel not so good about myself. I would believe that maybe he wants a fitness trainer and he just settled. The same can be said about a man who has a very deep knowledge of classic music – although I like classic music, I’m not to the point of recognizing each and every of Mozart’s symphonies and concertos, so probably I would feel dumb in his presence.

  11. 11
    SAL9000

    Ha, ha! I live in the PNW and am fairly outdoorsy (and yes, this is mecca for that sort of thing). Majority/most such men here IME don’t have a ton of interest in having their dates/GFs join them, for various reasons; particularly, that such (masculine) men prefer feminine women + outdoorsy stuff is a time to be out with the guys. (Make no mistake though, plenty of women are into outdoorsy stuff here too.)

  12. 12
    Elly Klein

    Firstly, I don’t think most of these guys are as into these activities as they make out to be. They’re trying to impress women, and they believe appearing athletic and outdoorsy will appeal to women more than admitting they’ve spent more time watching Netflix in the past month than they have engaging in these activities in the past year. That’s especially true in Vanessa’s age group where most men are older, less fit and, most of all, simply don’t have as much time to engage in these activities as they used to.

    Secondly, the reality is when it comes to ‘swiping’, men mostly base their decision on looks (dating apps more so than online dating where pics take the lead). So, if you’re attractive, that will definitely get your foot in the door even if that foot has never worn a hiking boot. If you want to mention in an online dating profile that you’re open to new experiences, such as skiing, that will cover off any fears around them assuming you’re not remotely outdoorsy.

    Finally, I’ll second Evan’s suggestion that it’s your attitude towards this kinda stuff that matters more than whether or not you actively participate. If you’re a wonderful partner who doesn’t want to spend her vacation sleeping on the ground in a tent, as long as you don’t get on his case about it and, instead, help him organize a guys’ camping trip, it’s highly unlikely he’d prefer to be with an outdoorsy woman who’s not as loving a partner as you.

     

     

  13. 13
    Erin

    I also live in Seattle, and am very aware of this situation. I’m not the most outdoorsy woman. I have never camped, and I have zero desire to do so. The rate at which everyone discusses hiking in this city is on par with the football discussion in Texas. It is constant, and those of us who are not avid outdoors enthusiasts are in the minority.

    Anyway, on to my point. I don’t know if your dating profile photos showcase you always glammed up with a perfect blowout/nails done/makeup on point/ready for a night out on the town. But I’m sure if a super outdoorsy guy who posts mainly photos of himself dressed down/in outdoor gear/disheveled from various outdoor activities, he is thinking a few things – first, why is such a glam woman interested in me? If we do hit it off, am I going to be forced to give up my outdoorsy activities? Is this woman super high maintenance?

    I don’t have a foolproof solution to this, but, if you want to date an Outdoorsy guy, you should have some photos which hint at your ability/desire to enjoy and thrive in outdoor activities. I know its not easy to have a million decent photos of yourself (I certainly don’t have a photographer documenting my daily life), but it seems like a few photos of you dialed back with a casual vibe would give a visual representation to men which illustrates that you are versatile – you can get dolled up for date night or dial it back for date day.

  14. 14
    Marika

    Original Emily

    The lead singer has to have good hair, be sexy and make me want to dance. I have yet to find one male country star who fits those criteria!  🙂

    Keith Urban?

    1. 14.1
      Emily, the original

      Marika,

      Keith Urban?

      Blech. He has nicer highlights than I do.    🙂

    2. 14.2
      Yet Another Guy

      @Marika

      Keith Urban?

      Lol!  Keith Urban is not country.  He is not even from this country. 🙂   There is no “Bubba” in that boy.  Keith Urban just followed the money in music.

       

      1. 14.2.1
        Marika

        You have to be American to be country??

        It’s not like being an astronaut…😊

      2. 14.2.2
        JB

        Some people actually think that Sam Hunt IS Country and “Body Like A Back Road” is a Country song……LOL Half the songs they play on Country stations aren’t even close. It’s Pop music aimed directly at women sung by purdy boys.

  15. 15
    Stacy

    The guy in the picture that Evan’s team chose is SUPER hot. Sheesh.

    Anyway, I have yet to meet a man who judges a woman based on whether or not she was outdoorsy. Even if he would enjoy it, it will probably not be a dealbreaker (as long as you’re fun and interesting otherwise). And maybe it can be an opportunity to try something new.

     

    1. 15.1
      Marika

      Stacy

      I have. For some men (and women) I know, it’s very important and they need someone as active & into their sport as they are, or their lifestyles wouldn’t mesh (eg they get up early to cycle or row and rarely drink or go out late as a result).

      I’ve been asked on first dates if I’m into Cross Fit, if I ski (their one trip a year being to the snow), and various other things like that. I think because I’m thin, people mistakenly believe I’m ultra fit and active. When I say I do yoga and walk and that’s about it and fitness is important but not that important to me in a partner, I never hear from them again!

      1. 15.1.1
        Stacy

        Very interesting indeed.

      2. 15.1.2
        JB

        When I say I do yoga and walk and that’s about it and fitness is important but not that important to me in a partner, I never hear from them again!”

        You never hear from them again because they’re not attracted to you it has nothing to do with Yoga and going for a walk I can assure you. No man I’ve ever heard of has yoga and walking as deal breakers. Same with whether you cycle or row.

        1. Marika

          I disagree, JB. They were attracted to my pics online and I look like my recent photos. Fitness is very important to some people and my city is very outdoorsy. Some people, including friends of mine, want a partner to enjoy activities with. It’s not important to you, but it’s important to them.

          I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, sure, but I can assure you that men being attracted to me is not an issue. I’m glad they recognize we aren’t a match and move on. And don’t just try to sleep with me if we aren’t a match.

          I think we should try to be a bit more open minded about people not all being the same.

  16. 16
    Slim

    I was a lumberjack (literally paid to cut down trees) before it was cool. I definitely would have been interested in an attractive woman, even if she wanted to do other activities. But if she also showed interest in my hobbies…sounds pretty good to me.

  17. 17
    ezamused

    I’m also 46 in the Seattle and 3 of my 4 photos are of me doing things outside: Getting kissed by an elephant, surfing and a close up with some trees behind me. I love the outdoors but I spend far more time doing things like salsa dancing, going to comedy shows and going to museums.

  18. 18
    Sum Guy

    I say if you can share one thing with a guy/gal that you both love and energizes both of you, and have interest in at least one other hobby of each other that is good.

     

    In the end, if you are really talking long term…it’s sharing dreams and values that matter the most.  In a way, making those reality becomes the “hobby” you share.

  19. 19
    Karl R

    Vanessa / Seeking Lumbersexuals asked: (original letter)

    “it rains 9 months out of the year here! So, they can’t actually be doing all those outdoor activities ALL the time. How else do they fill their time?”

    I’ve gone hiking in the Pacific Northwest, and it was certainly drizzling during some of my visit.  Therefore, we hiked in the rain.  Given your background, I’m sure you pay attention to clothing brands.  If you see certain brands (Marmot, North Face, OR, Patagonia, etc.), then you’ve almost certainly seen Gore Tex outdoors gear.

    The more relevant question would be: What do the men do when it’s too dark to hike or ski?

     

    Vanessa / Seeking Lumbersexuals said: (original letter)

    “I see great guys all the time who I am attracted to but their profile is a long list of things I have no idea how to do: hiking, camping, water skiing, ‘adventure,’ backpacking, etc. It is very intimidating.”

    I would start with hiking.  It’s essentially the same skill set as walking.  If you like photography, it meshes well with that.  If you’re hiking on a well-maintained trail, then you just need comfortable shoes.  If it’s a rough trail, you’ll probably want hiking boots for the added ankle support.

    Let the lumbersexual know that you’re new at this, and ask that he start out with a shorter, easier hike, until you figure out what your limits are.

    You can also ask him what kind of stuff you need to bring. It would probably be good to ask him some easy, “no brainer,” questions, just so he doesn’t assume you would automatically know the answer.  (i.e. “Should I bring a hat?”)

     

    Vanessa / Seeking Lumbersexuals asked: (original letter)

    “But how many [leisure activities] do you think would be a good number to have in common in a profile in order for me to swipe right or drop a note?”

    At least zero.

    For a serious relationship, I would say that you should have at least one common interest, so you can have a hobby that is also “together time.”

    For online dating, I would assume that the guy only listed one half of his interests.  If you’re attracted to someone, why rule him out before learning whether there’s anything that matches in the other half?

     

    When I was first introduced to my wife, she was taking her first dance class.  Dancing was something she was interested in trying, not something she would  have listed as an interest. Of the other things we do together, all of those interests were only held by one of us before we started dating.

    One exception. Both of us have always gone all-out on our Halloween costumes. There’s no way in hell I would have listed that on a Match.com profile, though. I prefer to let the woman meet me before she decides I’m a freak.

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